THE RCC CRIME SYNDICATE

It has been too long since I have written a blog post. The trouble is that since I have been on Facebook it is just so easy to share my thoughts on the spot. I am going to try to make blog writing part of my day like it used to be. I am certainly not going to leave Facebook so I can only endeavour to do as I have said. My blog has been very meaningful to me and I know that it is to other people also and I therefore feel that it is important to keep it up.

ABUSE

As any survivor of abuse will understand there is just no part of our lives and that is not informed by the abuse we suffered. This does not mean that we wallow in self-pity. It just means that we experience our world in a way that is different to others. It cannot be any other way. Our brains are programmed in that way because of our past. This is absolutely no different to any other living  human being.  All of us are informed by our past and it dictates how we see the world.

I recently had to intend a bladder clinic to get help for my bladder problem.  It did not go exceedingly well. Not at all. The specialist nurse that I saw, although very nice and amusing, left me feeling quite shaken. She asked me how much did I drink each day and I informed her that I drank  between six and eight litres a day.  She then informed me that she would not be giving me the pads that I needed nor really be doing anything else until I cut down to 2 L a day. I was greatly upset by this. Not straightaway. It didn't really hit me until the Sunday where her words basically brought me to tears. Because of my disease there is so much that I have to do each day and so much that I have to not do each day that I really felt that I just could not cope with having to restrict my water intake as well. From the moment I heard her words I immediately felt guilty every time I took a sip! Now this is one of those situations where past abuse certainly does inform the present! I overcame the situation rather quickly. I telephoned my doctor and I explained to the receptionist that I was in a bit of a mess and within an hour my doctor had called me. She immediately told me to ignore what I had been told, to have a blood test the following day, and to have an appointment with her today.

Of the most amusing thing is that the blood tests showed that I was dehydrated!  I had not reduced my drinking. The test for my thyroid and my liver function also came back normal and so did whatever else was tested.

I had got into such a tiz that I had wanted to stop  taking most of my medications believing that they were stopping me from losing weight and had probably caused my weight gain of 14lbs.  in fact what had caused the gain was pain  which has been significantly worse over the last few months of last year not to mention all of the stress of last year. During the last two weeks my weight has started to drop significantly because I am able to swim again. 

The swimming regularly again has greatly been enabled by a drug called oxycodone. I take one of these with two of my morphine and I'm able to swim very well. The oxycodone has a rather peculiar effect on me in that it energises me rather than the sleepy effect it has on most people! Thus I am able to swim. I feel so much better as a result.

 KNITTING

 I have a few projects ready to be designed and knitted. Two of them will be simple knit and purl  chequered sweaters with either set in sleeves all raglan sleeves. I am using Drops alpaca for this.  I already have one sweater knitted with this yarn and it is beautiful. I use it double on 4 mm needles.

 I have three Aran sweaters to design.  For this I have Drops Alaska, Cascade 220, and Peace Fleece worsted weight which is 75% merino 25% mohair. 

 I will be able to design the cable patterns I will use on my computer which is going to make life much easier for me.  I have used a software program called Design A Knit 
 for my machine knitting for many years.  Now the upgrade allows me to design hand knits as well.  So I will be able to chart it all out before I  knit my swatch.   No more having to keep it in my head.

 I no longer knit small pieces of pattern, measured them, and put them all together for designing Aran.  I usually knit 150 stitch swatches.  this makes it much easier on me and also makes it much more accurate. I also know that the actual sweater will not be much wider than my test piece.

 I have yet to commence using my machines again even though my machine room is ready to use and just requires a little adjustment. However, I have a letter of 4 1/2 week old puppies  to deal with and they are wonderful time wasters! Although I consider it a joy to sit and play with them and joy is never a time waster.

