JOY BY EAR

Today is a do nothing day. I slept well last night. In fact so well that I awoke in my armchair at 6am. I went to bed and woke up at 8.45am and got up. I feel quite well so I think the ill feeling yesterday was just the heat and fatigue.

John is home early afternoon. The insulation people are coming to stuff the walls and loft this afternoon too. then i can get to the knitting machines that were removed form the loft. I have about a dozen I think. Yes, i will be requiring new homes for most of them. It is time. As much as I would love to get back to being able to use them and profitably, I have faced facts. I cannot. So they go.

I am entered in LEEDS championship show tomorrow but I am not going. I plan being at SELAS breed championship show first Sunday in August. New venue. I hope I manage it.

I have ordered a few Mike Oldfield CD's today. the really good thing about Amazon is being able to preview the music. Mike is not an artist whom I must have everything they produce. In  fact, those he has done which are all vocal I don't care for.
I am still very impressed with our audio system. I am hearing music on records I have owned for 35 years that I have not heard before. John is saying the same about his old vinyl collection. Hundreds of classical and opera records. I am just so pleased that eh enjoys this so much. When he told me last year that if I wanted to buy anything expensive I should do it then because of his upcoming retirement, I gave it some thought. I wanted to do something for us BOTH. John is very generous and I know he meant something for me. I also knew that he would never spend money on the hi fi like I did. Seeing his face when he listened to one of his vinyl records on the new turntable, I could have cried. I had clearly made the right decision. The turntable on it's own cost £1800 with the cartridge. We also have the bd/cd player, by Arcam and also the Arcam AV400. The rWave DAC by Arcam. This is used via USB to take my music from my MacBook Pro. Three pairs of Rega speakers. The system really is a joy to listen to. We both listen on Grado headphones too. I cannot praise these highly enough. 325i and PS500. I use the LEEMA DAC with my headphones.

Being married has certainly made me feel secure. Not secure as regards John, I already did. no, this means no outside people or agency can split us up nor take our rights as a couple away. Meaning I am now his Next of KIN and we have the rights associated with that. Should anything bad happen to either of us away from home, it would be one of us that is called and once of us who goes to the hospital and one of us who has the say so over the other if either one of us cannot make decisions for ourselves.

The wedding day itself was wonderful. My happiest day. I was very pleased when i saw all of our friends together. A really mix of people who had previously not met and they all got on. I was thinking how they all view me as eccentric. They clearly do not see themselves as eccentric which I find amusing!

RICH TWATS

The last week of July and summer has arrived. Thankfully the daily rain for months has stopped. The temperature has risen sharply. 30c today. The first day of heat, Sunday, I awake in pain and swollen-hands and ankles-so knew I had to start the anti-inflammatories. In my case, this is bog standard aspirin. Everything else I have tried makes me feel ill. I take gabapentin, tramadol, paracetamol and morphine daily but none of them deal with inflammation.

The downstairs and stairs and landing are all finished. We have the three bedrooms left to do. They will be done one at a time, with the carpeting done last. The drive is being done this week, starting tomorrow.  The house is having it's walls and attic stuffed on Thursday.  

This whole renovation thing has been very good. I am so glad we have been able to do it. Especially the bathroom being changed to a shower room. This allows me to wash at home instead of the pool where I have showered for years now.

Much to my surprise it has also been very stressful. I was not prepared for that. Needless to say my balance problems became much worse, my gut went off the deep end, and pain increased. John became concerned when I became hyper, according to him, that I might slip into manic mode. I have not had a manic episode for years now. It didn't happen and I don't think it will anymore. I can understand him worrying about it though.

The dogs too have been stressed by all the changes. They have been into boarding 4 times now and their house is completely different too. This last week it took it's toll. They returned home and were clearly out of sorts. none ate for a couple of days. Only today, a week after their return, are they back to normal. Poor things.

I have missed all dog shows since WELKS now. I am unlikely to make LEEDS on Friday. We hope we will be at SELAS the first Sunday in August. A breed club championship show.

Our wedding took place without any problems at all. It was the happiest day of my life. I can now understand why so many people say that. Ours was different I suppose in that we married on our 31st anniversary. We know each other quite well already!

Then the day after our wedding we went to Frankfurt for a week. It was a very good trip. It was the first time I have stayed in a 5* hotel. i normally book 3 or 4*. John is used to 5* thru work. Fortunately for me as he dealt with the tipping stuff and all that. It makes me so uncomfortable. 

