Lazy Day

Yes, I am going to do nothing today. No swimming. I might not even knit. I feel like reading so that is what I shall do. I love to read and usually read in bed before sleep. Trouble is it takes me forever to finish a book this way as I only get to read a couple of pages before I fall asleep and I often re read them the next night as I forgot! I am reading Selpuchre by Kate Mosse who also wrote Labyrinth. I enjoyed that one and this is a delight too.

I am often wryly amused by people who tell me off for judging whilst at the same time they are judging me! The assumption that they know me is even more amusing. And then making judgements about me and my personality whilst telling me I really ought not to do that! Something about looking into mirrors comes to mind. I have found over the years that people who are forever pulling up others with 'don't judge' are doing precisely that!

I spoke with John last evening about my desire to do nothing for a while. I have felt recently as if everything is going too fast, that I need to stop and rest. I have just felt really tired, not in much pain for a few days but that started up again yesterday. My spine is inflamed and thus my rib cage and now my hands too. Nothing new of course, just a part of my condition. And yes, I have been sensible and taken the right medication instead of just putting up with it. I discussed it with John because as I think I have written here before, I don't always know when to give myself a break.

The puppies are a delight. They are a day past 6 weeks old. I have whittled it down to two pups to run on as possible show dogs, James and one of the girls, who might be called Tabitha. As she is the daughter of Shameless, I had thought to find words like that.I have come up with Relentless and Dauntless which is okay for kennel names but not really for call names. Any ideas any one?

I gave in and stopped using the keyboard which came with my new PC. It is a wireless one and is pretty useless. It kept not working correctly and I would have typed out a few sentences and when I looked up, it had typed gobbledegook. I am back using my ergonomic plug in one.

It seems that we might have some summer this week. It was cold yesterday and especially last night. Today is warmer and it is supposed to get warmer and calm as the week progresses.

Four weeks today will be on day two of our German trip to visit with Diana and Lia and Lui and hopefully Jane will come over from Holland. I am really looking forward to it. One of the reasons I enjoy the break so much is not having to cook and not having to deal with t he dogs for a week. I miss them like crazy but do enjoy having the rest. Even though the rest is actually really rather tiring! The long drive, which I love to do, and of course the sight seeing, museums etc. But it is different so refreshing. I usually come back knackered!

I had an email from someone who was having difficulty approaching a task because of the math involved. Like me, she had been bullied by her father when trying to learn math. I reminded her she was no a child now, could take care of herself and the bully was no longer there. As odd as it sounds, when you experience prolonged suffering like that, one can continue to feel the same way long after the cause has gone. I know for me, that I can still awake full of dread and on those I just remind myself that I ma grown up now and those people are no longer around me. It works.

Is it just me, or do any of you find it odd, that of all that I write here, especially about abuse, that some people are only moved to comment when they read something that offends their cherished ideas? They don't seem moved to express empathy or horror at the events I have described, or solidarity, or support but are only interested in putting forward their agenda. I am not perfect by any means but I have read plenty of stuff on people's blogs that have moved me to comment supportively even though they also be writing stuff that conflicts with my ideas.

I think, being the angry, bitter person that I am, I shall now go and stick pins into effigies of those I hate. Never mind resting, this is too important. Besides, I can't really rest, I have too many people to scowl at and too many people to fight, too many people to condemn. Too many dolls to stick. There is no rest for the righteous.

(Oh and in case anyone is confused, this is my blog and I write what I feel to write when I feel to write it. Although some may feel some sad satisfaction in writing and telling me that they are not going to read my blog anymore, I don't really give a monkey's and wonder why such people would think I would! this blog is a journal for ME!! Not you. I of course like the fact it is read by others and I am appreciative of most of the comments it generates, even if I don't always agree. However, the primary purpose is a record of how I am day to day and how I have changed, or grown, over time. The fact that a side effect of my blathering has been that others have been helped is amazing to me. The most humbling and astounding comment I ever got was from a person who is a child advocate lawyer and they told me that they referenced me and my experiences when thinking about the best way to help the abused child they were dealing with at any given time. Wow! I had no idea just doing something like this for myself would have that sort of effect.

And yet I think that we are all ONE and what affects one affects all, even if we don't see it or are not aware of it. I think we don't really understand how we are indeed all connected and whilst one suffers we all do and whilst one experiences joy, we all do. I think all goes out there and ripple effect touches us all. I think a smile or a scowl does not just touch the one it is directed at. I think that what you feel and think, really believe, not only affects you but affects others too. I think that if a belief I hold is positive or negative it will have that effect not just on me but on you. For instance, my point about fundy beliefs, or atheist bigots, is I do strongly think that people who hold such beliefs are personally responsible for suffering such as that of Matthew Shepherd and those who loved him. I think that if you support Capital Punishment, you have blood on your hands. If you support war, you are personally responsible when that bomb blows up a family, and for when young men and women return home in body bags. I truly do understand the need people have for black and white truths. Grey areas makes us uncomfortable . It can be very scary. It is very scary! Living with uncertainty is frightening and not at all easy. But it is all we have. When we try to convince ourselves and others that there is only one Truth and we know what it is, we are in deep trouble. As evidenced by the world we live in and it's great suffering. This was clearly expressed by a conservative Bishop and the Co E's meeting where there has been much fuss over Gene Robinson being made a Bishop because he is gay and him being denied his rightful place at this conference. This conservative Bishop was saying that the trouble is that too many people deny we can know Absolute Truth and that Truth is subjective! To my way of thinking, this man was saying two things: I am absolutely correct in my judgement and my Truth is absolute. secondly, that those who disagree are wrong. It seems to em that this is a man who is too afraid of the grey and must have everything ordered in black and white terms lest he fall apart.

I rely on my thinking ability, my gut and my conscience and above all keeping my mind open. I have been been led many times to see that beliefs I held were wrong and harmful. I have also had other beliefs supported. Either way, I keep fluid, open and willing to learn. I believe that the only way to peace for myself and for others is by keeping my mind and my heart open. This doesn't mean I cannot speak out when I see great harm being done. This doesn't mean I can sit back and keep quiet when views are expressed that I see as harmful. No, I see it as my responsibility, and yours, to speak up. There are times of course when must act as if we are right. Do we hold back and not intervene we hear White Supremacists spread hatred? When religious fundamentalists spread hatred? When children are being abused? Do we hold back because we have no right to judge? Or is this just an excuse to cover our cowardice? It is quite possible to intervene to prevent harm, if possible, without hating those we see as creating the harm.)

Joan the Concise!

oh Joan! This is precisely what I believe and thank you for putting it so well. I may not agree about Jesus being anything other than an evolved man, semantics, but everything else you wrote is just what I have come to believe thru meditation and prayer rather than reading or listening.
Thank you for making better sense of what I have been trying to get across so poorly.