ABUSE AGAIN

There is much more to share particularly on the ongoing situation with the Roman Catholic Church and its deliberate shielding of criminals. I just do not have the energy right now to write about this. Suffice to say I am sick of all of the people that comment on the written pieces about this all full crime trying to defend the Pope and his bishops who are responsible for covering up crimes for many years and yet they cannot find one word of kindness or empathy toward the victims of this abuse. This really angers me and I often weigh in  with my comments. This is on the Anne Rice page on Facebook.  The callous disregard  of the victims of abuse may anger me but the complete lack of self-awareness  shown by many of the writers  just astounds me. Not only do I not understand how they can at best ignore the victims and at worse blame the victims, I am at a total loss to understand how they can still venerate people who have proven to be criminals. Part of me understands the damage done to the mind when indoctrinating as children and then I think of the way that I was indoctrinated and how I have overcome my own indoctrination and I wonder why these people have not done the same instead of continuing to contribute to the evil.

TEXTURED HAND KNIT

This is my own design. I used Garn Studio's Baby Ull (100% sw merino 350m/100g ). I used a Knit Pro (Pick's) circular needle, 2.75mm size.

My Aran

I am still at it. This is my own design. Knitted using Garnstudio's Baby Ull, 100% Superwash Merino, 350m / 100g. I am using Knit Pro circular needle, 2.75mm size.

PROOF!

(Don’t forget you can click on pictures for larger view.)

The rumour that I am not I am not knitting is just a vicious slur upon my name, Knitman! Here is the proof:

This is my Baby Ull Aran.

  This is my own Knitman’s Kitchen wool/silk/bamboo

  This is my Knitman’s Kitchen Merino Tencel used twofold and this is Knitman’s Kitchen merino/nylon(the dye didn’t dissolve completely so kept for myself. You can see the dark spots)  This is our old Nechung, our girl riddled with tumours who seems to be doing very well. Still eats like a pig and dances at dinner time. Other times she seems to not know where she is. She is showing no sign of being in pain.

OLD BAG

To day has been very nice. Quiet. No swimming. I had thought to go but John thought that even with a rubber glove on my burned hand, it would get wet and he also thought I should rest this week. So I did as was suggested. For today at least. This is quite a bore trying to remember to not get it wet. It is my right hand so I do EVERYTHING ( yes, even THAT, so keeping clean is not easy) with it. My own stupid fault. My hands have been crap for a long time now and I know I can’t lift anything heavy, especially not a pot of very hot liquid. My hand actually looks fine, with my middle finger a little red but my index raw and bloody looking. Well covered up and i managed to repeat the method of yesterday when wrapping it back up so I could knit with no problems.

My dear friend Marilyn, old bag, came to see me today and brought me some beautiful flowers. I don’t know that they are but they are pretty. White trumpet type heads with red/pink shot through with those long stamen things in the middle of the heads. Maybe lilies? I had been thinking of her all weekend as I had not heard for a while so when she called today to say she would pop over on her way home, I was not really surprised. Marilyn is lovely. Funny, kind, caring, not at all up herself, benign.

I stopped knitting my aran and washed what I had done so far. I now know I need fewer stitches. Yes doing this takes time but so much better than knitting a whole aran on 2.75mm needles only to find it is too large or too small.

GOOD DAY

WISBECH

First of all we went to Wisbech. I had to put a cheque in the bank and that is my nearest branch (10 miles away). We then went to Poundland which I love to do. Got household items we needed.
Visited a men's outfitters called Robert Goddard where I saw some lovely red cords not in my size and John saw a very handsome soft suede jacket not in his size. He bought a shirt and I bought nothing.
Later in W. H. Smith he bought mags and the daily paper whilst I bought the second issue of The Knitter. I have to say I am impressed with this magazine even though I declined to buy the first one. I really like the man's slip stitch jumper in this issue.

SWIMMING

I didn't go swimming yesterday nor did I go today. I will probably go tomorrow.

DOGS

As I had not been to the pool for two days, I thought I could manage to walk the dogs. Half way around the walk, I found I was very tired and not very able to move my legs. I had no choice of course but to continue on home. I think John,( no I know ), had a hard time not being too far ahead of me as I slowed to a snail's pace. I hope this was a just a blip and not the way things are now. I have just sat the rest of the day and am now going to bed, knackered.

