Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Milestones

I slept well and awoke and 6am. I was in the pool by 7am. I swam double my usual amount. I swam 66 lengths. 64 equals 1 mile. I needed help to get out of the pool but I felt good!

Monday turned out to be another healing day. I cried non stop for most of it. Yes, as some suggested, I was grieving for the mum I never had. I feel like I have turned a corner now.
I am in much less physical pain. My stomach has settled mostly, just the odd twinge here and there. I don't feel completely at ease but I am very much less fearful.

Yesterday morning, I did some more crying. Not for the first time, I was moved to tears by comments left here on my blog. One sentence in Joan's comment(FugueStateKnits) just floored me. I felt really honoured. I tell you it feels so so so good to be heard. I cannot begin to tell you how enormous being heard is for me.

I know you hear me. I am not calling out in the dark to nothing. I am heard. And I am comforted. I feel consolation rather than desolation. What is more, this goes far beyond us human beings, I feel something else at work here. So much has happened this last few weeks that suggests strongly to me an outside force has been there with me. I will write about that at a future time. I am not ready to yet.

Suffice to say for now that I know as best as I can know anything, that my mother has been with me during this 'dark night of the soul'.
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