Joan wrote:

Ali, you astonish me! Our God is not only a God of justice, but of infinite MERCY.
No, there's no "justice" in human terms. Our enemies are well and truly destroyed in the next life - not by being burned in the physical sense, but in being changed utterly from enemy to friend. And those parts of us that hurt others and work against God and His/Her love are also gradually destroyed.
If they - and we - choose it.
The death of Jesus on the Cross was God coming to us and saying - I'm bringing you ALL to me - not just those of you who know the secret handshake - ALL of you. You may not see Me in it, but I'm there, loving you and guiding you. You can choose to turn the other way, but I will never give up on you.
NEVER.
That's a long time. And when the Hitlers of the Universe are healed and learn to love, what rejoicing there will be in Heaven! The Law will not longer be needed; Justice is unnecessary because Mercy and Love will abide.
And, Ali, as you well know, "the greatest of these is Love" (1 Cor. 13).
Much love,
Joan

And pebs writes, with the certainty of a fundamentalist:
Do you know why you feel bad, angry or upset?. It's not because certain things or beliefs exist.

It is because at some point you choose in your mind to either judge yourself or someone else as bad. At that point you invite in something you wouldn't want - negativity.

It is possible to accept that things you are not lined up with exist in the world and instead of fighting them, to put your attention to the positive things you are lined up with instead.

I clearly don't agree with this. It puts me in mind of those who let the Holocaust happen and who for example, today, bury their head in the sand and let child abuse happen.
Perhaps if Pebs had written that these are her ideas about the way things might be, and not written as if statements of fact, it would not be so fundamentalist. Like I said not all Fundies are Xtian!

Respectful Reading

Pebs wrote:Dear Colin, in reply to "They worship a being that has caused and will cause more suffering to more people than anyone ever has." No they do not worship a being that has caused suffering. Because God does not create suffering and evil acts. Humans do. Whether they are insane in mind or not, it is them all the same.

I reply: Hi Pebs - I know that! Such a God doesn't exist but for the Fundy Xtians(and Muslims and others) he does. They are the ones who believe that God has a place of eternal torture for those who don't believe as they do. They call it Hell. When you consider the billions of people here now and who were here, by their fundy reckoning, the vast majority will be suffering eternal pain. So yes, they do worship a God that is worse than Hitler, Stalin, etc put together.

Oh and I have time and respect for Buddhism.

You know, I cannot keep repeating all of the posts written before when I write something, so rather than assume you are sure you know what I mean, it might be better to read previous posts. If people did this, they would not come to such erroneous conclusions about what I think.

Comments

I will not publish comments form people who remain anonymous AND are unpleasant and clearly have not read properly. Or who are too stupid to understand what they are reading. I also do not ever entertain people who back their argument up by throwing my past in my face, as if that explains anything. Some people are expert at saying' well you don't think clearly because of what happened to you'.

As for hating God and Xtians -only a moron with an agenda would say that is my position.

Not all Xtians think as Ali does, that is very clear. My objection is to fundamentalism, which is evil and it's adherents are dangerous. I can't be any clearer than that. And whilst this discussion has been concerning Xtian fundamentalism, I object just as much to Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, Sikh or whatever fundamentalism. In my experience, none of the Fundies I have met are different at all from each other. All lacked compassion, all were judgemental, all had a God of fear, all were closed minded and all were intolerant. And ALL WERE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY CONVINCED THEY WERE RIGHT AND EVERYONE ELSE WAS WRONG.

All this started because Ali decided we needed to know that a homophobic woman registrar who refused to marry gay couples, legal here, was not a homophobic bigot but a good Xtian. I and others say that is rubbish. This registrar happens to be black. What if someone stood and said it is against my conscience to hire this person because she is black? Or a white or black registrar refused to marry her to a white man because they object to mixed marriages? I tell you what then, the said registrar would have been sacked on the spot and no hoo ha would have resulted but because homosexuals are still considered less than deserving of equal rights, it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of queers, what does it matter? Shouldn't be allowed anyway, not natural.

I find it even stranger that this type of Xtian loudly proclaim hurt feelings yet never stop to consider the pain they cause others. Oh, but we're wicked so what does it matter? We deserve as much pain as possible.

Many people can't separate their ideas from what is ethical.

Ali and the anonymous poster whose comment was not abusive, I apologise, I did not intend to censor you. Your comments got zapped. If you would care to post comments again, I will post them.

Revealing Herself

Ali The Artist wrote:

Colin, you say:
"I am here to tell you that we are each loved, you and I, now and forever, without exception."

Does this also include "Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot etc put together", who you've already said are evil (and whose evil you say God surpasses)? Where's the justice in that?

I actually wrote:
These people are worshipping pure evil. Worse than Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot etc put together. They worship a being that has caused and will cause more suffering to more people than anyone ever has.

The acts of these people were evil, were they not? I accept I ought to have it clear that I meant the acts not the people. Just as I believe your ideas to be evil, not you.

Why? Because if people truly are evil, then god cannot dwell inside them and they cannot be changed. if people who commit evil can be changed so that they bring forth love, it only makes sense they were not evil in the first place. don't you recall: hate the sin not the sinner? Does that not apply across the board? Or only to those you deem worthy?

My answer is yes, it includes them, and you, and me. God's love is not conditional. Yours clearly is. It is counterfeit love. The more you write the more you reveal yourself to be as I suspected. You cannot seem to envisage a God of love because you cannot do without vengeance and what you call justice-which is no such thing but hatred dressed up.

If you have read with any comprehension at all, you will have noted that I wrote in one of the posts about how we are punished BY our sins, not for them. So you, me, Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot etc cannot come to the peace that passeth all understanding without a great deal of suffering. The mere realisation of our wrong and the pain it caused others will cause immense suffering. We we will feel it. What can be more apt than that? Feeling what we made another feel?

But wait! Did you not say that Jesus paid all of our debts? That would include Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot etc. It is not within you to know whether or not they believed in that last second. So you must withhold your judgement for you may well find they are in heaven right next to you. Who are you to say they would not?

oh and your friend in spirit, Ray Comfort, is a liar: I quote:The Bible proves itself to be the Word of God, not just because of its scientific, prophetic and historically accurate facts,

Talk

This roughly what I speak of when I am invited to speak and demonstrate. It shows clearly that I have very real evidence to back up my current beliefs and that those who would have me think otherwise have none. Of course it isn't evidence to you-you were not there and you have to have such experience yourself. It is readily available to those who wish to explore and not just believe what they are told to believe or are frightened into believing.

The man you see before you tonight is not the man I was before I came to understand that we do indeed survive physical death and that each and everyone of us is loved as we are now, not for what we may have been or what we may become.

The man I was before lived most of his life in fear. I had been taught of a God of fear and damnation, a God who detested me. Compounded by parents who did not love and protect me, a father who despised me, brothers who reviled me, and peers who sneered at me and spat upon me. The man I was before would still be in a locked ward had it not been for the love of strangers that carried me through the darkness and into the light.

The man I am today is still the man reviled and abandoned by those who may have been different, who so reviled me they did not tell me of my mother's death.

