Friday, October 26, 2007

weird or what

a few months ago i had a dream the likes of which i had never had before. I dream all the time and i have cried in dreams but this dream was awful really so terrible i was relieved when I awoke.

In the dream, I had been 'banished' from what seemed like a group of people. I was alone. the sense of loss i felt was so awful it felt just indescribable. in my dream i cried and the feeling i felt was the worst i had ever felt.

now this is what seems to be happening now. i feel like there is a huge hole in me and i don't know if i can fill it again. I feel such a sense of loss and it feels insurmountable. I can't spend the rest of my days crying this out. this has to stop but I feel so empty and hurt. i feel like my insides were ripped out. none of these words really convey what I mean or how I feel. I just feel so powerless and lost. If i were to describe it as a picture, i'd say my life line was cut, my cord of connection, and i am left floating alone in space.
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