Tuesday, January 31, 2012

USA NOT A XIAN COUNTRY(and wasn't supposed to be!)

"Thomas Paine was a pamphleteer whose manifestos encouraged the faltering spirits of the country and aided materially in winning the war of Independence: 
I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of...Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and for my own part, I disbelieve them all." 
The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine, pp. 8,9 (Republished 1984, Prometheus Books, Buffalo, NY)"

"John Adams, the country's second president, was drawn to the study of law but faced pressure from his father to become a clergyman. He wrote that he found among the lawyers 'noble and gallant achievments" but among the clergy, the "pretended sanctity of some absolute dunces". Late in life he wrote: "Twenty times in the course of my late reading, have I been upon the point of breaking out, "This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!"

It was during Adam's administration that the Senate ratified the Treaty of Peace and Friendship, which states in Article XI that "the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion." 
The Character of John Adams by Peter Shaw, pp. 17 (1976, North Carolina Press, Chapel Hill, NC) Quoting a letter by JA to Charles Cushing Oct 19, 1756, and John Adams, A Biography in his Own Words, edited by James Peabody, p. 403 (1973, Newsweek, New York NY) Quoting letter by JA to Jefferson April 19, 1817, and in reference to the treaty, Thomas Jefferson, Passionate Pilgrim by Alf Mapp Jr., pp. 311 (1991, Madison Books, Lanham, MD) quoting letter by TJ to Dr. Benjamin Waterhouse, June, 1814."

"Thomas Jefferson, third president and author of the Declaration of Independence, said:"I trust that there is not a young man now living in the United States who will not die a Unitarian." He referred to the Revelation of St. John as "the ravings of a maniac" and wrote: 
The Christian priesthood, finding the doctrines of Christ levelled to every understanding and too plain to need explanation, saw, in the mysticisms of Plato, materials with which they might build up an artificial system which might, from its indistinctness, admit everlasting controversy, give employment for their order, and introduce it to profit, power, and pre-eminence. The doctrines which flowed from the lips of Jesus himself are within the comprehension of a child; but thousands of volumes have not yet explained the Platonisms engrafted on them: and for this obvious reason that nonsense can never be explained." 
Thomas Jefferson, an Intimate History by Fawn M. Brodie, p. 453 (1974, W.W) Norton and Co. Inc. New York, NY) Quoting a letter by TJ to Alexander Smyth Jan 17, 1825, and Thomas Jefferson, Passionate Pilgrim by Alf Mapp Jr., pp. 246 (1991, Madison Books, Lanham, MD) quoting letter by TJ to John Adams, July 5, 1814."

Saturday, January 28, 2012


There is a lot on controversy going on here because the CEO of RBS (an 82% state owned bank since the 'crash') was awarded a million pound bonus on to of his 1.2 million a year. He has now decided not to take it.

I don't think this has anything to do with morality but much to do with jealousy! People are jealous of his success and money, they are not morally outraged, they just fool themselves they are.

If I employed a man or woman and their work stopped me losing money and GAINED me 2 BILLION, I would expect a decent person to be morally outraged if I only rewarded him with a 1.2 million salary and a 1 million bonus!

Now what I DO object to is the fact the USA govt and UK govt bailed the failing banks out. I especially wish that people would remember that it was a RIGHT WING US govt that bailed out the USA banks.

I find it astonishing that less fuss was made about that by the American people than they do at the 'evil' of healthcare for all! Oh, yes, we will pay billions to stop a bank failing, and keep the rich rich, and making them richer, but NO, fuck you, die if you can't afford health care. Yes, we will have socialised military, agriculture, education but healthcare? Are you insane? Um, yes i suppose I am by your terms!

Most people wrongly assume I am a lefty. It would be wrong to assume I am a righty. I am neither.