Yet I am not the man I was before I learned of my mother's death. My knowledge of the death of my mother was the turning point of my life. Oh there had been other turning points, some deeply meaningful events , without which I would not be here speaking with you tonight. However, what I learned after the death of my mother was truly the point which brought all the others into focus.

I had already been brought to an understanding , through the gifts of the Spirit, that I had been taught lies. I had been guided to learn that there were other ways to think.

The day I first realised that death was not the end was a day of terror for me. It was not what I wanted. I had wanted oblivion, and end to my existence. An end to my suffering. I no longer wanted life.

As you can see, that was not to be.

I had felt myself drawn toward a group of people who were congregated in what seemed like a lit up fog. As I got closer, one figure became clear to me. One of my aunts. I knew her to have died. She embraced me and said to me that I must return, it was not my time, I could not stay.

I awoke, furious and terrified. I had been unconscious, I was in hospital, on a drip and with breathing apparatus attached to my face. I pulled off the mask and pulled the drip out from my hand. It hurt and blood gushed everywhere. A nurse came over quickly to attend to me and told I was very lucky. I told her to f*ck off. I was far from lucky. I had wanted to be dead.I did not want this life. what is more, I did not deserve it. I was evil. I was the lowest of the low. I deserved to not exist.

Later I came across a woman who told me I was not crazy, but that I had a gift, a gift of spirit, and I would one day use this gift to spread a message of love and hope to people just like me.

WHAT?!! Clearly this woman was nuts. Clean off her trolley.

Yet here I stand tonight, speaking with you and about to show you how this gift of the Spirit works. Perhaps she wasn't off her trolley after all.

Yet here I stand tonight, speaking with you and about to show you how this gift of the Spirit works. Perhaps she wasn't off her trolley after all.

Now, to the death of my mother. I awoke in the early hours of one morning, feeling afraid and unsettled. I found myself on my PC. To cut a long story short, this is how I came to find out that my mother had passed over 18 mths previously. I also came to understand just how much my other family members reviled me. This was the beginning of my real healing.

That night, I came to a place just like this, as I am wont to do. The speaker that night came to me first. I had already started to tremble. I knew what was coming. She told me that my mother was there with us, she named her country of origin and how she passed. I let go of long stored pain and cried until I was exhausted.

I had this experience several more times and I got on with my life, changed, because now I really knew. Or I thought I did. It wasn't over yet. (and I doubt it ever will be!)

Last October, at Driffield dog show, I began to feel bad. I had a burning in my gut. My friend to whom i mentioned it told me it was 'nerves'. I didn't think so. It wasn't. This burning developed and became fear. And that became terror. This took place over a couple of weeks.

I felt like a child. I was feeling the feelings I ought to have felt all those years ago but had disassociated from. My terror grew. I was convinced I was being eaten from the inside out. I knew I was dying.

I came to these meetings as often as I could, as often as 5 times a week and each time I came I was spoken to. Each time I was told how much I was loved. Each time I was told I was safe. Each time I was told the truth of my life which a stranger could not know unless they were being given it by the Spirit. My mother revealed herself time and time again with the truth of how she had been and promising me love and acceptance now. Not just she, but others who had gone before me, friends, relatives, they all gave me the same message of love and hope and acceptance.

Then one day, a Tuesday, I was alone and at the end of my endurance. I could feel this monster within me and it was going to burst out and swallow me up. I was just hanging onto my sanity. I cried out in utter anguish: IF YOU ARE THERE AND YOU LOVE ME THEN F**KING WELL SHOW ME. NOW!!!!!

Calm came over me and I fell to the floor. There I lay, still , and feeling nothing until I felt welling up in me a pain so enormous I feared it would shatter me into a million pieces. I grabbed the phone and soon on the line was my friend. She didn't ask questions. She spoke to me as if I were a child whilst I let my grief go in painful guttural noises and screams and retchings. I knew in that moment both that grief can kill and that it would not kill me. I would survive this. I cried for days.

The message had finally been delivered. I finally understood. I was loved and I was loveable. I was safe. I knew that I suffered the way I did not because of who I was but because of who they were! The people who caused my suffering did so because they had something wrong with them, not because I was bad.

So I am here to tell you that you are loved in a way beyond your imagination. Those who treat you badly do so because of a flaw in them, not in you. Those who teach you lies, teach you that you are evil, teach that God is to be feared, do so because they are flawed not because they are right.

I am not here to tell you what to believe or what God is.. These are questions you must think on for yourself. I am here to tell you that we are each loved, you and I, now and forever, without exception. That we each survive physical death.

I have nothing to prove to you. In fact I can't. We come to the part of the evening, where given that Spirit are with me, I can give you messages of love and support from those you know who have passed before us. What you make of it is up to you. It is not my wont nor my job to tell you what you must believe. That responsibility is yours.

Hate Speech

Now we know , in part, where Ali gets her hate speech from. At first, I was willing to believe that Ali was just a misguided person, good at heart. Her comments and links show a person steeped in her hatred and revelling in it. Whilst I see no point in arguing the toss with such a person, closed minds are just that, closed. I do see value in bringing such evil to light here.

Interestingly one of these links, perhaps both of them, talk about 'cults' and false beliefs'. Ali and her ilk are cultists. They have all the hallmarks of such.
The writers of the nonsense in these links are arrogant enough, surprise surprise, to think only they have the Truth! if it didn't cause so much evil in this world, one might be prepared to laugh at these people, as one often does with fools. But these are very dangerous people. People like Ali are a danger to all of us. Remember the Holocaust? The belief might have been different, but Ali and her ilk are not different.

Apart from that,despite their protestations, they do NOT know the truth. They only say they do. This is not the same. I don't know the Truth. You don't know the Truth. No one does. No matter how vehemently they shout it, they do not know and they are liars.

And as for Ali's version of the Truth, she is clearly a liar. Her faith is not in a God but in HERSELF. She doesn't speak of love but of hate. She has chosen to make her God in the image of the worst of men.

The truly terrible thing about this is that it will not just be her who suffers the consequences of her mistake but also those whom she corrupts.

Whilst I do not purport to know the Truth, I do have a heart and conscience that is clearly able to distinguish love from hate. I know Ali and her ilk are lying because they do not shed light and love but hate and darkness disguised as light and love. Any person who truly listens to the God within, and can move beyond fear, can see through this fraud too.

Oh no doubt they can throw all sorts biblical quotes around but they mean nothing because they have no validity whatsoever except that which is given to it by the likes of Ali.

The only real sin, one that cannot be forgiven, is a closed mind. Ali is stuck in such a position. She cannot be 'saved' from herself because she will reject all attempts to show here how flawed her thinking is, how her faith in her own judgement is flawed, how her arrogance and pride will damn her. no matter what she is saying, it is clear that her faith is in herself and nowhere else and whilst this state continues, she will be out of reach of love because she shuts it out. She knows better and takes comfort in her own sense of superiority and her own judgement. Until such times as Ali allows for the possibility that she is indeed loveable just as she is, that she cannot and will not ever be destroyed, that her worth is in her being not in her doing or her believing, that god really is love and not hate and not to be afraid of, her sin will remain unforgiven. The minute her mind opens, the minute she is forgiven because then her error can be corrected.


