Thursday, October 30, 2008


I had a terrible night last night with pain. That weird pain in by back right ribcage. Actually, it's round the front right as well. I hate it, I find it frightening because it feels like something is seriously wrong. It isn't. I have been having it on and off for too long. I'd be dead by now if it was bad.

I am fairly sure it is some sort of spasm. Why? Well, I drove from Calais to Charleois in fog. Slow and tense. The minute I layed down in my hotel bed, this pain hit me and I had to get up again. For some reason getting up stops it. Moving usually does.

I had only thought yesterday morning that I have not had this pain for some time!

Shameless is still on her honeymoon. Micah and Luque had 'words' again which took a while longer to stop. Since then they have been playful with each other. Micah did start to grumble at him and I just said is name in a warning tone and he looked at me and trotted off to his bed like a naughty child.

It is still very cold but lovely days. Very sunny. I have discovered just how good the new flat screen telly is. The sun shines right through the lounge window at this time of year and if one wants to watch telly during daylight hours, the curtains need to be shut. Not with this telly. The screen is unaffected by sunlight. It is set to 'eco' which means it adjusts itself according to the conditions. Amazing. I really like electronic gadgets.

The new bean to cup machine is working very well. Not one hiccup. I have been thru the cleaning process with it too. Also when one has to empty it, I knew str8 away it was a much better machine because it was not filthy inside with coffee grounds nor water. Fingers crossed! Lets hope I am saying the same in 12 months time.

I just finished watching Larkrise to Candleford, a BBC production of Flora Thompson's novel about her young life in the 1880's -90's. I did enjoy though it was rather idealised. It had a happy ending which I like even though I knew it was not likely!

I am trying to get thru to John that the graveyard is full of indispensable people. He is entitled to 6 weeks holiday a year and he doesn't take it because he says he can't which is daft. He wouldn't be allotted 6 weeks if they then made it impossible for him to take it. If we don't get week off together by early December, that will be it for many months because of the puppies. Apart from that, he needs the time off just to recharge.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Fear Patriotism


It has been very cold this last couple of days. Today it is -3c (27f). The dogs water bowl in the garden was frozen when I let them out. I am having a day off today-no swimming. I slept in. Mainly cos I went out to a meeting last night and therefore got to bed late.


No nightmares but weird dreams. In one, I was discussing the nature of God and life after death with Celine Dion! Two men were also there , as she was also in concert(!). Someone said the two men were gay and I responded 'don't be silly, they are brothers'. Then I said 'oh, yes, I have two gay brothers.' No Celine did nto divulge any deep spiritual secrets.

I also dreamt that the coffee machine need refilling with beans. John and I were doing this, he passing me the packets of 'value' beans from Tesco. As we looked at each one, they were the wrong kind of beans. They were edible beans not coffee beans.

I told you I dream weird.


I think patriotism is just as dangerous as fundamentalism or the attitude instilled my totalitarian states. I consider myself fortunate in that I grew up in several different countries and as a result do not feel patriotic or nationalist toward anywhere.

I find the pressure put on people's right to free speech and free thinking in the USA by the very very strong indoctrination they receive to be Patriotic, dangerous. Anyone who dares to disagree is immediately classed as 'unpatriotic' which seems to the Americans to be the worst possible thing. This is no different to the kind of pressure people live under in so called authoritarian states. And of course it is all mixed with Fundamentalist religion. Dissent is only for the very strong who can cope with the stigma of being labelled unpatriotic.

That Palin woman! Oh my. I do hope, without cause for I know that so many will believe her, that her accusation of 'Muslim' toward Obama is seen for the ridiculous nonsense it is. She has shown nothing but contempt for the people by this. (I might add here that so what anyway if he is. Isn't America so supposed to be a country where religion and state are separate? Yeah right.)
There are people who clearly think that this man, encouraged by the Fundies, Palin and McCain is some sort of envoy for Bin Ladin! Some even say he is Bin Ladin after plastic surgery!!!!!!

It seems to me that much of the USA people are in chains. The land of the free is not free at all. The demons of Patriotism and Fundamentalism keep the populace in chains.