What gets me about the 'small government' people, is that they say they do not want, and rightly so, a government directing their lives. Yet they want to control the lives of OTHERS! They want to control people's sexual behaviour, they do not want ALL to have the same rights, they do not want women to have control of their own bodies. I think their belief in 'small government' is bulldust.

What about the idea that helping out the poor, the unemployed, the sick etc be left to charity. 


This will mean that people will be more controlled that by a government that cares for it's people REGARDLESS.

Oh no. Charities will refuse to help people they do not approve of. And YOU may think it would not affect you because YOU are not a 'minority' but you can bet your life that the day will come when  YOU will not be approved of and if you end up in the shit, you will be denied care, compassion, help because YOU will not be approved of because if left to charity, the basis upon which people will be helped will be completely arbitrary.

It is morally reprehensible to allow people to suffer and die, to be homeless, jobless, and sick and not help them.

We live in a capitalist system and part of it will always be that there will be unemployment and the underprivileged, and the old, the sick, the disabled. AND those of lower mental capacity.

This is the BIG lie that people have swallowed: that we each can through our own endeavour become rich. That is NOT true. It assumes we all have an IQ high enough, have good health, and have talent enough in the RIGHT thing that will bring riches to us. 

We also shamefully look down upon those people in low paid job doing work we look down upon yet these people ALLOW us to live the way we do! Bin-men, sewage workers, road workers etc are all vital to our way of life. 

I think that we need to take care of our fellows. there are those whose attitude to the sick, the mentally challenged, the disabled etc is 'tough , we don't don't owe them anything'. I  can't say anything to that except that mankind does NOT need such people.

NONE of us exists in a vacuum. We all exist with the help of others. Had human beings not become altruistic, I would not be writing this and you would not be reading this. We would not exist.

We all have a right to be who we are. WE have a right to live without a government telling us who we can be or what we should think. We have the right to be as free as is possible. (Total freedom is not possible-anrachy will destroy us all-the more freedom the less security. It is a balancing act.) Government has NO right to dictate to people how they live with Each other, how they raise families, who they marry etc.

It is right that we, the people, care for the people, and that we therefore allow Government to provide, with our money, healthcare, education, security. Laws to stop the strong destroying the weak.

We must find a way of stopping individuals elected to govern us becoming powerful and controlling. They must ALWAYS be reminded they are OUR servants, we are not theirs. We need make sure ORDINARY people make up the majority of government. Being governed by people who are most rich is clearly not working! Nor will it ever. Likewise, we can't be governed those who think we should all be the same and that no one be rewarded for excellence.

I am fully aware that my thoughts are just that. i am not smart enough to organize a raffle let alone a government! I am smart enough to know right from wrong and it is simply wrong that we do not care for our fellows and that we try an control who people are.

Thursday, January 26, 2012


Well I didn't 'get away' with anything. Can barely move this morning and my legs feel pulled taught. I knew last night I wasn't getting up to swimming because I could just feel the 'being run over by a lorry' feeling was coming on. 

This does NOT mean I will abandon the new exercise. I 
will do it some more but if this continues to be a problem, I'll stop. It's a no impact exercise -crosstrainer- so it ought to be okay but that rather begs the question why am I so bad today if it's going to be okay? Well, it could just be that my muscles hurt cos they have been doing what they are not used to? Or the crosstrainer movement is bad for me. I only feel tired after a swim, not in pain even if the swim was painful. The crosstrainer got my heart going though-clearly as I was drenched when finished!

Good news is I weighed myself and am 4lbs lighter so I am getting closer to losing all the weight I gained over the year or so of not being able to exercise to my usual level. At least. when I think about it, the weight gain over almost two years was not bad at all. I lost over 100lb in 2005 or thereabouts and I have kept all but 14 off. Now I have lost 7 of those again. That is one of the major pains about my condition-I put on weight very easily, have to be rigid about what I eat AND get enough exercise. This is why I get so grumpy about not exercising. It's also why, no matter how crap my day has been, if I have swum, I feel it was a good day.

