In A Jam

I left here at 3.30 pm and I got to the church where I was to do my dem at 810pm!!!!

I was held up first by an accident. When the traffic did not clear after I passed the accident. I wondered what was up. Well, those dear road men had closed the M11 south. It didn't occur to them to let anyone know this before hand. There was no warning. I spent an eeny weeny little while being angry and then I thought to myself that anger would not help me and would only serve to wind me up and that would not get me to the church on time. Eventually I was off the M11 and following diversions. The diversion signs ended in the middle of Bishops Stortford. I was now annoyed. I tried not to be. I swore at Gertrude and told her to shut up but she kept insisting I do a U turn and return to the M11. She doesn't understand that one can't drive on a closed road. GPS have their limits.

Almost 5 hours after leaving home I arrived at the church. I had already done my preparation in the car, opening myself up, prayer etc.

Thankfully the demonstration went very well. The attendees were happy, the President was happy (she had had to talk to them all till I got there) and those who received communication were happy.

I did part of it 'blindfold'. I cannot see the person I am giving the message to. I cannot hear them either as only one designated person speaks to me to let me know if what i am saying is accepted by the receiver or not. Doing it this way shows that one doesn't need the persons voice to keep a spirit link and also proves that I am not cold reading as I have no clue as to whom i am speaking to.

I did straight communications too. Oh and I also linked in with spirit and people by holding an object of theirs. Some audience members put an object of theirs on a tray and later picked one up, like a raffle I suppose, and made my link that way. I say what I feel to say and then ask whom the object belongs to and if what i said made sense. It usually works well as it did last night. This method is often called psychometry but it isn't rue psychometry as I am using just as a method of making a connection whereas true psychometry is the reading of the object's history.

I arrived home at about 12.40am. Very sore. I can't lift my arms above my shoulder because of pain. So that counts swimming out today. Mind you, I wouldn't have gone anyway as I am too knackered. I am pretty sore all over really, especially my shoulder and knees joints.

I realised last evening on the drive home why these Tramadol bother me. Taking them brings home to me the level of pain I have been living with, not really aware of how high the level was until I took these pills and it stopped! At first I was concerned that the pills themselves made me fell good but the Dr told me I feel good cos I am not hurting.

They also bother me because people can become dependant upon them and they can experience withdrawal symptoms if they stop taking them. One reason why I am NOT 400 mg a day. The most I have taken so far is 200mg, and usually none or just 100mg. I took some this morning first thing.

This need of taking the new more powerful drug also rather brings home the fact that my disease is progressing nicely thank you. It seems a bit rapid. Until John and I discussed it last night. Yes, I have been using sticks to walk since June o4. However, I have had trouble with mobility and pain since 1987 its just that I didn't realise it was a problem and besides I had discovered Mary Jane at that time and that dealt with all of my symptoms so I never troubled a Dr with them. It was only after stopping using MJ in 98 that I soon realised I had a problem but then put it down to my weight. My present dr is EXCELLENT and she really took notice of me and watched me and finally said to me that I needed to have various tests and that is how we got here. Although what really got my attention was being stranded in Stockholm on June 12th 04, being unable to move and in much pain. When I got back to England, the Dr arranged the testes and specialist appointments.

Much to my surprise I think I cope well. I am good at disassociating (a trick learned in childhood, just to prove that abuse does have it's positive side) so am able to push the pain to the back of my mind. Okay, so not always but pretty much so. I am not the person i thought I would be with it-I expected I'd be on my pity pot and spend my time being helpless and in bed. I am not that person at all. I push myself and I tend to reject help. I have learned thought to be sensible and to accept help I need.

I also still have good periods - where one could almost think it has gone for good.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I saw Moon and Shilpa, the dogs that now live with my friend Dawn. They went nuts to see me. Obviously have not forgotten me. That felt good.