(And yes of course I know not ALL Americans are so constrained. Some of my closest friends are American. ;-) )

Patriotism and Nationalism are ideas based upon 'separateness' and 'superiority', both being deleterious to the human race. Remember the Fascists? The Nazi's?

I see human beings as one and have never liked the separateness preached by patriotism and nationalism. I don't even like the idea of countries. I am a human being and this planet is my home. How dare anyone prevent me going where I damn well please? Or stop you from doing the same?

COMING UP NEXT (when I feel like it)

Why I believe that belief in Heaven and Hell is evil.

Monday, October 27, 2008



I had a good swim yesterday but today it was very hard. Don't know why. Normally the first few lengths are hard and then my muscles and bones seem to give and it goes smoothly. Today it did not. I hurt with every stroke. I still did the mile but I am was very glad when it was done.


I am up to shaping the raglan armhole on my Aran and expect to finish this first piece soon. I have just completed another pair of socks for my friend Heather, she of the poorly feet. I shall picture them before I let them go.


I am having a rough time with sleeping. I was out of bed and screaming again Saturday night. Even my naps are filled with anguished dreaming though I have no clue about what. Normaly I have good dream recall but not recently.


Shameless is off on her honeymoon. I fear I have jumped the gun with her and taken her too soon but the stud owner is obliging and doesn't care how long she stays there for.

Micah took 4th place at the show on Thursday. He is goign to be taken out of the ring for a year now. He needs time for his coat to mature. Apso tend not be mature until around 4-5 yrs and he just doesn't look that part right now at age 3.

Whitney took 1st and best Puppy In Breed. This was her 6th first and 3rd BPIB.

Micah and Luque have had 3 scraps now! Bastards that they are. Mind you they understand I am top dog so stop when I yell and then spend a few minutes moaning to each other and then they each skulk off to their side of the room! Men!

Sunday, October 26, 2008


The shirt I bought from a designer in Mannheim. We were just wandering and came across her shop. She had loads I really like but I just bought this one and another which I will show off at another time. The jacket was a £300 one on sale for £75. Just my size, lovely soft suede. The boots are Dr Martens. The gloves are Marks and Spencer. The trousers are Chinos that I dyed myself.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Micah and Me

This was taken at Sunday's show. The jeans are a pair I dyed myself. The boots are D.M.'s and the gloves I found at M & S. The waistcoat and bow I have made for me by Jan of Waistcoats Unlimited. You can't really see it here but it has bright coloured parrots all over it.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Floor..... not a good place to sleep! I was really sick last night, don't know why. I went to the bathroom and hung my head over the loo. The next thing I knew, I awoke laid out on the floor, in great pain but with the nausea gone. Thank goodness, I hate feeling sick. I managed to get myself up and into bed without waking John though I had to move Nechung to had taken the opportunity to move over to my side and my pillow!

John is off all week and we will be sorting out more of my stuff. My mags on Ebay have gone well, all sold. We will tackle my machine accessories this week. More mags will go on Ebay and eventually yarn and knitting tools etc

Shameless will be going on honeymoon this week, Friday probably. Micah and Luque will not be best pleased! So far they are being very good but then Shameless is not at the ripe stage yet and will be gone by the time she is, I hope.

I had a dog show yesterday but the least said about that the better. I have another on Thursday. Hopefully that will be better.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I Am Dyeing

With many thanks to Beverley of Two Fish Knitting, I now have the trousers I wanted! I have been looking all over for coloured trousers. When we have been away abroad, here and trawling the net. No luck. Then Beverley told me about Dylon dyes.Quite why such a simple idea had not occurred to me, one can but wonder. I went to my local Woolies and low and behold, they sell them. What is more, one just chucks the trousers and the dye in the washing machine and VOLIA! one new pair of coloured trousers. I have a pair being dyed Orange right now.

Not So Fun

I ordered a Blu Ray player for delivery tomorrow morning(paid for). I had a hunch and I called them 40 minutes ago to be told 'your payment didn't go thru'. Bollocks! It went thru fine and they know it. However, now they won't deliver until Monday. Funny how my payment suddenly went thru isn't it? Initially I told them to forget it but I am not daft. the cost was very much cheaper than anywhere else. If it hadn't been I'd definitely have told them to stuff it. I do so hate bad service and I hate even more being held over a barrel. Still, the saving is large-over £80($150).

