IN SANDHAUSEN

We are at Lia (Kushner-Nord) and Lui's home. Diana (Nana) is here staying too.
Our drive here was okay although we had trouble finding a decent place to eat, most unlike Germany. However, when we arrived at the Ibis in Heidelberg we were met by a rather sour receptionist who at first denied having a reservation for us and said we should have told them we needed a handicapped room(we can't get Daniel or our stuff in a normal one). I told her we had booked one and she inisted we hand't. THEN she said we could have the handiapped room but the toilet overflowed! So in other words they knew what we had booked and didn't care to be honest.

We always use Accor hotels and this trip they have let us down twice. At the Ibis in Heidelberg and the Mecure n Slazburg. The Mecure becue it was not in the centre but 2.5 miles from it and also the room was not big enough and not a handicapped room except for the addition of bars in the loo!

We have now booked into a very nice tradtional German hotel in Leimen, just 2.5 miles away. Now we know where to stay next time we visit here. We could stay at Lia and Lui's homes but I get get up two or three times in the night etc

We just ate a really good meal of pork tender loin and salad and spaghetti squash (pumpkin) and the others also had wine, though notNana or me.

Don't know what we shall do tomorrow yet.

BRILLINANT!!!! (Thanks Marilyn)

Far far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one was called Justin and the other called Christian.



The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.Finally, one day, Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."A large, mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted."Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.



Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.



While swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).



Looking around the gathering at the reef, he realized he couldn't see his old pal."Where's Christian?" he asked."He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.



As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."Justin cried back, "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.........."(You're going to love this...............................) ..................

"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian!"

BOTH SIDES NOW

The drive to Salzburg has been interesting. When we left Budapest it was wet and and continued to be all day. As it got colder it turned into a blizzard. It is still snowing heavily now. We drove thru clouds too.



We just ate in a restaurant called the Owl in English. Salzburg looks very nice and we hope the weatehr allows us to wander tomorrow.

LEG MAN

We spent the day on Margaret Island and in the West End Shopping Mall. I didn't find a pair of brown shoes I would wear.I did find a nice rich brown Fedora which is now part of my hat collection.

I spent the day sitting on Daniel and the Island and the Mall were not a problem. I used the running track which goes around the island. It gave gave good views of Buda and Pest.

One of the runners had the most amazing legs. He was muscly all over and very tall and polite too as on his second and third laps he smiled and said hello. Interestingly we have seen many really tall men and women - well over six feet and some closer to seven. Not a red head to be seen. Some Chinese or Japanese looking people who live here. No people of colour. Although there was a car parked outside our hotel which had Nigerian plates on it. Never seen that before and I wonder how they got here. Not exactly the easiest of drives one would think.

We are leaving for Salzburg today and we are staying there until Tuesday morning when we shall drive to Heidelberg.

NEW SHOES?

This our last day here. Today we will probably go to Margaret Island and / or a shopping mall. To be frank, I am very tired and sore. I could do with doing nothing but I won't let John know that. The pain in my legs is permanent and into my hips again. The pills are helping. I need a brown pair of boots or shoes as I only brought coloured pairs and one set of clothing is brown and shades of, not going to go with anything I have with me.

I have been knitting my socks, the merino / bamboo pair. I am very pleased with them. Love the colour pooling and the handle of the yarn and the way it is kntting up. It looks as though it will hold it's shape well.

DANIEL'S DAY OUT

We just got back. We managed to get to the park. We went into the Zoo which wasn't too bad at all until we saw the Polar bear and he was pacing and swinging his head from side to side. We left after seeing him.

We saw the Hungarian Arc d'Triumph.

We had only a little bother getting around. Andrassy utca which led up to the park was very like the Champs Elysses, very wide. Fortunately it mostly had dropped kerbs when we go to them. There were many Embassies along here.

I couldn't not have done today without Daniel. It gets very frustrating when one cannot get into places because of steps. That is almost all of them. We came across one flat entrance and two with ramp. The ramps were far too steep. We tired one to see and I almost flipped backwards, John saving me in time.

There are many beggars here. The first we were aware of was a crippled man, bent right over using a half size crutch. By the time we had seen our third such man and one woman, we began to think they were fake. It seems odd they would all have the same disability. Later, a boy, a child, offered to help and John was rather curt with him and I spoke up. John was right though, this too was a beggar and more than likely a thief. John could see the boy was getting close as he could to my jacket and we were being watched by his 'mother'. Really, my senses are not very attuned some times. I think today I am just tired and I certainly have not been as observant as I usually am.

I almost made a mistake on the way here, in Austria. I started to fill my car fuel tank with Unleaded and my car is a diesel! The pumps were all the same colour and I didn't notice until I had put in 5 litres. The garage phoned for help and were told that it would not harm the car as it only a little. It urned out to be correct advice.

We found one of the yarn shops, the second one here and it was dire, only slightly better than the first one.

I bought a shirt and it is American! Made in Michigan I think. Anyway, it's a cowboy type. One of those things I liked very much as soon as I saw it. I had been drawn into the shop by a waistcoat carching my eye but this shirt was my only buy. It jumped right out at me, the only one they had and it was my size.

Although food and drink in shops is much cheaper here, and so are the restaurants, everything else seems to be more expensive.

Oh, at the Zoo the fee was 1690 HUF per adult but were charged only 400 huf for us both. I think this was because of Daniel and I guess they saw John as my carer,

One disappointment was the Baths and Thermal Springs place. We went and though English signage was visible, it wasn't informative and the people didn't seem to be too bothered about helping. When I saw staff that looked very Boris and Olga (stereotypical big Russians) I decided that I didn't want to thermal tub and massage after all.

TALLY HO!

Last night we took Daniel out for a ride. I was too knackered to do anything else and we needed to eat. Well, we discovered how to maneuver him over non sloping pavement ends. Then we found a restaurant that had no steps to get in so we ate in it. I ate a honey and mustard chicken dish which turned out not to be like in t England and was literally smothered in honey. I scraped off what I could. I feel fine today except for having trouble getting out of bed! The first time that has happened on this trip.

We are going to a big park today. It has all sorts in it, including a zoo. I am not sure about the Zoo, I tend to find them upsetting. There is also Margaret Island in the middle of the Danube we will go to. Perhaps tomorrow, our last day here before leaving for 2 nights in Salzburg.

Annie kindly sent me info about yarn shops here but so far not found them. I will try again today.

WAIT MR PRESIDENT!!!

Today we went to the other side of the Danube, to see Buda and the castle, the presdential offces etc.

Wonderful views and I took loads of phots.

I held up the Presidential cavalcade. I had started to cross the road and I noted that a Police car had stopped whilst I slowly made my way across the wide cobbled road. I could hear a siren but was intent on not falling. I got across and turned to see the Police car was followed by the President and other black vehicles and then more police!

On the way back to the hotel, I noticed a road with heavy security and it was blocked off. I wondered why and then I noticed the American flag on the building in the blocked off road. Need I write anymore?

