Saturday, February 28, 2009

Oh Poo!

Sock Yarn Seller

I came across some good looking hand dyed sock yarn on Ebay. I wrote to the seller to ask a question and did not receive a reply so 5 days later I sent another. Still no reply. I then looked at her feedback and it has been good. However, she has not left any feedback for anyone for almost 3 months. Yet she is currently selling and people are currently buying.Further research found her blog which is up to date.

Perhaps she would sell more of her lovely looking yarn if she had respect for her customers? Unanswered email is bad enough but not leaving feedback on Ebay, which is feedback reliant, is not on. I don't deal with people who don't leave feedback. It leaves a sour taste in one's mouth.


Weird condition this. My gut has been fine all week. No grumbling, no wind, and no having to go for 3 days. Today I have been 5 times in 5 hours. No, I have not got the runs. It's all perfectly formed, works of art actually. Just makes it a bit awkward if one wants to go out as the need to go is quite sudden. I thought I needed to late last night but it wasn't to be. I have made up for it today.

IBS also makes farting quite deadly. My dogs move away disgusted so that gives you the idea. I daren't drop one in public in case anyone should it is terrorist attack.

Just thought you'd like to know that.

Poo Story

My friend Ron is deaf. He wears hearing aids. He also had a huge brain tumour, which was removed. The tumour not his brain. (Shut up , Dawn). (Dawn is his wife who you have seen mentioned here before.) Anyway, Ron flew back from Oz and had to switch his aids off. He didn't put them back on. On the train on the way home, he found that no one sat near him and if they did they didn't sit for very long. It turns out he was continually farting. Not only could he not hear them cos his hearing aids were off, but he couldn't smell them either cos of the tumour.I fell about when Dawn told me this story.

Poo Story 2

This I heard on GMTV a long while ago now. A woman is at a wedding, a very posh do. She goes to the loo and she when she flushes, the poo stayed put. She'd done a floater. So she waited and flushed again. Nope, still there. Well, there was a queue as always for the loo so she got some loo paper, picked up the offending floating turd and threw it out of the window. All was well until she went downstairs to the reception which was being held in a huge glass topped marquee thing which was situated right under that bathroom window. It kills me just writing this. I am LOL'ing as I write. I can imagine this happening, and the embarrassment of it. Hilarious.

Two Days

It has been two days in a row that I have not gone to the pool. I realised that I had plenty to do today with the dogs and stuff and if I swam first, I'd be too knackered. Other than the stuff I must take for my BP and heart, I have not taken any pills. I don't feel 100% comfortable with not going to the pool. I think it will take a while to get used to being sensible with my body. Just had a thought: imagine the IBS acting up in the pool? Turbo charged swimming? Wind propelled?

Friday, February 27, 2009



I am soon to pick John up from the station. He will have a surprise as we will not be going to the supermarket. We usually do and we get home at about 8.30pm and then it is an hour later before he eats. I got my neighbour's son, Michael, to go with me last night. I did a big shop.


James is taking after his grandfather who tried to mate Tilly the Dachshund when she was in season and he was just 6 week old. James is 8.5 weeks and has been trying to mate Whitney!
The litter is booked in to have their first vaccinations on Sunday morning.


I have done some knitting, some washing of my clothes. Almost done with sleeve number one on my garter carriage sweater. Will probably sew it in tonight as well. Am feeling physically better than this morning. Will probably go swimming tomorrow. I have been wondering if it would be better to cut the swimming down to half an hour and do it daily or stick with what seems to be the new routine and do my usual hour and just every other day?

I had a pork chop, lambs kidney, lambs liver and steamed sprouts for dinner. I had a chicken salad for lunch. I have this titanium frying pan which requires little or no oil in it to cook well.


I watched 27 Dresses this week. I quite liked it. I am partial to RomComs. The woman who starred in it is her out of Grey's Anatomy. Very pretty she is too.

I also saw The MIST, directed by the guy who did The Shawshank Redemption. This too was a Stephen King story. It had an awful ending, wish I hadn't watched it.

Another Gay Movie- very rude, silly and a waste of time.


I have fallen for those beautiful jackets that Asian men wear as part of a Jodhpuri suit. I am going to see if I can get a jacket only from an Asian men's shop in Peterborough or London. You can see one here: Jacket.
I only like the Nehru collared ones.


What fun! look at the top right hand side of this page. There you will see text messages I sent to Twitter and they instantly appear on my blog! (you must refresh the page to see new ones.)
This will be a fun way to send step by step messages from our trip and instant results form dog shows. I can even tell you when I am swimming, in the loo, or....;-) perfect for twits!



Whitney has become a slapper. She is very close to ripe. The boys are rampant. I think I can probably go to Cruft's after all. I think she will be finished by then


I am on the first sleeve of the garter carriage sweater. I have completed the front and back, joined the shoulders and knitted and joined the collar. I have done little hand knitting as my hands don't want to cooperate right now.


Three weeks tomorrow and we leave to drive to Budapest. A 1200 mile trip. I am really excited about it.


Recently I have become really quite self conscious about wittering on about my physical challenges. I keep telling myself I shall not mention it. It doesn't seem to work too well.

I am either going thru a flare period or it has progressed another notch. Normally, I am not always conscious of the pain but recently I am even when I take my pills and am occupied doing other things. Yesterday, I couldn't even knit, it was too much effort.

For 18 mths I was able to swim more or less everyday. Now I can't. That really does bother me.
Now I have my blood work done, I am wondering if they will find anything sinister. Could this by why I am feeling so crap? I have some other disease? I am embarrassed to say that I do tend to think like that. I know I have enough known things wrong with that fully explain the way i feel but there is always that thought that something awful is lurking. Of course life is good and I am happy and that can't last can it? No. Something always goes wrong. Past experience has taught me that enjoyment is foolish. I will always lose. Okay, so I know that is what I am pre programmed to think. It is a difficult one to let go of. All thru growing up, it was true! Something bad always happened, I always lost. It' different now. I don't have to keep thinking that way. It is difficult not to.

I have this terrible dream. I dream that somehow or other my dogs are all looose outside. I am desperately trying to get then back home to safety. They are always in danger form traffic in the dream, having somehow got across a busy road. My dream is always about the fear that something awful is about to befall them.