My boys Chase and Christophe are 10 weeks and 1 day. They are both very good, super movers but completely different from each other in type. 

I prefer Chase as he looks more Apso to me (and to John). That and he is very affectionate and clever. He gives both his paws now and is so pleased with himself he gives them as soon as I look at him!

Christophe is higher on the leg, more athletically built, not much different in head. He is striking when he moves and appears to have a longer neck BUT his coat lays flat whereas Chase's coat is thick and stands out. Christophe might be what I complain about-a super moving well built hairy dog with a passing resemblance to a Lhasa Apso that a lot of judges will fall for. The only way I am going to know is to run both on until grown.

I have done little knitting recently. STILL working on the same socks and same sweaters as I was weeks ago! I have done a fair bit of dyeing though and I have sold well. Maybe because I remembered to advertise!

It's miserable and wet and cold again. Yes, I live in England but one can always hope! I would prefer much colder but dry.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


Sunday, January 22, 2012


We had a lovely day out at the Queensgate Mall. The first thing that caught my eye as the lift door opened onto the first floor of John Lewis was a brightly embroidered bedspread which i immediately bought as a throw for my armchair. It was one of those 'instant just the thing' things. I also bought a pair of closed Bower & Wilkinson headphones. These, when is use, cannot be heard by anyone else. Not as good sound wise as my Grado 325 is but still very good but most importantly if John is watching snooker or some other dull thing, I can listen to my music with out him hearing my music too. 

I also bought a flower pattern shirt for  M&S and also more underwear! I have a thing for M&S underwear. these are all base layer underwear-lon legs, long sleeves, close fitting, thermal, thin, and stretchy. Lovely. On my legs I wear a pair of these M&S, a pair ok Nike ski trousers, and on op of that, a merino angora mix long johns. On the top I wear M&S long sleeved vest, another two vests, one thicker and brushed, then my shirt/jumper. Then my coat and hat. Finally I manage to keep warm. If it is colder, I wear my hand knit socks, as always, but with very thick fleece lined socks.

John bought a few history books. Tried to get him to buy clothes or shoes but to no avail. 'I have two pairs of shoes-nothing wrong with them'!!!
We had a good meal in the cafe at John Lewis. I had cooked chicken with cauli and carrots. I was very pleased.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Irk! Horrid and wet. No wonder Luque and Whitney stayed upstairs when I got up. They must have sensed it. I eventually got them up and out but they just huddled the doors. MG, Pussy, Ada and pups all went out, did it, and the 3 grown ups came back in but the puppies thought they ought to bathe first.

I did not swim. I awoke tired and sore and started the usual argument in my head and them it dawned on me that it isn't a matter of right or wrong! It would be different if I decided to not go ever again. That would be bad for my health. To decide not go because I am sore and tired is reasonable.

As always my winter lightbox has done it's job. I am not slow and lethargic or down. Just 20-30mins a day-or those days when it is dull and grey like today.

Am into the final stretch of my latest pair of socks. Which reminds me I have yarn to sort and label and put in my shop.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


All chores done on this very cold morning. White with frost. The puppies are out and loving it. They don't care it's cold. The adults only went out long enough to relieve themselves! Won't be able to pick up do do till later today and they have started to defrost a little.

Have a busy day to day. Am going to Boston (Lincolnshire, not Mass.) and will leave here at 10.30am. Possibly back by 2.30pm. 

I was sensible and did not go swimming knowing I had to do this today. It still p's me off though that I can't do both!

I am generally feeling better all around though despite a more or less constant hip pain which interferes with sleep. Normally the pain is shared around various parts which is easier. Tho maybe it's just that my hip joint gets used a lot and so pain there is more annoying. My hands whilst stubbornly refusing to work properly at least are not burning constantly. 

I am on the one hand pleased with myself for having become much better at pacing myself, which deciding not to go swimming because of my trip today is doing, there is a part of me resentful that I have to.

