RICH TWATS

The last week of July and summer has arrived. Thankfully the daily rain for months has stopped. The temperature has risen sharply. 30c today. The first day of heat, Sunday, I awake in pain and swollen-hands and ankles-so knew I had to start the anti-inflammatories. In my case, this is bog standard aspirin. Everything else I have tried makes me feel ill. I take gabapentin, tramadol, paracetamol and morphine daily but none of them deal with inflammation.

The downstairs and stairs and landing are all finished. We have the three bedrooms left to do. They will be done one at a time, with the carpeting done last. The drive is being done this week, starting tomorrow.  The house is having it's walls and attic stuffed on Thursday.  

This whole renovation thing has been very good. I am so glad we have been able to do it. Especially the bathroom being changed to a shower room. This allows me to wash at home instead of the pool where I have showered for years now.

Much to my surprise it has also been very stressful. I was not prepared for that. Needless to say my balance problems became much worse, my gut went off the deep end, and pain increased. John became concerned when I became hyper, according to him, that I might slip into manic mode. I have not had a manic episode for years now. It didn't happen and I don't think it will anymore. I can understand him worrying about it though.

The dogs too have been stressed by all the changes. They have been into boarding 4 times now and their house is completely different too. This last week it took it's toll. They returned home and were clearly out of sorts. none ate for a couple of days. Only today, a week after their return, are they back to normal. Poor things.

I have missed all dog shows since WELKS now. I am unlikely to make LEEDS on Friday. We hope we will be at SELAS the first Sunday in August. A breed club championship show.

Our wedding took place without any problems at all. It was the happiest day of my life. I can now understand why so many people say that. Ours was different I suppose in that we married on our 31st anniversary. We know each other quite well already!

Then the day after our wedding we went to Frankfurt for a week. It was a very good trip. It was the first time I have stayed in a 5* hotel. i normally book 3 or 4*. John is used to 5* thru work. Fortunately for me as he dealt with the tipping stuff and all that. It makes me so uncomfortable. 

We stayed in the Jumeirah. It was very nice. The service was excellent. We did not have to worry about anything. We both wish to return.

Frankfurt itself was excellent too. Despite our resolution to make this more a cultural visit-doing galleries and museums etc-it ended up being just a shopping trip! We were slap bang in the middle of the best shopping area!

Clearly, I discovered, there are some rich idiots about. They were QUEING to be let into Louis Vuitton and a couple of other such shops. Only a couple in at a time, security guards baring the doors and making sure people waited until invited to enter! WTF? How the hell did these idiots become convinced that this was super cool and gave them status? It's a fucking shop!!!! They should be falling over themselves to SERVE.  What twats! I was gobsmacked. Where was their dignity?

Meet Aunt Edna

This is DIMARA AUNT EDNA, the new arrival at Tantra. Thanks to John and Mandy (Dimara). Her dad is Dimara Gorgeous George (2cc's) and her mum is Ch Dimara Misstical. She is 10 weeks on August 1st.
We drove up to collect her yesterday. She has been as good as gold and has not been at all phased by the crew already in residence. Despite what you see, Edna will be a silver grey eventually. It might take 2 years, it might take 6 but she will go grey.

On Sunday we went into Peterborough to the shopping mall. I have been wanting a very light coloured jacket, white or cream, for ages but had no luck in finding one at all. Now you may think this is daft, as I do, but I have before said to my dead Mum, 'look I want such and such' and I find myself directed to just where I need to be. I first tried it as a joke in a small town in Austria. I said to John, I am going to ask my mother to find a yarn shop for me. Well, I looked around, and I said to John, up here. We went and then I said, now right. And guess what? There it was. The yarn shop.

Anyway, I tried the same thing out on Sunday because we were both fed up looking. I spun around in my chair, moved out of the shop we were in and and 2 shops down, I went in and asked if they had a white or off white jacket. The assistant handed me the last Ivory Tuxedo they had, in my size and on sale.(My mum only ever bought on sale.) I bought it. I had not thought of a Tuxedo. It really shows off my waistcoats well. Oh, and she called it a dinner Jacket not a Tuxedo as we don't use that word here really. 'But Mum, I said, I still need a light jacket that isn't quite so formal.' We went and had coffee at Cafe Nero (really good coffee). When done, i said to John 'lets go up here'. Outside not in the mall. I saw the only shop open-a menswear store. And yes, you guessed it-a very light oatmeal coloured suit, on sale and in my size. Just what I wanted. I said to the guy i wanted it but not to bother with the trousers. At that he promptly knocked another 30 pounds off the price!

I also bought two Panama's and 2 Trilby's. On sale of course. John bought half a dozen shirts for work.

I will photograph them when the weather improves though we have just been told by the Weather Men of the BBC that we can expect this wet cold and stormy weather well into August......

