Saturday, March 15, 2008

This n That

I have swum my mile every morning this last 3 mornings without fatigue or too much pain. I have also been taking more drugs for the last 5 days. The first three I took 1200mg Ibuprofen a day along with 20mg Protium (for stomach acid). well, by day 3 I was having acid attacks. So I have switched to taking 150mg Diclofenac a day plus the Protium. No acid so far today. The Diclofenac is enteric coated. Hopefully this will make the difference. Anyhow, it would seem that one needs to take anti inflammatories over a period of time if they are to do their job. It doesn't mean daily forever, but for 5-7 days at a time. I shall see what happens over the next few days.

I find it offensive that people who don't know me or my family presume to know what my family thought or felt! The amount of people who say 'oh, they didn't know how to love you' or 'they did their best' or 'of course they loved you, they are your parents'.

It seems to me that these people cannot face the fact that there are parents and siblings who do not love their offspring or siblings and who actively hate them and harm them. Harm by accident or ignorance is one thing, deliberate, systematic abuse is another and is in no way love or an inability to love. It is conscious choice to use the object of the abuse as a whipping boy or girl, for the relief of their own pain.

This denial of my own reality is one of the reasons help was so hard to find. It was bad enough that I'd get thumped in the face or knocked into walls one day and told the next it never happened without others questioning my conclusions as to whether or not I was hated or loved!

In this country alone, 2 children a week are killed thru abuse by their parents/guardians. Don't dare tell me their killers did not know better or just 'couldn't like' their offspring!

It is only by luck I was not killed and if I had not come from an outwardly clean and respectable family, perhaps I would have been rescued long before I was so damaged. Instead, the abuse was allowed to continue because no one would accept that such well brought up children could possibly have cruel and wicked parents.

One of the reasons child abuse is so prevalent is because we let it happen. We turn a blind eye to it. We take care of our own feelings first, and because we can't face the facts, we deny them and yet another child suffers as a result. So we have adults who pay lip service to the need to protect children. They talk the talk but do not walk the walk.

And now for something completely different - food has really gone up in price! By a lot, not a little. Along with fuel - not just car fuel but house fuel-gas and electric. Car fuel is now at a whopping £1.16 for a litre of diesel. That is about £ 4.70 for a gallon (8 x 20ozs) or $ 9 per gallon(8 x 20ozs.) So I now have to think about where I go. It isn't simple. No car, no go out. I can't get anywhere without my car. Even if public transport was readily available and cheap (it is neither) it isn't accessible for me.

My eating habits have changed since I was sick those few months. I started during that time to eat fish. I ate more fish than anything else. Prior to that I was a steak, dripping with blood, man. Now I eat fish, chicken turkey and pork and no red meat. I ate a steak last night 'for a change' and did not enjoy it. Weird. Yet I now love fish. Whereas before, although I liked prawns and crabs and squid and octopus, I didn't really care for fish. Now I eat loads of it. Tuna steaks(yum), cod, Tilapia, Vietnamese River Cobbler(my fave), Cod, Haddock, Pollock, Trout, Salmon. I can't get enough of it. When we were in Germany last, I ate fish rather than rump steak mostly.

I have a demonstration to give tomorrow evening at 6.30pm. That will be fun. I always wonder what will come up. I also wonder if anything will come! It doesn't always. I have twice been in the position of having to say to the assembled people that I am sorry, but I cannot link this evening.
A lot of the energy needed for the dem comes from the people attending. If they are a miserable bunch and give nothing of themselves-i.e. are not open and warm and welcoming- they are likely to make it very hard work indeed for the medium. If I walk into a place and it's like the Tory party(Republicans) at prayer, I tend to think 'oh crumbs, I'm f***ed ' before I even start! Thank fully, it is mostly not like that and I get them warmed up and in a good mood during the talk part.
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