KNITTING

I have completed the front piece of the garter stitch raglan sweater on the Brother 940 using the garter carriage. I am 20 rows away from the first decrease on the back piece. I am really pleased with this so far.

As for socks, I have knitted up to the gusset increases on one sock and am not far behind that on the second sock.

My Aran back is also now knitted up to the first decrease. This too is a raglan.

DVD - THE TUDORS Series II

We are into the second series of The Tudors. This is excellent, truly. Trouble is they do show executions. Heads being chopped off I can cope with. Burning at the stake or boiling alive I cannot and I leave the room and block my ears until it's over. The guy playing Henry 8th is good looking, mean looking, sleazy looking and very sexy. Good casting I would say. The machinations between him and the Pope etc really shows how idiotic the question of religion and Xtianity is. Not only does the Emperor have no clothes, he never did!

Oh and last night we watched the latest MUMMY film. Greta fun. How come Brendan Frazer is so attractive when he isn't good looking? Nothing about his face fits, yet the whole package works very well.

GOD

I had a quiet word with the Almighty and She has promised me that I can have my own space in Her house, well away from the downstairs guests. Seems she hasn't much time for the loud-mouths either. Hates it when they speak for Her and claim to know Her mind. So She says they can jolly well stay put until they change their minds. Not a thing She can do unless they do. Whilst She waits, She has hinted that She'd like to learn the Andersson Heel. Oh, crumbs! KnitPicks or Addi's? Circulars or DPN's?

Todays' Life

I feel much better today and have awoken in a better frame of mind. I have only just started to feel sore this last half hour after having dealt with the puppies and dogs. I slept from 11.30pm to 8.30am though the last hour or so was dozing. The important thing is, I only became aware of my hips towards the end of my stay in bed and I got out of bed with little trouble. It looks as if the slow release Tramadol works.

I am still afraid of this drug. I am concerned about tolerance, dependence or addiction to it. I have not found any sensible information about it, only horror stories on web sites from people who say they got horribly hooked and had terrible side effects. I have no side effects whatsoever. None. Which is unusual for me. It just lessens the pain. Speaking about it to the chemist only resulted in me being told 'well, you aren't going to stop taking it since your health will get worse not better, so it doesn't matter.' I did not find that helpful to say the least!

I shall go swimming later today. I shall also got later tomorrow. Now I only need to go early on Tuesday and Wednesday. Saturday I will leave out and let Sunday be optional. I think 5 days a week will be enough.

I am about to start the garter stitch sweater on the Brother 940 using the Garter Carriage today. I am pleased with it.

I have managed a fair bit of my Aran too. I am only on 6 row repeat away from decreasing for the armhole. This is the second piece, the back, so it won't be long now till I start on the sleeves.

I found the quote below by following a link on an email. It comes from Heathwitch's site. The quote is really good and encapsulates my life and thought.

“We all want to be free. That is human nature. We want to be free from pain and suffering and limitations. If we look deeply into our hearts, we know what we want; we are in love with the condition of liberation. Our pain is the feeling of alienation or separation from our Beloved, which is this freedom … But finding true nature is not for the timid. It requires courage and a sense of adventure, a fearless heart, and optimistic strength.” — Hameed Ali

PS: if I make a dental appointment I will need help to remember it. Even writing it in my planner will not work because I forget to look at it. I have made an appointment at 8.30am to see my Doctor at 11am and I have forgotten to go! So I was thinking I could write the date and time of it here on my blog and maybe someone would remember it and remind me. I hope that isn't too cheeky a thing to ask.

Thanks Grump

Aran Knitting

First of all, I want to thank GRUMPERINA for showing her technique for cabling without a needle. (When you click on her name you will go to a page and you must click on the left on 'cabling without a needle). This method has really helped me to knit my Aran sweater as it is far less taxing to my hands. You might recall me saying that is taking so long because it is painful to. It is the centre panel that is the pain, rather than the whole sweater. Anyway, this has helped greatly.

