GOING SWIMMINGLY

I went swimming this morning. It was luverly! It hurt a lot but being in water is just so good for me. I enjoy it very much. It only hurt because I haven’t done for a week and I have been stressed and active this week. It still feels so much better than being on land.

The four puppies and Shameless are doing really well now. The puppies have gained weight and Shameless is settled and happy now.

To answer Yarnhog: no it isn’t a regular occurrence to lose puppies. Most litters are without incident. At least for me.

I still have many photographs of Edinburgh to post.

My yarn dyeing has really been quite successful. I am happy about that as I really enjoy doing it.

I have a good break from the shows now until Bank Holiday Monday (May 31st).

WTF? Teresa May has been appointed Equality Minister. She who voted against the repeal of Section 28, the equalising of the age of consent, against gays adopting, against lesbians having fertility treatment, against transgendered people having their official sex changed. Isn’t this a bit like having Nick Griffin in charge of Race Relations?(Nick Griffin is head of the British National Party-they have views one could say were Nazi.)

Oh and David Cameron’s voting record is very similar. I do not trust Tories. Their ‘standing for equality’ isn’t really believed, they just know the electorate will no longer stand for such crap.

 

POO POO POO

Whatever it was that caused me such stomach pain two nights running last week seems to have had an effect. I am back to my normal pooing habits. Hooray! It is just so convenient to need to go when I awake in the morning, as I have always done, instead of either not going for days or needing to go at awkward times, like at a dog show or out somewhere else as it is such a palaver for me to manage it on my own when fully dressed. Just thought you’d like to know that.

The snow and most of the ice has gone. Today I had the thrill of being able to pick up several weeks worth of dog poo.

My final poo; I had a go at dyeing cashmere and an 80/20 cashmere nylon mix. The first was a silver grey scarf that now looks like poo and the latter was 2/26 yarn that just broke up as I tried to wind afterward.Back to the drawing board on this I think.

I am very pleased that I have sold 4 of the 5 hanks I put up. I have dyed several more and will be putting more up. One has gone to the USA, one to Switzerland and two to Germany.

More dyeing related stuff arrived this morning. I had risen at 6am in order to go swimming. I remembered just in time that the dye stuff delivery was at 9am last time so I assumed it would be the same this time. If I went to the pool, I’d not be here until 10am. I didn’t go swimming and sure enough the parcel arrived at just gone 9am like last time.

Despite not knowing where we stand still as regards the IRS, I ma not feeling too bad at all. I’ll be glad when it is all done and dusted. It will make it easier to plan. Right now we cannot think beyond now. I don’t anyway, I live within the day, but plans need to made for going away and other stuff. None of which we are sure we can do or not.

An Ebay update: justhatsuk, those who refused to confirm if they had the correct sized hat and told me they didn’t want to do business with me? Well, out of spite, they lodged an unpaid item dispute against me! However, the unpaid item strike against me has been removed as Ebay understood my position. Really, some people! All because they refused to confirm that they had a 59cm hat.  thebutchersdragon have now refunded the cost of the hat they sent me which was the wrong size. They have not, however, refunded my postage costs. Another fool.

Oh Poo!

Sock Yarn Seller

I came across some good looking hand dyed sock yarn on Ebay. I wrote to the seller to ask a question and did not receive a reply so 5 days later I sent another. Still no reply. I then looked at her feedback and it has been good. However, she has not left any feedback for anyone for almost 3 months. Yet she is currently selling and people are currently buying.Further research found her blog which is up to date.

Perhaps she would sell more of her lovely looking yarn if she had respect for her customers? Unanswered email is bad enough but not leaving feedback on Ebay, which is feedback reliant, is not on. I don't deal with people who don't leave feedback. It leaves a sour taste in one's mouth.

IBS

Weird condition this. My gut has been fine all week. No grumbling, no wind, and no having to go for 3 days. Today I have been 5 times in 5 hours. No, I have not got the runs. It's all perfectly formed, works of art actually. Just makes it a bit awkward if one wants to go out as the need to go is quite sudden. I thought I needed to late last night but it wasn't to be. I have made up for it today.

IBS also makes farting quite deadly. My dogs move away disgusted so that gives you the idea. I daren't drop one in public in case anyone should it is terrorist attack.

Just thought you'd like to know that.

