This N That

It is almost 7am here and I was up at 6am to go swimming. I decided I felt too tired. After arguing with myself for a while, I decided not to go and that perhaps this was what was meant when I was told I push myself too hard. So whilst I feel I ought to be swimming right now,I am writing here instead.

Speaking of swimming: recall that woman who asked me to move out of 'her lane'? Well, she swims with a friend, side by side. The other morning, I was already in the favoured lane. This time her friend tried to bulldoze me out of the lane! Yes, she swam into me twice. She just got in and freestyled toward me. Once going down and once going up. No I did not move and she did move over a lane. Both these women are in the 60's I would think. It astonishes me that they have managed to get this age and 1. still be bullies and 2. still not realise that the world does not revolve around them.

Good News: we went and did some shopping yesterday. I needed to buy trousers as I have lost so much weight now that my trousers no longer hold up. I dreaded doing so as trouser buying is the one thing I hate to do. I was very pleasantly surprised to find that I had not only dropped a good size but was well on the way to dropping another. I bought two pairs. Both fit perfectly as soon as I put them on. No having to try on different styles or sizes. (I ought to add here that my weight loss has been the result of the swimming and eating right for me-and no more than 1.5 - 2lb a week. I haven't really paid attention due to the other stuff going on with me.)

John has been home on holiday this week. However, he got this bug instead and is now on steroids and two inhalers and antibiotics! He is getting better and feels better. A shame it had to be on his holiday from work though.

Stomach: it finally seems to be settling. No gurgling, no discomfort, no odd sensations, no burning and hence much less fear. the anxiety and grief has not left me altogether but it is getting better and I am so much better than I was.

Diet Coke: One of the side effects of me not smoking(about 8 mths now) is that my tastes have changed. They have not improved, just altered. Foods I used to like I no longer do(Baked Beans are far too sweet, Gruyer too salty). Anyway, last May at a dog show, I was very thirsty and had run out of water. A friend offered me a Diet Coke which I at first refused as I hate the stuff. However, it was hot, I needed a drink so I took it and found I really liked it. I was soon drinking loads of the stuff daily. I did mainly drink the caffeine free variety. However, I would drink at least 4 litres a day.

The Monday before last, I wondered if the Diet Coke had anything to do with my stomach distress. I do not believe it caused it on it's own but perhaps in combination with the stress of the grief etc. So that Monday I decided to not have nay more. Tuesday I had none but my guts were still not good. Wednesday and Thursday were vast improvements and by Friday I felt more or less okay. I decided it was silly to think it was the Diet Coke. I drank a litre that day. One 500ml bottle on my outward 80 mile journey to see someone and one on the way back. Now when I got to where I was going, my stomach was acting up. I assumed it was because I was talking about painful stuff. I drank the second 500ml bottle on the way home. By the evening time, I was great stomach distress. As I was all day on the Saturday at the Guild day. Sunday was better, Monday even better, Tuesday was even better and today is Friday, a full week since I had any. My stomach/bowel is not experiencing anything like the distress it was. It still may not have anything to do with the Diet Coke but......

The puppies are 7 weeks old tomorrow. They are developing into their own 'persons' now. They wag their tales, ask to go out, play roughly and annoy the adults.

I have been slowly knitting socks still. Today I hope to get on with a cashmere sweater I have been asked to knit for someone. Other than that, I plan to rest. I feel tired and this has become obvious whilst I am writing this. In fact this last week, I have been more tired. Sleeping in the afternoon and at night. This is a good sign because I means I am settling down enough to sleep well and want to.

This last 3 months have been extremely challenging. Whilst I would not wish to go through this voluntarily, I can see the benefit I have gained in the changes within me. I do not feel I am out of the woods yet. I still need to work on trust and letting go and stopping being on guard the whole time. I am going at the pace I can go, no more and no less.