Thursday, September 10, 2009

DISSIPATING INAPPROPRIATE PRIDE

Pride is necessary for life. Without it, we would die. Like with fear, and anger, too much of it or it being inappropriate is dangerous.

I have twice been to the supermarket on my own this week. Both times, I asked for help from staff and both times I asked that my shopping to be carried to the car for me. This is the first time I have done this. No, I didn't think ' I am too proud, I ought to ask for help.' I just did it without thinking. Obviously though, I had subconsciously thought it through and dealt with my pride before doing so this week. Otherwise I'd have done it a long time ago!

It was pride that stopped me starting to show the dogs before I did. I didn't want to use the sticks. I only did so when I realised that if I fell I could seriously injure or kill my dog or someone else's.

It was pride that stopped me using a wheelchair and pride that stopped me moving on to using a powered one when it became clear that I could no longer propel myself in a manual chair. It was also stubbornness and a feeling that I ought not be weak and give in. Just other words for pride.

The same goes for eschewing drugs for so long. Not just pride, but fear of them too. Pride mainly.Again, I saw it as a sign of weakness to give in.

And the insisting on swimming 7 days a week even when it was making me ill and causing me much grief. Pride.

Getting up and taking care of myself and my dogs requires pride. Keeping myself clean and presentable does too. Not letting people abuse me, walk over me, ignore me, etc takes pride.

Pride has it's place and the trick it seems is knowing when and where that is!
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