Ali's favoured hate speech


More of Ali's favoured Hate speech

The Pope - WTF?

I saw a very long time ago that the Emperor Has No Clothes (substitute Pope for Emperor).When I was a child in fact. I still see the same thing only now I find it so hard to believe that millions have fallen for this codswallop. Are they blinded by the pomp and riches. They don't see a fallible man, but 'God's representative Here on Earth'! How tragic! How blasphemous! What crap! What evil this causes! And of course this is precisely why the RC Church indoctrinates it's children so. They know it produces befuddled adults who cannot believe other than what they were taught through fear of the consequences.

So why the Pope today? Well because this arrogant nincompoop has 'apologised' to Australian youth who were sexually abused by the RC priests. (No mention of the mental and spiritual abuse. Oh, sorry, that is what they are meant to do!) Now, the RC Church KNEW about this abuse for years and years and years and chose to protect it's priests and not it's children. Now, it is forced to apologise. Not because it saw the error of it's way but because it's wounded children made such a fuss, they had to. Had the victims not caused caused such a fuss, the RC Church would still be silent and still be protecting it's priests and never mind the children.

"Here I would like to pause to acknowledge the shame which we have all felt as a result of the sexual abuse of minors by some clergy and religious in this country. Indeed, I am deeply sorry for the pain and suffering the victims have endured and I assure them that as their pastor I too share in their suffering."

How dare he? He has no idea what the suffering of a sexual abuse victim is ! How patronizing! How ignorant! He clearly has no idea at all of the suffering involved

Also HE HAS NO RIGHT AT ALL to apologise on behalf of the those priests who abused. NO! He ought to , and HAS NOT, apologise for the disgusting way the Church tried to hide these facts and protect it's priests at the immense cost of it's victims. For that he OUGHT to feel shame and for that he ought to apologise.

Funnily enough, fundy Xtians hate the RC Church and they consider the Pope to be an anti christ. Not for the harm the RC has done but because they have the temerity to have a different view point to them. If they disliked the RC church for it's obvious failings and it's unbiblical stance, they might be considered to have some integrity. But they don't have either integrity nor brain cells really.

After all, they believe that everything alive today descends from those that were saved in Noah's Ark! Now that was some boat! F***ing HUGE! Oh and of course they support incest. Must do as they also believe we all descend from Adam and Eve. Oh, and God chucked a wobbly and killed everybody, babies and children too, for they were of course evil, in a flood that covered the whole earth. Shit, he has such temper!

Strangely, we are told to be tolerant, to love our neighbour, to show mercy and compassion. To lessen our rpide, to be humble. All the qualities that indeed god DOES NOT HAVE!!!!! DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO! God of course can hate, can be angry and vengeful and jealous. We can't though because that makes us evil and deserving of everlasting hell fire. Doesn't God remind you of a rampant active alcoholic? Or a particularity trying two year old?

But of course, how silly, our going to Heaven has nothing at all to do with the sort of person we are,in our hearts, but what we believe. We can be as self centrered and wicked as we like as long as believe that jesus already paid for our sins. Yes, that is it folks, just believe that and you are saved. hallelujah! Go and sin more but believe and you are safe. No consequences will come your way. No sirree. You are safe. Remember folks, that is all that is required, the magic key. Belief. Nothing else.

It is so strange that those who preach that this is so, still pound on and on about sin and wickedness and spell out the ways in which they think we are sinful. Surely they are arguing against themselves? Surely they are missing the point? Should not all their energy be being put into getting people to believe that all their debts have already been paid for by Jesus and therefore we have nothing to worry about. Is not that their message? As shown in that blog link on Ali The Artist blog?
It matters not what we do, just what we believe. There is no qualification in that. It isn't dependent on behaviour and attitude and thought but purely on belief.
Or is it that they want it both ways? Yes, you ahave to believe but you also have to behave as they think you should? IE you also have to be perfect, sinless? Which is it? belief or sinlessness? Both? Oh what an intricate web they weave when first they decided to deceive!

Oh Dear!!!

Ali The Artist

Colin - I regret responding to your original post about the registrar as I think all it's done is to compound your hard heart towards God (to use a Biblical term). I pray God will soften your heart and call you to Him.

11:53 AM, July 18, 2008

And Ali the Artist clearly shows yet again that she is the bigot she is, and that arrogance is holding her back. She clearly believes there is only one possible God and that is the God she has created. She cannot let into her mind or or her heart the possibility of a truly loving God. She cannot conceive of a God who would love her and also love those she hates. If only she could allow that light into her, she would be free and have no fear.

My heart is hard toward evil and I pray it remains so.

Brrr

Well yesterday at the dog show it was COLD! It did me no favours at all. It was windy too. So my legs became painful and it was rather difficult.

I got a 3rd with Micah and a 4th with Whitney in large classes (9 and 11). As I know dog people read this blog, I can't be as forthcoming as I usually am. Meaning I can't say what I would want to say about judging and what goes on at the shows. I can't write about judges who don't know the breed or judges who place dogs according to who is holding the lead, or about judges who diagnose defects without benefit of x-rays and knowledge, or judges who only give high awards to their friends, or how certain dogs become Champions just because 3 friends gave them the required award.No I cannot write about these things at all. I can write though that mostly what happens is above board. When it isn't, it is obvious and one crosses those judges off one's list. I do wonder if those who judge the wrong end of the lead realise they are being watched by people who KNOW? Or are they so arrogant as to think we are all stupid?

I have sold what I want to sell of the puppies. (They have not left yet - too young.) I have also found a very good home for Lui, I think. I am disappointed to be letting Lui go but he will much happier to be just a house dog. He HATES to show. Despite all his good physical attributes, I decided against breeding from him as I do not want to pass his temper on. You can bet your life that he will sire an excellent puppy that will also not like to show! Temper is so important. It is number one. Most puppies go to pet homes and they need to be sound and stable.Too many people ignore this. Obviously there is nothing about Lui that one would describe as bad tempered, he only doesn't like the crowds and showing. I have seen dogs though at shows who are scared, who are aggressive, who do not have the 'gay' character that Apso are supposed to have. They are also assertive and 'chary(wary) of strangers. Too many people use assertive to excuse aggression and chary to excuse nervousness. A dog that will not show, that continually drops his tail is not 'gay and assertive'. Nor is a dog that refuses to be handled or touched by the judge.

Again, I have not gone swimming today. Feel too weak and sore. Mainly weak. I seem to be going thru a fatigue and weak phase rather than a bad pain phase. Trouble is for pain I can take drugs. For this, I can do nothing.It is more than irksome! Even my fingers feel heavy.

I have been having some very odd dreams recently. I am one of these people with a vivid dream life. I dream nightly and recall them. I know everyone dreams but many don't recall them. I do. In technicolour too.