We stayed in the Jumeirah. It was very nice. The service was excellent. We did not have to worry about anything. We both wish to return.

Frankfurt itself was excellent too. Despite our resolution to make this more a cultural visit-doing galleries and museums etc-it ended up being just a shopping trip! We were slap bang in the middle of the best shopping area!

Clearly, I discovered, there are some rich idiots about. They were QUEING to be let into Louis Vuitton and a couple of other such shops. Only a couple in at a time, security guards baring the doors and making sure people waited until invited to enter! WTF? How the hell did these idiots become convinced that this was super cool and gave them status? It's a fucking shop!!!! They should be falling over themselves to SERVE.  What twats! I was gobsmacked. Where was their dignity?

6 DAYS LEFT

This, is Tantra's Plenty O'Toole isa Kutani. She is owned and loved by Wendy Cain of the Kutani kennel. She is otherwise known as Deita. She is bred by me and is a daughter of my Ch Polielin's Whitney with Tantra.

Deita has done very well. She has a G1 Puppy, and 3RCC and now 2 CC both with Best of Breed. She is not yet 18mths old. Her mother was such a winner at this age too. I could not be more pleased. this is the first of my breeding to have won at this level. (Despite owning this breed since 1972, I have been unable to do anything about showing and breeding properly until 2006. I am very pleased that each dog I have shown since then has won, and Deita has won the most.)

Our wedding is now less than a week away. On Saturday the 7th. I am now getting excited about it.

The house renovations have taken their toll. It has been 13 weeks now and still many more weeks to go. However, the downstairs will be complete for our wedding and thus we have somewhere for our guests to be between the ceremony and the reception dinner.

We both decided that we will tell the decorators and the carpet layers when we are ready for the three upstairs rooms to be done. We have both just had enough for now.

I am typing this blog post on a brand new 27" iMac with the highest specifications possible. This should last me forever now. Or at least until I find another excuse for upgrading!

The Hi Fi is all set up in our new lounge. 27' by 13' conservatory. It is beautiful. Not yet completely furnished.

I have become so exhausted that on Wednesday I awoke at 4pm to find that the stairs and landing had been carpeted. I had not heard a thing!

Our honeymoon is in a 5* skyscraper hotel in Frankfurt from Monday 9th through to the 14Th, back in England on the 15th.

GAY ENOUGH TO MARRY

July 7th this year is our 31st anniversary. We met, I went to his home and never left. It was love at first sight. It was Tuesday July 7th 1981, early evening.

We are to marry at Ely Registry Office at 3pm on Saturday July 7th 2012.

When we first met we never dreamed that would happen. There was an awful lot of hatred for us from the Religious Right and the Church in those days which only got worse. We wondered if we'd get old or be in camps by now like during WWII. There was talk of this when HIV firs hit. MP's suggested we all be interned in camps and put on an island somewhere.

Yet instead we are to marry. Whilst it is called a Civil Partnership, the present Conservative Prime Minister has stated that it will become full marriage with all the same rights. Right now we will have financial and next of kin security which is all we want. We don't want anyone to interfere medically with either of us and should John die, I will receive his pension just as a wife would. All our legal documents will state we are legally a couple.

There are some gay people against this. I don't accept their arguments as to why and strongly object to them trying to do to us what str8's have done to us always! They seem to think we are not gay enough and want to be 'pretend' str8's. How puerile! No it's about security and being legally recognised. I don't give a toss what anyone else accepts or doesn't. As for not being gay enough, I cannot think of anything more radical than living an ordinary life right in the midst of all the str8's, not needing to live in a gay ghetto in  order to feel validated.

Now what to wear? Will I be seated in Daniel? Or will I be stood up on my sticks? Subdued clothing or all out dog show outfit? Crumbs, only 6 months to get ready!

I COULD SQUEAL

....and jump up and down and a jig if I could.

This year started off really well.

Not only is our battle with the IRS over but THEY are going to give US a sum well into five figures. We still have the legal do do of having to get the legal claim on our house removed and also clear John's credit rating. At least though it will all be done.

Not only that, but the death of two people also gave us unexpected five figure sums each. Don't feel bad they were in their 90s and went peacefully.

My failed knitting business, because of my health, left me with a lot of debt. And I mean a lot. Anyone who knows how much brand-new silver reed machines with rivers cost etc. plus tonnes of cashmere and other fine yarns.
Fortunately the knitting business debt was paid off last year. This was a huge load off my mind because I felt so guilty about it. John never once commented about the thousands of pounds worth of machinery and yarn that I had that I now could not use to get my money back. He is really good that way. I beat myself up enough for the pair of us!