Poo Story

My friend Ron is deaf. He wears hearing aids. He also had a huge brain tumour, which was removed. The tumour not his brain. (Shut up , Dawn). (Dawn is his wife who you have seen mentioned here before.) Anyway, Ron flew back from Oz and had to switch his aids off. He didn't put them back on. On the train on the way home, he found that no one sat near him and if they did they didn't sit for very long. It turns out he was continually farting. Not only could he not hear them cos his hearing aids were off, but he couldn't smell them either cos of the tumour.I fell about when Dawn told me this story.

Poo Story 2

This I heard on GMTV a long while ago now. A woman is at a wedding, a very posh do. She goes to the loo and she when she flushes, the poo stayed put. She'd done a floater. So she waited and flushed again. Nope, still there. Well, there was a queue as always for the loo so she got some loo paper, picked up the offending floating turd and threw it out of the window. All was well until she went downstairs to the reception which was being held in a huge glass topped marquee thing which was situated right under that bathroom window. It kills me just writing this. I am LOL'ing as I write. I can imagine this happening, and the embarrassment of it. Hilarious.


Two Days

It has been two days in a row that I have not gone to the pool. I realised that I had plenty to do today with the dogs and stuff and if I swam first, I'd be too knackered. Other than the stuff I must take for my BP and heart, I have not taken any pills. I don't feel 100% comfortable with not going to the pool. I think it will take a while to get used to being sensible with my body. Just had a thought: imagine the IBS acting up in the pool? Turbo charged swimming? Wind propelled?

CHOICES

Today I will probably finish a pair of socks and a garter stitch sweater which is part sewn up. I have started on another garter stitch sweater and am up to armhole son front piece. I shall use set in sleeves for this one.

We are down to 4 puppies which makes the pen look a little empty but 4 are more easily manageable. When I took Shameless to visit William, I knew I wanted 2 girls and a boy from any resulting litter and I said so. I got what I wanted! Not only that, but in Carly and James I go the additional qualities I was looking for in the type I like. Little Dorrit is just one my gut tells me to keep so I am. I plan to breed her to Whitney's dad, Luke, when she has matured.

Last nights service was difficult to say the least. Only one of the communications went smoothly. I find it hard to deal with dozy people. yet a the same time, I am aware that if I could have communicated in a different way, perhaps it all would have been clearer. I had to stop on the last one. The communicator was a young woman who died as the result of an accident. She told me she was unconscious when she died and had not been aware. I described how she normally looked, her colouring etc. She also told me that had been much aggro about her passing, it's manner and much ill feeling and blame all accepted as true. Then she said that a man had not been with her when she died. I couldn't get who she meant but knew it was a significant man in her life. I said this and it was rejected. I asked the communicator again and got the same answer. It was still rejected. At this point I had to stop the service. I told the woman receiving the message that either I was misunderstanding or she would realise who she meant. She spoke with me afterwards. It transpired that her partner was not thereat the time of her death because he was already dead. For some reason the woman receiving the message did not think was significant enough to warrant mentioning!!!!(they had both died in a vehicle accident, the man dying there and then, she somewhat later. She also said she had been unaware. She was unaware because she had been sleeping when the accident occurred and had not woken up but went str8 into a coma from which she did not communication !

I woke up cold last night which is weird as the heating was on and the temp outside was not too low, abotu 5c. I did fall asleep with only my long sleeves thermal top on but under a duvet. Still, I woke up cold and had to get properly dressed before going back to sleep. I have woken today feeling tired and sore so I am NOT going to the pool.

SLUSH

It is very cold and yet the roads and pavements look as if someone has spilled coffee flavoured Slush Puppy all over the place. The drive to the pool was slippy.

My swim was difficult. I felt weak again. Right now I am freezing cold and my hands are having difficulty typing this. No idea why as I am home and my house is heated well. I get like this for some reason I don't understand. I feel cold from the inside out and it is very hard to get warm.

I will be seeing Elizabeth at 4.10pm as I have now had two letters stating I must go for a check up and blood work. So off I go. I shall ask her about the weakness and the cold.

I finished the sweater and will blog it later.

Not much else really.

DANGEROUS DYKES

I vowed last night I would go swimming today no matter what. I didn't go really early and left here at about 8.15am. There was a little flurry of snow but the road outside was fine to drive on so off I went.

As I was driving to the pool, my car suddenly started slip sliding away. I very nearly ended up in the dyke. I think it was luck not driving skill that helped me stay on the road and straighten up. My heart pounded and my hands shook. I have no idea why the car did that. The road was clean and I was doing under 30mph, much less actually as I was slowing to turn a corner.

The area around here is all reclaimed land. A thousand or so years ago the Dutch came here an taught the people how to build dykes. So many of our roads run long the top of them, with deep water filled dykes either side. Unfortunately a lot of drivers are careless, drive to fast, and end up in the dykes. Some drown. Not so long ago a mother and her children perished in a dyke.