I used to dream that my car went missing. That was an awful dream too. I am stuffed without my car.

For some reason, the Tramadol appears to be making me feel nauseous. I know it is a side affect but I didn't used to get it, or I didn't realise it was the pill. Meaning I have had nausea on an off and am now beginning to think it was probably from the pills all along. It doesn't hit until abotu hour after taking them and it goes away fairly soon too. It's only a mild feeling. You'd have thought that 100mg of Tramadol and a 1000mg of paracetamol would do the trick. It dulls it considerably but doesn't do away with it.

I try not to be aware when I am writing that I am being read. If I managed that I would not be concerned about wittering on about this!

Thursday, February 26, 2009



Well, I did remember my blood test which I had this morning. I had 3 people remind me by email and one by text message. As I know I have more than 4 readers, I gather the rest of you have the same C.R.A.F.T. condition as I!!!

I did my swim and all was well until I got back from the surgery. My plug got pulled and I couldn't even knit I was so weak. I went to bed but couldn't sleep. (Spell Check thinks couldn't isn't a word!) I feel better now and my hands don't feel like they weigh a tonne with sausages for fingers.

I say all was well with my swim, by which I mean I was able to do it, and enjoy it, though my hips weren't(spell check thinks that isn't a word too) that keen on it and my left hand went pins and needles and then numb again. It does that frequently and I assume it is because of the crumbling discs in my spine. You'd be amazed at where those discs cause problems. Maybe though you would not be as I am sure that you all know your nerves are in the spine!


I am really into it right now. Okay, so I always am but I am sure you have noticed I am doing much more machine knitting too. I have that feeling again, the urge to create with the wonderful yarns I have.I might even be kidding myself that I can knit it all. Given time, Yes, about 300 years worth. (Why does spell check think abotu is a word? Is it?)


I have a tonne of books to read too. I am having to resist the urge to buy those books I see that I am sure I will like because I must have about 2 years worth of reading already. Mmmm, does this sound familiar?

I am reading RAVEN'S GATE by Anthony Horowitz right now and am enjoying it. I think it is aimed at the teenage reader so I am enjoying it very much. Not at all patronizing or childish. I have tried re reading the Narnia books but they are childish.


Are almost lead trained. They do walk on the lead well but they still stop and especially so when they see people or traffic. Little Dorrit squares up to the cars as if daring them, whilst James , Dudley and Carly all back away. I have to take them out one at a time for training as they much learn to stand on their own feet. Most importantly, they are not freaked by the outside world and not so stubborn, as Apso are prone to be, that they fight the lead. I always start training at 8 weeks on the day. I get pissed off with some I meet at shows with a puppy of 6 months or more and they boast it has never been on a lead! Shows little care for the poor puppy I think, expecting it to go a lead for the first time in such a situation. Then they wonder why it freaks. Too many of them, adults too, only ever go out when they attend a show. Apart from that, they are kept confined indoors, some of them in cages where they are kept most of their time and never even get to play with each other. They get taken out to the garden, one at a time, to pee and poo and str8 back to the cage or pen.Never mind how cruel that is, why have the dogs if that is how you keep them? What is the point?

I often think that people who keep their dogs like this miss out on so much. When I get down on the floor with my dogs and pups, we have so much fun! When I go to bed, I always have a dog with me. When I am watching TV or knitting or reading, the dogs are around me. They are confined when I am not in and at night time, for their own safety. I do not go out all day unless I have a dog sitter, I will not keep them in their cages that long. I wish I could say that all my fellow exhibitors / breeders treated their charges the same way but alas they don't. To some they are a means to an end and that is it. A spotless house always is a warning to me of a poor life for dogs. I certainly would not entertain the idea of one of my dogs going to live like that.

All of my dogs play and run around in the garden. They play with each other, with me, with visitors. I have made concessions that don't affect the dog: I have fenced off all the hedging so they cannot get into it and wreck their coats. Other than that, they do as they please. My way of thinking is that if they can't get a floor length coat living a normal life, then they have the wrong type of coat for an Apso in the first place! These are hardy, tough dogs from 16000 feet above sea level, in the Himalayas, Tibet. They are not toy lap dogs. (not that there is anything wrong with Toy breeds just that the Apso is not one.)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Superb Sweater

Look at JOE'S sweater. I think it is superb in every detail.


This is knitted on the Brother 940 using a Garter Carriage. the design is one of the preprogrammed ones which I altered in Design A Knit.

The tension is 6 and 2 dots, 32 x 48 per 10cm.

I used Forsell's 4ply wool in Antique Gold.

Once again I made it too large for me. I am not as large as I think I am. Anyway, with some trepidation I tumble dried it on hot for 10 minutes. It now fits really well and drapes well too. Shrinking like this does not narrow the piece, just shortens. It does tend to widen it slightly and I assume this is because as the stitches shorten, they widen.

Crew neck with stocking stitch roll.

Raglan seams.

3 x3 ribbing.

Due to the shaping needed and the fact the garter carriage is slow, this took 5 days to make, sewing up included.


I certainly made the correct choice last evening by choosing to stay in. I became fatigued and sore. The 70 mile round trip and being with people would have been too much. I also knew by the time I went to bed that I would not be going swimming this morning and I have not. I slept till 7.30am. After I had been up long enough to know how I was I took a full does of painkillers. I have sat for 30 minutes in front of my light. Today, I know I can do as I please. I have stopped using the rod on my own back.

The garter stitch sweater is drying and I shall blog it later today.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I was rather taken aback by the two posts that Mary Beth sent me the links to, the ones about abuse survivors having health problems caused by it. I felt quite emotional when I read the articles. I also thought what one of my commentators did 'I am not like this because of a personality flaw' or words to that effect.

Then it hit me. I have been dealing with my illness/disability as if it is a character defect, one that I must overcome. No wonder I have such hard time and always feel disappointed that I haven't cured myself. I have x-rays and scans that show I have the physical problems I have and a renowned neurosurgeon who says I have neurological impairment. What more do I need to give myself a break?