The Pool

Oh dear, I have a situation at the pool. No not like the other pool, as all the staff at this new one are excellent, friendly and helpful. Except for one. She use dot be okay and then suddenly wasn't. She acknowledging my presence, looking away and pretending she hadn't heard me. She stopped coming to help me into the pool. It only requires that she take my stick off me at the pool edge. If I go to the pool without the stick I am liable to fall over. I let this one go and took the risk. Then she started to ignore me when I needed to get out. Now this is much more serious as after my swim I am much less able to walk or to move. ALL the other staff wait on the right hand side with my stick till I get up the stairs they put in for me. They give me my stick whilst I am still on the top step because that way I don't have to turn and I also am not left without support for second. Not this woman. She stands as far from me as possible, and on my left. I have to ask her to move closer.

After tolerating this for some weeks, and still being polite and friendly toward her, Ii complained. It made her worse. Today I decided I had had enough of her bullying. Yes, it is bullying, passive aggressive but bullying just the same. There is no reason for it. I have not done anything to warrant this change of attitude. In fact other customers and staff really dislike her and say she has been 'like that' for years. In other words the management allow her to get away with it.

Today I told her what I thought of her appalling behaviour and I complained again. I am now going to put it in writing and hand it to her boss tomorrow morning. I will not put up with this crap and something needs to be done.

A while ago, I comforted her when she was in tears and listened to her moan about how badly she was treated there. I know different now. It doesn't make any sense to me that she has turned on me.Perhaps she saw me as the weakest and least likely to make a fuss.

I realise she is in much pain but do not know why. Even so, she does not have the right to take her problems to work and certainly not to take them out on me or others.

The reason why this is not like the other pool is that the whole ethos at this one is different. The other staff are supportive of me, are good at their jobs, know what sort of person I am and now that it is her and not me. They experience her shit on a daily basis. It does concern me though that this has been allowed to go on this long as it is apparent she treats staff the same way and other clients too.

Aran Sweater Front

This is my own design and is going to be for me. I knitted it using 3.75mm KnitPicks Options. the yarn is a pure wool yarn, 2/8's used twofold, which works out at about 200m per 100gr. This is taking me a while as it is rather hard on my hands. I am happy with it though. It is raglan in shape with a round neck. I will decide on the collar once I am ready to knit it. The knitting you see will flatten out once it has been washed but it will retain it's relief well. I really like this AirForce Blue colour.

Air Force Aran

I am using 2 x 2/28's 100% wool. Works out at 200m per 100 gm. I am using 3.75mm Knitpicks Options circular needle. My own design. I am quite pleased with this. I intend doing raglan sleeves.

Not A Leg To Stand On

My swim went well. I drugged up before hand and it went better than expected. So well that by the time I got home, I had decided I would walk the dogs. Clever me. I got half way around the block and my left leg went. Or rather my left hip. At least I think it's the hip. Not sure. It hurts from there but the whole leg just stops responding. Fortunately, it was just the small block(20min) so I got home without having to summons assistance via my mobile phone. Not that I would know who to call.

I finished the entire 5 series of Cold Feet last night. Oh dear, I wasn't expecting anyone to die. They did. One of the main characters was killed in a car accident. I was shocked and upset. It is ONLY a tv series, I told myself but still, one had got to know these people and having one die like that was gut wrenching. It wasn't so much her death as the aftermath. The effect it had on her friends and husband. It was that which I found gut wrenching. John was not here. He thinks it odd that I cry at films and tv shows. 'It's just a film!!!' he will say. No point explaining I guess. Music can make me cry too. It can also make me feel ecstatic.

Still no summer here. The longest has been and gone and still we have no summer.