And whilst I know it is superfluous, I have recently found myself getting irked at kind people suggesting this is 'age'. I can't ignore it and have to point out that my difficulties are not age related! Not that i'm bothered about getting older but I am not old enough to be this stuffed! seriously. I have progressively got worse since my 20's. One doesn't have age degeneration from one's 20's! And it's not normal ageing that relegates a man to using using walking stick and wheelchair in his mid 40's! Blimey, maybe some people think 40 is ancient! More understandable if the comments came from teens but no, they are from the more mature people. I wonder how they got the idea in the first place. Anyway, for some unfathomable reason, it irks me.

Monday, January 16, 2012


I was training the puppies to walk on a lead. 

A woman came along with her largish terrier loose-off the lead. I immediately stood in front of my puppy and when made noises for the terrier to go. He ignored me and as he got closer I moved my walking stick toward him which he promptly walked into.The woman all the while was saying 'he won't hurt it'. 

I personally don't give a f*ck! She should have had the dog on the lead, it's the law, and she should have called him off as soon as she realised he was approaching a little puppy (or any dog). 

She reacted to me as if i had been really unbelievably mean bad I bet she went home and said some awful man hit her dog! I said nothing to her at all because I would have been very rude. I just said NO loudly a few times, to no avail, to the dog. 

The dog seemed like a really nice chap, well cared for, handsome but he should NOT have been off the lead. 
In marked contrast to the woman walking her Pit Bull who as soon as she saw me and puppy she crossed the road. Now that is a RESPONSIBLE dog owner. The dog just eyed his breakfast as he went past forlornly.

Sunday, January 15, 2012


MG PUPS 15 01 2012

DINNER 15 01 2012


I had an excellent night.

In Lidl yesterday they were selling the pillows I often see in German hotels. They are about 5 ft long. I have always put them on the floor and just used my memory foam pillow which I take whenever I am sleeping away. Anyway, the blurb on the packing said 'offers support for side sleepers' and I knew immediately what they meant. I sleep on my side and usually put the duvet between my legs. Not last night. I used my new pillow. I slept for a whole 5 hours without waking and when I did I was in the same position as when I settled. Such a simple aid and it works very well for me.

It is still very cold out. -1c. Stuff os frozen white. I prefer this to damp and grey which makes me hurt more. I got my layering right yesterday and i was only just beginning top feel the cold after being out for 3 hours. My feet not at all.

One of the girls, Ada or Pussy, is going to come into season judging from the way everyone is behaving. It appears to be Ada they keeping sniffing but her fanny looks completely normal. I think they give an indication weeks before their season. If it is Ada, I shall breed her.

Saturday, January 14, 2012


I had a very strange experience today. I am still not sure what I think about it. 

A security guard in a shop we were in spoke to me when I said 'hello' as I rode by in my wh/chair. We got chatting and he eventually asked me what had happened to me, pointing to my wheelchair. 

I realised he thought I had had an accident. I said 'no I have a neurological problem' having no wish to list my ills! He then said 'I hope you get well soon' and I responded that I wouldn't get well and will likely get worse. 

His response is what has left me ...I cannot think of a word that describes how I feel. He got really upset and said he would pray for me. I told him I was happy and it could be very much worse. I told him how good my life is and how I would not want to go back. He was still upset and he then said 'you are far too nice to have this'. 

I have never ever had a reaction like this from anyone, let alone a total stranger. He was Indian and spoke Urdu (we chatted for quite a while). He clearly was an empathetic man. 

I know I react in similar ways which is why i am careful what I watch or read and I also tend to keep myself more protected. I found myself trying to comfort this stranger! trying to tell him how it really isn't that bad, I do really have a good life. This is one of those encounters I shall never forget.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Okay if you want to get all the files relating to my toe up sock method join;



I just wrote out the instructions for my Andersson Heel Mach II (revised). They've been posted to my group. I have used this revised heel for a long time so it was time I wrote it down.