Yesterday was a good day. I awoke feeling that feeling which I have learned means I am done in and need to rest. I did just that. I did not go swimming. I did not feel guilty about it. I went to the bank when I felt like I could and deposited cheques. I knitted, watch DVD's. After a nap, I lead trained the puppies. It takes a few minutes for each puppy. Just put a lead on them, and walk a few yards up the street and back again. They all walked first time. I do this individually, no adults or other pups, just the one puppy. This way they learn to stand on their own feet.

What's more, I took enough medication for pain, was at ease with myself all day and asleep again by 10.30pm.I awoke just before 5am today, feeling refreshed and I knew I could go swimming today. I did and it went well. I trained the puppies again.

I had a workman here most of the day. He was fencing off the last bit of hedging in our garden. I wanted the hedging gone because it is not good for the show dogs' coats. John did not want it gone. So this was the compromise. The dogs can't get under it now.

Due to this I did not get my nap today. Tonight I wanted to got to a meeting I sometimes go to as I was particularly interested in tonight's speaker. However, it is 35 miles away. So the old familiar arguing with myself started. I eventually decided not to go. i made the right choice because now I am sore and I am tired. Going to the meeting would have sent me over the edge to being ill.

I also will decide tomorrow, when I awake, if I shall swim or not. If I don't feel up to it, I won't and I won't berate myself for not going.

Oh and Thursday morning I have a blood test at 9am so reminders Wednesday night would be gratefully received. My email if you don't know it is : apso at tantra-apso dot com

I think this new way of looking at my health problems is going to be much better for me. I am no fool and I know I am not going to get well and this will progress but I can make it a lot easier on myself by remembering to take care of myself and stop berating myself for having health issues! I can also see how I may even improve my lot by taking better care of me and resting more. In the long run it will mean I get more done. After all, I am no where near ready to give up those things I enjoy, especially the dogs and knitting, so I had better stop running myself into the ground.

I would not have thought I'd have so much trouble accepting days of quiet and rest as I do. Some things one learns can be very hard to unlearn. My worth as a person does not come from what I do but what I am. A Human Being not a Human Doing. How many times have I said that to others? Yet here I am, under the same illusion that my worth rests upon what I do.

See, writing on blogs really does do one good. I didn't know what was at the root of my self abuse until I followed my train of thought by writing about it here.

It is time I just let myself enjoy life and make it such a chore and pain by setting myself targets and allowing myself little break. No, I need to just accept that I can do as I please and I have nothing to prove. Oh, my, you know I just realised that I am still trying to prove to you know who that I am not a useless waste of space and that i am not a wimp. It is this that causes me to push myself to the limits of pain and exhaustion. I am still letting that bastard rule my life! For f***'s sake, I am 50! I dont' need this shit. Anyway, who the f**k is he to judge? A man who used his fists on children? Have you noticed how the most judgemental people are those whose own behaviour is worse? I used to know people who earned their daily bread by 'cheque kiting', using stolen cards and cheques. These people were very harsh in their condemnation of others. Believing in the death penalty and thinking muggers were the lowest of the low. It didn't once occur to them to wonder how the people they got their stolen cards and chequebooks from, came by them! Priests pontificating in the pulpit whilst feeling up (and worse) the choirboys or standing by whilst the Nazi's did their evil.


I have two pairs of socks on the go, one is Blue Faced Leicester and nylon and the other is merino and bamboo. Both feel wonderful. I have completed a garter stitch raglan sweater on the machine and am waiting for it to dry. I will then photograph it and blog it.

I am half way through another garter stitch sweater and am swatched and ready to go on a cashmere for John.


Yes, even a tame pair.

Monday, February 23, 2009


Child abuse 'alters stress gene'

Abuse in early childhood permanently alters how the brain reacts to stress, a Canadian study suggests.

Analysis of brain tissue from adults who had committed suicide found key genetic changes in those who had suffered abuse as a child.

It affects the production of a receptor known to be involved in stress responses, the researchers said.

The Nature Neuroscience study underpins the impact of stress on early brain development, experts said.

Previous research has shown that abuse in childhood is associated with an increased reaction to stressful circumstances.

“ Whilst these results obviously need to be replicated, they provide a mechanism by which experiences early in life can have an effect on behaviour later in adulthood ”
Dr Jonathan Mill

But exactly how environmental factors interact with genes and contribute to depression or other mental disorders in adulthood is not well understood.

A research team led by McGill University, in Montreal, examined the gene for the glucocorticoid receptor - which helps control the response to stress - in a specific brain region of 12 suicide victims with a history of child abuse and 12 suicide victims who did not suffer abuse when younger.

They found chemical changes which reduced the activity of the gene in those who suffered child abuse.

And they showed this reduced activity leads to fewer glucocorticoid receptors.

Those affected would have had an abnormally heightened response to stress, the researchers said.


It suggests that experience in childhood when the brain is developing, can have a long-term impact on how someone responds to stressful situations.

But study leader Professor Michael Meaney said they believe these biochemical effects could also occur later in life.

"If you're a public health individual or a child psychologist you could say this shows you nothing you didn't already know.

"But until you show the biological process, many people in government and policy-makers are reluctant to believe it's real.

"Beyond that, you could ask whether a drug could reverse these effects and that's a possibility."

Dr Jonathan Mill, from the Institute of Psychiatry at Kings College London said the research added to growing evidence that environmental factors can alter the expression of genes - a process known as epigenetics.

"Whilst these results obviously need to be replicated, they provide a mechanism by which experiences early in life can have an effect on behaviour later in adulthood.

"The exciting thing about epigenetic alterations is that they are potentially reversible, and thus perhaps a future target for therapeutic intervention."

Story from BBC NEWS:

Published: 2009/02/23 01:16:12 GMT



Child abuse link to future health

Children who suffer abuse have an increased risk of physical ill health in adulthood, results suggest.

Researchers at King's College London followed 1,000 people in New Zealand from birth to the age of 32.

A third of those who were maltreated had high levels of inflammation - an early indicator of conditions such as heart disease and diabetes.

Preventing abuse in childhood could help to reduce the burden of illness in adults, experts said.

Participants in the study, which is published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, were monitored as children and were also asked to recall any maltreatment they had suffered as children at the age of 26.