I have discovered just how much pain I can cope with and how long my pills last for. Unfortunately not 6 hours like they are supposed to. Taking the morphine is out of the question because then I wouldn't be able to be out at all but pain free. Not what I want to do on my holiday!

EDIT: I am enjoying this trip very much and despite what I wrote earlier about pain, it is not stopping me enjoying myself. My biggest problem is feeling like I am a burden to John and this gets me frustrated and so I snap easily which makes me feel worse as John is the target of my frustration! Mind you, I have been far less so today because I am conscious of it and want to stop it and it has improved a lot. Oh, and now I know for sure that cold makes me worse. I think that explains why this last few months have been so bad for me pain wise. It has been very cold from October onwards. So as I knew this seemed too long for a flare, it maybe is not a step further down the slippery slope. Perhaps I will improve gain when the weather gets warmer. Certainly today has been much better and it has been warmer.

Budapest

Budapest has some beautiful buildings. It has wide avenues. Lots of artwork and statues.

NEW LEGS PLEASE

Budapest has some beautiful buildings. It has wide avenues. Lots of artwork and statues.

As I mentioned on Twitter, it is not accessible so Daniel had to be left in our room. Everywhere we have been today would not have been possible with Daniel.

Sadly, the recession has clearly left it's mark here. Many closed and baorded up shops. The whole place has a forlorn look and feel to it. At least where we have been here in Pest and Vici Utca. Lots of souvenir shops selling the usual tat.

I bought a traditonal shirt which is really nice. The only one in my size. Mostly the tradional cltohing is for women and obviously so.

I have not found any yarn shops.

I also bought a womnderful hand made leather coin carrying pouch. It clips onto my belt loop and has a really cool metal closing hook. I also bought too cups I liked. It seems I have a collection of coffee cups now as I often look for them and buy what I like the look of. I at one time thought it was wasteful until I realised that having beautiful things is a necessary part of life.

I discovered that pain killer sor not, my legs give way all together after a while and the pills don't stop the pain as much as I owuld like. I have to walk very slowly which I now is hard on John and his long legs which make him 6ft 1 " tall. He never complains.

It is really cold here. Sunny all day today. I wore 40 denier pantyhose, long johns, a thermal base layer oin top of those and jeans. Oh an d my wool socks. I was warm enough. I alos wore 4 layers on top. I wore my Stetson and heavy jacket. Even through all that my legs could feel the chill but not so much it bothered me. I wore my red croc DM's. People stared me a lot today and I even had my photogrpah takken twice. I dont'know why. I noticed that peopel didný just look cos of the boots but the caot and hat too. I thought I looked tame. Lord knows wht'll happen tomorrow when i wear my balc DM's covered in flowers!

I saw lots of real fur coats on women and we also saw a few real fur shops. I have to say they were just beautiful despite all the ethical concerns surrounding this.

Tomorrow we shall probably go into Buda (across the river) and at some point tomorrow or the next day we shall take a boat along the Danube. Either as a tour or to the next town along the Danube.

I have been successful at enjoying this, as has John judgunbg from his mood. My stomach lurches everytime I think about the house, otheriwse it is okay.

We have been burgled twice before, not at the house. Once 25 years ago and a litter of unweaned puppies were stolen. That was awful. truly awful. The second time was in 99 at the flat an donly material goods went.

We will have to secure the house if I am ever to leave it again. We will talk to the police when we get back and discuss the best way to do this.

FIRST DAY IN BUDAPEST

I had a rather restless night which is not surprising. I am just waiting for John to finish upstairs and then we shall have breakfast. I feel like eating this morning as I didn't last night.

I am going to look into getting on the boat along the Danube today as the weatehr is cel;ar and sunny and snow is forcast for the next 3 days after today.

Fromt the little we have seen so far, this is beautiful. No where near as 'foreign' as I thought it might be. In fact juts liek everywhere else excepot fopr language. The city has the same shops, Burger Kning, McDonalds etc. It is VERY cheap here! I am really surprised at how so. I just HAVE to go and find a yarn shop! After all, cheap yarn is cheap yarn and the fact that I have 300 years worth of knitting already is neither here nor there.

I am wearing 40 denier tights (why btw do they have a drip tray in when one is supposed to wear them over undies?), my ski compression tights, socks and jeans. My top has 4 layers. The top doesn't egt cold but my legs do and they brun with it.Hopefully I have enough on. I have come to know that my legs burn with cold whether walking or in Daniel.

Anwya, I am off to eat now and enjoy our first full day here. (oh and there are police everywhere which made us feel safe last night when we had to go into an dunderground complex to eat. At a Burger King cos I couldn't egt in anywahere else we saw. They now do ckicken salad so that was good. It must be 15 years since I last ate at a BK.

SPANNER IN THE WORKS

We arrived at our hotel in Budapest. It is very nice. The weather here is bitterly cold!

Okay, we got some bad news. Gail, a good friend called to say that we have been burgled. It was done very soon after we left and Gail had been pondering whether or not to tell us. I am glad she did. I wasn't at first but I wasn't thinking clearly. John is very upset about this. This sort of thing panics him. I muts say my reaction was to need to go to the loo very fast. At least I don't feel bloated now.

Anyway, Gail was able to go back to my house and it seems only the TV and my PC monitor were taken. Thank fully niether of my pc towers were removed. So Gail has taken those and the blu ray dvd palyer to her home. I cancelled the cards we left at home as no way of knowing if they were nicked too.

At first I felt intense fear amd so did John and John wanted to go home. I don't think he does now. Trouble is it would take at least 3 days to get back now and I can't do it after drivng the 1350 miles here(house to hotel). Also there is little point. The police and forensics have been and secured the house it seems.

My problem is going to be safety. I have always felt safe in that house. I now don't. I also have suspicions. Someone we know has done this, someone who knew we were going away and no dogs were in the house. This wasn't anyone taking a chance. This was someone who knew there wopuld be no dogs. This makes me feel sick.

My fear has abated. The dogs and we are fine. Only material goods taken. My biggest fear was that my pc's were taken. They are really very personal to me. I have all my photographs on them, my designs. I have no idea if my storage devices were taken or not.

Obviously we will have some serious securing to do when we get home. And I must take steps to secure my personal pc stuff. How I am not sure. The thought of losing all that, my writing, my dog pictures etc is not a happy thought at all. It feels to me like they contian my life. Oh I know I can always get a new one and be online but I can't replace the photgraphs and writings and emails I found special etc.

I need to go now but the hotel has pc access so I can update easily.

SALZBURG EN ROUTE TO BUDAPEST

We arrived in Salzburg safely. No snow storm, just very windy. The dinner we had was really good. John had Wiener Schnitzel and I had fish and spinach with salad. Yummy.

We stopped in Augsberg on the way here and we were not impressed so that can be crossed off our places to visit list.

I have been trying to be far less impatient and snappy. Not anywhere near as little as I would like but improved. Poor John has to put up with enough without me snapping.