Last night bed was yuk a lot of pain and I didn't get up for swimming as I had finally slept sitting up. I ought to have gone swimming regardless. Instead I took enough morphine and went for a walk. As expected, the pain subsided as I walked and the pills did their job. Pillock!!! I forgot that even without the pain I was asking for trouble and sure enough I got jelly legs and thought I was going to have call for help to get home. I didn't- I made it home and have been sat on my bum for the last 4 hours. Stubborn git. So I just have to be sure to get up for the pool no matter how I sleep. I can always go back to bed.

Still, during this 4 hours I have sorted out the sound on my music playback program which streams to the hifi. It's a bugger. Sometimes I long for a simple base and treble since I have no idea what Hi or Lo shelf, or HiPass or Lo Pass or Parametric or Emph or RIAA or Notch are! However, through farting about I get an idea what they do and I now have it sounding the way I liker it to sound. Using Room Node-50hz and all 4 doodahs set High Shelf and the 3 slidy things for each of the 4 were slid about until I got what i wanted. A sound engineer I am not but this sounds good to me.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

MIND OVER MATTER - a dirty little secret.

I am sure that like me you have heard a few rather vociferous and famous scientists mocking the idea that the human mind survives the death of the human body. Clearly they also deny the possibility of a God. To meet these are two entirely separate things and I have no intention of talking about the possibility of God in this article.

I have found myself recently pointing out to one or two people that to say that there is no evidence at all for life after death is all for the mind being separate from the body is a lie. The response I always get back is that the evidence is not put forth by bone fide scientists and has been proved to be nonsense.

Guess what? This is not true.

There are a number of highly educated and highly intelligent physicists who are like me, Dualists. By this it is meant that we believe that mind is not the byproduct of chemicals in the brain that is in fact separate from the brain. Quantum physicists will tell you that matter is affected by the consciousness. This can only be so if mind and matter are separate entities.

I have no intention of arguing the toss here about the evidence stockpiled by parapsychologists. According to some scientists that if this evidence were to do with another branch of science it would be considered proof.

However, many materialist scientists reject entirely the evidence put forth by quantum physicists and other scientists because they do not want Dualism to be true. They reject scientific evidence because of an emotional need, just like the religionists they mock. So for them materialism is not science but an ideology. Classical physics has more or less been proven to be wrong by quantum physics the materialists specifically biologists refuse to acknowledge or accept this.

So the next time somebody mocks you for believing that mind is separate from the brain know that you are in very good company. The next time they lie to you and tell you that there is no acceptable evidence for this to be so, just be aware that what they say is untrue and that they are wedded to their belief just as surely as any religious fundamentalist.

It is not a coincidence that one or two of these famous scientists are accused of being just like Religious Fundamentalists. They are. They are refusing to acknowledge evidence that clearly refutes their materialist view of the world. This is precisely what religionists do.

One of the arguments put forward as proof that the mind cannot be separate from the brain is the tragedy that we witness in the behaviour of a person with something like Alzheimer's disease or other brain damage. It is said that if the brain was being controlled by a mind, and the mind was not being produced by the brain, then we would not witness this tragedy.

And then think of a television. In a functioning television we see pictures on the screen. And we know that the impetus for these pictures and for the sound is coming through the air and the television is interpreting them. We do not say when television malfunctions that therefore the picture and sound must be a product of the TV and not of the airwaves.

Quantum physics is not an easy subject to read. Nor is it likely that a nonscientist would fare very well in a debate as one would easily become bamboozled. Which of course the materialist scientist is fully aware of and takes full advantage of.

Really the whole point of this is not to prove that there is life after death, not to prove that there is a God, but merely to show that it is neither superstitious ignorant or unintelligent for people to believe and that there are more to human beings than we realise and that part of that is that our consciousness is not just a byproduct of our brains! Our sense of self is not a trick of the brain.