“ What we have observed is the long-term effect of stress from a phase when children are particularly vulnerable ”
Dr Andrea Danese, study leader

The researchers took into account many other factors which could account for poor health, including stress, depression, poor status attainment as well as smoking, diet and physical activity.

They took blood samples to measure levels of C-reactive protein, fibrinogen and white blood cells - substances which are known to be associated with inflammation in the body.

Adult survivors of childhood maltreatment who appeared to be healthy were twice as likely to show clinically relevant levels of inflammation compared to those who had not been maltreated.

Inflammation is known to predict the development of conditions such as heart disease and diabetes.

C-reactive protein in particular has been recommended by the American Heart Association as a screening tool to help assess a person's risk of developing cardiovascular disease.

Public health

Study leader Dr Andrea Danese, a psychiatrist at King's College London, said that public health interventions to prevent maltreatment in childhood could help reduce illness in adults.

"We know already that adults who were maltreated in childhood have worse health than other people, but we had no idea how that could be explained so what we're adding here is one of the possible explanations."

Dr Danese explained that stress or fright can lead to inflammation, but if physical harm does not occur the body needs to switch it off quickly or it will cause damage.

Previous research has shown that early-life stress can reduce levels of a hormone - glucocorticoid - that normally works to switch off the inflammatory response.

Dr Danese hypothesised that in maltreated children low levels of glucocorticoids may lead to persistently high levels of inflammation.

"What we have observed is the long-term effect of stress from a phase when children are particularly vulnerable.

"Whether this is reversible is a question we are unable to answer."

Professor Brent Taylor, professor of child health at University College London, said the findings added biological plausibility to what experts already knew.

"It makes sense. We have known for a long time that a bad environment and poor quality parenting is associated with reduced life expectancy as well as other health problems.

"It perhaps suggests there should be more focused attention on preventing maltreatment in childhood."
Story from BBC NEWS:

Published: 2007/01/16 00:05:20 GMT



These are knitted on KnitPicks 2.25mm circular needles, simultaneously, one on each needle. The yarn is the third ball I had of Regia's Design Line by Kaffe Fasset. The colour number is 04551. As this is the third from this line, it is safe to say I like it. As you can see, not twins but obviously the same family....
I used my own Andersson Method of toe up construction and the Andersson Heel Mach II.
Left sock, which could be right.

Right sock, which could be left.


Today I will probably finish a pair of socks and a garter stitch sweater which is part sewn up. I have started on another garter stitch sweater and am up to armhole son front piece. I shall use set in sleeves for this one.

We are down to 4 puppies which makes the pen look a little empty but 4 are more easily manageable. When I took Shameless to visit William, I knew I wanted 2 girls and a boy from any resulting litter and I said so. I got what I wanted! Not only that, but in Carly and James I go the additional qualities I was looking for in the type I like. Little Dorrit is just one my gut tells me to keep so I am. I plan to breed her to Whitney's dad, Luke, when she has matured.

Last nights service was difficult to say the least. Only one of the communications went smoothly. I find it hard to deal with dozy people. yet a the same time, I am aware that if I could have communicated in a different way, perhaps it all would have been clearer. I had to stop on the last one. The communicator was a young woman who died as the result of an accident. She told me she was unconscious when she died and had not been aware. I described how she normally looked, her colouring etc. She also told me that had been much aggro about her passing, it's manner and much ill feeling and blame all accepted as true. Then she said that a man had not been with her when she died. I couldn't get who she meant but knew it was a significant man in her life. I said this and it was rejected. I asked the communicator again and got the same answer. It was still rejected. At this point I had to stop the service. I told the woman receiving the message that either I was misunderstanding or she would realise who she meant. She spoke with me afterwards. It transpired that her partner was not thereat the time of her death because he was already dead. For some reason the woman receiving the message did not think was significant enough to warrant mentioning!!!!(they had both died in a vehicle accident, the man dying there and then, she somewhat later. She also said she had been unaware. She was unaware because she had been sleeping when the accident occurred and had not woken up but went str8 into a coma from which she did not communication !

I woke up cold last night which is weird as the heating was on and the temp outside was not too low, abotu 5c. I did fall asleep with only my long sleeves thermal top on but under a duvet. Still, I woke up cold and had to get properly dressed before going back to sleep. I have woken today feeling tired and sore so I am NOT going to the pool.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


MR AND MR WEST (legally married) the new carers of Phoebe.
CLAIRE - the new carer of Dexy.
DUDLEY-waiting for a new home

Yes, Daniel has also gone, and is now called Paddy. I am not keeping Dudley so he is not James any more and Peter is now James and Bridget is now Little Dorrit.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I spent quite some time last evening looking up sock yarns on the 'net. I found some beautiful yarns. unfortunately the vast majority of them were not at all suitable.

There were some, lots actually, that were pure yarns; merino, alpaca, cashmere. Totally useless for socks you want to last more than five minutes.

There were others that had a good synthetic mixed in for durability but the majority of them came up short! How daft is that? Most were 300m or less per 100gm and they cost a fair bit, like £15. I'd have to buy two hanks to get a pair of socks and my feet are only a UK size 7.5 = 10" long and I knit 8" around. I hate ankle socks but my legs not knitted overly long. At a rpi of 12-13 I knit 120 rounds for foot and the same for leg and this using my own Andersson Method which uses less yarn than a traditional top down heel flap.

Just because it's a single hank of a hand dyed yarn does not make it a sock yarn!

Friday, February 20, 2009


Just a question ... doesn't it wear out your dog when you breed her every season? Doesn't that eventually affect the quality of the puppies? I know that "in the wild" the females most likely breed every season, but their life-expectancy is also much lower. Anyway, I'm not goading you, just asking.

I am not often really offended by comments left on my blog but this one really did just that. What on earth makes this person think I breed my girls until they wear out? Or that I breed every season? I assumed this person was a regular reader of my blog and if so I am even more offended that they would think this of me. It is this type of inflammatory nonsense that causes so much bad feeling.

For starters, my girls are not bred every season. Most are bred just once in their life. Sometimes, like Shameless, they are bred twice in succession and then not again.

I only have two bitches of breeding age. One is unbred and Shameless is done.

