Tuesday, October 20, 2009


We accomplished much over the weekend. We saw the Tax person and it is now in her hands. We know where we stand. According to her the worst has happened. She also told us that for years John has been paying too much tax! 

I think this whole episode has done us both good. We both realise the strength of our nearly 29 year marriage. I for one finally heard the words I have wondered about and always wanted to hear. He did a very un-John thing and told me exactly how he felt. About the Tax thing and about me. This was a first. He only ever said once that he loved me and that was almost 29 years ago! He has more than made up for it now. I am still reeling from what he has done and also from the knowledge that he didn't tell me because he was scared I would leave him. He understood that I would experience this as a very painful betrayal, that trust is a huge issue for me, given my past. He was wrong to think I would leave him though. 

I feel for him. This has been an enormous strain upon him. How he lived with it I don't know but it does explain an awful lot to me about how he has been and why he looked haunted but told me it was nothing or work stress. 

It has also brought a first for me. I have never, not once, shown my hurt to the person who hurt me. Shame and fear always prevented me. Not just that, but as a child it was all I could to not show any reaction. It was my revenge. However, on Friday, John witnessed the full depth of my hurt. I was very scared, as I always am when strong emotion begins to stir in me. It terrifies me and I always panic and feel terror before erupting. I then feel better once it is all out. I let him hear me, see me, and comfort me. It was strange for me but I think it was a good thing. 

It has certainly brought us closer together. Not once over the weekend did I feel annoyed or angry toward him. Just sad for him and glad that this is over. His gratitude that I have taken this weight off him is obvious. He is clearly relieved. 

I have surprised myself. I have sorted it all out an did so very quickly and calmly and in the right way. I had a very strange feeling when we saw the Tax Accountant. It was if everything became distant and quiet and I looked at her and got the weird feeling and thought that she was 'returning a favour', that something spiritual was taking place. I was certain from the first moment I spoke to her on the telephone that she was the right person to help us. She was the first number I saw and the only one I called. I was confirmed in my belief in her when we met. I just knew. 

In the scheme of things, this is a small thing but it doesn't half irk me! Someone bought yarn off me via Ebay and left me positive feedback but complained that the colour wasn't exactly as she saw it on her pc!!! This really annoys me. I have yet to buy anything over the net and have it be the exact colour I was expecting unless it was black or white. Honestly! How long does one have to work with computers and monitors before one realises that colour reproduction is not 100% accurate?? The same for those people who gave low scores on my DSR for postage. I don't set the postage cost, the Royal Mail does. Yes, I think it is expensive too but don't penalise me for it! 

Going for my swim the last half hour of the Early Bird session is working well for me. It means rising at 6.30am instead of 5am. I also swim less laps. However, they are faster and I only do breast stroke now. I still need help to get out of the pool afterwards but I am not ruined for the day by it. 

Luque has a nice surprise coming this weekend. A girl is coming to honeymoon with him. James won't be happy since he aint getting none! 

I have a show on Friday. I am not expecting it go well for Whitney but one never knows so we are going.I then have another on November 8th. I should have two in December but the one I have entered I think I shall not go after all and the second one I think I shall not enter. 

I am almost half way thru both socks of a pair of socks using King Cole's Zig Zag. I am using Granite shade. This is a 50% superwash and 50% nylon blend. Soft as I knit with it. I have three balls of it, the other two in different colourways. I bought them having seen socks knitted in the yarn that pooled well. Guess what? Mine don't! Pigs! Those who hate pooling get it all the time, and poor old me who loves yarn to pool rarely gets the pooling! 

I am watching the second series of Heroes since I was able to hire the whole series cheaply. I have watch 4 episodes and still don't get it. Am I being really dense here? It seems very disjointed to me. Yes, I realise some of the characters have superpowers due to evolution. I gather that some other characters are out to get them. But don't know why nor who they are exactly. Is there a point to all this?
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