Thursday, November 19, 2009


I was wrong to have written as I did the other day about the dog show incident. It did not occur to me that any dog people, other than the one or two I know who do, (friends) read my blog. Stupid I know. In the past I have always been careful to not identify anyone and I was careless in my writing about this and caused pain where I had not intended to. Some feelings and thoughts, when they could hurt others, ought not be on here. As I have always said, it matters not if I like a person or not, or how I perceive their behaviour, I have no wish to cause pain to anyone. Oh, I know I am not offered the same but that isn't my conscience to deal with is it? Some people think one should give what one gets. I don't agree. I try to behave well no matter how others behave and in this matter I behaved carelessly and I regret that.

Oh, and yes, I have realised that someone passed the information on to the person I wrote about and I know who that was so I really need choose acquaintances more carefully.

Today has been a better day. I slept late again but I did what I had to do when I got up and I also went for a swim, which was very painful, much to my surprise. Even though I had drugged up. I guess it was the tension of the last few days.

My stomach lurches every time I think of what may happen, but I am trying to keep that out of my mind, or rather stay positive about it. I ma one of these people who like to know, whatever the outcome,ratehr than be kept dangling. Bad news is better than none. Good news is of course even better. Not knowing makes me sick.

The last few days, I only took painkillers once. Last night when I suddenly realised how much I hurt. I assume the adrenaline and my mind being elsewhere just didn't let me register it. I am back to my normal routine though as today, the pain was back with a vengeance.

John and I had a long talk last night. I think things between us will be okay. I cannot imagine not being with him but at the same time can't really see things being as they have been. In fact I hope they are much better now he is not carrying such a secret.

It's is Whitney's bath day. Show or not, she needs to be done. I am probably not going to do shows for a while, even if I have entered. With all this going on, I really don't feel up to it.

I am so tired my fingers want to stop typing! I think I could sleep for a week.
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