I do not make any money out of puppy sales. If that was my concern, I would not spend £100 for a dog show, which I attend regularly, and where a win gains nothing but satisfaction. I would not have spent approximately £20,000 driving around Europe and Scandinavia choosing two females and using studs that I thought exemplified the natural qualities of my wonderful breed that I wish to preserve. I would sell my puppies to anyone who flashes the cash. I don't. You don't get one from me easily.

I'm not an activist, but I think it would be better to have no homeless animals, and therefore get a new pet from a shelter (as the first choice) rather than buying one from a breeder.

This is ignorant. Many dogs are in shelters because they do not make fit pets. Too many charities say they never put a healthy dog down. A bad tempered dog is not healthy. Many people want a pure bred dog because they like their chosen breed and if they buy one from a reputable breeder, they know it is highly unlikely they will get a puppy with a serious defect or a bad temper.

I understand that some people want a certain look or certain characteristics, and that there are good and bad breeders - I have no problem with breeders who keep their animals in a suitable environment and who love them, and don't just see them as a way to make some easy bucks.

But I have a problem with people such as yourself making these assumptions about people you do not know.

The vats majority of breeders in the show world are like me: they care about their breed, their dogs and do their very best by them.

On the other hand, there are foolish people who go and buy puppies form back yard breeders -who ARE in it for the money- or from pet shops or from large kennels where they breed many different breeds-i.e. puppy farms. It is these places that produce most of the problem dogs.

Yes there is a minority of show breeders who only see their dogs as a means to an end, don't care about them, will do whatever to win, even harm the dog. They are few and far between and those of us who do care isolate them.

The harm done to people like me, the majority of caring loving dog exhibitors and breeders, by people like you who say such ignorant and inflammatory things, is great. There are plenty of people out there who believe whatever they hear or read, clearly, and this is why my beloved hobby is endangered. My life revolves around my dogs, they bring me so much pleasure and they have excellent lives and I will continue to do all I can to prevent the ignorant and selfish form trying to stop me enjoying my life and giving my dogs an exemplary life.

I understand that some people want a certain look or certain characteristics, and that there are good and bad breeders - I have no problem with breeders who keep their animals in a suitable environment and who love them, and don't just see them as a way to make some easy bucks.

I have a big problem though with people such as yourself who clearly have little knowledge of dogs yet seem to think you know what is a good environment for them. The easy bucks question has been answered and the blame for that lies first and foremost with the ignorant public who are not selective about where they buy from, and the the puppy farmers, pet shops and back yard breeders to supply an endless stream of unhealthy, defective, bad tempered dogs to any fool who wants one.

Just look at the adverts fro crossbreeds (mutts) where the puppies are often being sold for more money than the purebreds and there are idiots out there buying them!

You and the animal rights liars are blaming the wrong people.

EDIT: thank you for explaining , at least partly, that you misunderstood. I don't know where you got the idea that I am about to breed Whitney. NO WAY. Or how that made brought you to ask why I breed my girls every season. You didn't ask if I did, you assumed I did. That is why I was offended. Whitney is doing too well in the ring to pull her now. The reason for not attending Cruft's if she is indeed in season is because she would be ri
pe on the day and therefore unlikely to behave well and I couldn't take Micah, a male, a she would be rampant and next to her in the show trolley so that would not be fair. And yes, of course, peace. We just agree to differ.


I have a service to take on the 15th of March. This is a new church so I called the medium's secretary just to check that I had the details correct in my book. A man answered the phone and I asked to speak to ******* please. His rely was 'no you can't, she died.' I was very tempted to reply 'I could give it a go' but I resisted.

I have broken my no sock yarn buying fast. Not bad. It's been six months since I last bought any. I have bought about 12 hanks.

There are also two new pairs of DM's on their way in Scarlet and Royal Blue.


It might well be an event to be remembered this year. First of all the BBC are not filming it for the first t time in 40 years. Too long a story to go into but it seems the animal rights liars are behind it all. They, the animal rights lot, are planning a demonstration of some sort too.

I may not be going but for entirely different reasons. It looks as if Whitney is coming into season and this means she will be ripe on the day of Cruft's which will make it somewhat difficult a sit may well affect her behaviour and will surely affect Micah's behaviour also. Time will tell. I'll decide the day before.

Anyone who treats people with such malice in the name of compassion for animals is a liar and is acting out from a far more personal agenda. They be far better off dealing with their inner turmoil instead of acting out in this way. Compassion, I think, is fake if it does not encompass all.

They display a certain ignorance about dogs, abotu pure bred dogs, and about breeding practices. They clearly don't know about how nature handles breeding, how packs of animals in the wild are all closely related etc.

Their ultimate aim is to ban all companion animals: that is no cats, dogs, or any form of pet. They also want us all to be vegan.(The vociferous anti Atkins Diet commenter were so called animal rights activists. I assume they would prefer I die than eat the diet I must in order to live and live well) The mind set of these people is no different to the mind set of all other fundamentalists. They want to control us.

That is not to say that their is cruelty heaped upon animals, of coruse there is, and some of it by so called dog lovers who also breed and show. We need to stop it. Tarring us all with the same brush will not work.

The RSPCA need to stick to dealing with this, cruelty and rescue. I stopped donating to them many years ago when they wasted millions on a campaign to have the dog licence, which most of us did not have, retained! A dog licence will not mean the owner is fit to care for a dog and is a waste of money. The RSPCA need to stay of politics and do what it's remit was originally about-stop cruelty to animal NOT wage a war against people such as myself. I was sent a missive from a 'concerned' twat,(who was bewildered that I was not charmingly grateful to her) written by Dr Jane Goodall regarding the horrors of pedigree dogs. Considering that woman is a scientist, I was horrified to read this article and all it's errors re pedigree dogs, and most especially because under my breed, the Lhasa Apso, she couldn't even get the correct photograph of the breed, instead using another breed's picture!