The night before last I dreamt I was in some sort of Jane Austen period drama. I was having bad stomach cramps and the two women in the dream were asking me what was wrong,I was unable to tell them because everytime I tried, I burst out laughing. I was trying to tell them I was not ill but in labour!!!! Now I have dreamt of being in labour once before and I could feel these painful contractions. I awoke thinking this was very odd when I had the contractions again! Turned out I had food poisoning and this was the beginning of a 10 day illness. I couldn't stop throwing up. Anyway, this time I am not ill though I wonder if I was having cramps from the IBS.

I also have dreams that herald change in my life. I am mostly not aware they mean this until the change occurs. For instance, last year's grief was indeed heralded by a very clear and to the point dream. I missed it's meaning, but I guess I wanted to.

I have also had dreams that come true. For some reason I dreamt of the Russian nuclear sub that sank years ago. I dreamed it before it appeared on the news. One of the most vivid dreams, and scary, I have had was I awoke from sleep and was in the kitchen of my flat, making coffee when I saw a mushroom cloud rise into the air. I was terrified. I calmed down when I realised that the bomb had gone off in Iran, not London. Given the present situation, this dream is often on my mind now and I dreamt it in the 80's.

Oh and guess what? Today is cold, wet and grey. Just for a change. Global warming anyone?

Worshiping Evil

This is a post about my thoughts on the type of Xtian fundamentalism ascribed to by Ali the Artist. However, it is not directed at her nor is it for her. There is no point to that. This will show where I am coming from, which may not be clear, whilst we all know where Ali and her ilk are coming from.

The more I think about the words written on her blog link (see previous post), the more astounded and saddened I become. These people are worshipping pure evil. Worse than Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot etc put together. They worship a being that has caused and will cause more suffering to more people than anyone ever has. And all because these people have chosen to disbelieve the Christ story(which is not original). Not for any sins they have committed, like murder or child abuse, but simply because they do not believe that someone else 'paid' their 'debt'. It means that otherwise good people, who have lived a life of caring for others are condemned to suffer for eternity in the mind of these so called Xtians. Their God is an evil twisted corruption. They have made God in THEIR image!

What does it say about such people that they can believe such evil ? Well, it can mean they are very afraid people. Maybe they lack intelligence. Or they have very low self esteem. Or they are wicked people. Or they are so hurt they have no trouble believing that a God will avenge those that have hurt them so.

Whatever, there must be something very amiss within them that they can accpet usch an evil is God!

Oh, and the one thing these people are not aware of: they say their faith is in God. it isn't. It's in themselves and their own ability to judge. They are convinced that their judgement that this version of reality is the only true one. Their faith is in themselves and nothing else. Such people are extremely dangerous, as can be seen in the world today, and we ought not to sit back and say it's harmless, let them believe what they want. Rubbish! they are doing what they can to force the rest of us to live according to their wants.

Just look at what is happening in the USA where the state and religion are supposed to separate and clearly are not. Teaching only Creationism in schools? I wonder if these idiots ever stop and think. As can be read on that blog link, clearly not! For instance, incest must surely be perfectly Xtian. After all we ALL descend directly from adam and eve and their two sons......I know that anyy non fundy Xtians will have seen the flaw in this one already.

These people do untold damage to children by indoctrinating them with this filth. It is the worst kind of child abuse because it corrupts the mind and spirit.

Why do I give the impression that this fundy stance pisses me off? Could it be the totally self centred attitude? Their not giving a toss about who their beliefs hurt as long as they can feel safe and saved? I'll tell you this for nothing their belief is not borne of a spiritual awakening but of a deep rooted self centredness created by fear. It is bogus, dishonest, self centred and evil.

And I don't for one second apologise for my forthrightness. One doesn't pussy foot around in the face of evil.

(Oh and to clear-it is the belief and their fear that is evil, not them. They can't be as they, like the rest of us, are a part of God and in essence good. The light of God is is in all of us, no matter how dim that light may seem.)

Deception

Ali The Artist Wrote:

Colin - I'm honestly not at all sure how to respond to your post. Will you listen if I dispute with you? Or would you be happier to condemn me as a hypocrite, a liar and a coward and have the last word? It is your blog after all! :-)

I don't need to. You condemn yourself.

I suggest those interested go and look at Ali's site and click on the 'are you good enough' link and see just what evil she has been driven to believe.

I feel sad for you Ali, truly. Not hatred but sadness that you could hold such hatred in your heart and kid yourself into thinking it is love.

I know from experience that discussion with people with your mindset is fruitless.

I can only pray that you do not have access to children with this wickedness.

I CANNOT IMAGINE BEING AT PEACE IN HEAVEN KNOWING THAT OTHER PEOPLE WERE SUFFERING FOR ALL ETERNITY. HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE AT PEACE KNOWING THAT? I COULDN'T REST IF IT WERE JUST STRANGERS TO ME, SO IMAGINE HOW MUCH WORSE IT WOULD BE IF THEY WERE PEOPLE I LOVED? I WOULD NOT BE AT PEACE EVEN IF IT WERE THOSE WHO CAUSED ME SUCH SUFFERING AS I GREW UP. NO. I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS AND KNOW IN MY HEART IT IS A LIE THAT OTHERS TEACH FOR THEIR OWN ENDS.

Weary

I have done nothing all day. Oh, apart from pick up dog do and little sock knitting. I was right yesterday to decide that today was rest day. I went back to bed at 11am at got up at 1pm. If it were not for the dogs, I'd be back in bed again now. I feel so weary. I HATE days like today. I tell you fatigue is far worse than pain to deal with. I have little pain today. But with pain I can minimise it with drugs and putting my mind to something else. Like I have said, I am good at disassociating. Fatigue cannot be dealt with. At least I don;t know how to. I know it will go on its own. When it decides to. It really does not seem related to anything I do. I can be very active for days at a time, in pain, and I get tired. This is not tired. this is fatigue. There is a difference though I can't really explain it. Sleep doesn't alleviate it. It feels as if one is moving through thick air all the time, like someone added weights to my arms and legs. Even knitting has been an effort and I have put it down to just watch tv. Highly unusual for me. Even the small movements required to knit are too much effort and typing this , my hands feel heavy. Weird.

Five weeks from today, John and I will arrive at out friends' home, Lia and Lui, in Sandhausen (near Mannheim) Germany. I am really looking forward to that. We leave here on the 17th, staying in Dinant, in the Ardenne region of Belgium on that night and driving the rest of the way the following day.

Successful Evening

I went to a new hall about 50 miles away last evening where I had been invited to speak and demonstrate. It went really well. I was surprised because I was not in the best of moods yesterday, felt really crabby.

I took the opportunity to have my dog friend see Lui and tell me what she thought. Like me she think she is a good dog. Trouble is he is weird. He is friendly with people and is not afraid. yet he refuses to show, goes rigid when you want to do anything with him, like groom or bath or just to get hold of him. Again he doesn't act fearful, just 'leave me alone' and 'I don't want to'. I have given up with the show training as he really doesn't like it. He is funny, he leaps into the air like a gambling goat when he is pleased to see you. He is all over any visitors-unless he thinks they are going to pick him up and then he backs off. Fairly normal that is. The dilemma for me is whether or not to breed with him. He could pass this trait on and you can bet it will be passed onto the best puppy in the litter!