Today has been excellent with regard to pain. I hace discovered though that I am showing signs of being very tired-confusion, forgetfulness, bad temper, even though I am not yawning or aware I am tried. I had thought I had ballsed up the arrangements for this trip. I drove 400 miles the first day, 200 the second and 230 today. I thought yesterday and today should have been rolled into one trip but now I realise that I needed these two days to be less taxing. Tomorrow we drive to Budapest which is 330 miles. We might stop off in either Vienna or Bratislava on the way. Then we have no driving until Sunday when we return here to Salzburg with two nights here to see some of the city.

So far I have not felt homesick or worried about the dogs. I am sleeping well too. I am still amazed that the grief I expunged at the end of 07 should have this effect! Prior to this trips away were very stressful because I did not sleep much and also did not poo. Now I sleep really well, better than at home and longer (tho I still have the pain problem at night) and also poo. How about that? I don`t understand why this has been one of the effects of that epiphany but I am glad. It makes the trips far less taxing and much more enjoyable. To get out of bed when one feels like it is really goood! This morning I wa sready to get up aat 7am and I lay there asking myself why I should. As I couldn`t think of a good reason i went back to sleep until 9am.

Earlier, John thought he ought to get me to a doctor or at the very least take my temperature. I had been into a yarn shop and all I did wa shave a look and feel and left empty handed. I very nearly bought a book of Trachten knitting but in the end decided it was expensive for just some pictures! Besides, I know how to knit them and really must get on with doing so.The garter stitch cardigans I like so much can very easily be done with my garter carriage.

John spoils me. He said to me that I might be lucky and find another leather jacket like the one I wear all the time. It`s Trachten. Short. just to waist, and has coins and buckles etc. Really nice and always invites comments. It`s my favoutie casual wear. Here in Salzburg I am sure I can find plenty of these traditonal clothes.

Well, That`s it from me in Salzburg. Will write again soon. Keep well.

ON THE ROAD

Found a PC to use. (German keyboards are not the same as our Qwerty oneshence it isn`t so easy to type especially when the spell chaeck want sto correct in German!) I am in Mecure Airport Hotel in Stuttgart , Germany. Today has been cold and snow is forecast for the next few days here and where we are headed. Yesterday was sunny and warm.

Last night in Luxembourg we could only find two restaurants that were wheechair accesible!!!! The first one we went in had curtains in a semi circle over doorway but a slope in so we wne tin only for me to almost hit a large post that was hidden by the curtain. Then Daniel jammed as the place was not accessible at all, too crowded. People were not interested in either helping or getting out of the way. In fact, those coming in were pushing past me. So I got flustered, and embarrassed andthe more I did the more I could not control Daniel. So John gave me my sticks, I got up and out whilst he manhandled Daniel out. Urgh!

The next restaurant was totally different. We were greeted at the door by a really nice waiter, about 30 I guess. Camp as tits and funny, cute and quite disarming. He took charge, moved a table and without needing to be told, he allowed me to manouver into palce with my back toward the wall so I could see all in front of me. I HATE having my back facing anywhere. Service continued to be excellent.

Unfortunately, the food, although very tasty, was poncy Neuvelle Cuisine. In other words it looked pretty, presented artfully but would not have satisfied one of my dogs. I HATE that!

Tonight I think we are going out to the SI Centre where there many restaurants. This Centre is Stuttgarts IN PLACE it would seem.

Today has been very pleasant. We drove half the distance on back roads thru lots of beautiful villages etc. Trouble is being Sunday nothing was open so we had to get back on the Aurtobahn in order to find a place to eat at a service station.

I can feel my innards getting motivated. I hope so as thay have not moved since Tuesday. Side effct of the Morphine I fear, despite only taking one dose per day. Yes, I am keeping myself well medicated with painkillers, thank you but not with Ms Morhpia. She is being kept back for special ocassions.

Dawn, my common as muck friend who I love dearly , made me laugh yet again. She noted that I cannot use my right arm much and I told her that Elizabeth had diagnosed that as something I cannot racall. Dawn said `f***ed shoulder?` I guess that will do!

Oh and the presription person f**ed up! She only gave me one third of my heart meds. As didn`t know this until Friday night, it was either come on the holiday without or stay at home. I have juggeld so that some days I can have a full dose and others only a third. If I stop Twittering you`ll know this didn`t work out too well.......

TRIP TO HUNGARY

We are packed, about to go to bed and leaving early tomorrow. I will update via Twitter (look to the right of blog page.) Micah and Whitney will be delivered to their holiday home on the way. That's 8 dogs bathed and packed off to their respective holiday homes.

Sherwani

I went to my friends Dawn and Ron and delivered the dogs, got my Blue Badge (a story there but it can wait) and then went to the Asian area. Dawn rightly said there would the clothes I wanted. Well, I wanted a a much shorter, Jodhpuri jacket and waistcoat but try as we might, those I loved didn't fit! Dawn persuaded me to buy the Sherwani above. I really had my doubts about it all the way home. I didn't think it would go with jeans and my DM's and Stetson. My neighbour, Michael, 26, male, str8, who took the photograph, thinks it all goes well together so i guess it does! This would be for summer wear though and summer dog shows. I would only wear it to a show. Maybe when I go and talk/demonstrate.

The Jodhpuri I liked I can have made to measure so I think we shall have to go back......

EDIT: THE BOOTS ARE NOT PINK AND THEY MATCH THE EMBROIDERY IN COLOUR. BTW my monitor shows whatI see in real life so I guess some of us still have poor ones!

CLYDE

I am especially pleased with Clyde. The shape is my own but the pattern itself may be mine or it may not be. I can't recall. I know I farted about with it in DesignAKnit before I downloaded and knitted it. It may well be a pattern from elsewhere that I have altered.
The yarn is 4ply(fingering) weight 100% wool. Knitted using a Garter Carriage on the Brother 940. Gauge is 32 / 43 per 10cm. or 8 /10.75 pi.

The neckline is just how I wanted it. I do believe it is the first time I have knitted a plain crew like this which fits me just so. I like my necks to fit close but it is difficult to knit for this and still be able to get it over one's head. This easily goes over my head and the collar sits close to my neck.

My usual half raglan set in sleeve.

Side seams match (as do shoulder seams)

ASTONSIHING

SLEEP NOT THE CURE ALL

Sleep isn't everything then! I slept well last night and I awoke at 5.30 and just knew I wasn't going to be able to swim. I dealt with the dogs and went back to bed by 6.15am and got up two hours later.

This is what I did yesterday:

I went for my swim.

I went to the supermarket, got photographs done for Blue Badge, shopping and lottery.

I did 4 loads of washing in the machine.

I bathed 3 puppies and one adult.

I sewed up one sweater.

At 8.30pm I was tired and sore. I took my pills and had half ate a meal. By 10 I was asleep. I'd have thought that 7.5 hours was enough. Apparently not. Okay, so writing out what I did I can see I hardly had a lazy day but it doesn't seem like a lot to do. Maybe it is when one has a body that doesn't function as it should.

Today, I am bathing two more dogs and taking the puppies to Margaret where they will stay until we get back. That is a round trip of of 110miles.