I finally sorted out an aran swatch that I like. It 's in 100% wool using 2 ends of 4ply(fingering) together which gives the equivalent of 200mtrs per 100gms. The colour is airforce blue. I am using 3.75mm needles. I tried using 3.5mm but although the swatch was nice to feel and see, it was too hard to knit. I am amazed that just upping the size by .25mm made such a difference.

Blue Suede Shoes

No swimming today. Just couldn't drag myself out of bed this morning to do it. I did of course get up because the dogs don't give a toss how I feel, they need out.

Lorraine, my Dax dog friend is visiting later today.

I found some shoes / boots in bright red, turquoise, and violet and hopefully they will arrive today. I love bright coloured suede or leather shoes. Very hard to find. these are mainly Kickers. Most men's shoes are brown or black. Or black or brown. Some of the shoes I buy are women's but they are only women's because of the colour not the style and shape which is identical to men's. Seems shoemakers think masculine and feminine shoes should be clearly defined. oh brother. Or oh sister.

I am getting tired of my aran attempt. I spent the day yesterday knitting up a swatch that took forever. I used clean str8 lines, based on a one by one rib, all twisted and travelling. I thought it was a good idea. but it isn't what i have in mind after all. I think I am going to frog and go for a more traditional look. I do love aran but wanted to try out one that was all twisted travelling sts but it hasn't worked out to my liking. Now in socks, it works very well.

Oh Sh*t 2

My guts have still not settled. It would also appear that what I thought was cold coming on, husky voice, stuffed sinus, wasn't. I also have a rash on my legs and the IBS is playing up enough to stop me swimming. My sinus and throat have cleared up once I stopped eating wheat. The rash is going. It will take a while before my gut settles though. Once I am 'clear' I will introduce the rolled oats (porridge) again. I think I can manage that.

I have had two lots of yarn arrive. One from a very kind Ravelry friend who sent me some Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock yarn in a lovely blue colourway because she didn't want it. Another lot came from a USA friend in a grand deep purple wool and camel mix. I am knitting this up now in a textured design.

John came home early yesterday morning and the dogs were delighted to see him. He of course gets to see a 5 day old litter, all cleaned up and none of the fuss!

I have a dog show next Friday. This is one of the furthest ones for me-200 miles. I shall be leaving at 3am. I shall be taking Micah and Whitney. John will have the day off to dog sit.

My aran is going nowhere. I am swatching again, this time on 4mm needles instead of the 4.5 mm. It is looking better. I think it comes down to the fact I don't really care for this yarn, 80% wool 20% alpaca, for the textured work I want to do. However, I think the tighter gauge and the twisted stitches will work.

Oh and I watched the first disc (5 episodes) of Damages, starring Glenn Close. I really like this.

Wet Wet Wet and GI

Did I mention it was dull and wet?

Did 80 laps in the pool today.

When we took the stuff to the charity shop, I found a brand new hardback book for 50p on the Glycemic Index. It is possibly one of those fortuitous finds. I am not sure yet. I have read it. It is written by bona fide scientists, not diet gurus.

The gist of it is that if I add low glycemic foods, foods that release their energy slowly, I ought not to have troubles with my blood sugar. Since I also take drugs for my gut, I may not be as affected by the carbs now either. Well,I am willing to give it a try. It certainly will make travelling easier as it opens up what i can eat more. Believe it or not, pasta is a low GI food.

Anyway, I have had a bowl of porridge for brekky. Rolled oats are low GI. It says it will keep my blood sugar level and I'll be fine until lunch time. We'll have to wait and see.

I must admit to finding this rather scary. I haven't eaten such foods for years, unless I have been forced too.

Bread, white, is still off the menu as is sugar. Basically, whole grain foods and pasta/noodles are on. The latter two are low GI because the process of making them into pasta noodles does something to them which makes them low GI.

I ought to know in a day or two if this is going to suit me. I hope it does as it will make life easier and cheaper!

Shameless is a week from delivering. She is getting more fussy about food. She is however happy with her new quarters and has nested.

