Saturday, February 20, 2010

CRY FREEDOM

Last night on the way to pick John up from the station, I saw a West Highland Terrier that appeared to be on her on the street. On the way back, she was still there and definitely on her. She was friendly when I approached her and I asked John to pick her up. We took her to the Police station but they no longer deals with stray dogs. In fact no one does. The council have a so called 9-5 5 day service. The RSPCA don’t take strays. (I stopped supporting those bastards years ago. They exist for a political agenda, not the care of animals.)

We kept her overnight and this morning the Police called to say the owner was on her way around to our home. It was someone I knew! Alls well that ends well.

Today we went to Peterborough Green Park, a new mall. It was okay and I bought a drinks bottle I can operate and not spill and also some thin but high insulation gloves. I got really p’d off because the restaurant in Van Hage closed at 3pm although the shops are open till much later. Stupid stupid stupid and so typical of the lack of thought and service we experience here. You should see the quality of the restaurants/cafeterias in the mainland Europe malls. Excellent quality and cheap and the variety is excellent too. Here we get treated like fools who deserve no better. Maybe we dont’ since most Brits put up with it and wouldn’t complain out loud. Muttering under the breath and rolling one’s eyes is the British way and hence…..

I have had a physically worse day but a mentally good one. Oh, I met a fellow medium in Van Hage, Actually two, but I had not met the mother before.

I have been dyeing again, just one hank. I wanted to try out a tip that Tess of Silkwood Yarns gave me. I used stencil brushes. They gave me much more control of the dye and there was less running of liquid, much less. I still sponged up the excess afterwards but it was indeed a better method of applying the dye than I had been using.

As I type this I am trying to remember to touch type which I used to be able to do at 80wpm. I reverted back to two finger typing for some reason but now that I so much trouble with co-ordination, I spend most of my writing time correcting typing errors. My spell checker frequently exclaims: WTF. I have no idea what that was. It uses the shorthand ‘no suggestions’.

I am pretty astonished at how well my hand dyed yarns are selling. I get a great deal of satisfaction form it. It is yet another fulfilment of a prophecy I have recently remembered. I was always told I was an artist and should be using it and that one day I would paint. In my narrow viewpoint I never accepted this as I didn’t see myself as artistic at all and certainly could not see myself painting. I can’t even draw a str8 line. I didn’t even see my knitwear design as being artistic. I think differently now.

So much of life has improved beyond measure and changed almost beyond recognition just because I think differently today. Gone is the rigid black and white thinking, based upon me being evil and defective. The cruellest thing of all when children are taught what to think instead of how to think, is that as adults that is what they think-what they were taught to think. Had my therapist not been skilled at deprogramming, I’d not be here today. My thinking, as I was taught to think, rejected any form of help that wasn’t within the constructs I had been taught. Guilt and shame and FEAR forced me to reject ideas foreign to those I had been taught. Don’t forget, I had been taught that to question was evil and God would smite me for doubting. THAT was a very difficult thing to get past. Once I did, well, WOW! LIFE!!!!! I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have the good life I now have and that I would be free to enjoy it.

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