I am having a day off today. No swimming. No arguing with myself about it. I decided yesterday that today would be my day off. I am tired and sore and just fancy a lazy day. So I am having one.

I have a championship show on Wednesday and have a show every week until the 11th. On the 17th we leave for Germany and will be back on the 25th.

WARNING: Blunt and to the point!

Ali wrote:

Colin - I do wish you wouldn't jump to the conclusion that Christians like the woman involved in this case hate homosexuals. Her position is one of conscience, based on the teachings of her faith. I am a Christian, my brother is gay, he and his partner had a civil partnership last year, which I attended and even made the celebration cake for! I love my brother and his partner - their sexuality has no bearing on that love. I do not hate homosexuals. A Christian conscience absolutely does NOT equate with hatred (in fact that's a contradiction in terms!), and the fact that this woman has stood up and been prepared to be counted makes her very much NOT a coward. I think you might need to be careful that you're not bordering on bigotry yourself, against people (like myself) who hold with the teachings of the Bible. [The online Encarta definition of a bigot is - intolerant person: somebody with strong opinions, especially on politics, religion, or ethnicity, who refuses to accept different views.]

Oh dear, you really cannot see your own bigotry and hatred nor hypocrisy can you? Nor can you see that such an attitude of intolerance is hatred. It isn't love. Hatred does not have to be overt or even recognised within one to be hatred.

I think your attitude is appalling. It is patronizing to your brother, I certainly do not believe you love him, clearly you do not, you love your fantasy of him, not the homosexual man that he is. You cannot love him on one hand and believe he will rot in hell on the other for being who he is. That is not love. That is cowardly bigotry. Like that registrar, you do not have the courage of your convictions because you say it is your faith that gives you this attitude. Rubbish! The attitude is in you, in your soul, in your mind, if it were not it wouldn't matter what a book said, or people's interpretation of what it says, you would not accept it because it would not fit with your conscience. In other words it is you who believes your brother is evil because he is gay and that God will damn him for all eternity. Have you ever thought about that? YOUR BROTHER , the man you say you love, you are quite happy to see burn in Hell for all eternity? That he is an abomination in the eyes of the God you believe in? And therefore in yours. As you long as you can feel that someone else pays for your sins and that as long as you believe that, and spout the beliefs, including the hatred of your own brother, you will go to heaven and be in bliss for eternity. Oh as long as you believe that, you don't give a toss what happens to your brother do you? No as long as you feel safe you are quite happy that your God will damn him.

(Imagine for a moment what it might feel like to be told that your feelings of love and arousal are evil? Imagine what it might feel like to be told that your essence is an abomination? That what makes you who your are is wicked and despicable. Think about it. Did you choose not to have feelings of love and arousal for women? When did you make that choice? Explain just how you HAD a choice? No? I thought not).

Or have you never followed your thoughts thru? Your beliefs. Do you truly mean it when you say you are a devout believer in a belief system that condemns your brother for all eternity?

If you do, then I feel very sorry for you. You are a hypocrite and a coward and bigot of the worst kind. You hide behind your so called faith and put the blame there. When this evil is within you.

Think I am being too harsh? Maybe but because of people such as yourself millions of gay people have been killed, are still being, or live terrible fear filled lives. And don't you dare say you have no blood on your hands - you DO by supporting a belief system that causes this evil.

Ultimately, your conscience and belief system is utterly self centred. It is all about saving you and is based upon fear. This is not faith nor is it love. It is fear and hatred.

The God I believe in is truly one of unconditional love and I am only sorry that you don't understand the concept of unconditional love.

Love is an ACTION not a feeling. You say you love your brother but your actions say otherwise. So what that you attended his wedding and made the cake? In your heart he is an abomination to you. This makes you a coward and a hypocrite and quite wicked in my mind.

Having said that, I know that the Creator is within you too and that despite your way of thinking, you will not be condemned for it but you will be held to account. Change is painful. That is how we pay for our sins. We suffer. We are 'punished' BY our sins, not for them! Changing our thinking, the beliefs we base our lives upon, is excruciatingly painful. To see ourselves as we are and not as we think we are is suffering. To become aware of the suffering we have caused others, is suffering. We FEEL it. We will KNOW and in that knowing will be our 'punishment'.

You cannot escape this by putting the onus on someone else. No one else will take your consequences. That is so clear yet unseen by those who deny their culpability and believe that another will pay for them. If this were true, all their suffering would cease the minute they believed! There would be no consequences to their thoughts and actions. No cause and effect. That, as any one with brain knows, is not what happens.We continue to suffer.

How anyone can believe in a God who thinks their brother is evil and an abomination is beyond me. How anyone can believe in a God who demanded that a man, who he says was his son, die such an appalling death to appease his anger is beyond me. How anyone can believe in such an evil story I have no idea. Except of course I do know. They believe out of fear and because they cannot conceive of unconditional love and because they in their heart are jealous and judgemental and condemning and demanding that others be as they wish them to be. We can only believe what fits with our conscience. Or what we are too afraid not to believe because of indoctrination.

Strange how people are afraid of their God of Unconditional Love!

So Ali far from being loving and accepting of your brother, far from being the person you pretend to be, the one you'd like us to see, you are in fact a cowardly bigot who would rather think she is saving her own skin and hang what happens to her brother (according to the belief system you ascribe to).

And as for me thinking what I think about Xtians (and Muslims and Judaism and any belief system that holds faith in a God of conditional love, which is an oxymoron ), well of course I do! They ascribe to a belief system that condemns me! Would I condone that? Do you think I am insane? And apart from that, this belief system sanctions child abuse, the subjugation of women, it supports slavery, gives succour to those who judge others because of their race. It has been the cause of the death of millions.

Now, if I were a Nazi and got uptight with you because you automatically assume that means I hate Jews, you would think I was a fool right? How could I support a belief system that includes hating Jews and not be a Jew hater myself? If I expected you to believe my protestation that I do not hate Jews but love them, despite my being a Nazi, well...actually this is what you expect me to believe of you so maybe you would believe me!

Let me be clear - I don't hate you, I don't condemn you. I do condemn your thinking, your belief system, because to me it is evil. You have a CHOICE to believe what you believe or not. Your brother does not have a choice to be someone else.(yes he did not choose to homosexual-he just is just the same as heterosexuals did not choose to be, it isn't a virtue, it's a matter of nature) It goes very much against my conscience, my belief that we are all a part of God and as such are in essence Divine and therefore cannot ever be destroyed or ever be cast out from that of which we are a part. Unlike your belief system, I truly believe that we all survive physical death, that we will all eventually be at peace. That we progress for all eternity to become Divine expressions of love. This is a painful process. Be that person you, me, Ghandi, Hitler, or Florence Nightingale. We are all a part of God and as such are Divine and cannot ever be apart form God nor destroyed. We are raindrops to God's ocean.