I have washed almost all of my clothes and John's. Whatever we choose to take with us will be clean. I shall have to ask John how many pairs of shoes/boots I can take. It will be easier knowing that. In fact, as he does most of the carrying, he will decide what and how much we take so I will have to choose my clothes and footwear accordingly. I will need underwear and socks for each day, so 15 pairs of each.

John is very good at packing. He does so much travelling for work, he knows what to take and what not to. Far more organized that me. Even if I go away on my own, he packs for me. I start to think about it and zone out! I am no good at it all. The first time he saw me pack for a solo trip, he never let me do it again.

I shall be leaving really early tomorrow to deliver Shameless, Luque and Nechung to Dawn. When I get back I have to bath Micah and Whitney who will be dropped off at their holiday home on our way to the tunnel on Saturday morning.

WOW

I slept very well indeed. I woke after three hours to pee and then did not wake again until the alarm went off which made me jump as I normally am awake before it goes off. I felt so much better. the pain had started to return but I was able to get out of bed with no trouble. Not bad considering I had taken the pill at 7pm and I was up at 5.30am.

I had a very enjoyable swim. I had taken paracetamol/codeine before hand and whilst this does not stop it, it helps. I am sure I swam so well and enjoyed it so much because I have had a really good sleep. I think one does not appreciate what lack of good sleep does to a person. At least I don't until I get a good sleep and the feeling is is just so different from my normal state. Same as when the pain stops. It's weird. I am sure others with chronic pain get this. One doesn't really know just how bad it is until it stops.

I have much to do today and tomorrow and Friday. I am surprised how excited I am to be going on this trip. Partially it's because we are driving to Hungary where I have never been and also noted yesterday that our GPS route takes us by Bratislava in the Slovak Republic. It is only 125 miles from Budapest so we may make it a day trip.

NOT FEELING MYSELF

..but I might later unless I have a better offer which lets face it is hardly likely since I am not going out.

I gave Daniel a trial run today.(edit: Daniel as in Craig-the explanation is too rude!) Or rather this afternoon. I used him to go to the Doc. Oh pavements are very bumpy and potholey. also, you'd think it would be easy to drive one of these things. It isn't. The joy stick is very sensitive and one really has to be careful which way one touches it or it just shoots off . I soon figured out that he is easier to handle when set to slow. I eventually also figured out how to how his stick forward with no slight left or right movements which of course caused Daniel to left or right. I didn't wan tot end up in the traffic. Oh, and not all pavements have dips. The most difficulty I had was manoeuvring around the surgery and thru too narrow doorways.

I accepted the script for the morphine and at 7pm I snapped one 10mg pill in half and took it. At 7.15pm i went next door to Joyce who is a nurse for reassurance that I was okay. I got a little panicky. I HATE new drugs. My face felt flushed but that was it. At 8pm I came back indoors and took the other half. I feel quite nice now. It was decided I would take it now so that if anything untoward happened it wasn't the middle of the night. Nothing has happened and I feel really quite nice. I feel a little heavy in my hands as I type but appear to have no pain anywhere.In fact I could happily go tot bed but it is too early for the dogs and John hasn't called yet.

I will only take a couple of these with me on our trip, if any at all. They are not for regular use, only for when it gets too much. Elizabeth agreed that the anitinflammatories are really not wise for me. Retaining salt, water and not peeing much and having a raised bp are all dangerous. Since I stopped taking them yesterday, I have peed constantly today. (I am not sure at all that my spellchecker can spell you know. It comes up with the oddest words and thinks some real words are not and vice versa.)

Anyway I must go and see to the pups and dogs.

OOPS! I DID IT AGAIN

Above are my Kickers. I have had the blue and red for a year and have been waiting for the yellow which have now become available again. I couldn't not have them as they go so well with the red and blue which felt quite lonely without their yellow friends.

I thought you might like to see the Garter Carriage that I often mention. Here it is knitting the final sleeve of my latest sweater. Dull to sit here and watch as contrary to popular belief, it isn't doing it itself. I have to hand shape and then hand sew. So I hand knit whilst I am waiting for the rows between shaping to be completed.

BUREAUCRACY

I have to get my Blue Badge renewed on Friday. I needed to make sure I have all I need to show the bureaucrats. My car tax exemption is not enough. I have to take reams or paperwork with me just to prove my entitlement. How other people, because they clearly do, manage to fiddle the system I have no idea. (There is a woman who goes to the pool who has a Blue Badge and she walks in to the GYM everyday and spends over an hour on the treadmill and step machine and she walks out afterwards!)Anyway, I am taking a whole pile of paperwork with me. My badge runs out the day we leave for Hungary, Saturday!

I have been busy washing the clothes to take with me. It is going to be hard to choose what to take, as I need clothes for 15 days. I can't take 15 pairs of DM's or shirts or trousers or sweaters so I will have to choose and I hate doing that. I dress each day according to how I am that day so deciding in advance is not good. What if I feel purple and all I have is yellow? Oh poor me.

The damn sock I have been trying to knit is still just striping. I will not give in. At least not yet! i WILL find something to do with it that will make it more interesting. The colours are fantastic, black, grey, brown and orange but it insists on knitting up in one row stripes! Ickety ick.

My stomach keeps lurching when I think about leaving the dogs for this long. I am not worried about Luque, Nechung and Shameless, they are going to a good friend and are of an age not to bother abotu it. I am concerned about he puppies who will be not not quite 12 weeks old and not quite 14 when we return. I hope they don't forget me. The two long coated show dogs, Micah and Whitney I am worried about as I have not trusted anyone to do this before. Not true, I did and it was disastrous (in 06 we went away and left what we thought was a friend here in our house. Big mistake.) I am going no matter what and I know I will have to fight the urge to return after four days.

I have almost finished another garter stitch sweater. I had planned to knit a stocking stitch wool sweater to take but have no time now. It isn't the knitting so much as the sewing up.

I am going to see Elizabeth today. I think I shall give the morphine a try. I will not use it every day and plan to take it only as a last resort. I have found that if I can get a good nights sleep with pain control, I don't need much in the way of pain killers during the day. I also hope to find out why I keep losing my balance.

John is doing much better. His Doctor called yesterday and asked me how he was sand I explained what he had done and he has given him the steroids and another set of antibiotics to take with us when go away. I did note that Stuart did not ask to speak to John and asked me the relevant questions. I think perhaps he has cottoned on to the fact that John doesn't say all he ought to. John will say he has a bit of a cough and I will say he keeps me up all night hacking away. John will say his chest feels a little tight and I will say he sounds like he can't breathe. His Doctor prefers my descriptions. Either he is a drama queen or he is a good doctor.

We are very fortunate with our Doctors. They treat us really well. They treat us as a married couple. They will give information about either one of us to either one of us. We see the doctor together if John is around. Elizabeth will ask about John and asks if he needs drugs and Stuart does the same. All the doctors in this Practice are Xtian and it would seem that Stuart is a fundy (I'll never understand how a clearly intelligent man can be.) yet there is no reticence on the part of them at all. I knwo Elizabeth is not a a fundy at all and another member of this practice is a vicar too(a female) and I get on very well with her. Great sens eof humour.

