Friday, February 27, 2009



Whitney has become a slapper. She is very close to ripe. The boys are rampant. I think I can probably go to Cruft's after all. I think she will be finished by then


I am on the first sleeve of the garter carriage sweater. I have completed the front and back, joined the shoulders and knitted and joined the collar. I have done little hand knitting as my hands don't want to cooperate right now.


Three weeks tomorrow and we leave to drive to Budapest. A 1200 mile trip. I am really excited about it.


Recently I have become really quite self conscious about wittering on about my physical challenges. I keep telling myself I shall not mention it. It doesn't seem to work too well.

I am either going thru a flare period or it has progressed another notch. Normally, I am not always conscious of the pain but recently I am even when I take my pills and am occupied doing other things. Yesterday, I couldn't even knit, it was too much effort.

For 18 mths I was able to swim more or less everyday. Now I can't. That really does bother me.
Now I have my blood work done, I am wondering if they will find anything sinister. Could this by why I am feeling so crap? I have some other disease? I am embarrassed to say that I do tend to think like that. I know I have enough known things wrong with that fully explain the way i feel but there is always that thought that something awful is lurking. Of course life is good and I am happy and that can't last can it? No. Something always goes wrong. Past experience has taught me that enjoyment is foolish. I will always lose. Okay, so I know that is what I am pre programmed to think. It is a difficult one to let go of. All thru growing up, it was true! Something bad always happened, I always lost. It' different now. I don't have to keep thinking that way. It is difficult not to.

I have this terrible dream. I dream that somehow or other my dogs are all looose outside. I am desperately trying to get then back home to safety. They are always in danger form traffic in the dream, having somehow got across a busy road. My dream is always about the fear that something awful is about to befall them.

I used to dream that my car went missing. That was an awful dream too. I am stuffed without my car.

For some reason, the Tramadol appears to be making me feel nauseous. I know it is a side affect but I didn't used to get it, or I didn't realise it was the pill. Meaning I have had nausea on an off and am now beginning to think it was probably from the pills all along. It doesn't hit until abotu hour after taking them and it goes away fairly soon too. It's only a mild feeling. You'd have thought that 100mg of Tramadol and a 1000mg of paracetamol would do the trick. It dulls it considerably but doesn't do away with it.

I try not to be aware when I am writing that I am being read. If I managed that I would not be concerned about wittering on about this!
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