Tuesday, December 09, 2008


This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor
gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'


Anonymous said...

Hilarious.....falling off her chair...

CP Warner said...

Well! I'm grateful that the worst thing my hubby has ever done in a store is set off as many of the musical stuffed animals simultaneously as is humanly possible. But all those high-pitched micro-chip Xmas carols at once -- ye Gods! I move as far away as possible and pretend I don't know him. ;-)

The man in the article -- oy! Proves that you can take the man out of the frat house, but you cannot take the frat house mentality out of the man...

Aren't we all thankful that not all men are like him?

drMolly, the BeanQueen said...

too-too funny Colin :~)


Anonymous said...

I would love to know this person!

Anonymous said...

My husband likes to play with the toys that are set up for the kids to use in toy stores. Fortunately, we have small children, so it doesn't look that odd.... ;-)

FuguesStateKnits said...

My daughter is typing next to me at her computer and she cannot understand why I am laughing so hard tears are running down my face!!!
Thanks for this!
PS I'm sending this around!

FuguesStateKnits said...

PS - I know I know....royalties!