I have only read the first chapters which deal purely with scientific theory of materialism, dualism, localism and stuff. NOT light reading but fascinating. I cannot hope to precise what he explains so well. It is well worth reading.

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Tuesday, January 03, 2012


July 7th this year is our 31st anniversary. We met, I went to his home and never left. It was love at first sight. It was Tuesday July 7th 1981, early evening.

We are to marry at Ely Registry Office at 3pm on Saturday July 7th 2012.

When we first met we never dreamed that would happen. There was an awful lot of hatred for us from the Religious Right and the Church in those days which only got worse. We wondered if we'd get old or be in camps by now like during WWII. There was talk of this when HIV firs hit. MP's suggested we all be interned in camps and put on an island somewhere.

Yet instead we are to marry. Whilst it is called a Civil Partnership, the present Conservative Prime Minister has stated that it will become full marriage with all the same rights. Right now we will have financial and next of kin security which is all we want. We don't want anyone to interfere medically with either of us and should John die, I will receive his pension just as a wife would. All our legal documents will state we are legally a couple.

There are some gay people against this. I don't accept their arguments as to why and strongly object to them trying to do to us what str8's have done to us always! They seem to think we are not gay enough and want to be 'pretend' str8's. How puerile! No it's about security and being legally recognised. I don't give a toss what anyone else accepts or doesn't. As for not being gay enough, I cannot think of anything more radical than living an ordinary life right in the midst of all the str8's, not needing to live in a gay ghetto in  order to feel validated.

Now what to wear? Will I be seated in Daniel? Or will I be stood up on my sticks? Subdued clothing or all out dog show outfit? Crumbs, only 6 months to get ready!


My swim went well. Am getting better at using legs properly. I can get back to my routine now. 

Going to have to work this out when John retires at end of April. We are having another room built on the back of the house so we can do stuff together or separate. I do not like being out of sync. 

Mind you this Xmas/New Year was very good. Until last night, we ate Chinese, I ate nothing I ought not. I had said that I wanted no goodies and if I was going to the stuff I am allergic too, it would be the last day of the holiday so I could swim the next morning.

So far it worked. I woke with a thumping head but it has gone and so far no other effects. I feel really good about it actually. I stuck to what I said I'd do. Xmas/New Year is always a problem food wise. It usually has me eating the wrong foods too often and being ill for the two weeks. Not this time. I enjoyed the time with John. 

Did I mention the real extravagance of a second coffee machine? This one is not a bean to cup but uses pads or ground-which was the reason for getting it. There are a lot of coffees only available ground. Now I can have all sorts of different coffees but most especially much easier for my evening de-caff.

The weather is terrible today. Very high winds with rain. It makes the house sound like a train. Very loud. Even the dogs got disturbed.

Listening to records today. Real records on a turntable. So far have listened to Amy MacDonald's A Curious Thing and now Laura Marling's I Speak Because I Can.

Monday, January 02, 2012



I would prefer this post to be positive but then I write it for me not for you so I need to be honest.

I don't feel happy right now. Oh, not depressed, just upset. It isn't always possible to ignore people.

One thing I will NOT tolerate from anyone is their mocking me or trying to shame me when they disagree with an idea of mine. i never mind disagreement, just as well, but I will NOT be mocked or shamed by anyone. This was someone I had in my friend list and with whom I had discussed things before. I was completely taken aback at their nastiness. More so when they seemed to think all would continue as normal. NO! They are not on my list now. I just don't have such people in my life. Don't respect me? Then fuck off.

What has really upset me was that during a discussion about end of life and disease and drug therapy, I mentioned my troubles and the drugs I take. 

This brought some horrendous posts, attacking me, accusing me of being an addict, or warning me I will become one, or that I ought to be looking for other ways of dealing with my pain and other arrogant twaddle. Not ONE word of empathy from anyone. Not one word about how awful it must be to have to live with 24/7 pain. No. Just judgement and downright mean spiritedness.