We truly are loved UNCONDITIONALLY , a concept most people seem to not understand.

Five Weeks

Possible keeper
Possible keeper.


James the boy. Possible keeper.Millie at just over 6 months.

Southern Bigot

You may recall me writing about a couple I met and whose company I enjoyed when they visited here from Texas (I think that is the state.). I ignored their homophobia as i understood they were good people and this was only a visit so I let it go.

I then got an email from her complaining about my writing that i would not feel safe in Southern USA. So I wrote about odd it was that here she was telling not to class all southerners as the same (I don't) yet she herself was a bigot! I chose not to respond to her email s I didn't wish any unpleasantness and she clearly didn't understand.

I wasted my generosity really. She read my blog about their visit, even though I gave no indication as to I was talking about, was not at all rude or unpleasant about her and her husband, just pointing out they were bigots and didn't see it. Well, I got a an unpleasant email in response to that. the bigotry in it was glaring, the venom ill hidden. Of course she wrote all hurt and aggrieved as if she were the injured party and wasn't I dreadful for being so mean!

I started a reply which was still placatory and then I realised 'hey, what are you doing? Trying to appease a bigot? To hell with her' and so I wrote what I felt.

People such as these, who think they are not bigots, do not realise that it is their attitudes that allow incidents like the vile Matthew Shepherd case to happen. That allowed the Holocaust to happen. Why? Because no matter which way you cut it, it boils down to them not viewing us as their equal, but defective in some why. They do not get it, are either too thick or don't want to. Like these patronizing gits who say I love you but I wish you were not....they don't love at alll!!! They see us as less than and that is not love and it is is bigotry.

It really is time people stopped making excuses. They must think I and my fellow gay people are stupid. Like these morons who say 'I have nothing against foreigners but I don't' like all these immigrants here' , as if that makes it clear they are not bigots. It makes it very clear they ARE!!! (We have a lot of East Europeans here now. Now people moan more about them than they do people of colour!)

I will believe we might be getting somewhere that day it is considered as terrible to say someone is Q***R as it is to use the N Word. Both these words are highly offensive. The fact that some gay people(who interestingly do not use faggot, shirtlifter, pansy, nancy, poofter etc to describe themselves. wonder why?)and some black people have chosen to use these words to describe themselves does not make it less offensive. (Read Bill Cosby and his view on the use of the N word or listen here)

EDIT: I am fully aware that not all Southern States people are backward, inbred or bigots! Same as not all we Brits are posh!

COWARDLY BIGOT

A woman registrar took her employer to a tribunal for unfair treatment. She won her case. the council, Islington, are going to appeal the case.

I hope they win. I hope they sack her.

She has refused to marry gay couples. She hides behind her Xtiananity as the reason she refuses to marry gay people. (Gay people have been allowed to legally marry for almost 3 years now).

This woman is a bigot, pure and simple. She is also a coward and a hypocrite. Instead of admitting that she personally hates homosexuals sh hides behind her religion, She blames Jesus. Bollocks!!!
If this hatred of homosexuals was not in her heart she would reject any such teaching! She doesn't reject it because it is within her to hate a group of people. She of course will deny this and say it is her faith and she must follow it. Again Bollocks!!!

What angers me more is that this woman is black. Has she learned nothing from the bigotry she has suffered from? There are people who justify their hatred of blacks on religious grounds or just because of their belief system.

Why don't people get this? We all believe what we believe because it is within us to believe it, it fits in with our conscience. Her conscience is not different or better just because she claims to be a Xtian.

A Jew hater is such because of their belief system. Why don't we tolerate that? Because we know it is wrong. Yet we tolerate other bigots who justify their hate by claiming religious right. This woman sees her victory at the tribunal as a score for liberty of belief. If that is the case, then people ought to be free to not have anything to do with her based upon her skin colour. I am sure she will accept not getting hired or being sacked or married because she is black . After all, it would be a matter of conscience would it not? The person bigoted toward her because of her colour has as much right to claim 'liberty of conscience' as she does.

It seems to me that in the eyes of the tribunal it is okay to hate gays. They have sanctioned it. They have given it their seal of approval. How much has really changed?

People who say they follow a God of love yet are so full of hatred make me want to puke. I don't like the feelings it engenders in me and I have to make a conscious effort to remember that they too are part of the Great Spirit and as such I can only pray that this evil is expunged from their soul.

SWIMMING

Odd day. I was felt fine on the way to the pool. I had drugged up properly. I got in and started to swim and it was really an effort. Often it will be and by the time I have done 20 laps I have loosened up and feel fine and go on and do my usual 80 laps. Not today. I could barely swim at all. It was like swimming in treacle. I stopped at 40 laps but really wanted to stop much sooner. The loosening up didn't happen and by the time I did stop, I could just about get out of the pool.

PUPPIES

Mum is now telling them to &*^& off when they try to suckle. they like being in the garden, their 3rd time this morning. They explored much further away from the house today. They ate well.
i have more less dismissed two of them as show prospects. The boy looks very promising. Then that leaves 3 girls that may be-or may not! This is a very even litter so Mum and dad were a good match. Time will tell which I will keep.

No Rain!

So far anyway. More is forecast for later and for the next few days. Yesterday was only 14c (57f).

I was delighted to see my friend Trish yesterday. She popped in unannounced and I was available and pleased. Trish's husband, Fred, has Motor Neurone Disease and is really unwell now. Trish was out on respite. We chatted and Trish took photos of the dogs.

I did my usual swim today with no trouble. Yet when I went into town to get my hair cut and have a look in the gents outfitters, I found it hard to move legs. They don't hurt, my hips do, but the legs just feel heavy. (This blog is excellent for keeping a record of how things are.)

The puppies are eating but not as well as I would like. they are still expecting mum and being rather stubborn about it! Typical Lhasa Apso they are! They are 32 days old now.

I had to redo the front of my GC sweater. the yarn got messed up in the middle of it and could not be fixed so just have to reknit it. Of course this was not apparent until I had knit the whole front, shaping too, and took it off machine. Then the mess up bang in the centre stuck out like a sore thumb!

Well Stuffed

I awoke my usual time, 5am, to get up and go to pool. This morning I awoke and couldn't get up. Well, I could, but not without a struggle. Manage to go pee and flop back into bed feeling like I have been hit by a lorry. So no swimming today. No nothing. I think I shall rest. If only I could predict my bad days! It would make it easier to organize. Have no idea at all why today is like this and not yesterday or the day before. It just goes that way. My lower half, mainly. And yes, I have drugged up. I am learning !

The puppies ate as soon as I gave them food this morning. Later, I let their mum in to feed them as she likes to do twice a day now. By the weekend, they ought to be eating well and frequently. i find my puppies are slow to wean. I don't force the issue. I take the lead from mum. She doesn't want to be with them much now so she isn't. However er, I know people who take mum away when the pups are 4 weeks old and that is that. I think that is cruel. If my mums are still letting their puppies suckle at 8 weeks, so be it. They are eating well by then so the suckling isn't much but comfort. I just leave mum and pups do what they want for as long as they want, though of course puppies start to leave for their new homes from 8 weeks.