STOP/START

The weather is gorgeous, 17c (low 60's), sunny and warm. The car passed it's yearly MOT check, only needed a couple of minor things done to it.

Last night's service went well. It was a pleasant drive there and back without incident. I listened Jean Michel Jarre there and back. I was in that sort of mood, 4hours total driving time.

I have some beautiful sock yarn and the bloody stuff will only knit in single colour stripes no matter what I try and I have tried many things! I think I shall leave ti be for now as it is really winding me up now.

We forgot to get the lottery tickets on Saturday. It was a big mistake to have elected for set numbers all those years ago! We should have just gone for lucky dips. Now we have to do it. Thank fully, our numbers did not win the jackpot this week.

Only the rest of today and 4 more days before we leave on our road trip to Budapest. I am excited about it. I am especially looking forward to it as I know the turbo chair will be taking off so much of the strain of the trip for us both.

For the last three days I have been taking anti-inflammatories. I have had to stop today. I have put on almost 5lbs and my blood pressure is up. The 5 lbs is water/salt retention, thus the higher bp. Damn! They make me feel really good too. However, I can't afford high bp with my angina and the not peeing and bloat feels awful anyway. Plus I am not sleeping well. Don't know why my sleep should be disturbed but it only started the night of the day I started the new tabs. Hopefully, I shall have peed out the excess salt and water by tomorrow. Oh and I also found out that if I don't take the Colofac I just stop pooing! So I am back taking it.

DING DONG

We have had a right ding dong this morning. He is coughing badly. I tell him he has to see the Doc tomorrow and he goes into one. I tell him that our holiday trip is booked and paid for(the hotels and the Chunnel) and is not refundable(the deals we took were no cancellation) and the way it looks right now is that we will not be able to go because he will still be coughing. He refuses to accept he has a serious health problem. He thinks the doctor has told him he has a mild problem and will be okay if he takes care.

The trouble is he has the beginnings of serious problems and the Doctor actually told him that if he takes care he could last many years yet but ONLY if he takes care. John seems to think that he gets a cough which is a minor inconvenience every now and then. He doesn't seem to realise that it could kill him, that it isn't minor, that it isn't slightly more than a cold! Between these bouts (and this is the first for this winter) he takes two different types of inhaler and two different drugs for his lungs. Why does he still think it's minor?

Yes, I know he is scared of it but really sticking his head in the sand will not make it go away. Then he makes out I am unreasonable and a nag. He'd be dead if I didn't tell when he needs to see the Doctor and didn't insist that he did. yes, last Monday he would have gone to work had I not refused to take him to the station. I have to play this game every time. And every time the doctor puts him on steroids and antibiotics and tells him he should have come sooner and the very next time John still tells me I am overreacting.

(Oh and his breathing is down to 230 again. Not that he told me that it had been up to 520 which is excellent, but I didn't know that cos he didn't think it was important!)


ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!

******!!!!!!

So John is coughing even more today than he was last weekend. I comment on it and he says he has finished the steroids and will start the antibiotics tomorrow.

WHAAAAAT?!!!!!!

I said to him that was supposed to take them both together and this is why he was till coughing. Oh no. The coughing is proof to him that he is getting better because coughing brings up gunge. That must mean he is getting better. Besides, the Doctor gave him a repeat of the antibiotics so they were only 'in case'.

Gosh, this man has two degrees!!!!

No, I said, you take the steroids and the anitbiotics at the same time. The second set of antibiotics are in case you need them. i.e. you are still coughing. And, by the way, having a hacking cough is a sign you are ill not a sign that you are getting better.


What do I know? Okay, so I call the Doctor who once again backs me up. I resist the urge to say 'I told you so' but John immediately starts taking his antibiotics.

I say I TOLD YOU SO on here instead!!!

Grrr, you know, since he is worth so much to me dead, perhaps I should leave him to get on with it! I could get a gold plated turbo charged wheelchair and a big hunk to go with it!

BUSY WEEK

I got a fantastic green frock coat on Ebay which arrived Thursday. Very nice. I am awaiting a tapestry waistcoat and cravat. The coat the waistcoat/cravat were incredibly cheap. I hope the waistcoat is as nice as the frock coat is.

I had a crap night, pain kept waking me despite the slow release Tramadol. They are only 100gm and I am thinking I need more for night. I shall ask when I see Elizabeth on Tuesday. I am still not wanting to go up a level to the morphine she offered last time I saw her. Last night, my ribs got in on the act and they haven't spasmed for quite a while.

I am off for a swim this morning. I shan't tomorrow as I am doing a 190mile round trip to talk and demonstrate tomorrow evening. Monday the car is in for service. I shall swim on Tuesday and that will be it until we get back from Hungary on the 4th. Wednesday I will be bathing dogs and getting things ready. Thursday I shall deliver James, Carly and Little Dorrit to the person who is looking after them. Friday I have to renew my Blue Badge (Handicapped Parking Badge) and deliver Nechung, Luque and Shameless to their holiday home with Dawn. I then have to bath Micah and Whitney and they will be dropped off at their carer on our way to the Chunnel on Saturday morning.

See, I have learned! I know that if I swim beyond Tuesday, I shall knacker myself. I have come to think that this 'falre' is not a flare as it has been going on to long. Ithink it is another progression of my disease. Over the last 20 years it has been like this. I am at a certain level and then suddenly I get worse and then stay at the new level for however long and then another sudden worsening and so on. The most annoying thing is that I had no trouble with daily swimming and now I can't do it daily. Pisses me off big time. I love the water. It also helps me keep my weight down. Still, nothing I can do about it so just have to accept what is. Perhaps I am wrong and this is a flare and I shall improve soon. I just don't recall a flare lasting over 3 months before. It could be worse, I could be ugly.

Whitney has just come up the stairs into my PC to say Hi and give me kisses. Thankfully she is no longer in a romantic frame of mind and she has put the two boys well and truly in their place so all is quiet again here. Phew!

DOCTOR

Appointment at 10.20am Tuesday with Elizabeth.

WHOOPSADAISY

TURBO CHAIR

I am excited about our trip more so now that I have the turbo chair. I shall have to name it. Our SatNav is named Gertrude. This buy has really increased our freedom and the places we can visit. I don't know why I didn't buy it ages ago. I must say that I had difficulty buying it. It was a lot of money and is really committing to being handicapped I suppose. Yes, it will be a chore to have to dismantle it for putting in the car and putting back in but that is a small price to pay for the freedom it will give.

PUPPIES

James, Carly and Little Dorrit did really on their first trip to show classes. They were a little taken aback at meeting other dogs, especially as they looked so different, but stood their ground, no shying away. When it was time for standing on the table for the judge and then walking g up and down, they did really well. I only gave them one go each and back home again. I have found the best way for lead training and show training is a very short time daily and praising them as much as possible. I am still delighted with these puppies. Their temperaments are excellent and their construction is too. Happy little souls. James is very typical Apso in that he looks with disdain at me. He hasn't got to the point of wagging his tail at me or seeming to be pleased to see me. He still firmly believes that i am beneath him. Carly and Little Dorrit both was my face well, given the chance and are always pleased ot see me. Carly is a little more reserved than Little Dorrit who is right in your face all the time.