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


It seems I need to point out that my British Gas rant was written in a jocular mood and was meant to raise a laugh not concern for my blood pressure!

Please, those of you who missed that, ask your nearest and dearest to get you a SOH for Xmas!

Thanks Carol!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Sod's Law

I did a good swim yesterday and today. After we went to the shops, I felt like the plug had been pulled. I went to bed but have awoken feeling just as drained. Perhaps it is just the beginning of a flare, the result of my flu jab, or I am coming down with something. I'll soon find out!

My Tabitha is going to live with a friend of mine as a pampered pet. I am bitterly disappointed. She has a slipping knee cap (otherwise known as a medial patella luxation). It is mild and will not harm her but it is not something one wants to have in one's breeding stock. I am very much against breeding from dogs with know hereditary defects. It would of course have to happen to the best I have yet bred. I don't know why it appeared. I know my dogs are all clear and so are the 4 generations on both sides of my dogs. Trouble is one cannot know about all of the dogs behind those one doesn't own, one is always working at least partly in the dark.

Oh, and our weather has been in the low 70s(22c) for the last week....

Saturday, October 11, 2008

I've Made It!

I'm a bone fide STAR now! How do I know that?

I am getting HATE mail! Only really BIG stars get hate mail. I feel like I won an Oscar. I can feel a speech coming on. Modesty prevents me writing it out.

Of course the senders remain anonymous. Funny how cowardice and hatred and lack of intelligence go together. Don't these poor souls realise that spewing out hatred is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer the consequences?

Still, being considered a big enough star to warrant such attention does my huge ego good so keep them coming. Perhaps I'll even publish them if anyone has the guts to identify themselves.

I must stop now, my halo needs polishing and I have all those adoring fans to satisfy.....


I left this company 3 years ago. I have been plagued by phone calls from them. As many as 6 a day for 5 weeks running. Then it stopped and has started again. Over the last three years I have had hundreds of calls from them. I am not a customer, I do not want to be customer, I never will be a customer. I detest them. They are expensive. They are useless and they do not understand NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

I even had my phone number put on one of those lists that is supposed to stop these damn calls. All to no avail.

To top it all, British 'f*cking' Telecom have started doing the same thing and it was them I complained to about BG! Now they are trying to sell me their BT Vision tv service. As if I can't read!!! My Yahoo is full of bloody ads for it. I DON'T WANT THE F*CKING SERVICE. F*CK OFF AND STOP CALLING ME.

Now today I have had several calls from the Co Op renowned for being the UK's most ethical company! Since when is it ethical to pester people by phone? I got my car insurance renewal by post last week. It doesn't need to be renewed yet, not until the 1st of November. I DO NOT NEED UMPTEEN PHONE CALLS FROM SOME IDIOT REMINDING ME OR TELLING ME HOW SUPER THEY ARE! I now will search for a better deal elsewhere just because they have really pissed me off.

What gives these people the right to pester me, or you, with phone calls? Where have people's manners gone? Do they even know what manners are? It is bad enough that I fill a truck load of crap post every fortnight to go off for recycling. None of it read or even looked at. Str8 in the recycling bin. WE NEED THOSE TREES YOU F*CKING MORONS!!!! We need to BREATH!!!! The planet is in HUGE trouble. LEAVE THE DAMN TREES ALONE. I don't want to know how special your frigging service is, nor how eco friendly your tampons are. They are not eco friendly if you had to destroy a whole forest so you could tell me how wonderfully eco friendly your tampons are. I DO NOT USE tampons! Though if you come near me I am sure I could find a use for a box or two of them.