FEAR is really gaining a foothold in our world. I do believe it is this fear that is behind the modern day obsession people have with wanting to control every aspect of the lives of others. (note: not theirs, yours and mine, because they of course know better. they are right and wouldn't even consider that they were not.) I tell you, the trouble in this world is caused by those who believe they are absolutely correct in their judgement and because of this belief in their own infallibility it is very very difficult to stand up to them and show them their fallibility. It is like bashing one's head against a brick wall. But fight them we must. There is too much darkness already in this world and if we allow the self righteous to hold sway, we will be swamped. Nothing will grow in the dark and we all wither and die.


My swim went very well. I think I am going to cut back to Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday and see how that goes.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


This link will take you to an article that really explains very well my situation. I was sent this by a well wisher and I am very grateful to them. This is the best description I have read and saves me trying to explain. This woman already has done it for me.



I am confused.

I think the least Government control over our lives the better. That should make me a Tory or Republican.

That is what they say they believe.

I don't think it is true.

I think what they mean is that they don't anyone interfering with THEM but they want to control the rest of us.

Why would I think this? Well, it's the Tories/Republicans that are most vociferous about controlling thru law people's private behaviour. Prop 8 for example. It is the Right that wants to limit people's freedom. It is the Right that bangs on abotu morals and God. It is the Right who think they know how we all ought to be. It is the Religious Right who want our freedom removed.

So I do not ally myself with Right.

Then we have the Left. On the surface, it seems they want freedom for all. They will protect my rights, indeed here, they have given me , finally, equal rights with other human beings. Yet they are far too controlling. Day by day we are loosing more and more freedoms. Every area of our life is controlled by Government and it is growing daily.

So I am not of the Left.

It seems no matter which I turn, I'm buggered.

I will say that our think our set up is flawed in the first place. We all live in so called Meritocracies. On the surface this sounds good. On the surface. The trouble is we are not born equal, no matter what we say. And life happens to us in different ways. Meaning, some of us are born handicapped, others become handicapped. Meritocracies only work for those born well and intellectually bright. We can kid ourselves, like the Government here does, that we can all go to University and they are proud that they are providing that opportunity. Yet they do not consider that not all of us have the wherewithal to do that. If we did, who exactly would do the simple jobs like the Dustmen, Road Sweepers, assembly line work etc? Ppeople with degrees? You are kidding right?

And we all know what happens to those who cannot work because of bad health, either from birth or acquired. We get little and are sidelined.

We fool ourselves into believing we are honourable, good, kind people who take care of our fellows. We are proud to say we live freely in countries that allow the freedom to succeed. True. But only if you fit in the box. If not, f*ck you!

Since I am on a roll here, why is it that the most important jobs are the most lowly paid? The previously mentioned road sweepers and dustmen. Nurses. Teachers. Sewer workers. The people who keep society going are those that are looked down upon and paid the least.

Next to parenthood, teaching is the most important profession there is. Yet teachers are derided, paid no where near enough, and are then blamed for the way children turn out! parents, of course, are not to blame at all. The fault always lies elsewhere, never with them. Thanks to that little commandment ' Honour they Father and Thy Mother.' It matters not if they deserve it, you are a sinful brat if you don't. Hence we have the society we deserve.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Well, today turned out crap and it's my fault. I think that I have finally figured out how to handle myself though. Or more precisely, to recognize what my body is feeling and what it means. I am learning it's language and it isn't what I thought it was. It doesn't just speak pain which I understand. It also speaks fatigue which I find harder to understand so bright spark here thought it was best ignored. My body won't be ignored so I end up paying the piper as it were.

To back track a little, I realised that I had not been using my light box. This explained the low feeling and the sugar cravings. I had forgotten that lack of light does not just make one feel low but also cravings for sugar/carbs. (This is not New Age hokum but real established scientific fact. Look up S.A.D. or Light Box and the information will be yours for the reading.) So I started to use the lightbox again. I sit in front of it for 30 minutes each morning.I knit my socks whilst doing so. I feel better.

Okay, so I have seen the light. Now I need to make sure I take the night time slow release Tramadol because it works and I have come to know how important it is to sleep as well as I can. Day one goes rather well, except for pain when swimming. I had only taken paracetamol. Not enough. That night, the right pills, the next morning paracetamol and Tramadol and the light box. I feel GOOD. I have my nap. I take another dose of pills. (Still nowhere near the 8 of each a day I can take.)

Last night the dogs and puppies were all in bed by 9.30pm and I by 10pm. I read and much to my surprise I fell asleep by 10:30pm. This is going good is it not?

It seems not. I awoke at 5am ready to get up as usual. Except I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I felt weary and heavy. Did I lay in and forego swimming? Of course I did not. I made myself get up, told myself not to be so lazy. "You'll feel better once you are up and moving. Splash cold water on your face." (oh where have I heard all this before?)

I take pills, deal with puppies, let them out to play, clean up after them, feed them. Let adults out. Sit and have coffee, knit some sock, wait for pills to make me feel better. They didn't. I did think about not swimming. I convinced myself that as I was up I might as well go and besides I'd wake up properly after the swim. I did swear to myself that I would only swim half of my usual amount.

I arrive at the pool, said my good mornings, changed and got into the pool. I started to swim. "See," I told myself, " you feel better already." My body let me kid myself for about 4 laps. I began to get slower. I conceded I should only do breast stroke. That should work.

My body thought otherwise and it pulled the plug on me. Yes. Finito. End of energy. No slow swimming. NO SWIMMING AT ALL. STOP NOW. I WILL NOT DO THIS. And you know what? It didn't do any more no matter what I said.

I was able to get out and change and come home without feeling guilty because I had done my best and really just couldn't do it. I had to post something so I got dressed and went and posted it. By the time I returned I was feeling ill, nauseous.

I ended up in bed and slept for two hours.

I am well aware as I write this how badly I have been treating myself. I am all too aware of old voices still calling the tune. Honestly, if I read this was how a child, or even an adult come to think of it, was being treated by someone else, I'd be angry. I'd call it bullying.

I had no idea that learning to take care of myself would be so hard. I had no idea that even when we think we have erased every last one of them, old tapes make themselves known.

For now, I think Wednesday will be my day off. Saturday too. I shall then see how I feel. I will try to remember that when I awake feeling hungover like a truck hit me, stop!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


On one of my lists, I blocked a person's email address because I found they pushed my buttons too often. I recently unblocked them thinking I was being childish and intolerant. I then had to block them again. I have since had many emails from others who all find that this person pushes the same buttons in them. They all used exactly the same words to describe them. So it isn't just me after all.