I know these people are not important to me. I was shocked by their attacks.

For years I suffered because I believed a lot of twaddle about medication. I refused to take meds. How I lived with the pain I do not know but I know it was awful, it severely limited my life. It made me very difficult to live with and made my mood dark. I did not enjoy life.

All because ignorant people with an agenda had convinced me over the years that pain medication was bad, turned all users of them into addicts, and destroyed lives. This on top of the real horrors I had experienced with psychiatric meds, which I did NOT need but was the way they chose to keep me quiet, I was very very reluctant to take drugs.

At the end of 2007, I was in so much pain, I gave in and took my first dose of Tramadol. WOW! Did I get high? No! Did I feel anything? Yes! Within an hour I felt relief from pain for the first time in years! After a few days I was at the Dr concerned that the drugs were making me high. Why, she asked?  I feel really good I said! Well, she said, you will be if your pain is down!Duh!

The most I have ever experienced is a facial flush and a feeling of vagueness from taking morphine. 

In the 4 years since then, I am still on Tramadol but also Gabapentin (added this year-makes a huge difference and is very effective in pain dampening enough to help me sleep. Meaning it is not a sleep inducing drug but keeps the pain from waking me, thus I get 6hrs usually without waking.) and the dreaded Morphine was added almost 3 years ago. I am still on all of these and they work. I take varying amounts of the morphine depending on pain levels.

Without medication, I would not be able to toilet myself, dress myself, bathe myself, eat or cook for myself. Not permanently. It varies, some days better than others. Without medication I'd have a very limited life. 

Rather than say I am upset, I guess it is more truthful to just say I am angry. I just don;t know how people can be so ignorant and cruel and in their arrogance f think they have every right to question a person's medical needs!!!! WTF do they think they are?

Why has this post turned out to be me justifying my medication use?


MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!! No one but me and my Doctor has ANY business discussing my needs.

Now some facts: untreated pain causes nerve damage. Not taking pain killers makes it much more difficult to deal with the pain when one does take the meds. Meaning when I first took painkillers it was only when it had reached a pitch I could not cope with. i have a high pain tolerance. Anyway, I would then take the pills. The relief was limited and didn't last very long. I resisted the advice to take the paracetamol and tramadol 4 times a day to keep the pain controlled and to use the morphine as a top up when the pain grew. it is possible that the reason i now take a lot is because I refused to do this! By so doing, I added to my problems and it now takes more to do the trick. I just could not get my head around taking drugs when I didn't feel the need. Taking pk's 4 times a day when I was not in agony seemed wrong to me. It seemed wrong because of the ignorant views about drugs and addiction that I had been taught.

Now I take my pills regularly, I don't argue. I am able to live better as a result. I take enough to give me a good quality of life. No, drugs do not make miracles! I am still limited. I still cannot live as if I don't have a disease. I don't expect to. So whilst drugs enable me to swim, for example, it does not enable me to live as if I were not disabled. Exhaustion overtakes me. I may not feel the pain activity causes, but I still get overly fatigued. Like Joh n and I walked the other day. Although it was pain free enough to complete the walk, John had to take my boots off and help me undress when it was over. After a dog show he often has to do the same.

Anyway, if any of you are like I used to be and are 'soldiering on', thinking it is good to not take meds, think again. there is nothing weak about taking meds. They have been developed for a reason-to help us! There is nothing heroic in suffering needless pain. My good friend has only recently taken up my suggestion that she try Gabapentin. She has and the difference in her quality of life was immediate. Like me, she resisted drugs. Like me she was afraid of them. She thought they would stop her driving, doing dog shows etc. It has not. What it has done is make her much happier and more able. It is a real pleasure to see the difference it has made in her.

Well, I feel better now! Now i am off to pop some pills!

(PS: yes drugs can shorten life. We know this. We have to decide between a possibly shorter life which is liveable or a long dependent pain filled life. Which to choose is obvious!)