And while I am at it, I not yet over 50, I have not got a small dick, I do not want enormous breasts, I have no trouble getting it up though who has the time between answering the f*cking phone and filling the recycling bin and deleting spam! I do not wish to make some woman orgasm till she faints. Urgh! Your marketing leaves much to be desired. And I don't care one jot that some pill or potion will make me the best lover in the whole world. Or make my dick grow huge. What good would that do me? Where would I put it? I have trouble
enough pPacking away the one I have thank you very much. The damn thing is always getting in the way when I am driving, or sitting, or if I cross my legs carelessly. Any bigger and I wouldn't be able to move at all for fear of injuring myself. And trying to pee in the morning I would surely miss my house completely, let alone my loo.(Yes, you try aiming for a pee when it is sticking str8 up!).

The only thing I need saving from are those arrogant pratts who knock on my door. You know the ones. They are incredibly polite speaking(though it doesn't occur to them how rude it is to disturb you in the first place and then tell you how you will rot in hell. Now THAT IS RUDE to say the least). They wear little badges with their names on (in case they forget) and telling me they are from the Church of Latter Day Saints. MORONS in others words.

The there are the Jehovah's Witnesses who proudly proclaim they are God's chosen ones and everyone else is wicked and wrong but out of the goodness of their hearts they are disturbing my morning poo to offer me salvation!!! The last one had a child with her and made the child offer the stuff for the recycling bin! Had I not been desperate to finish what I had started in the loo, I'd have screamed something about child abuse at her. Another Moron!

Oh and does it end there? No. I have a sign on my front door. NO SALES PEOPLE, NO CHARITIES, NO RELIGIOUS WANKERS (Oh okay it says 'hawkers'.) Who knew there were so many JW's, Fundies, Mormons, and sales people, that are illiterate? Ah, it all makes sense now. At least as far as the religious hawkers are concerned. They can't read which goes some way to explaining their gullibility. Anyway, the quickest way to get rid of them is to invite the smart young men in to see if they can cure me of my homosexuality. It works. Every time. The Fundies and the JoHo's are gotten rid of quick smart by me explaining that I talk with the dead.

The last guy who tried to sell me gas and electricity, told me he wasn't selling. He was just concerned for my well being and wanted to make sure I was getting the best deal! Now, where did I put that box of tampons?

Then of course there are the charities. Wanting any old clothes or books or metal or cars or washing machines or.... the list is endless. And the printed matter from them says in very small print that they are not a charity despite the fact the big picture on the front shows a starving child.

I do hope you realise that normally I am a mild, not easy to rile, kind man who has just been driven to the point of wishing to nuke the bastards.

(If you are a Mormon, a JW or BA Fundie or a sales person or a telesales person, I can only hope I have offended you. If you are one of the first three, the religious lot, beware you are not de flocked just for reading me, assuming you could. Sorry for the lack of pictures.)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Oh B*llocks!!!!

I know I owe email responses to people. I am not ignoring you. I just feel like s**t right now. My swim went badly thru weakness and pain, John is not here and I just received bad news regarding one of my dogs which means she is not breedable nor showable and I am bitterly disappointed.So I don't much feel like writing back to anyone for now.
I'll bounce back soon enough . Right now all I want is a fag and some chocolate. I won't have either of course, even more reason to feel sorry for myself!

Dear Anonymous

"regardless of how much this person irritated you it is extremely poor taste to post private emails like that online.
note to self: never email colin, you never know where it may end up."

The above was left by an anonymous poster. I did publish it under the post OUCH!

I have a few things to say.

Firstly, I did consider whether or not to write that post . Clealry I decided I would. I made sure the writer was not identified. It is still possible I made the wrong choice.

Having said that, the person who wrote the comment shows a lack of courage and integrity in choosing to snipe anonymously. It seems to me they can hardly expect others to heed their call to behave in the way they think is better when they themselves show such a lack of integrity.

I now err on the side of having decided to post it if for no other reason than it will make people think twice before they send off emails that are mean of spirit, as Anonymous points out.

Thursday, October 09, 2008


I just had a phone call from John to say he is not coming home until Sunday because of some do at work.

I am really p'd off. It took ages to convince him to have his flu jab which is booked for Saturday morning. Of course, he won't be here. John has COPD and just refuses to face facts. At least he takes antibiotics when he needs to. We had terrible rows last year because he kept ignoring me telling him he needed them. Eventually I refused to drive him to the station unless he went to the Dr. The Dr told him str8 I was right and he needed to take the pills. I still had to nag him this time. He thinks coughing up gunge means his lungs are clearing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I have done all I can do.