I am now in the very fortunate position of being able to knit what I please, as my body allows, and still sell the odd sweater and my hand dyed yarn.

John retires in 18 months and we shall be debt free! ( This also means I can marry him without my good financial history being ruined too.)

As I said 2011 is going to be a good year!

Our wedding is likely to be March 2012. Before our 32nd anniversary on 7/7. John doesn’t like to rush things, he needs to sure…..

HOLD UP!

OOPS!

In previous post I write about us getting married. I did not mean to give the impression that this is a new development or a sudden romantic impulse. No. We have always known we would, once the law allowed it. For reasons too complicated to go into, we had always planned to do so once John reaches retirement, which he does in 2012. By which time, we will have been living together for 32 years.

Of course, as a sop to the bigots, this is called a 'civil partnership' not a marriage. It just amounts to the same thing but ssshhhh! The legal implications are the same and one cannot just leave it. One has to divorce if one decides to leave it.

UP THE AISLE?

I have a dog show entered on Saturday but I am not going. I really don't feel I can physically handle it. Not just the getting up at 2am. It will be the hanging around and the walking I have to do once there. Yes, I only have to walk a short distance for a short time, but it is too much for me right now. I seem to have to make enough effort for just daily living right now.

I have had time to think about recent developments and I feel rather differently than I did at first. Yes, when I first discovered John's secret, I was devastated. I really felt it as betrayal and that he therefore didn't love me. How could he if he lied to me?

I now think that was the way I was programmed to think and wasn't necessarily the best way or only way to think. I was brought up to distrust everyone. No one could be trusted. I knew that was true because the people who taught me not to trust anyone, my parents, were most untrustworthy. I may have not taken their teaching to distrust so well had they not proved themselves to be so untrustworthy.

I know John loves me. I don't doubt that. I know he didn't do what he did because he didn't care about me. I can see how it snowballed and got out of his control and he became more and more frightened of it and of telling me. So he buried his head in the sand. I know this is his tendency. I took ages to get him to take his COPD seriously. I no longer have to fight with him to get him to take his medication, though I do on occasion have to remind him!

I feel for him when I think about the dark cloud he has lived under all these years. That tempers my anger at him for doing this to us. Yes, to us, because he has been very difficult to live with at times and I knew something was wrong and he kept denying it. Now at least, he is beginning to lighten up. My fear of 'it' has gone because I now know what 'it' is. This cannot happen again. As regards all matters legal and financial, I am in charge. Even our Tax person, though John is her client, deals with me.

We were talking the other day about getting married. I said we would have to find out from the tax accountant which was the best course of action. Until he told me we had to because if he dies, the IRS will want their cut of what he leaves me. The house! No way. So marry we will. Much to my surprise, he would like me to add his surname to mine. I will, of course.

The thing is, we don't want a big do. Just want to go and sign the papers and that is that. However, a few of our friends, female, are wanting and expecting a 'proper do'. I don't mind them as witnesses, we have to have witnesses but I really don't want Matrons of Honour!

This last few days has been difficult pain wise. I have had to sleep sitting up three nights in a row because of intercostal spasms and my hands especially have been painful. I did swim Monday and Tuesday and I will today and tomorrow. Wednesday is my day in the week for not swimming.

Yesterday, I bathed two dogs. I also went into town on my own. I wanted some cards from a shop. I had bought some at the weekend. They have a Lhasa Apso puppy on the front. I wanted more. I went, hoping to park directly outside the shop but could not and had to park further away than I felt comfortable with. However, I wanted the cards so I did it. I walked slowly. I got my cards and walked back more slowly because now I was carrying stuff. At one point I lost my balance but did not fall. This sometimes makes me feel self conscious and I worry that people will think I am drunk! If they even notice anyway. Back at my car, I went to the passenger side first, sensibly, to put the shopping in.

As I was so doing, I dropped one of my sticks. Oh, bugger! Just then a man came up and picked up the stick for me. When I looked up, it was Simon who lives across the road. He and Libby recently got married. I was relieved I didn't have to try and get the stick myself.

I have made myself a cashmere scarf. I also started on a cashmere sweater on the machine. I gave up after almost completing a sleeve when I realised I had miscalculated. I will try again today maybe.