When I got to the pool it was raining lightly. Once I was in the water, I felt such relief to be back in the water. I do so love to swim. In the water I feel at home and I hurt much less and am completely mobile. I have always enjoyed swimming, long before I got sick, it's just now it is even more important to me.

When I left the pool, it was white out. I drove home, the long way, on straighter and main roads, thru a blizzard at no more than 30mph, sometimes less. The amount of idiots that drove faster and whose cars had no lights! The most treacherous bit for me was getting out of the car and into the house without falling.

I have telephoned John at work and suggested he leave as soon as he can because otherwise he will be spending the weekend on his own in London.

As We Believe

Pool

I didn't go again this morning. I thought maybe I needed more than 1 day of rest. I had thought I might go later today but the only available slot is 50 Plus and I went to that before and it is full of mature ladies who the SS considered too mean.

Knitting

Although I cast on more socks, I am going to try and finish a cashmere sweater on the machine today. I also want to do some swatching for the machine. I have loads of really nice 4ply pure wool and I want to make something with it on the standard gauge machine. I am already knitting an Aran by hand with it, using the yarn two fold.

Death And Dying

My comments on this subject were not related to the fact I was having a crap day. I wasn't thinking that if this pain gets worse I shall top myself. Obviously I have thought about what may happen in the future but mostly I live in the day I have.

I have known several people die of pancreatic cancer. One of the worst. There was also a case recently of a young man, paralysed form the neck down, who went to Dignitas in Switzerland where he chose to end his life. His family could have been prosecuted for taking him as they 'assisted' his suicide which is illegal.

The fact that it is illegal makes me very angry. When I hear the people who object to suicide speaking I want to give them a good slap. How dare they bring their personal religious beliefs to bear on the subject? Who do they think they are? How dare they demand that another human being suffer just so they can be more at ease with their God? Because that is what it boils down to. They do not give a toss about the suffering person, only about their own salvation which their ridiculous belief teaches them is dependent upon them always showing how much they are on God's side, no matter the pain and suffering it causes others.

What we believe matters immensely. It dictates not just our lives but the lives of others. And I don't just mean what we believe as regards God and the Universe etc. No. I also mean what we believe about ourselves and about others.

If we believe children are born bad, 'in sin', then we are going to treat them differently to the way we would treat them if we believed they are born good. If we believe that we are different to others and have more control and talent, we can happily use a mobile phone whilst driving a huge lorry without fear of killing anyone. If we believe that people of a different race are not as worthy as us, we can stand by and watch the slaughter and do nothing. If we believe that people of a different sexuality to us are deviant, we can treat them as sub human, as lacking the same feelings of love and tenderness that we have. If we believe we are bad, we spend a lifetime wasting energy on the never ending effort to be good, all the while never feeling good enough. And if we feel like this, we are likely to form a religious conviction based upon this self hate and try to force this belief on others because we cannot tolerate others who think differently to us because it threatens our very being.

If we believe that by killing the children of those who hate us, we will end hatred, we will live and die with the consequences of that belief.

If we believe we are special, or chosen, and others are less than, we will reap the consequences.

If we believe that those who think differently from us are less worthy of life, are evil, then we live and die with the consequences of such a belief.

If we believe we are good in essence, if we have love and compassion and understanding for ourselves, we will have the same for others. We would not treat others the way we do. We would not be afraid of otherness. We would not create a God in our image and give him human attributes and be afraid of him. We would recognize that if we are children of a God then we are in the image of God. We are like God. We are the made of the same stuff as God. In the same way that a horse gives birth to horses, so we are made of the same stuff as God. Spirit. As such we cannot be bad. We cannot be separate, we cannot be other, we cannot be apart, or abandoned or destroyed. Spirit is eternal, indestructible. It is God. And we come from Spirit. God can no more cut us off than we can cut ourselves off.

We are responsible. The world we live in is our responsibility. Look around. WE created this world. Each of us. Each of us inhabits our own world. No two people inhabit the same world. We create it, each of us, our own version of the world. So we can change the world. We change it by changing ourselves, by changing our beliefs. It is our beliefs about the world, the meanings we have created around ourselves, our experience and what we see, that creates the world.

We do not see the world as it is, but as we are. This is not fanciful pseudo spirituality but scientific fact. We see the world as our brain interprets it, not as it is. We cannot see the world objectively. Ever. Everything, absolutely everything, is subjective. Objectivity is impossible.