I just hope his will is in order!


I think these are my favourites. Very pleased indeed with these. I relied on the salesman, also named Colin, to describe them to me. I am glad I trusted him.

Magazines on Ebay

I am selling some old Interweave Knits, Simply Knitting and Knit Today on Ebay.

My handle is carlypersian.

You can search by that or click on link below (a listing) and then click on 'view sellers other items' on left hand side of page.

a listing


Knitted in Regia Galaxy col: 1554, 75% superwash wool and 25% nylon. I used Hiya Hiya 2mm needles, one circular needle for each sock, knitted alternately so both finished at the same time, more or less. These are knitted toe up.
Again I used my own heel, Andersson Heel Mach 2.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

All Change


I do our banking everyday on the net. I check all accounts. It is just as well I do. Today there were 7 payments made using one of the credit cards that were not made by us. What annoys me the most about this is that they were not flagged as suspicious by the card company. All were made on the same day and all to pay- as -you- go mobile phones. Also, I have only used this card online so that means someone I have paid is not secure.


I am experimenting with different times for my swim. I already go later on Monday as I take John to the train so can't go my normal time. I also go late on Friday. I have now realised I can go later on the other days too (except weekends) so am going to see how this works out for me. It means I don't have to get up at 5.30am. I like to get up early but it means having to be asleep by 10.30pm which is difficult because of John's hours. He always phones when he gets in. Anyway, this way might mean I get better sleep. On the other hand, as the later swims are lunch time or afternoon, it may well prove impractical.


Okay so I knitted two sleeves of a cashmere sweater and am on the body now. By machine. I was sitting last night knitting my sock and I suddenly thought about the two sleeves I have knit and realised I made a boo boo. A real boo boo! I have knit the sleeve head the exact same depth as the body armhole, instead of 10cm less. No matter how long I have been knitting, I still make idiotic mistakes. At least I realised this before I got to sewing up stage. I now have to frog and start over with the correct calculations!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Magimix Robot Cafe

Our second bean to cup machine. Bought from Amazon. Over £300.

Much to our relief it worked fine - for a few days. Then it started to go wrong. We sent it back to get fixed and it came back fixed.

It worked! For a short while. Then it got temperamental again and like the Gaggia, refused to make coffee unless it was in the mood to do so.

It was badly designed and very difficult to clean.

Then it stopped working all together.All flashing lights. I read a review on Amazon from a customer with the same problems and Magimaix charged him £80 each time it was fixed.

We dumped it in the tip.

We now have a new machine. A DeLonghi. Recommended by the Good Housekeeping Institute. So far so good-not a single blip and excellent coffee. Lets see what the future holds. If this machine is also crap, that will be it. We will stick to the stove percolator.


I adore coffee. Real coffee. Decaf or or not. It is my one real luxury in life. So I bought a bean to cup coffee machine.

I bought it from I sent it back and it was exchanged. It didn't want to make coffee and frequently just chucked the dry ground coffee into the tray and didn't make a coffee.

The replacement machine did the same thing! So I persevered with it and after making adjustments, it made coffee most of the time. However, it still made a lot of mess. Then the frequency with which it refused to make coffee increased. I phoned Gaggia as it was still under guarantee. They would repair it but I had to foot the bill for the courier service! I was not happy with that at all. I decided to persevere as I was not willing to pay this. I think it ought to be free since it wa shteir shoddy workmanship/design that was at fault.

The next thing that happened is that as soon as the machiens was switched on, it strarted to drip water from the frothing spout. The frothing spout, btw, never did froth!

Okay, so I made sure the spout was over the drip tray when making coffee.

Then the leak spread and was coming out all under the machine. I eventually stopped using it. John said it was not worth sending off as this was the second machine and was worse than the first.

It cost £450 and went to the tip.