HOMESICKNESS

Although I am very much looking forward to our time away, I know I shall get homesick, or dog sick really. I know from past experience that on the 4th day I shall want desperately to come home. I also know that if I let the feeling just sit here and don't act upon it, it will pass. This is the first 2 week trip we have done for 6 years and only the third ever.

KNITTING

I have restarted the bamboo/nylon WENDY HAPPY socks three times now. I have come to the conclusion that they want to be plain stocking stitch. They are striped, broad striping, in blue and red.

BODY TALK

I just woke up for the second time today. I did sleep last night, well in fact, and I got up at 8.30am. I pottered about, bathed Micah, ate, and was back in bed by 1.30pm. I was in much pain when I awoke the first time so pill popped and ow I am okay. Just very tired. I am waiting for my doc to call to see if she has any ideas as to why my balance goes for no apparent reason. Last night, when I stumbled and would have fallen if not for being held up, I wasn't even moving, just stood there. It seems that suddenly my balance mechanism just goes and I start to topple.

DUH!

The turbo charged chair means we can now do Prague. Why neither of us thought about buying one before when we realised that Prague was out of the question because trying to do it with just my sticks and a manual chair wasn't on for either of us. So Prague it will be next trip. I also want to do Helsinki and Tallinn but that will require a ship or a long swim.

Yes, I am up late. Feel crap. Fell over in church tonight although Liz and Sheila stopped me going down. Feel very tired but laying down just felt worse. Someone pulled my plug out this evening as from Monday till tonight I had been feeling good.

IT'S DOWN TO YOU

I have been wondering why people find it so hard to believe or understand how Love can really cure all. That what we call a mean or evil person can be changed through love. Why must we insist on inventing a God of punishment and vengeance? Why cannot we not envisage change and peace brought abotu by love and not so called 'justice'. It seems to me that what most of us really mean by justice is vengeance. It is we who cannot let go of the need to avenge, to punish. We say we believe in a God of Love who created US yet we also believe that some of US are evil. That does not make sense. We say we believe in God's omnipotence, yet we create a Devil and come up with all sorts of rationalisations as to how he can exist and cause evil. We blame all things bad on a devil. yet we say God is omnipotent. We say god is Love. God is omnipotent. Therefore Love really is the key to all. There is no need for punishment. For condemnation. For abandonment. If these things truly be, the God is nothing, has no power.

I think it is we who cannot love and thus we create ideas of vengeance and punishment. Have you not noticed how those who propound this set of ideas the most never think they will be punished or be the subject of vengeance, judgement and condemnation? How they seem to relish the punishment of others? Perhaps they have been so hurt and damaged (and I believe they probably have) that they can only live with their pain by believing that those who damaged them will suffer greatly. Unfortunately, they do not see hoe they themselves cause suffering to others in their quest to avoid their own.

How is it logical to avenge pain by causing pain? Surely, the aim should be to change a being so that they are not the cause of further pain? Do we really think the change necessary will not be painful in and of itself without the need for some outside agency to cause pain and suffering? Have you never felt the pain of knowing you were wrong and that you caused suffering as a result? If so, did you not change so that you did not make that same mistake again?

Much of our suffering is caused by our own selves. By our beliefs. We come to realise that to reduce suffering, we must change and that change, that healing, HURTS. It cannot be any other way. Changing our beliefs is the most difficult an painful thing we can do.

It is why so many of us don't change. Why we blame others for the suffering we experience. If only so and so were different, would change, would do this or do that, I would be happy.

It's all bollocks. The only person we can change, the only person who needs to change, is ourselves. It is the greatest power we have-to change our minds. Our greatest sin is that we close our minds and thus cannot be forgiven. All that means is that we cannot be changed until we open our minds to the realisation that it is WE who need to change. If there be an unforgivable sin, it is that, to have a closed mind. It only remains unforgiven as long as it remains closed.

Think of someone you know who suffers, be it from a addiction, from an abusive relationship, who remains in their suffering because they are waiting for someone ELSE to change. They cannot be 'forgiven' until they see it is they who need to change.

HUNTER

Before I forget: this yarn was bought from Jan at THE WOOLHUNTER. Excellent service, excellent yarn, excellent prices. The colourway is called Garland and is a 75% Bluefaced Leicester25% Nylon yarn.
425 m per 100 gms. I used KnitPro (KnitPicks) circulars, 2mm. Each knitted on it's own needle concurrently. The yarn is beautifully soft, easy to knit with. I love the way it pooled aroudn the gusset and heel. i wish it could have pooled all over. I am like that, I love yarns to pool and mine rarely do! I used my Andersson Method of construction and my Andersson heel Mach II.

MACH II heel.

Right and left views.

READY STEADY GO

SWIMMING

I awoke to go for my swim but my body didn't' think it was a good idea so I just had a pee and went back to bed, giving myself permission to sleep until 8am. Someone tapped me on the shoulder at precisely 8am and I woke up. The tap was gentle and I did not jump. If that was a dream, it was very real. The tap was a real tap.

WATCH IT!

It reminds me of what Doctors and nurses put on my notes if I have to stay hospital: " if you need to wake this patient, do so from a safe distance. " Why would they write that? Well, if they don't they usually get hit. I can't help it. Even my John knows not to touch me when I am asleep and to call me from a safe distance. Even after all this time, I still have what is known as 'exaggerated startle response', one of the common traits of PTSD.

GET DOWN!

Which reminds me of a funny story at my expense. I was caught in heavy traffic on a road right next to Heathrow. As I sat there, I could see this 747 bearing down on me. I watched with mounting panic and eventually jumped out of car to run but realised I couldn't run from it so I threw myself on the road and covered my head. The 747 just flew over me and landed where it was headed, the runway. I did not know the runway was there and I could have sworn this plane was going to land on me. I really felt silly and slunk back into my car and drove off at a snails pace because of the traffic whereas I wanted to get away from all those people who had witnessed my mistake.

POO

Oh and I have discovered that there is a side effect to the Colofac after all. I have stopped taking it for almost a week to see what difference it makes. I was concerned because I didn't think my poo ought to look like a dark Mr Whippy (here that is the ice cream that comes out when you pull a handle down on a ice cream machine. It's horrid stuff.)Anyway, I now know that that is the side effect of the drug. No big deal.

DRUGS

I have also not taken any drugs other than the morning and night heart and blood drugs. This morning, I have taken paracetamol and that is it. I am just seeing how all these work and seeing how and when I must use them and at what strength. Meaning I have three stages, paracetamol, paracetamol and codeine and Tramadol with the paracetamol. My back and hips are very sore this morning so I took the paracetamol and if that is not enough, I know to take the Tramadol too. I think it is a good idea to give my body a break form the drugs now and then.

