Friday, June 15, 2007

The Facts About Dripping

Okay, here are the facts about dripping.

Women are always complaining about it.

First off they complain about the seat and lid being left up. Why? Just what is the big deal? Is it more aesthetically pleasing to have the seat and lid down? It is just a loo for god's sake!

Now the dripping. Let me tell you, it may seem a really simple thing but it isn't. It is in fact a very difficult thing to pee with entirely good aim and with no dripping. In fact it is impossible.

First of all, the instrument thru which one pee's is not always str8. Yes you read write. Sometimes it gets scrunched up, or it is leaning to the left or right. Natural one's, those that haven't had the end cruelly and unnecessarily hacked off at some point, can be even more challenging as one has no idea which direction the flow will go until it starts, by which time it is too late...

Then there is the middle of the night pee. It is dark. One is still asleep but one gets up anyway and sleepwalks to the loo. (Now you know why the seat needs to be up -you're expecting too much of a sleeping man.) One pee's and goes back to bed. No, sleepwalking men do not look for any spillage. They don't even notice if the seat is up or down....

Then there is the morning, just awake, pee. You try pointing downwards with an instrument that resolutely points upwards! And no, having just woken up, we do not have time to wipe down the seat or the fact, if like me, one is very short sighted, one can't even see the drips.

Besides, when one is done, it is time for the hand shake. It really is too much to expect these flying drips to be well aimed. And one doesn't want drips dripping into ones' clothes or down one's leg.

So, ladies, now you know. Please be more compassionate and understanding. You have no excuse now. You have been told. You have had it fully explained.

Peeing is NOT that easy. If you had to shake your fanny whenever you pee'd , I am sure you'd be a tad more understanding. Mind you for all I know, maybe you do shake. Perhaps that is why you spend so long in there and prefer to go in pairs. The second person needed to steady you after the shake?

Edit: as reminded by AJ (see comments section in the post above this one) I always used to keep the loo seat down when I bred Persian cats. Never forgot after having a couple land in it. Wet Persian pussy running around the house is not funny. Oh, okay it is but the clearing up isn't.


KnitterMan said...

Hahaha! Yeah, you're right! O'course, the lady-folk would say the issue is easily solved by sitting rather than standing!

Jane in PA said...

In most bathrooms, public - both gents and ladies - and private, you can find this soft stuff on a roll called TOILET PAPER. That's what we ladies use to wipe instead of shake off the drops...and to considerately wipe up any mess we might have made.

You know, it's not really a male/female thing - it's more about being thoughtful of the next person coming along.

Molly said...

Absolutely hilarious! As the one who cleans the loo in a house full of boys it's nice to see the other side of things.

Twisted stitch socks are lovely by the way.

Eva said...

Colin you are just too funny. I havent felt well in a few days, havent even been to your sight in a few weeks, but you have made my day. LOL I do believe that we all should be more mindful of our bathroom habits though. Even us women dont like going to the "loo" and falling in when our spouse or significant other leaves the seat up in the middle of the night. LOL What an eye opener.

JeanTownsend said...

i loved this post. the handshake cracked me up. i came from a big family with lots of menfolk and have 5 sons. maybe you could use the pump handle method. only shake on the downswing?

Lia Nord said...

Your post is hilarious! Even though I had 3 brothers, a son, and now 2 husbands (not simultaneously), it gave me an insight I never had had before! And I don't know why it has never occurred to most women that it's just as easy to get used to the toilet seat always being UP instead of down.


FugueStateKnits said...

colin - I hope this post doesn't get banned, but my filthy mind got more of a chuckle out of the thought of "wet Persian pussy" running all over the house. I thought I had hit a porn site....Sorry!
You are so funny. I'll try to be kinder to the males in my house, LOL!
Joan a/k/a FSK