Thursday, April 01, 2010

AVOIDABLE GRIEF

Britain has a bad reputation for the way it mistreats it’s children.

In the early hours of yesterday morning, a coach with five teachers and 40 pupils came off the road. Many were injured and a 17 yr old girl was killed.

This happened during a BLIZZARD. The weather had been forecast for almost a week before hand. The blizzard was well under way before this coach even left.

It beggars belief doesn’t it that this coach was even on the road?

What were the parents of these children thinking?

What were the teachers thinking?

What was the coach driver thinking?

What was the head of the school thinking?

What was the coach company thinking?

What none of them were thinking was that the children come FIRST!!!!

If any of them had thought about the children, their welfare and safety, first, this awful, awful tragedy would not have happened.

Few seem to understand the concept of personal responsibility. Few seem to understand what it means to put children first and foremost always.

Most accidents are nothing of the sort. This wasn’t. It had a cause-neglect of duty.

In this country, about 3 children a week are killed by their parents/carers through abuse. In every case it has been allowed to happen by other adults because they neglect their duty. They put the needs of adults first.

Our world would be much closer to the world we long for if we only would love and respect our children. Love is an action, not a feeling. If we truly love, then we ACT like we do! We don’t love what we fear(we can’t- fear cancels love out-hence you cannot love and fear God.) and we don’t love what we abuse.

All of those involved in this will suffer greatly. Will they understand why? Will they learn?

Pain of itself does not teach. Only if we accept personal responsibility for our pain. If we blame others, we don’t learn. Often others do cause us pain, but it is still OUR pain and our responsibility to deal with it.

If a person comes along and kicks you hard enough to break your leg, you can lay their screaming in pain and rightly blaming your attacker. However, if you expect your attacker to fix it, you will remain in pain and become crippled. YOU have to fix it and in the process you will learn.

Those who read this blog, will know that I was caused a great deal of anguish and pain by others. You will also know that I, ME, fixed it. I didn’t expect my abusers to, although the inner hope that one day they would apologise and love me could be interpreted as such an expectation. However, it was always I who searched for healing and I knew I had to heal myself.

Yes, those people who hurt me were to blame. There is nothing wrong in blaming. In fact it is a necessary part of healing to put the blame where it belongs. Unlike what is often taught in 12 step groups. It is very damaging and is just another way of avoiding truth to insist that blaming is wrong or unhealthy. Healing will never truly happen, for either party, if blame isn’t apportioned. Not blaming keeps the victim in their place and keeps the abuser off the hook.

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