Monday, October 06, 2008


I have had a number of emails from someone I thought was nice and with whom I had a fair bit in common. However, if I did not respond immediately I was sent another email full of passive aggressive reproach. I understood where they were coming from so tolerated them(the reproachful emails) as I felt I understood the need behind them and sent reassuring replies. However, this morning I sent this reply:
I am beginning to get annoyed by your emails. I don't like being pestered for a response, especially when you do not shown me the courtesy of replying to my emails. I sent you a long email answering your questions about about my health issues and have yet to hear back from you on that email.

I told you I would let you know, and I do keep my word. You need to relax, and give me time okay? I have told you before, you do not need to worry that I don't like you or that you have upset me other than with these emails suggesting I am ignoring you. If I don't want to hear from you I will let you know. I do understand where you are coming from but I cannot keep reassuring you. You are a good person.

You can email me about anything you like but do not keep up with the 'reminder' emails.


I just got the following in response to it:

OMG!!! First of all, I was not trying to "PESTER" you as you called it. It seemed to me, that every time that I sent you a post with a question in the post, you would either just not respond, or you would say that you never received my post. Since I have read others complain about post ending up in their spam folders, I thought that maybe that was what was happening to my post to you, that just maybe, my post were going to your spam folder, and you were in fact not getting them. So, just to clear up your first accusation to me, (me pestering you) that was the only reason that I sent another post, it was never my intention to "Pester" you.
Second: As for your sending me a "long e-mail about all your health issues" I have never received such e-mail. I did however received 1 e-mail where you made a very short comment about having arthritis, and I did respond to that post, telling you that I had RA and Osteo Arthritis, as well as irritable bowel syndrome, and actuate MS, that I was given two years but that I had proven the head of Duke University Neuro Department, the same Dr. who had operated on Senator Kennedy just recently wrong. I went on to say that I had always joked about how this Dr. did not know what he was talking about, (in saying that I only had about two years to live) but that now I was eating my words, because it was very unlikely that Senator Kennedy or his family would have let anyone but the very best operate on his brain. Any of this ring any bells with you?
You know what, it does not matter if you remember this or not, because I am done. You have sat at your computer and typed a letter to me that I not only find offensive, but down right rude. I don't need your condescending attitude. And as to your claim that you have tried to reassure me that "I am a good person" and that I need to relax! my only concern was that I did not want you to think that I was just being nosy by asking you about your health problems. I was worried that you might take offense to my asking, but the only reason that I did ask such personal questions (and those being what were your health issues) were because of the statements that you made on your blog. Had you not go on so about your health problems, I would have not ask,and furthermore, I only ask because unlike you, I am a caring person, who is not so wrapped up in myself that I can not try to help anyone else.
I do not need, and have never needed you, to "reassure" me that I am a good person, but if this letter to me is any indication of how you "reassure people" maybe you might want to just stop "reassuring" as it's very unbecoming.
Please, do not ever concern yourself with my problems, or my wanting to buy any of your knitting needles ever again. And you might also like to know, that Addie is coming out with a set of circular knitting needles in a case sizes 4 to I think 15, I may be wrong about that size 15, but I do know that they will start at size 4, all in a case for around 150.00. I have already ask my LYS to hold a set of these aside for me when they come in. So my only reason for wanting to buy any of your needles would have been to supplement needles that I felt I wanted more than 1 set of.
Colin, you have hurt me deeply, I only wanted to offer a hand to someone who I felt needed a friend, I know all to well, how hard it is when you don't have blood pouring out your head or some other horrible sight that shows people how sick you really are, so because of this, people act like they don't really think that you are as sick as you really are, I thought that because I am in the same situation, that I could offer you my hand in friendship as one who could understand, and also someone who has also been through a horrible childhood myself. But you have acted like someone who is sitting on a throne in judgment of others and acting like it is your right to bestow your kindness to them at your discretion.
While it is true that according to the looks of your work, it looks as though you are a amazing knitter, and that your work is above reproach, but maybe all the praise that you have received has gone to your head, and has now made you think that you are above good manners and kindness. I feel as though you have treated me like I am some sort of crazed groupie, like I am someone who is stalking you because of your greatness, what a laugh, but I will tell you this, I had in fact bragged about you to all the ladies that hang out at my LYS. I had told them all about this nice young man who I had meet on line who lived in England who could knit better than anyone I had ever meet, and that his socks were just to die for. And their response? Their response was for me to just be very careful because all is not as it seems when talking to someone on line, and although I did know that what they were saying to be true, I just felt that you were someone who needed a friend, and I got all that feeling, from what you posted in your blog, but I am in no means some kind of a groupie, and I resent you acting as though I were.
You know, I felt like my luck had finally turned around this past week, while I have a wonderful family, my children are wonderful, my other half is truly my sole mate, and I have good friends who have always been there for me and always cared for me, my financial life has been some what of a hardship, and my other half and I have had to struggle for these past two and a half years due to a nasty insurance company trying to cheat me out of my disability claim. So when I opened my mail box last Monday, and discovered that they had in fact restored my payments and that I could now afford to buy not everything and anything that I wanted to, but that I could afford to buy a few things every now and then that were only for self gratification, that my luck had finally changed. That was my only reason for writing the first e-mail to you, the one with all the sizes that showed US sizes to mm sizes. You had made it sound like in your last reply to me as though it was such a burden on you to have to find the different sizes from US to mm, so I thought that I was helping you by sending you all the sizes, that was all that I was trying to do, to make it easier on you.
So as I said, I am done, you do not need to reply any more to me, and neither will I reply to you. I do wish you a good life, and as many days of good health as you can have, and I only hope that just maybe the next person that extends a hand in friendship to you that you are not so eager to bite that hand off, and because stress causing me undo extra pain, and this confrontation has now caused me a great deal of compounded stress, I am ending this and any future conversation with you.