The puppies are really a joy at this age. they all like to lick me and they wag their tails furiously. They are developing their own personalities. Bridget is going to be sweet and wild. Carly is sweet but more dignified, Peter is a typical Apso snob and James is soppy. Phoebe is a right little madam, sure of herself and Dexy is going to be a mummy's boy hence he is the one I chose for the Cambridge University woman. Daniel is going to be a rough and tumble type of boy, independent of spirit but who will not be ignored.

The temperature has gone from 0c on Saturday to 10c yesterday and it looks as if today will be the same. Dry which is good.

It is amazing how many people I see when I go to the pool who believe that they are not vulnerable when they use a mobile phone and drive at the same time. Some of them are even driving a juggernaut one handed whilst they chat. Trouble is their belief in the invulnerability is likely to be shattered but by them killing others, not themselves. Our beliefs really do direct our lives.

Today's swim was less painful. I had taken my time release Tramadol and had slept better. I also took 1gm of Paracetamol (Tylenol) when I got up. However, it wasn't enough. I took 50mg of Tramadol (normal not time release) when i got out of the pool. So I know what i shall tomorrow morning, take the 50mg Tramadol before I swim.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Hitting Home



I went swimming this morning which found I physically difficult. It hurt. I fully expected to have a great deal of trouble when i got out but I didn't. It seems today the actual swimming was what hurt. I came home and determined that I would pick up dog do which |I have not been able to do because it has been frozen to the ground. I managed it but it was more difficult picking up loose wet do as it is now!

I also sat in front of my 10,000 lux light for 30 minutes. I had forgotten to do this recently and it is possibly why I have not been up to my usual good spirit.

I got a lovely surprise in that my dear friend Marilyn came to visit me and she brought me a beautiful bunch of Tulips. How she knew I liked Tulips I don't know. She didn't, it was just one of those gut things. I wish she could have stayed longer but I had to throw her out as my energy went and I need to go to bed. I did and slept for an hour and 15 minutes.

I will bath dogs later after I have killed my f***ing mobile which keeps telling me I have a text. It is downstairs and I am up here!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Seven Weeks

Daniel - to be sold.
Phoebe - sold.
Peter - show prospect.
Dexy- sold.
James - show prospect.
Carly - show prospect.
Bridget-show prospect.


Most of you are probably unaware of this young woman. She came to fame on one of the Big Brother series. Her fame increased when she was in a celebrity version of said show. She was accused (wrongly I feel) of racism. There was a Bollywood movie actress on with her and they got into an argument. Ms Goody called her Miss PopaDom. For this she was sacked, vilified in the press, and became Enemy No 1.

This was really all about class snobbery. Ms Goody came from a very humble background. What Americans would call 'white trash'. (No one pointed out how utterly condescending Ms Shilpa Shetty had been to ms Goody on the show. Nor the fact that Ms Goody had been referred to as White Trash)

During this, I was disgusted to witness a serious discussion with a panel of well respected journalists who ripped Ms Goody apart. They called her ugly, common, thick. They were appalling. One of them was Yasmin Alibhai-Brown and I was shocked and disgusted by her. I had up until then had great respect for her and her championing of the downtrodden and her anti racist stance. Yet she not only did not stop this offensive tirade against Ms Goody but was part of it.

Ms Jade Goody is 27 years old and has two children. She has just a couple of months left to live. She has terminal cancer. No, it it is not a publicity stunt. This is real. Facebook is playing host to some vile and vicious people who are actively wishing her death to be long and painful. They have even formed their own groups to cheer her suffering on.

This type of thing makes me want to abandon my own principles and do some damage. Instead, I try to become more aware of the light.

Saturday, February 14, 2009



First of all we went to Wisbech. I had to put a cheque in the bank and that is my nearest branch (10 miles away). We then went to Poundland which I love to do. Got household items we needed.
Visited a men's outfitters called Robert Goddard where I saw some lovely red cords not in my size and John saw a very handsome soft suede jacket not in his size. He bought a shirt and I bought nothing.
Later in W. H. Smith he bought mags and the daily paper whilst I bought the second issue of The Knitter. I have to say I am impressed with this magazine even though I declined to buy the first one. I really like the man's slip stitch jumper in this issue.


I didn't go swimming yesterday nor did I go today. I will probably go tomorrow.


As I had not been to the pool for two days, I thought I could manage to walk the dogs. Half way around the walk, I found I was very tired and not very able to move my legs. I had no choice of course but to continue on home. I think John,( no I know ), had a hard time not being too far ahead of me as I slowed to a snail's pace. I hope this was a just a blip and not the way things are now. I have just sat the rest of the day and am now going to bed, knackered.


I have completed the front piece of the garter stitch raglan sweater on the Brother 940 using the garter carriage. I am 20 rows away from the first decrease on the back piece. I am really pleased with this so far.

As for socks, I have knitted up to the gusset increases on one sock and am not far behind that on the second sock.

My Aran back is also now knitted up to the first decrease. This too is a raglan.


We are into the second series of The Tudors. This is excellent, truly. Trouble is they do show executions. Heads being chopped off I can cope with. Burning at the stake or boiling alive I cannot and I leave the room and block my ears until it's over. The guy playing Henry 8th is good looking, mean looking, sleazy looking and very sexy. Good casting I would say. The machinations between him and the Pope etc really shows how idiotic the question of religion and Xtianity is. Not only does the Emperor have no clothes, he never did!

Oh and last night we watched the latest MUMMY film. Greta fun. How come Brendan Frazer is so attractive when he isn't good looking? Nothing about his face fits, yet the whole package works very well.


I had a quiet word with the Almighty and She has promised me that I can have my own space in Her house, well away from the downstairs guests. Seems she hasn't much time for the loud-mouths either. Hates it when they speak for Her and claim to know Her mind. So She says they can jolly well stay put until they change their minds. Not a thing She can do unless they do. Whilst She waits, She has hinted that She'd like to learn the Andersson Heel. Oh, crumbs! KnitPicks or Addi's? Circulars or DPN's?


