Wednesday, October 24, 2007

i went through something like this in 95. around about the time i had told all for the first time to a therapist. everything. i became very frightened and convinced i was dying. i remember how ill i felt. how much my stomach and back hurt, in fact i hurt all over and felt really bad, couldn't eat. I had short bouts of tears which gave me some relief but i was soon back to the physical pain and feeling ill. Then the tears came and just didn't stop. I was completely floored by them and they hurt like hell.
I write this more to remind myself because this is what is happening now. yesterday was appalling. i did call my dr who happened to be away so i then called John's who i see sometimes. he was excellent, knew exactly what was happening with me and said he would help me without stopping the process. I desperately needed something to relax my muscles as the physical pain has been agony and frightening and the more frightened i became the worse the pain became. I couldn't get myself out of the circle so he did.

I slept well enough last night, and feel better this morning. Have been for my swim. keep feeling overwhelmed by tears or anger alternately it seems. i still feel scared .
i have a dog show on Sunday and want to go to that.
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