It really is true that if we want to change the world we have to change ourselves.

This is not yet another reason to beat oneself up for not being good enough! Change is slow and can be painful. It is necessary though. For me . For you. For us all.

Live And Let Die

I don't know why but yesterday I just got really fed up with hurting all the time. I went to the pool and I got in to find it very hard to move. Not thru pain but thru weakness. I thought it would pass off but I had to admit defeat after just 2o laps. I then could barely get out of the pool. That was the start of me feeling sorry for myself.

I do believe in all the time this condition has been with me, this is the first time I jumped into my pity pot about it. I also felt angry about it. Still do. Today is not much better.

It is getting worse in small increments. I knew it would and I know it will progress further as time moves on. It used to be that I felt much relief when I lay down. Now that isn't so. No matter what I do, I can't sleep more than 5 hours without pain waking me up. I then have to struggle to get out of the bed. By the time I have done that, and thought about more pills, it is a waste of time as I am fully awake so I don't bother.

There is not one part of me that does not hurt. Even as I type this my hips are singing their annoying little ditty despite the drugs I took two hours ago. My hands too are singing harmony with my hips. There is an area, right between my shoulders, where the vertebrae are tender. I can't move my neck side to side. My feet crunch when I walk. If I keep still too long, I hurt like heel and then find it very hard to get up. If I stand too long, I hurt, if I lay too long, I hurt. No matter which way I do things, it bloody hurts.

Worse is the weakness or fatigue. Recently it has been more weakness than fatigue. There is a difference. With fatigue I feel achingly tired, a tiredness that sleep does not remove. With weakness I feel okay, not tired, though my body will just not do what I want it to do. I can't open jars, or even a bottle of Pepsi Max. Oh I can do it it just takes much effort. Moving is difficult. Like when I tried to swim yesterday.

Today, I have not gone to the pool. I have two dogs to bath today. That will be enough. I bath Micah last evening. I need to think about giving the pups their first bath. I do enjoy this. Bathing the dogs is relaxing and is worth the effort and whilst I am doing it I forget myself.

Normally, I am able to push my body's blasted song out of my consciousness. Quite why I couldn't yesterday and am having no success today I don't know. I understand it it pointless to moan about it, it won't go away.

It makes me angry to hear doctors who are anti euthanasia say that no one need die in pain, that modern care and drugs stop it. BOLLOCKS!!! It is a lie. People do die in pain because drugs do not work in many cases. I know this is true because I know several people who all died painfully despite good care and drugs. I also know that my own heavy duty drugs do not stop me feeling pain. They do make it less but then my pain is not as severe as cancer for example. It really pisses me off that people think they have the right to stop others doing what they want for themselves just because it goes against an idea they have. How dare they? What right have they got to insist that a person die in pain or suffer complete loss of dignity just because they cannot handle death? Or because they think their God wants someone to suffer a horrible death. As for playing God, what do they think they are doing? What is life support? What are antibiotics? What are all drugs and medical treatment? Is it not all interfering with the natural way? Of course it bloody is! And if the Drs stopped doing all they could to deny the inevitable, their powerlessness over death, perhaps so many people would not suffer at their hands.

The thing that frightens me the most about getting sick and dying is the falling into the hands of the doctors. Losing control. Because of the current law and the attitude of these people, anyone facing a horrible death has to commit suicide long before they are ready to because they cannot take the risk that they will not be able to and then be reliant on a loving person risking imprisonment or be under the control of doctors who will allow the disease to play on till it's last agonizing note.

If one allowed a dog to die in this way, you would face prosecution. Yet we insist that people die this way.

How simply wicked.

( I didn't know this is where my post today would go. Please do NOT read anything into it. I am no where near ready to pop my clogs thank you very much. My thoughts on euthanasia have been with me a long time and recently have been on my mind a lot. This post is not a cryptic way of saying I am thinking of ending my life. Far from it! I want as much time as possible. My condition is liveable with, very well, and is no reason to end it all. I just have the hump with it today. And as I am apt to do, my writing just goes off on a tangent.)

Pool Bully

I just got back from the pool, 40 minutes later than planned. Despite all that went before, the lifeguard's behaviour has not changed. I walked out to the poolside, with her watching me, and I stood by the stairs they put in for us with mobility problems. she didn't move. I had already said to the previous lifeguard, that if this happened, I wouldn't cause a scene, I would just throw my stick and keys to the wall so that I did not have to let go of the rail. This I did. This is when madam decided to get up off her arse. She sauntered across, put my stick and keys on the ledge, and sauntered back.

