Sunday, April 09, 2006

Random Thoughts

I have a boil. In a very awkward place. Right where my thing meets my buttock. I can't see it. I can feel it! (I have just re read this hours later and noticed my mistake. I'll tell you now that i have stopped laughing, that i meant to write THIGH!!!)Now perhaps if I was not half crippled, I could perform a contortion or two and see this boil in the mirror, and I could have a go at bursting it. I am sure it would be real mirror splatterer. It feels like it is. I have never been one for getting acne but have always occasionally developed a big spot or boil and it is one of lifes little pleasures(like farting in bed and putting your head under the covers) to squeeze them and watch them burst.

When I was a boy, last century, I used to think it odd that old people had such strange teeth. White, straight and a perfectly even smile that looked so false. I hadn't met any Americans then. Being a child, I didn't realise this look was caused by false teeth. I got slapped once, by my mother, for commenting on a neighbours teeth.(No Mother didn't just slap me once, that was just one of the times she did). Being naive, i had no idea what I' d said that was so naughty.
Now of course, you can have these sort of 'false looking' teeth at any age. Just pay a dentist to make you look unreal.

I saw Joan Van whatist breifly in some crappy flick on the tv. You know, her from Knot's Landing. Poor thing. I wonder how much she paid to look like that? Her lips and nose are very odd looking, like a burn victim remodelled. (If that is the case, well, good and I apologise). However, why doesn't someone tell these people they look awful? Deformed? If I were into girls,I would be afraid to kiss her, lest as I exrticated my tongue, half her face would come with it. Such a shame she spent so much money on having this done. Perhaps she is so old she can't see what the surgeon did. He should be sued. I wonder if one could sue her for being so stupid?

Joan Rivers. 70 odd. Emphasis on the odd. Someone else whose eyesight must be appalling. What a face! You can tell from the way she talks, she is afriad if she gets too animated, it'll all drop off.

Clint Eastwood and men in general. So vain! And stupid. Why? well a few years ago I saw one of his films(I was sick at the time) that he had directed. I can't recall the plot but the thing that got me was that here he was 70 thereabouts and playing 40 thereabotus with a 13 year old looking wife. Does he think we are stupid? Does he really think we won't notice this huge age gap? Does he think he looks 40? Now, if the the age difference was part of the plot, that would have been different. It wasn't. We were supposed to just believe this.

Now imagine Shirley Maclaine starring in a film with romantic plot and her man was 30 - 40 years younger? Can't can you? It wouldn't get made and if it did, we'd never hear the end of it. Old woman with much younger man. Unbelievable the critics would say.

Joan Collins-well yes I suppose she looks good for 70 plus-if you think looking like something produced by Mattel is good. All her character gone, her life map cut away.

'Because you're worth it' makes me sick. These ads by hair and beauty people just make me want to throw something at the tv. They really think women are so stupid. Mind you I guess if you are going to spend a small fortune on 'age defying' cream with extract of ' kangaroo placenta' or 'possum pee', you cosuld be classed as stupid or at least in need of therapy.

The women they use in these are not real anyway. They look different to the women they are aimed at. They were born that way! Not only that, they are farted about with, both before they get on camera, and then by the camera itself, before we get to see them. YOU are not going to look like that no matter how much dosh you spend on the product. Not unless you never go out without a makeup artist and also insist that the rest of us only ever look at you in good lighting and through a vaseline smeared lens!

Why are men getting wax jobs? Why do they want to look smooth? Like boys? Once hirsute-ness was something to be admired and envied. Now it is frowned upon and men are admonished for it and so they run to the hair remover to have it all ripped out. Ouch!

Many women object to being objectified and go around decrying what women go thru to please men or society as regards their looks? Quite right too. I'd have more faith in their position if they quit shaving their legs and armpits. Even radical separatist lesbian women do! Oooo, it runs deep.


Holly @Home said...

Oh that was a good read Colin..I have to admit to the hair removing ..but it feels so much cooler ! As for plastic faces poor Nancy Reagan is a prime example .If you see Robert Redford trying to play a romantic role now ..well don't look it is gruesome . Mum refuses to dye her hair and gets moaned at by her Mum-in-law who wears an astonishly false looking wig .It is all so superficial and some surgery should be illegal even if the poor soul who pays believes it improves them .I am a terror for squeezing the hair-bumps Dad gets ( afro hair curls back into the follicle a lot and causes problems ). Hols.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed that! I do think of myself as a feminist - get agitated by groups of men-only in uniform be it military, city suit or religious paraphenalia dictating lifes rules. I try to live by my own rules - and yet and yet and yet, I shave the old armpits and legs, wear makeup and diet, I like to be 'feminine'but am aware that when I am I feel 'weak' - when i am doing the plumbing or mending the car I feel 'masculine'. I suppose we are all a combination of indoctrination and self-determination. being aware helps but is it enough?