A while back, almost two years I think, there was a lot of spite sent my way via a UK based knitting list. For a while I had comments sent to this blog wishing I'd get cancer and die or that someone would push me over a cliff in my wheelchair, or just generally name calling and telling me what a nasty piece of work I am. That sort of sick thing came from a very sad individual.
Now it is possibly starting up again on another of my lists. I could be being paranoid of course and the poster perhaps was referring to someone else but I recognize the name and the spiteful tone.
I don't know why, but in the UK people seem to resent people who are any good at anything. They don't get pleasure from seeing the work of others, not even if it's good., The reaction seems to be to want to do them down and be spiteful and envious.
It results in bad feeling, lies spread about, and even looking at archives which proves that the supposedly bad things said, do not exist!
(Meaning I was constantly accused of being rude and mean to other posters by a group of spiteful women. It ruined the list which has not been the same since and lost some of it's nicest members. A request to look at the archives for my mean posts resulted in more spite spewed forth. It died down cos I eventually shut up and stopped trying to defend myself and let them be the way they are. I now rarely comment on that list. There are some lovely people there and some people DO enjoy looking at my work and the work of others and say so privately but are careful what they say on list because they do not want these spiteful women to attack them.). It's all rather pathetic! It amazes me that people can behave in such a manner and not think about it.
Another long stretch, but hoping to be more regular
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9 comments:
You had quite a few postings in the past couple of days. First of all, congratulations on Micah's position in the show.
Next - I am glad you have a counselor working with you and helping you get through this spiral. I send lots of good wishes your way.
Lastly, regarding this spite thing... it is actually similar to the abuse you suffered in the past. Don't get overwhelmed by it - these are just petty people and not worth the time or trouble to think about. Some people cannot exist except to bring others down - and that is how they get their happiness. Such people are not worthy of any attention. Ignore them as they cannot hurt you any more.
I quit reading any sewing or knitting lists because I have such trouble with some of the attitudes. It's a shame, really, because the good people far outweight the bad ones but it's not worth the upset.
I am on several lists with you and have yet to see anything but nice emails from you - it is a shame that there are so many spoilers. My guess is that they are jealous, but who knows what the motivation really is. I have seen some of it as well, there are people with snide comments and just general meaness. I have a hard time dealing with these things as well.
Colin, I know what you mean. Some people are so jealous of others who have talent, and go out of their way to make the person miserable. Honestly I don't think they have anything better to do!! Been in your position too many times, and just recently at that.
I think it happens more online because the person can hide behind both their words, and their chosen online identity -- no one can reach out and punch them in the face for what they say. Online bullies.
I wouldn't presume to tell you how to handle it, but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Happens here in the US, too.
You have many friends, so stick close to us! (smiles)
Congratulations on Micah being placed in the show.
Regarding the spitefull comments some have made, its something to ignore. Their nose is put out of joint by the ability you have to produce some truly wonderful art. I so admire this ability, when I see your work I am pleased for you.
Words can wound if they are spiteful,jealous words. Those people are without substance, concentrate instead on the words of those who give you encouragement and comfort, of which there are many.
Best regards
Your comments on the lists are always supportive and informative. You know I feel that way.
That being said, I have noticed exactly what you point out. There seems to be some kind of competition to be "the expert." It always seems to be the same people and, yes, they are women. I think we, as a sex, tend to be much more pejorative than men.
It seems that, when women feel threatened, they become much more cruel in their comments.
I think I know the folks to which you refer. I have reached the point that I will scan the mail to see who it is from before I will even read it. I may lose out on some knitting tips, but it is worth it to me.
I know the folks I can talk to for help (and you are one of them). These are the people who truly want to make knitting fun and better for all of us.
I want to take time to thank you for just being you and for being willing to help, even when you are feeling poorly. How I wish I could tell you that in person. I am hoping that day will come.
Keep your chin up and put one foot in front of the other.
When I worked at the school and would feel overwhelmed by the technology, my consultant would say this to me: "Remember, just breathe in, breathe out." It sounds stupid, but it did help me.
Love you, Colin.
I think it's really sad that people feel the need to be spiteful. It's just not nice. I really feel that you should treat others the way you would want to be treated. That said, this is your blog and your place to write what you want , what you feel, and when you want. If readers don't like that, they can just go elsewhere to read. I personally think you are fabulous (even though I've never met you) and I am so sorry that you are going through all that you are going through. I know that things aren't always easy, but in the end, you find who your true friends are and you wil get through it. Keep Smiling! :-)
Hi Colin - I think I'm on that list as well. I thought your behavior was exemplary! You apologized for an understandable error and I cannot imagine what the problem would be.
Have never understood the envy thing. It's so much better to take joy from others doing well.
Ah well, the heck with 'em...
Joan
I think I am on the same list too and saw the comments. I was on the other list when all those problems started on the UK list, was it really almost two years ago?
Spiteful people usually have some issues themselves and rather than deal with their own problems they like to poke holes in other people and make them feel bad, and by doing so it makes them feel good. Don't give them that power, shrug it off, tell them to go forth and multiply and go back to your knitting, oh and remember to breathe, in and out!
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