Saturday, January 26, 2008

ED Convention

I was up early and out early to attend an Eating Disorder convention. I didn't manage to stay the whole day but only left 2 hours early. It was a good day. An excellent reminder of how life used to be and it could still be(if I were not dead) had I not put in the work I needed to do. I still believe I'd rather have the problems I have now, 24/7 pain and all, than go back to an active eating disorder.

People amaze me. Some of them anyway. They really do not seem to look at themselves at all. As an example, I have now had two emails from a person. Nothing odd about that. Both emails were to criticise either my work or expertise as a knitter. Both emails contained a clause about email being a difficult medium in which to be clear and not to offend. In the first, the writer said I ought to know better if I am such an expert on knitting(I have never claimed to be) and ought to know that yarn colourways are not always what the manufacturer says it will be and the second was to criticise the lack of symmetry, in their eyes, in one of my pieces of work. These are the only two emails I have ever had from this person. Nothing positive ever came my way from this person. Personally I don't give a shit what she thinks. What irks me is the lack of honesty and self knowledge they display rather than their opinion. Their need to lash out, their apparent ease with negativity.

Rather like the anonymous sniper I spoke of in the previous post below who supposedly is upfront by leaving an email address-except the email address is anonymous and still no name to their comment. Just how upfront, honest and brave is that?

Today, the people I heard speak know all about self honesty, courage, and suffering. They know about overcoming against all odds. They know about surviving. These are the sort of people I admire. These are the sort of people who have real guts, real courage and who are really worth my time and effort to know and learn from. I know when they speak, they speak from their knowledge and wisdom and whilst what they say might not work for me, it is honest.

Really the types of people I speak of above, the sniper and the criticiser, cannot hold a candle to these people I heard today. Their ages ranged from 20 to 64, both sexes, different shapes and sizes, all at different points along the path to peace. ALL without a doubt had tremendous courage in the face of real life threatening pain. ALL willing to make a change, to look inward. These people make me proud. They produce in me a good feeling about me and about them instead of the feeling of shame I get about those snipers etc, shame for them, not for me.

Yet again, along with the wise and supportive comments I have read here, today, meeting these people and hearing them, reinforces the reasons I like people and have faith in them. The world is not as full of arseholes as it can appear to be!

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