POWER CHAIR

I went and looked at the wheelchair with power. I liked it very much. It has a joystick. At first I found it hard to control, then I was shown how to set the speed first with a button. I was trying to control the speed with the joystick which is only for side to side and back to front movement. The machine is £1600, so not all bad as most others were £2500 to £4000.

I have to weigh this up. We can manage this in that it comes apart, will get in the car etc. However, if we are visiting a place that has several stairs we might be stuffed. All we do now is I get get out, and John carries the chair up. It won't be possible with this. Although I did say to John last night that we could ask someone for help. As I wrote that last sentence, my stomach gave a little flip of approval. So perhaps that is the answer. I have to say that this will take a lot of the fatigue away. It means John doesn't have to push when my arms five up or my shoulders are too sore. My shoulders are causing me trouble now whereas they didn't before. I have trouble getting dressed now because of them. Not so much pain but getting them to move. By this I mean the sockets.

EDIT 12:27pm : I have just come home with a Power Chair. Sorted.

MORE ON STRESS

STRESS

Thanks MB.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I have been looking into buying a powerchair. A wheelchair with electric power that I control myself. NOT a mobility scooter but a regular wheelchair with power. I don't like the scooters and they are not suitable for when we go into restaurants etc.

They are expensive. At present we use an ordinary wheelchair with large wheels that I can control myself. However, not when I am tired and also I now have painful shoulders, which hurt just getting dressed. So using this chair for long periods is not on and then John pushes me which he says is no hassle and not a chore or heavy work. However, I don't like it. Also if we go up an incline, I have to get out and walk and inclines are more painful for me.

I have wondered about the cost for a person who is not paralysed but John thinks that is a silly thing to think of.

The truth is if I go shopping, or out anywhere, I need a wheelchair. I can't walk for long and beside the pain, I get tired very quickly. Even when medicated to the hilt.

The convenience of the present chair is that it is easily put in and out of the car. It is easily moved empty and folded. It is easy to for me to get out and have it folded up when going into places that are not accessible but don't have a load of steps.

The power versions are not so easily dismissed. Like in some restaurants, tho it is easier for me to sit in my chair, it isn't possible so the chair is folded and the staff put it out of the way. Not that easy with a powerchair, if at all possible.

I know that a powerchair would definitely get used but I am wondering if in the long run it will cause more problems than it solves. Also, from the limited looking I have done, it seems the power packs are about 35kg(77lbs) and that is very heavy for John to lift in and out of the car.

Perhaps all these concerns will be addressed by the people at the mobility centre.


I have only just started to feel better. My gut is still sore and I still have the runs. I am really pissed off that one upset ruins 4 dyas of my life. I have had calls from people who were concerned about how ill I looked at Cruft's. Word got around about what happened and all seem to be of the same opinion that those people were vile and out of order. Yet there is this part of me that thinks it was nothing really and certainly shouldn't have had this affect on me. It has though and that is that. I am back at the pool in the morning if my gut allows it.

ICK

Bad dreams and I awoke at 2.50am feeling very sick. By 3.20am I was lying on the bathroom floor alternately exploding form both ends. I hate being sick but oh I was glad to be rid of the nausea last night.

I spoke with John this morning about my feeling that despite my good recovery from my past, I seem to be more sensitive than ever. He says he isn't surprised because I have developed so much, especially where my mediumship is concerned. Well, as I can't not be a medium and never have not been, I have no idea how to compare sensitivity with or with out. Meaning, I cannot not be who I am so have no way of knowing whether or not I am more sensitive.

I know that a good friend of mine who is a Spiritualist Minister said pretty much the same thing. She said my experience was terrible and even more so because of my sensitivity. I have nothing to compare it to so....

John is going to see Stuart this morning. He is coughing has been waking me up so he can't pretend he doesn't have a problem again. This time it was only a short argument. I think he knows I mean business now. He knew without me saying that i was not going to le tit drop and that I would not take him to the station if he didn't see Stuart first. I reminded him that we are going away to Hungary in less than two weeks and will be away for 2 weeks and that he can't be sick for that especially as he will probably have to push me around a fair bit!

Aaarrgh! Why do so many men behave like children when it comes to taking care of their health and seeing a Doctor?

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

I have watched the second series of The Tudors recently and tonight we have just watched ELIZABETH-The Golden Age.

I am astounded by the beauty of the clothes these people made and wore. Especially when I know everything was made by hand and was done either by daylight or candle light. Truly amazing. My own work pales into nothingness by comparison.

The colours were vibrant, the materials sumptuous, the styles elaborate. Equally for men as for women.

What a pity that clothes today are plain and tawdry by comparison. In the West at any rate. Places like India still know how to dress.

Even more of a shame that men's clothing is so dull. Men are expected to look stiff and dull. Dark suits, white shirts, perhaps a coloured one. Just as long as we look dull. The height of cool for a man seems to be white suit with a hat worn backwards and dark lensed glasses. Thrills.

These films provided a true feast of colour and display. Wonderful to watch. Strange how such beauty was created, worn and displayed by people who committed such dreadful, hateful and painful acts upon each other.

(It also becomes clear that war over religion is not new at all and that what we are experiencing today, the evils of fundamentalism-Xtian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu etc - is just the same a sit was then and the pain inflicted as wicked. All for pride and ideas. Nothing more than that.)

Sunshine

It's a beautiful sunny day. We are going to take the puppies into town for some more socialising.

Yesterday my friend from Denmark, Karen , came to visit with her friend Anne Marie.They were both at Cruft's the day before. Other than that, I did nothing yesterday. I am rested.

I am looking forward to our trip to Hungary which is less than two weeks ago now.

I had to frog the garter carriage sweater again! The first time because I made the back shorter than the front and the second time because I finished the armhole shaping 10 rows before I should have and I have no idea how I managed that. I am in the process of knitting the piece again and am up to the armhole shaping which I hope will be accurate this time!

EDIT: I think I got paid one of the nicest compliments today. The carer of a woman I know saw my picture in the dog paper and told my friend that I had 'love written all over my face'. I was gobsmacked, as they say.

FRIENDS INDEED

I arrived at the National Exhibition Centre (NEC) by 6 am and was at the benching next to the breed ring by 6.30. I parked myself and my dogs and stuff. In common with the others who had arrived early, I parked at the end of the benches, not in a bench. This is much easier for those of us who find movement more cumbersome.

At about 9am I came back from a visit to the loo, to find my bag and chair, and other belongings thrown out into the middle of the walkway and someone else's stuff put in it's place. I moved that out of the way, put my stuff back , sat down, and proceeded to knit.