My garter carriage is chugging along as I type. I am doing the garter stitch raglan I mentioned yesterday.

A little later I am popping over to an acquaintance to take her a pair of socks I have made for her to see if they are okay. She has the same disease as me but hers is very far advanced. It is shocking to see her and what has happened to her body. Anyway, like me she feels the cold. yet she cannot have tight fitting socks because it hurts too much so I have done a pair in wool and cotton that I hope meet the need.

You know, I was thinking maybe I would go swimming during the lunchtime slot. Now I am thinking that maybe I shall just knit and potter and bath dogs as it it is Lui's bath day and Nechung missed hers so...

Summer Rain

Today is novel. Rain. More rain. Still no sign of summer. I went and did my 80 laps, more slowly than usual. i found it hard going today though not painful, just hard. My left arm went numb again. No need of pain meds though today-so far.

Why do puppies and pee and poo the minute you change their paper? They still have not really got into eating solids. Mum is only feeding them twice a day and sleeps on her own at night so any day they ought to get the message. Two of them wagged their tails at me yesterday and one of them had a grumble. I have people coming to the dogs today with a view to maybe being allowed to buy one of the pups.

I noticed today that my hands have not been hurting. Now I know that it isn't knitting related. Why? Well I have been doing my aran for hours at a time and it is hard work, a fairly tight gauge and lots of cabling and twisting. Still no pain. So it is the RA/OA that causes it and my keeping my fingers agile by knitting is the right thing to do and not the cause of the problem.

I am about to start a machine knit using the garter carriage. The yarn is cashmere/silk/merino Oxford grey.

Lastly, I have to attend a dental appointment at 11am. What joy.

Low carb Nonsense

According to some health professionals, Doctors to be precise(not mine), really make me wonder how they managed to pass out of school let alone become dr's.

Low Carb is bad for you they say and the only weight you lose is water. Oh, so I was carrying around 112lbs of water?

If Low Carb was bad for us, the human race would not be here. That is all we had for 0000's of years.

The most vociferous anti low carbers have another agenda-they are vegan or veggy or cereal producers or in their thrall.

I went low carb initially because I was fed up being sick all the time, feeling hungry all the time, havering bad guts all the time, spending so much time on the loo. As soon as I went Low Carb all of that stopped! The weight came off as a side effect and very pleased I am too. However, most importantly, I am stable now, no bloat, no constant hunger, no having to sit on the loo many times a day.

112lbs of water? F**k off!

27 Today

Not me.

It is 27 years since John and I started our lives together.

I was homeless at the time and sleeping on the floor of a friend's house. I had planned to go out that day, a Tuesday, with her when she got home from work. I rarely went out on my own. She had a migraine and I decided I would go out on my own.

I found myself in a bar. My shyness was crippling in those days and I found this sort of thing very difficult.I decided to leave. As I stood to leave, my eyes on the exit, John entered. We saw each other immediately. I stayed where I was, he came over to me, I went home with him and 27 years later still haven't left.

I think it's called fate or some such thing.

Special Day

It's a special day tomorrow. Can anyone guess why?

Air Force Aran

I am using 2 x 2/28's 100% wool. Works out at 200m per 100 gm. I am using 3.75mm Knitpicks Options circular needle. My own design. I am quite pleased with this. I intend doing raglan sleeves.

4 weeks

For now, I am interested in boy, girl 1, 3 and 4 as possible keepers.
Girl 1
Girl 2
Girl 3
Girl 4
girl 5
boy

Good Day at SWKA

Yesterday was fun. I enjoyed myself. Had lunch with the lovely Sarah. If I were into women in that way, I might well ask her to fly off with me somewhere.

My companion to and from the shows, Angie, did very well, winning both her classes. I did not have good day as regards the showing. Micah was last of 4 and Whitney went unplaced. That is the way dog showing goes.

It took 6 hours to get home. We got caught up for 2 of those in roadworks, going the way Angie suggested. I have turned over a new leaf and just didn't argue and nor did I lose it when we were stuck for so long but I almost had an exploding bladder! When I eventually got to pee, I didn't think it was going to stop. It hurt too!

We got to the bottom of why Angie argues with my GPS. She doesn't like modern technology and doesn't trust it. I explained that my GPS was top of the range (it is) and knew where she was going even if Angie thought she didn't. She ,btw, is Gertrude. Because I feel daft yelling at a machine, so I named it.

I slept for about 9 hours last night! Not without waking but still, that is a looooong time for me. Getting up at 8.15 seems positively decadent to me.

It is about 10 days till my next show and that one is only 20 miles away. So I have a break.

Oh and my attire, especially the shoes, went down well again. A woman told me of a place where I can buy brightly patterned walking sticks at Leeds Showground so guess where I shall visit when I go to Leeds Show?

Edit: went to do the shopping. I needed to do so in the wheelchair. Although I am not in pain especially, I have very limited mobility today. weird that. There seems to be little, if any, correlation between pain and mobility for me. I can be relatively pain free and yet hardly able to move and I can be very much in pain and yet able to move more freely. Of course, I do have days when both go together. To be honest, I find the pain much easier to deal with than the lack of mobility / fatigue. Pills help for the pain. Nothing at all helps with the lack of mobility and fatigue. Not even sleep or rest. Just have to wait for it to pass.

Me and Micah at Windsor ( and Whitney)

I am glad Sarah took these pictures. I must wear light trousers for showing Whitney. Next to me is Fiona, with a daughter from Micah that she bred from her bitch.

Hypermiling

Yes, a new word. According to BBC NEWS 24, this is what they have named the conservation of fuel method I use.

I have taken to driving most of the time at no more than 45 mph. I have no need to hurry. This gives me a whopping 72MPG or 16MPL!!!!!!! As diesel is now 1.35 per litre, I am saving a lot of money each week.

I took pain meds on top of my normal drugs this morning. I swam and I walked the dogs. Whilst the walking and swimming was with reduced pain, it was not without fatigue. By the time I had got home from the last short walk, I could just about put one leg in front of the other.

So, yes, I am letting up a bit and taking more pain meds. However, even though this means less pain it doesn't mean I can do more! I get so tired easily. Still, it's better than knackered and in pain.

I had to bath the litter yesterday, all 6 of the little dears! Mum is not so good at keeping them clean. They were surprising ly well behaved, especially when being blow dried.

I have another long distance show on Friday, 4 hours there and probably 5-6 back. I am going with Angie again. We put all her stuff and dogs in my car too and we go together. Not only is it better to have company but it saves both of us fuel. We plan to do this fro all our shows. It not only saves me money but teaches me patience and tolerance. Even though I have a sat nav(GPS), I still get told which way I should be going.......

Oh, Micah and Whitney both got 4th's at the last show. Better than I expected under that judge.