Could you imagine spending eternity with Swift and his ilk? I must be mistaken because I thought Jesus was a man of love and compassion yet followers such as Swift clearly think differently.

Of course he and the men who flew into the WTC are cut from the same cloth. May they enjoy eachother's company on the other side.

Fortunately for them, they will ALWAYS be able to change their minds and turn to the light but will suffer the consequences until such times as they do.

The Great Spirit does not punish them, they will punish themselves. So they think, so they will be. The Great Spirit never turns away and never bars the way. The light will always be there. It's up to you .


This comment which was left me last night, is such a good example of what I was talking about in HOW IT WORKS. Poor deluded man. I don't believe we should have anything but compassion for such a person in our best moments. Yet at the same time, we need to be vigilant and not accept the unacceptable. Have compassion but don't allow the dark it's way.
Meanwhile, I'd like to thank him for illustrating so well the darkness I was writing about and the affect such religious brainwashing has on the minds of people.

Rev. Donald Spitz

Of course you are too much of an anti-Christian bigot to publish this, but the truth is, most, if not all problems on the planet earth are from people like you, people who reject Jesus Christ. Our prisons are filled with people, like you, who reject Jesus Christ. Most, if not all; rapes, murders, robberies and thefts are committed by people, like you, who reject Jesus Christ. AIDS is mainly spread by people who reject Jesus Christ and have sex outside of marriage. Children AIDS get it from people who reject Jesus Christ.
I hope you will turn from your sins and receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and escape the fires of eternal hell. Turning from your sins and giving your life to Jesus Christ is the only way you can escape the fires of hell and receive everlasting life. If you persist in your sins and continue to turn your back on Jesus Christ, you will be lost forever.
SAY THIS PRAYER: Dear Jesus, I am a sinner and am headed to eternal hell because of my sins. I believe you died on the cross to take away my sins and to take me to heaven. Jesus, I ask you now to come into my heart and take away my sins and give me eternal life.

5:38 AM, February 14, 2009

Friday, February 13, 2009


To those who grew up healthily, were not abused and not subjected to a fundamentalist ideology, it can be very difficult to understand those of us who were. They do not understand the mind control techniques by abusers. Please understand that I include in the term abusers those who bring up their children in their religious ideology.

Lets take a look at the religious angle first. One is taught the religious beliefs of the parents or school or other adult sin power over the child. A child naturally believes the adults around him/her. The is power that adults have over children is well known and well abused. Heard the Jesuit saying: 'give me the child until he seven and I shall give you the man'?

Tell the child that if they are not good, not what we tell you to be, you will burn in Hell for eternity. Tell the child that to doubt is wicked in itself., Tell the child that to question is wicked. Tell the child that it is Satan who puts those doubts in their mind. tell the older child who presents scientific facts which refute the religious teachings that Satan planted the evidence in order to fool him or her and he or she will got to Hell! Tell the child that they are flawed, their thinking is wicked, they do not know their own mind, if they dare to question. Who are they to question the Holy See? The nun? The priest? The pastor? How wicked they must be.

Now the adult who abuses the child in a physical or emotional or sexual way uses precisely the same techniques. They will deny the child's memory, experience, feelings. They will tell the child that

1, it did not happen
2. if it did happen it was the child's fault
3. the child is wicked so deserved it
4. it was the child's fault that the adult lost control
5. the child wanted it
6. how dare the child dishonour their parent?
7. the child was imagining it
8. the child has no reason to feel bad
9. the child is deluded
10. the child's perceptions are inaccurate.

In both cases it is highly unlikely the child will grow up to be a healthy functioning adult. It is highly likely that they will grow up to follow the same religious ideology and continue the abuse. Unfortunately, some of the sexually abused will grow up to do the same. Many also continue the violence and emotional abuse. They know nothing different.

The person brought up in such a way lives in perpetual fear and self doubt. They do not trust themselves or their ability to think and reason. They do not trust their feelings. How can they? They have been taught not to. They have been taught they are flawed and wicked.

For those abused into a religious ideology, they can grow up hate filled and believe they are love filled. They can bomb abortion clinics, kill gays, stone adulteresses send planes into buildings, beat children senseless, kill children in the effort to exorcise demons. They can do all this in the name of Love because they have been corrupted. They have been brainwashed. they have been taught to think this way.

A victim of sexual and physical and emotional abuse can continue into adulthood still being abused. They choose partners and friends who abuse them. They don't see the abuse because all they see is that they are rightly being punished for being a wicked person. they spend their lives trying to be good and therefore stop the pain. if only they were good, if only they could get their act together, they would not be treated badly. it never occurs to them that they are not at fault and that the way those around them are treating them is wrong and not their fault.

If they dare to start to question their badness, to dare to suggest that their parents or family or others in control over them, were abusive, they will be subjected to further stronger abuse and denial.

It takes enormous strength and courage to escape this mind set. There is huge fear involved. Huge pain. Such that it could kill you or send you insane. I am proof that it can be achieved. There are others like me who managed to escape.

Still there are many others who do escape and still many othIi met at the Knitting fair who home schooled her children because she was a fundamentalist Xtian. My heart aches for her and my heart fears greatly for her poor children that she is abusing in the most wicked an insidious way and with the full sanction of the government.

Our government sanctions the abuse of children by allowing faith schools. The physical abuse of children is sanctioned by the law allowing the circumcision of babies and children. The barbaric mutilation of boys like this is so commonplace that we don't even see it as abuse! Yet when done to a girl, we do. One cannot compare pain or abuse. Abuse is abuse, there are no gradings!

The world we live in, the pain and suffering all around us is there because WE ALLOW IT. If we don't allow it, we cause it. WE PUT OUR IDEAS ABOVE THE HEALTH AND SAFETY OR OURSELVES AND OUR YOUNG.We pass on our fear and shame and guilt to out young. Above all we pass on the inability to see the pain and suffering and it's cause.

How can one believe people are evil? Is it not clear that the evil perpetrated by people is seen as good by them? And for those who commit evil acts, such as torture, or the physical punishment of children, do so because they are releasing their own pain? They have become twisted and corrupted by those who had control over them.

Actions and ideas can be evil and result in evil. Human beings are not.