Maybe I need to learn when to ignore an emailer but I try to be accommodating as far as I can. Perhaps I also need to keep what may or may not be accurate insight to myself!

Soenke Socks

Knitted using a yarn generic to Globus, a German supermarket. It is 75% superwash wool 25% nylon. I used 2mm KnitPicks 60cm circular, knitting both simultaneously. The design is my own. The name is German and is pronounced Zern-ka.
The heel is the Andersson Heel Mach 2.
They were knitted toe up.
The back of the leg.
The side of the foot showing sole and top and gusset.



Went as usual this morning and I couldn't do it. I felt as my energy plug had been pulled. I swam 18 laps thinking I would perk up but it became harder and harder. Not pain, just weak.


What a dreadful woman. I watched part of the 'debate' where she said nothing but buttered up the 'common folk'. The she shows us the meanness in her by accusing Obama of being friends with a terrorist. Does she really think Americans are that stupid? She clearly lacks respect for others and seems to lack intelligence judging from her so called religious beliefs. Yet another who 'talks the talk' but fails to 'walk the walk'.


Yesterdays show was hopeless. I have no idea what the judge thought he was doing. Micah was 3rd which on the surface seems good. Not if you had seen the whole judging. I'd rather not have been placed at all. In Whitney's class, he was placing the 5th and final b and he was down one end of the ring and pointed to a gentleman who looks nothing like me and whose bitch was a completely different colour to mined. The man went to move into 5th place when the judge suddenly said 'oh not you, I mean him' and came right over to my side of the ring, pointing to me. I was busy trying to get out of the ring but knew at that point I could not pretend to have not heard him.


As I have written many times recently, my life is really going well. I am happy. John and I are happy as a couple. We are are financially stable. I am am doing what I want to do. I have friends.
Yet for reasons I can't fathom, I have plagued my fear. It comes on suddenly. Yesterday was one of those times. I had a good day at the show, saw friends I like and I was with my dogs. Just my cup of tea. Came home, had a nap and awoke feeling the fear and dread I used to feel all the time when I was a child. I'd wake every day, week in week out, month after month, year after year, feeling intense fear. I learned to ignore it. I had reason to feel afraid then. Something bad always happened. Today things are very different yet I still feel the same feeling though not on a daily basis. Now though I find it hard to ignore the fear. It is intense. I sometimes feel like I will collapse with it. Is this just habit? Is it that I was in fear for so long, I can't just le tit go? Or is it that now I am acutely aware that life is fragile? Not just my life but the lives of those I love. Is it that now I am enjoying life, as opposed the enduring it, I am aware of what I have? Is the certain knowledge, that despite my battle to survive thus far, I know that ultimately I will not survive? That like everyone else, my body will cease to work and I will die? Could that be it? Even though I know that your personality and mine will never cease to be? That what we call death is but an horizon we mostly can't see beyond but do exist beyond.

