Friday, February 29, 2008

Having a Rest

I didn't swim today. I have finished up my cashmere sweater.( Yes, it's for me. )I have bathed Micah and I am knitting a pair of socks and watching the first series of Footballers Wives on DVD which is seriously awful and compulsive viewing. I have also re watched the first two Harry Potter films.

I find it hard to know when it is okay to stop and when I am being lazy. Well, I definitely need to rest today. I feel much better. Perhaps 1 mile a day swimming isn't going to work. I perhaps need to do it less than daily.

I have been wanting to write more about my 'dark night of the soul' of the last 6 months. I have learned so much from it and have much I could share about it. However, whenever I think about it, I just start crying again. I think just because of the enormity of it and because the agony of it is so fresh. I am glad I went through it. It has freed me and taught me more that I needed to know. Learning and growing never stop but hopefully it won't all be so painful!

One thing I have learned is that there is abuse far worse than physical, sexual and emotional.

It is mental abuse.

It is teaching a child WHAT to think instead of how to think. It is teaching a child self hate. It is teaching a child they have no value. It is teaching a child to fear themselves. It is teaching a child not to enjoy. It is teaching a child that pleasure is wrong. It is teaching a child they have no choice. It is teaching a child they are not worthy of respect. It is teaching a child they do not matter or count. It is teaching a child they are responsible for the pain and suffering of adults or of a man who was killed 2000 years ago. It is teaching a child they are born evil.
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