I have had bad pain today so I popped a morphine about an hour ago and I feel better. weird really. I started off just feeling very tired and weak, not really that much pain but it grew on me as the day went on until my legs and hips were playing a tune up and down my legs. Stopped now. As have my hands. The morphine is the only drug that seems to stop my hands hurting. I still don't take it that much.

Oh, today I tried on lavender jeans, lavender, pink, silver waistcoat, lavender cravat, winged collar white shirt, the Tuxedo and a Panama with a lavender-ish band along with Kickers in three shades-purple, lavender, pink. That's me sorted for Paignton Championship Show. (The Tux has a zip up cover which it will stay in until I arrive at the show at unpack the car.)

CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE

On Tuesday, as I was preparing for the show yesterday, I lost my bottle. I didn't feel comfortable about my clothing and didn't think I wanted to show under the particular judge. I almost didn't go.

I know this appears not to be the case, but I am a shy person and always have been. I just have a very good act that has got better over the years. I am much better than I was, of course I am, but there are days I just want to hide. Tuesday was one such day. How could I have the nerve to dress that way? I used to be dull wallflower, blending into the background. My dress sense now hardly allows me to hide myself!

Wednesday, yesterday, the show was great. It was cold and wet, again! The big black mark against to society was the toilet facilities. One set of men's, women's and one disabled, all over the far end of the showground! I took to peeing behind the marquee. as common as that is, I had no choice. I drink a lot and pee a lot cos of the drugs I take and the loo was just too far away.

My IBS caused an annoying/embarrassing/funny moment. My guts had been calm but then started to grumble. I was surrounded by people so I got up and walked out of the marquee, stood well away from anyone, and let one off. Then a lady, who is nice and whom I like, came up to ask if I was alright standing there on my own!!!!! all I wanted her to do was go away. I didn't even have a dog with me to blame it on! Not only that, I realised this was not just wind and I was going to have to take the trek over to the loos. I had no one I could ask to come help me get re dressed so it was all a bit of a palaver. I was most surprised because I had taken morphine the night before and that normally stops any movement for about 36 hours. Damn! So I can't guarantee I won't need to go at dog shows anymore.

Whitney won her class, then went on to win the Challenge Certificate (Best Bitch) and then went Best of Breed. Later in the Utility Group(where all the Best of Breeds of this group compete) she was placed Group 4. THAT is a big deal too.

I am really glad I went. (Oh and despite my concerns about my clothing, I had loads of compliments yesterday, more so than usual. Weird how when I feel like hiding, I get so much positive reinforcement.)

EMAIL NASTIES

Tomorrow is a dog show so I will be unavailable from about 6pm tonight until Thursday.

I had a good swim this morning. I will do Whitney in a little while. I have been planning what to wear tomorrow. I have come to enjoy this part of the show preparation. My, how I have changed. Who knew I could be so vain? The weather forecast is not brilliant so my original idea is not going to work as I don't think wearing purple/lilac suede boots will work in the rain. I still think I want to go purple-trousers, waistcoat with dragonflies on it, and topped with a Panama and black or dark jacket. I bet I go for something entirely different!

I have done my Ebay, banking and email. I got an 'email nasty ' this morning. Someone had complained, not to me, but on my sock list, that information they wanted re my Ebay listings was not available. No email to me to ask, just a public complaint. I responded, publicly, and mildly. I received an 'email nasty' this morning from said person.

Do people have no shame? Do they never consider their own words/behaviour? Or is their ego too big? Yes, I know I have been known to be rude, reacted OTT, etc and when I do I apologise, normally without needing to be told, even if I feel I was provoked. If I have not it is because I don't think there is a need to. I am not so up myself that I don't consider I may have made a mistake when reviewing my own words/behaviour/reaction. Simply, perhaps an apology was appropriate and I deemed, wrongly, that it was not. I am human. It try not to let the behaviour of others dictate my own.

I also strongly object to people using my health against me or mentioning it when writing their tirades. My health is not the issue. If you don't like me, fine, your loss, but please leave my health out of it. It isn't a reason to feel you can't disagree with me or dislike me. I am not different to anyone else. I just happen to have physical problems along with millions of others.

You know, I am aware that people easily dismiss my thoughts and feelings as either being irrational due to being an abuse survivor or, now, because of being in pain 24/7 and drugged up , therefore I can't think str8.

So if I show irritation at someone's words or behaviour, or heaven forbid, disagree with them, it is not because they could possibly be at fault or wrong , but because I don't have legitimate thoughts and feelings for the reasons stated earlier. In other words, they use the same tactics that those who abuse do.

It doesn't bother me as much as it used to because I now realise that any person who uses either the abuse or my illness as a weapon against me, or as reason to dismiss me, is truly lacking integrity of thought and feeling and that is reason enough for ME to dismiss them.

So there. ;-)