I don't know if this is the source of my fear or not. I know when I feel it, I feel no different to when I was a child except I am today far more aware. And my fear has a tendency to focus upon my health.

Friday, October 03, 2008


Me and the 3 of my dogs in Hartlepool when we went to collect Luque last saturday. You can see the North Sea , on the east coast of UK, behind me.
Hartlepool is where a chimp was hanged because it was thught to be an enemy soldier. This was some time ago!

All plumbers/heating engineers ought to be shot! I am f***ing freezing and hurting like hell as a result. No heating. The guy came Wednesday and said he'd back Thursday with required part(new timer). No show. When I called it was obvious he has forgotten but he said they didn't have the part. He is coming this evening. If he had told me all I needed was a damn timer I could have got it myself and fitted it. What make sit worse, is that this guy is a friend of friends and knows about my condition so it isn't as if he doesn't know I need heat. Thank goodness for the silk draws. Am wearing both sets, with the cotton thermals on top and then my pj bottms and a hight shirt and gloves and I am still cold.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Poop Scoop Anyone?


Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Thank Goodness For Silk Underwear


No I have not become a cross dresser. I went and bought silk longhohn's and silk long sleeved vests. I ordered them over the 'Net and thank goodness that was the way I bought them because had I seen them first I would not have bought them.

They are very thin, so thin I thought they wouldn't keep a mannequin warm. I was wrong. They keep me comfortable and because they are so thin, do not add bulk to my fine physique.

So why the title of this post? My heating and hot water have gone bye bye. I was bathing Tabitha after having done Micah and had the hot water on whilst I was drying Micah, ready for Tabitha. Well, whilst doing Tabitha, I noted the water was lukewarm. I went to check I had indeed put the water on and that is when I saw the timer was not on. I reset it and it just went off again. It has died.

So now you see why I am glad to have my silk underwear.


Is still here and I think he will stay now too. I am in such a quandary about him. It seems I must listen to my gut and not let him go. For now anyway. I may just be being sentimental. I just can't see the wood for the trees right now. I need more time to think this through. Usually, what will happen with such decisions is that I shall awake one morning and know what to do. I also think that the delay from the Hearing Dogs is a big hint. Normally, he would have gone by now, no delay.

Down In The Mouth

I manage very well with my problems and rarely do I let it get me down or do I even take any notice of it which sometimes leads to me overdoing it of course, or planning trips that are too much for me to do.

This last few days I have had a very sore mouth and finally went to the Dr. I have an infection. I now have a mouthwash and it will pass. Yet I feel so miserable I could cry! Just cos my mouth is sore. Yet my hips and legs can feel like they are on fire, or I can't get out of bed, and I ignore it! A simple mouth infection and I feel like I am dying.


I have never been comfortable with the word disabled to describe me. I think handicapped is a much more appropriate word. My Danish friend uses it ans does my American friend in Germany. You never hear the word here in Britain.

I think handicapped is much more appropriate because I am not disabled. I can do stuff able bodied people can, mostly. I am just much slower or it is painful, but I am not incapable. I also can't do it for long. I need to rest a lot. I see handicapped as being like a golf handicap. I can do what I want and what you can do, just I have the handicap of having to deal with pain and or lack of coordination and ease of mobility.


I may only have the seven mags on Ebay but just doing that has made me feel better and like I am doing something. I am sorting out the needles and must take pictures of the other mags too and post them on Ebay.


Luque has settled in well. Micah is still here too. They are getting on okay. There has been a delay with Micah going tot he Hearing Dogs charity and it is bothering me greatly. I keep thinking I ought to change my mind but I don't feel that would be right for him or for me.


The new washing machine is installed. I have used it to wash and hot tumble dry my cashmere and the results are the same as with the other machine. A nicely fluffed up fibre with no shrinkage beyond the first amount taken into account. It has not felted.