Monday, January 07, 2008

Facing Facts

John hates going to the Dr. John deals with sickness and ageing with denial. We had a terrible row last evening after church! I lost it altogether with him.

He has has asthma now, which could lead to worse. He takes drugs for it. He also has high blood pressure. He doesn't eat healthily. He thinks if he eats the healthy option meals, he can eat all the chocolate and crisps etc he wants. He doesn't get they are high fat and high salt. Or he thinks it doesn't matter because he eats healthy meals.

Anyway, he is on antibiotics again for a chest infection. The third time this winter. He has a running order for the drug so didn't see the Dr. He started taking them last Monday and still went to work on the Wednesday!!! (He is NOT indispensable.) He is still coughing. The pills haven't worked.

Last evening in church he was spoken to by the speaker who told him bluntly to go to the Dr and not be so stubborn. Well, on the way home he was rather unpleasant. I know he is afraid. I know he doesn't like the fact he is over 60 now. Denial though will not help him keep well. The Dr has said that the condition he has is very early and with treatment and his cooperation, it will stay that way. He will still get old.

I get furious with him about his attitude. He makes me feel bad. The last time I refused to drive him to the train and he sulked and sulked but went to the Dr's appointment I made for him and was told bluntly that I was right-he needed drugs for his chest. Yet he still was humpy with me.

Just like this weekend. I told him he needs to see the Dr. He ignores me and when I repeat it he gets nasty in an attempt to make me feel like I am nagging for no good reason and being neurotic.

So right now I have the hump. I will make his appointment TODAY and he will go(he said so last night after being nasty)but he will go on his own. Not only does he lie to the Dr but he will lie with me sitting there. Clearly, 'nagging' doesn't work, saying anything at all about his health is nagging. Maybe if I ignore it and leave him to get really sick, he will do something on his own account.

I am afraid too. I love him and I don't want him to suffer and die early. Yet it seems I am powerless to force him to stop denying.

Oh and just to make it clear, I can be just as nasty when having a row!
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