BRITISH GAS

I left this company 3 years ago. I have been plagued by phone calls from them. As many as 6 a day for 5 weeks running. Then it stopped and has started again. Over the last three years I have had hundreds of calls from them. I am not a customer, I do not want to be customer, I never will be a customer. I detest them. They are expensive. They are useless and they do not understand NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

I even had my phone number put on one of those lists that is supposed to stop these damn calls. All to no avail.

To top it all, British 'f*cking' Telecom have started doing the same thing and it was them I complained to about BG! Now they are trying to sell me their BT Vision tv service. As if I can't read!!! My Yahoo is full of bloody ads for it. I DON'T WANT THE F*CKING SERVICE. F*CK OFF AND STOP CALLING ME.

Now today I have had several calls from the Co Op renowned for being the UK's most ethical company! Since when is it ethical to pester people by phone? I got my car insurance renewal by post last week. It doesn't need to be renewed yet, not until the 1st of November. I DO NOT NEED UMPTEEN PHONE CALLS FROM SOME IDIOT REMINDING ME OR TELLING ME HOW SUPER THEY ARE! I now will search for a better deal elsewhere just because they have really pissed me off.

What gives these people the right to pester me, or you, with phone calls? Where have people's manners gone? Do they even know what manners are? It is bad enough that I fill a truck load of crap post every fortnight to go off for recycling. None of it read or even looked at. Str8 in the recycling bin. WE NEED THOSE TREES YOU F*CKING MORONS!!!! We need to BREATH!!!! The planet is in HUGE trouble. LEAVE THE DAMN TREES ALONE. I don't want to know how special your frigging service is, nor how eco friendly your tampons are. They are not eco friendly if you had to destroy a whole forest so you could tell me how wonderfully eco friendly your tampons are. I DO NOT USE tampons! Though if you come near me I am sure I could find a use for a box or two of them.

And while I am at it, I not yet over 50, I have not got a small dick, I do not want enormous breasts, I have no trouble getting it up though who has the time between answering the f*cking phone and filling the recycling bin and deleting spam! I do not wish to make some woman orgasm till she faints. Urgh! Your marketing leaves much to be desired. And I don't care one jot that some pill or potion will make me the best lover in the whole world. Or make my dick grow huge. What good would that do me? Where would I put it? I have trouble enough pPacking away the one I have thank you very much. The damn thing is always getting in the way when I am driving, or sitting, or if I cross my legs carelessly. Any bigger and I wouldn't be able to move at all for fear of injuring myself. And trying to pee in the morning I would surely miss my house completely, let alone my loo.(Yes, you try aiming for a pee when it is sticking str8 up!).

The only thing I need saving from are those arrogant pratts who knock on my door. You know the ones. They are incredibly polite speaking(though it doesn't occur to them how rude it is to disturb you in the first place and then tell you how you will rot in hell. Now THAT IS RUDE to say the least). They wear little badges with their names on (in case they forget) and telling me they are from the Church of Latter Day Saints. MORONS in others words.

The there are the Jehovah's Witnesses who proudly proclaim they are God's chosen ones and everyone else is wicked and wrong but out of the goodness of their hearts they are disturbing my morning poo to offer me salvation!!! The last one had a child with her and made the child offer the stuff for the recycling bin! Had I not been desperate to finish what I had started in the loo, I'd have screamed something about child abuse at her. Another Moron!

Oh and does it end there? No. I have a sign on my front door. NO SALES PEOPLE, NO CHARITIES, NO RELIGIOUS WANKERS (Oh okay it says 'hawkers'.) Who knew there were so many JW's, Fundies, Mormons, and sales people, that are illiterate? Ah, it all makes sense now. At least as far as the religious hawkers are concerned. They can't read which goes some way to explaining their gullibility. Anyway, the quickest way to get rid of them is to invite the smart young men in to see if they can cure me of my homosexuality. It works. Every time. The Fundies and the JoHo's are gotten rid of quick smart by me explaining that I talk with the dead.

The last guy who tried to sell me gas and electricity, told me he wasn't selling. He was just concerned for my well being and wanted to make sure I was getting the best deal! Now, where did I put that box of tampons?

Then of course there are the charities. Wanting any old clothes or books or metal or cars or washing machines or.... the list is endless. And the printed matter from them says in very small print that they are not a charity despite the fact the big picture on the front shows a starving child.

I do hope you realise that normally I am a mild, not easy to rile, kind man who has just been driven to the point of wishing to nuke the bastards.

(If you are a Mormon, a JW or BA Fundie or a sales person or a telesales person, I can only hope I have offended you. If you are one of the first three, the religious lot, beware you are not de flocked just for reading me, assuming you could. Sorry for the lack of pictures.)