Saturday, June 16, 2007

Good Morning

The sun is shining.

According to the weather people, this is God's equivalent of pretending there is nothing in the hand hidden behind his back.

They forecast more and more rain. But Sunday will be dry. So they say....

We have had loads and people have been flooded and lives lost.

However, tomorrow there is a dog show in Kelso, Scotland and nothing (almost) stops dog people going to dog shows. ( I do hope that my 2nd visit to Scotland will be less disappointing . On the first visit the only 2 men I saw in kilts were about 90 yrs old. )

Soooo.....I am off to Hartlepool today. Yes I know Hartlepool isn't Scotland, much less Kelso, and today is not tomorrow but if you are patient, all will be clear.

My friend Linda lives in Hartlepool. Her house is exactly 200 miles form mine. (Thank Garmin for the sat nav. At least for my Street Pilot 2720.) Kelso is 100 miles from her house.

Kelso is 285 miles from my house and I had considered leaving here at 2am to get there but thought that as I had paid the high entry fee, and would be paying about £60 ($120) in diesel, I would quite like to be able to show my dogs when I get there. (scuse me-bathroom break now.....back feeling much relieved thank you) Not to mention that I would like to able to drive home without killing myself or other road users.

So staying with Linda seemed the sensible option. I did it before in May when there was a dog show in Edinburgh. Cold and wet and windy it was. The show not Linda.

On that occasion Linda cooked me a lovely meal and behaved like a lady. No seduction attempt. Hopefully tonight I shall be just as safe. I think my walking sticks are a great help in protecting my virtue. Prior to me using those, I was really very unsafe from people's passions. I tell you. being irresistible is a curse. Don't wish it upon yourself. Be satisfied with what you were born with. Being gorgeous is not a joy but a sorrow. No one cares about your mind or your soul.

Oh dear, where was I?

Oh yes, Kelso. Not been there before either. Our judge is Zena Thorn Andrews, she who judged Best In Show at Cruft's this year, 2007. I have no idea what I think as I have not been under her before (wipe that thought now). I'll tell you what i think later....

Kelso by all accounts is a beautiful place and some people I know have been there and they have told me so and suggested all sorts of places to see.

Of course they are not dog people or they would not be so ******* stupid! I am going to a dog show. This means I am showing a dog. I do not have time for sight seeing!

Plus I can't get around, other than a minute or so walking up and down that ring, without a wheelchair and I will have no helper and are you blind? Have you noticed the sticks? The legs that don't work well? How long have you known me?

How am I going to get to that beautiful restaurant up that hill? Are my legs going work just because I am in Scotland and we all know that Scotland is the best country in the world and my legs will be miraculously healed the minute I cross the border. Not only that but the show committee will alter arrangements for the dog show to allow me the time to go and have lunch at this place. I am special you see so I am sure they will oblige me.

I digressed easy to do when one multitasks the way I do..during the writing of this I have had a good scratch, fed the dogs, let them out, had a good scratch, drunk a coffee, been to the loo, seat up, checked my banking, had a good scratch, saved a couple of lost souls, healed another couple, had another good scratch ( I think I need to spray myself) and now this is the end for now. Even I can only do so much and I need to rest.


BB said...

I hope the weather will be nicer in Kelso than it is in Berlin. And that you get more kilts. Kelso is rugby country too so you might actually see some nice hunks in kilts rather than the local OAP's club. Hope the doggies do well too and that you mangage to have fun 'under' Zena warior princess Andrews.

Jill Schaefer said...

Good luck at the show!