Wednesday, January 27, 2010

ACCEPTANCE

My post title came instantly today. I know it would help if I accepted my situation but I am having such trouble doing that.

I did not go swimming today. I am too tired. It really p’s me off. I have gone from swimming a mile a day, 7 days a week to just about managing half a mile 3-4 times a week. I have yet to accept this state of affairs. I am okay with not going on Saturday or Sunday. This only leaves 5 mornings a week. I no longer get up at 5am to do it. I get up at 6.30am. I could even get up at 7am and still have time for taking meds and getting ready. However, I am not convinced an extra half hour will make much difference. I don’t sleep well anyway, waking every two hours or so.I just don’t get why I can't do as I used to. I am not talking 10 years ago, just a year. It was the end of 08 that I started to have real exhaustion problems and it took a while for me to realise it was the swimming.

I didn’t go today because I have dog washing to do and I knew if I went, I’d be too tired. I have awoken really rather sore so not swimming was a good judgement.

Oh I know, I just have to accept what is. I am not happy about it at all. It frustrates me. The swimming also keeps my weight down and the less I do, the less energy I expend and the less I need to eat and that is hard. Feeling hungry a lot of the time is a pain.

I just do not understand why I can no longer do what I did.

Anyway, that’s my moan today.

Yesterday, I dyed a hank of 100% Baby Alpaca and it is beautiful. I am not sure what colour to call it and I do hope I can capture it with the camera well. It is a rich shiny chestnutty brown. Simply gorgeous.

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