Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Another long term friend has also yet again taken advantage of me. They have done so before and I really had to think abotu if I would allow that possibility again. For the sake of friendship, I decided I would. Guess what? They not only have not turned up with the bitch they wanted mating, they just haven't even told me. It's been two weeks. Oh and they also asked nothing about the tax situation we are in.

Finally and the worst. The bankruptcy papers have arrived. It is going ahead. Why? John has been lying again. he lied to me the day he swore he loved me and how sorry he was and there was nothing left to tell. There was plenty left to tell. he lied to me. He lied to our tax lawyer. He has done this before.(meaning he hasn't done his tax before and has been in court over it before and he didn't tell me or the tax lawye=yer) i am fucked. I will be flatbound in London, unable to go out.

You know, my parents must have been right to treat me the way they did. Everyone since has too. No respect. No nothing. Lies and more lies. Oh, Colin doesn't matter.

There is no one left. I will never trust another living soul. My so called spiritual work has to go to. How can I go and do that feeling like this? I have nothing to give. I am not nay good and judging if something is true so how can I do this in all consciousness?

you know, I hear the sneers at the dog shows, those who think I am a plonker.They are right. I have been very very foolish to have trusted anyone. I am the big idiot they say I am.
I just feel totally humiliated. I never thought any one would make me feel the way my family did. You'd think with my background of being fucked over againa nad again and again I'd see it coming. i never do.
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