Tuesday, October 23, 2007

whilst i thought i knew that it was not alright to have hit me or frighten me or molest me, i still thought this all happened because I was me. I think Irealise now that it had nothing to do with me at all and that it happened because those who did it to me were who they were. it wasn't because of who I was. it had nothing to do with me. it was them.

8 comments:

Barbara said...

that's exactly right - no matter what you did, it would have all been the same.

There was no way for you to prevent it or change it.

Anonymous said...

YES!!!!!

Colin, this is a major step forward!

It was never you, never anything you did or said or were...it was their own inadequacies every single time.

This is such a large hurdle to get past in healing, realizing and really accepting that you are not to blame, that it was never your "fault", and such a difficult thing to accept.

I am so happy for you, Colin!

Terri

(Apoligies if this comes to you twice---I had trouble getting it to post the first time, and want to be very sure you know how happy I am for you!)

Anonymous said...

Exactly!

Lia Nord said...

You have such sensible, sensitive commenters on your posts, it seems as if I'm just saying the same thing--but sometimes it helps to hear it from more than one person. You're right, in today's post, that you were not the cause of the way they behaved--it was in their characters, the way they acted/reacted in your life. You were just a child, and you have no responsibility for what they, as adults, had done. Even now, when you meet difficult people, you are not responsible for the way they behave--I think that you have learned to deal with pretty well, even though you may still get hurt, you are able to separate yourself from that. It is so hard the way children feel things are (or were) their own fault, and these feelings echo through our lives. It takes a long time to live through it. Your post yesterday, and the kind wishes you expressed about your father, show that you are coming through--you will succeed--you are succeeding already.

Unknown said...

YES!!!!!!!!!! Now remember this and believe it - not just intellectually but emotionally too!

It took me a lot of years to learn this. I'm glad the trip has been a bit shorter for you!

Anonymous said...

Colin -

I agree with hunterxan, this is a major step forward and I am so glad for you. You remain in my thoughts. Sending positive energy your way.

Sharon

Anonymous said...

Oh Colin
My heart goes out to you. I just wish that there was something I could say that would give you the strength to work with your inner child. I'm 62 and I've some issues that I've had to work through over the years, one of which was resenting my mother for letting my father abuse me. I've finally come to terms with it and am making headway in the forgivness department. I'm praying for you and all that you're going through.
Hugs Jeane

Anonymous said...

Dear Colin - you know it, but I hope soon you will believe and feel it too.