Tuesday, November 27, 2007

oh

I was up at 4.50am having woken and found myself unable to go back to sleep. I did what I needed to with the dogs, and was in the pool by 6.30am and swam 1 mile. By 7.30am the dogs were fed. I had done my banking and email and at 9am was asleep.

I have awoken again after some very disturbing dreams in which I found myself crying again. I was with a group of people and trying to express myself and they were talking over me and as I awoke, I realised their body language was such that their bodies had turned away from me. There were two men talking who seemed to be talking about the same experiences as those I have had, but they spoke in a different language about it, I don't mean they didn't speak English, but that they just didn't use the same words etc and seemed to be very little affected by their experience, in fact they seemed to make light of it. It certainly felt like my view was not valid. I don't really know for sure what that was about but it did make me think of a group I belong to where I definitely do not feel like I fit yet I very much ought to. It appears I am viewed as not the same at all there. This is the one group of people I really ought to fit in with but they have never let me belong in any meaningful way. Not just net wise but in life too.

I also dreamt of being with a man and a woman who have been the victims of a terrible terrible tragedy yet they are the ones being victimised and blamed for this tragedy. This dream is not hard to for me understand at all. I have felt for these people ever since they hit the news and I certainly know what it is to be blamed when one is not to blame.
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