Monday, March 09, 2009


Bad dreams and I awoke at 2.50am feeling very sick. By 3.20am I was lying on the bathroom floor alternately exploding form both ends. I hate being sick but oh I was glad to be rid of the nausea last night.

I spoke with John this morning about my feeling that despite my good recovery from my past, I seem to be more sensitive than ever. He says he isn't surprised because I have developed so much, especially where my mediumship is concerned. Well, as I can't not be a medium and never have not been, I have no idea how to compare sensitivity with or with out. Meaning, I cannot not be who I am so have no way of knowing whether or not I am more sensitive.

I know that a good friend of mine who is a Spiritualist Minister said pretty much the same thing. She said my experience was terrible and even more so because of my sensitivity. I have nothing to compare it to so....

John is going to see Stuart this morning. He is coughing has been waking me up so he can't pretend he doesn't have a problem again. This time it was only a short argument. I think he knows I mean business now. He knew without me saying that i was not going to le tit drop and that I would not take him to the station if he didn't see Stuart first. I reminded him that we are going away to Hungary in less than two weeks and will be away for 2 weeks and that he can't be sick for that especially as he will probably have to push me around a fair bit!

Aaarrgh! Why do so many men behave like children when it comes to taking care of their health and seeing a Doctor?


Anonymous said...

I must be becoming a man! I used to be OK with going to the doctor. Now, I fight it tooth and nail.

I hope John's fine and only needs a bit of a tune up.

I'm sitting here sympathizing with him because I have to go this morning, too, and I'm NOT happy about it.

fairy godmother said...

I hope you feel much much better now.

Yarnhog said...

I hope you're feeling better.

Nan said...

I think I understand what John meant about your sensitivity increasing. I've always been sensitive to energies, even back before I realized that was what it was. And after my Reiki Master class, it spiked big time.

I had a hideous reaction to somewhere I went in Europe. I found out later that there had been a Nazi forced labor camp there. And recently I had a conversation with my spiritual director about some lingering depression I was feeling and couldn't figure out. She pointed out that there is a lot of new fear regarding the economic situation around the world right now and I needed to work harder at shutting out unwanted negative energy before I felt truly horrible. Wise woman. Now I wonder why I didn't figure that out myself. That nasty energy from your experience got inside you in a way it would not have if you were someone else.

I hope John's illness is quickly cleared up with the doctor's help.

Anonymous said...

First, let me state that I hope John will feel better soon. Since I am not a man (but married to one ;o))I can only guess... does it make men feel vulnerable to have to seek help? Could it stem from the same source that your feeling comes from when John has to push you around in the wheelchair?
On the sensitivity... what if you exchange "sensitivity" with "awareness"? You have done a whole lot of work to become aware that you were abused, and the episode at Cruft's was exactly that.... you were subject to abuse with no fault of your own. It hurts more because you are aware of it now, whereas as a child, you probably shut it off to shield yourself from the pain. Nobody promised you that it would be easy, huh?
Sending good thoughts