Very shortly, an elderly woman was screaming abuse at me. She wanted to be where I was and thought I had no right to be there. Presumably this woman thought she owned the space. I was perplexed, really, because I was astounded that she was being so vicious. really, the venom from her had to be witnessed. This was not just a woman put out, you'd think she was confronting an object of extreme hatred to her. She was soon joined in this attack by another woman and her husband.. I assume one was her child and the other the child's spouse. This is when it really got frightening. They too laid into me with a great deal of venom. This is what I found so shocking, the force of this attack. Like I had at one time caused her family great pain. The man especially became crazily abusive, shouting that I was handbag thief and all sorts. They hemmed me in so I couldn't move, not that I was intending to, and he looked as if he was about to physically attack me. Then he noticed my sticks and thought better of it. Not I am sure because he wouldn't hit a handicapped person but because he was afraid I'd use the sticks on him.

Whilst this was going on, I was taking it in but not feeling a thing. I disassociated. I didn't move, another thing I do, freeze.

Those who know me could see something was wrong because of my face I presume. I was also mentally vague as I was feeling really not present at this point. Anyway, my friends and even those I had only a passing acquaintance with, rallied round and my dogs and stuff were not left alone for the rest of the day.

The dogs were my major concern. Something the woman said, which seemed not to fit her gripe, made me wonder later if all this transpired because of jealousy of my success with Whitney. A photograph of her and me stating her Top Puppy 2008 status and Junior Warrant had appeared in the dog press that day and two weeks previously.

As much as I tried to not let his affect my day, it did. Even now the scene keeps flashing back into my consciousness. You'd think with my experience in life I would not be shocked by people's behaviour. I am. This caused feelings in me that I had felt in childhood. I felt very unsafe and threatened.

However, I am in no doubt that:

1. I did not cause this truly abusive behaviour

2. I did nothing wrong.

By 1.30 pm I was in a great deal of pain and so I went along to the Kennel Club office to ask for an early removal pass. I got that with no trouble. The man who dealt with me, seemed to know me, or at least recognize me and he asked what was wrong other than the pain. How he knew that I don't know. I told him what had happened. He persuaded me to make an official statement about the people who had abused me. He spent some time persuading me because I was loathe do so. As child complaining just meant being ignored, blamed, and more abuse. well I am not a child and these people behaved appallingly. So the KC man wrote out the complaint for me, (I can't write anymore) and I signed it.

Fortunately for me, these people live in Aberdeen, Scotland, so are not going to be at the shows very often.

On the down side, I had not thought to eat at all as when I am stressed like that my appetite goes. It wasn't that I thought to eat and decided against it. I just didn't think to eat. When I got home at 5pm it had been 24 hours since I last ate. Suddenly I was ravenous and I ate the nearest and most available and quickest thing-a sandwich. My gut knows this today.

As for Micah and Whitney both going unplaced, well that's the dog show game. You win and you lose. This does not affect my day at show. I enjoy the day, the company of friends and seeing other dogs. Yesterday I did not enjoy at all but for the reasons already written about.

The NEC does have disabled parking but it is still such a long way from the showing area so by the time one gets there, one is done in. The LKA dog show is also held there. To be frank, I am going to have to give serious thought to showing at this place again.

CRUFT'S

EDIT: the emotional/physical shock was the result of being abused by a trio of people, not because my dogs were not placed! The dogs not being placed has happened before and will happen again. It is all part of the game.

Just a quick note to say I am okay. Very tired, shell shocked by what happened but will write about that tomorrow.

Neither Micah nor Whitney were placed. The judge though was NOT judging faces but dogs. His choices were what he thought and I can live with that. My friend's top winning male went unplaced too. His eventual choice for Best Male and subsequently Best Of Breed is a dog I know, have examined, and like very much. The other big winners were not what I would have chosen.

If all judges agreed about the dogs, there would be no point in having the shows!

I am annoyed with myself for not following what my gut told me days ago-stay at home. I have set myself back physically and the emotional shock I got to day I could have done without. amazing how certian things one never grows out of: I disassociated immediately, and when I got back into myself shook like a leaf for ages. On the positive side. I know for sure now that my gut feeling about this show was accurate.

LESS HASTE MORE SPEED

KNITTING

I did a silly thing. I changed my mind about the length of Patrick when I got to the armhole shaping. Before I shaped the armholes, I knitted some more rows. Simple enough to do. When I came to knit the back, I had forgotten how many rows I had increased the front by. I tried to tell just be looking but I couldn't and the last thing I wanted was to have mismatched shoulders and sides because one piece was shorter than the other. I frogged both pieces and started again. I ether have to start writing my patterns down, or stick to my original plan!

I am almost finished now with the Blue Faced Leicester / Nylon socks. I have made a start on a lovely new yarn from Wendy called Happy. It is 75% Bamboo and 25% Nylon. Feels very nice. it is red and blue and is knitting up as wide stripes. It feels very nice indeed.

The Sweet Feet socks are still on the needles and I am only half way thought the foot of one of them.

I think that for tomorrow, I shall take my Aran and not any sock knitting. This will ensure that I work on it. I am past the first armhole decreases and am no shaping the raglan of the back piece. The front is completed. I shall then make a start on the sleeves which will not have the front panel on them so will be much easier on my hands and thus a faster knit.

SWIMMING

I have been swimming everyday Sunday to today. Cutting back on the amount I do has made a big difference I think. Only yesterday did I decide to swim further and today I had to swim less. I think there is a connection. I have been less fatigued. I wish I could say I have been in less pain but alas I cannot. My hips are especially sore and now even swimming hurts. Prior to this last few months, swimming has always been my relief. I think this is the longest flare I have experienced. A flare is when the intensity of the pain and the fatigue increases considerably before it settles down to a dull roar again. I am still waiting.

They are refurbishing the showers so are allowing people to use the disabled facilities (they are always dispensable). Well, I am waiting to get into the room to my clothes, and watch this man showering. No not for a thrill. I couldn't believe what he was doing. He lifted each leg alternately onto the sitting bench and proceed to wash and shower them. EVERY area of this room, including the support bars etc, were soaked. I had nothing to support myself with and no where to sit down in order to dress. I felt like asking this pratt to come and hold me up whilst I dried and got dressed. Honestly, people' stupidity and self centeredness still manages to surprise me.

TESCO'S

Whenever we have been to the local brand new, huge store, I have parked in a convenient spot, knowing it is not a designated parking bay. I did so as a protest because Tesco have so far refused to have proper supervised parking and fines for those who use the disabled bays when not entitled to, like the other major stores do.
Yesterday, I was told that now they are indeed turning it into a supervised car park with the power to move vehicles and fine drivers. Not before time either. It is a shame though that here in the UK we have to do this because our population is so moronic. Doesn't happen on mainland Europe, at least not the countries I go to. Not only that, they understand that we have no choice but use our cars and thus we are not charged for parking. Here in the UK we are and most of the time not even provided with the facilities anyway.

I met a man while out yesterday who, like me, is a wheelchair user. He finds the exact problems as I do and we both agreed that other people give us far more pain and grief than our respective diseases do!

CRUFT'S

Micah and Whitney are both bathed and dried and ready for tomorrow. I have collected my frock coat from the dry cleaners. The rest of my clothes are ready. I shall be in bed by 6pm and up at 2am ready to leave at 4am. Hopefully I shall be at the NEC by 6am.