Thursday, September 04, 2008

Keeping Up


I discovered while away just how important the swimming is to my well being. My last swim was the Thursday before we left on the Sunday. By the Sunday evening I could barely move my neck and it hurt. Drugs took the pain away but not the stiffness. By the next day, my top half was barely mobile and John, a she had done the evening previously, had to help me dress an undress my top half. This stiffness remained with me until we returned and I started up my swimming again. I had to start off gently, only 40 laps the first day, none the next, 40 each of the next 2 days and rest 2 days and now back to daily 64 laps.


I find the pain side of my problems fairly easy to deal with. I take drugs for the pain when it is too much.

What I dislike more than anything is not being able to do as I used to. I used to be able to machine knit a sweater and sew it up all in a day. Not any more. Not even with a motor on the machine.

I used to drive to my friend's in Denmark from my home, 800 plus miles, over night. No way could I do that now. I drove from Mannheim to Calais on the Sunday, heading home. It is 450 miles. I thought that would be okay. I had been sleeping very well and we had all day to do the journey, no need to hurry. We did the trip in about 10 hours, with plenty of rest stops. I was tired when we got to the hotel, which was normal. The next day though I was in much pain, which the drugs took care of, and weak. I was too weak to wheel myself around in my wheelchair. Now that pisses me off. I of course did push myself as much as I could as we spent much of the day in Cite Europe which has smooth floors. My arms though prevented me doing much and John had to push for much of the day. We returned to the hotel fairly early and I slept.
I am well aware I am lucky, my condition could be much worse but this fatigue thing is something I have yet to come to terms with. I still plan and do things forgetting that I won't be able to or that if I do I shall be really ill.

Dog shows take much planning and I need at least 48 hours to recover from one. I also need 48 hours to prepare for one as there is much driving involved and then there is the show itself. I manage them well and so far have not overdone things before a show thus preventing myself going.

The point is, one would think that pain would be the worst thing. It isn't. It is the fatigue because that puts limits on me in ways I do not like. And fatigue is not that easy to deal with because I don't always find it easy to tell if I am feeling lazy or am tired. Plus it prevents me from doing what I want and that is really annoying!
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