By the end of today, I ought to have finished my angora / merino sweater. I am still messing about with this damned aran. I am starting again with fewer sts. Although really it isn't as I knew I was just knitting a large swatch. Worth it in the end. I have only had to redo once.

Basically I knitted a swatch of 164 sts and 22 rows. I washed it and dried it. I know the rows per 10cm now and how many sts to cast on for the size I want. That is it. Much simpler than knitting several little swatch or knitting a large piece you think is right only to discover it isn't an done already spent a week knitting it!

FIXED!!!!

With many thanks to Carol for leading me to the instructions.

Very Funny

Aran Mistake

I always avoid spelling out the F word. She doesn't. I now know one doesn't have one's blog shut down for writing it out!

Do read it for a laugh.

Thank you to the person who sent me the link. My memory is so awful, I can't recall who it was event hough it was only in the last few minutes I got it!

Aran Front

I am knitting this using Jaeger Shetland Aran. 80% New wool and 20% Alpaca. The needles used are KnitPicks Options 4.5mm. In the picture you can see the cable needle(4" Hiya Hiya 3mm DPN) I was using but I did most of this without bothering to use it! It is my own design. It has set in sleeves.
Edit

as graciously pointed by Lynne and not so by Terry Danner, there are two errors in this! Cables turned the wrong way......damn! One can be easily fixed, without ripping back. I'll have to think about the other one.

Bother

I really don't want to be writing negative stuff. I am having a bad time physically. I am off to the Dr again today. The last three nights I have not slept well because of pain. I am fairly convinced my spine and ribcage are inflamed again and the cause is probably the swimming. I didn't go this morning. I decided last evening I wouldn't if my night was bad. I was in bed by 12 and up and in pain by 1am. I fell asleep in the armchair and went to bed at 5am and up at 8am.

I am finding this very wearing. Last Thursday was a crying day and so was yesterday. I don't understand this. I'd have thought enough was enough already.

I can't stop the swimming. It keeps me fit as regards my heart and weight and it helps with my mobility. However, the inflammation it causes of my spine is a royal pain. On top of this is the IBS nonsense.

I could murder a cigarette.

So anyway I am going to talk this thru with the Dr, John's as mine is away, and see what I can do. I have taken 1000mg Paracetamol and 600mg Aspirin this morning and will see how that helps.

I am about to shape the neck on my Aran. Am almost thru the first Regia Landscape sock and have knitted the whole back of a cashmere sweater on the machine. Oh and have completed, but not sewn, a moss stitch rib sweater in cashmere/silk/merino.

Edit: of the three anti-inflammatories I have taken, Aspirin, Ibuprofen and Diclofenac, Aspirin is the one that causes me no problems that I am aware of. The other two can cause me painful reflux. Also, they interfere with the blood thinning properties of the Aspirin. I do not take either the co-codomol or aspirin for long periods of time and it is unusual for me to even take it more than 3 times a day during bad times. I guess I am lucky in that the aspirin doesn't do me in. I take the enteric coated kind that dissolve in my intestine not my stomach.

Tarantino

This is my own design, knitted using one 80 cm KnitPicks circular needle, size 2.25mm.

The yarn is Regia Silk in colour 032. The yarn is 55% merino, 25% Nylon and 20% Silk.

I think it has a lovely handle and was easy to knit, which is just as well as this pattern was not so easy!

I knit toe up, used the Andersson Heel, and as in common with all my socks, I had no idea what it would be until the toe was done.

Machine Knitting Guild

Jane (Steel Breeze) and myself. Jane was very helpful in getting my wheelchair in an out of the car for me. We got on well and felt at ease. Jane said she knew she'd be alright with me because I used the F word on the phone!

Both are of Alison Lee, the demonstrator today and a lady I already 'knew' via the knitting lists. I didn't expect to meet anyone who 'knew' me as Knitman but I met a few! Alsion was a pleasure to meet, easy to feel comfortable with. Alison is wearing her own creations.
I took these pictures of these Aran types because I really liked them. These were hand knitted.