Later as I was changing, (different lifeguard when I got out, so was helped out), I knew I was going to have to speak to the manage again and I sent out a silent request that I be helped to keep my cool. As I walked out of the changing room, she was stood there along with a deputy manager. I took this opportunity to vent my anger. I did so with out swearing, which I am apt to do with really filthy words and expressions, and without foaming at the mouth. I just very firmly told her I was not going to tolerate her bullying and that whatever was wrong with her and her life should stay out of her work. That her bullying of me was either based upon homophobia or that she sees me as weak because I am physically less able than she. I told she had made a big mistake in whatever she thought because I was not going to meekly accept her despicable behaviour.

She stood looking shocked and as if butter wouldn't' melt and feigned hurt disbelief as if she didn't have a clue what I was on about. She denied refusing to help me.I called her a liar, which I was later told I ought not have done. My response to her manager when he said this, was that as she was lying thru her teeth and the adjective was appropriate.

They only see a smiling, jocular person, not this one. I was asked if I wanted tea or coffee and would I go and sit in the office and talk about it. I needed some persuading as I told them I did not feel at all confident it would do any good as everything I had done up till then hadn't worked.

Well, they listened and realised there was was a procedural problem. She could lie and there was no one but me to say so. So now, when I or another infirm person arrives, a phone call to poolside will be made to say that a person needing assistance will soon arrive. This way she cannot pretend to not see me. As to the problem of her not standing close enough when I get out, I can deal with that as I have done up till now and if she refuses, I will yell HELP really loudly. I have a feeling though that I might not need to.

I don't feel good about this at all. I'd rather it hadn't happened. I told the manager I was not after an apology or to be liked, just to be treated with respect. I would continue to treat her as I always have done, with a smile and good morning and thank you. I expect her to do the same.

Good News

No I haven't been saved.

JOHN

John is very happy and so am I. His work has finally seen sense and got him back doing what he is world renowned for in his field-writing and researching. He is now in charge of the 300 yr celebration in 2017. I am so pleased for him. He has been treated badly for a number of years and turned into a PR man which whilst he is good at that, it is not his forte. History, archiving and academia is his calling. He gets a new office, keeps his PA and now has no one under him. He is relieved about that.

POOL

On Saturday, when I arrived at the pool side, I asked X for his assistance. The bully woman heard me and she stood between me and X and asked him to do something for her. X told her that he would when he had finished assisting me. I was impressed by X. I was also wondering if I was being paranoid. Decided I was not, and I told the duty manager on the way out, but I told him I would just tell him what happened and leave the interpretation to him. Well, X backed me up! he independently told the DM what had happened.

I am so relieved that other staff here are backing me. They know it is true. I struggled with this for months, in light of what happened at the previous pool. I was really worried that it would seem like I was the instigator as this was just a repeat of the other pool. I even doubted myself. Then I realised that I was indeed an easy target for bullies because of my rather obvious vulnerability. The mistake this bully made was assuming I was weak just because I am physically handicapped.

Every morning, I greet the staff with a smile, always willing to chat, am courteous and friendly. This has stood me in good stead because it is obvious to everyone there that I am not deserving of the maltreatment by this person.

SOCKS

Well, they are going well. Up the legs on both socks now and no errors. Hopefully they will soon be finished. I have been itching to start another pair but have controlled my urges.

SLEEP

Not so good news. Despite taking the drugs at night, I am not getting much sleep before pain wakes. It seems to bother me more at night now than during the day. Not just my ribs but my hips and legs too. Last night and Sunday night were bad. I manage to sleep 4 hours if I am lucky. I think I need to take the drugs when I put my book down to sleep, instead of when I go to bed, though that would only give me another half hour. No matter how good the book is, I just can't read that long before I nod off. (I am still reading The Gargoyle and am more impressed with it as I get further into it. It is a remarkable work.) It has crossed my mind to keep drugs by the bed and take them when I wake but I worry that is dangerous as I am only supposed to take them every 6 hours and when I wake I am often only partly awake and I could take them in error, or after only 4 hours. Besides, they then take an hour to work so would it help anyway? I seem to do better if I sleep sitting up but that is really a pain to do unless I up and sleep on the recliner.

Any ideas?

ABUSE BOOKS

Someone told they were reading one of these misery books - people relating their abusive childhoods. I have serious misgivings about these books and their popularity to the extent they now merit their own section in book shops.

Anyway, she was saying that she found the book hard to believe and asked me what I thought. (She doesn't know about my past.) Her main doubt was caused by her not understanding how a child can withstand such things. She could not imagine a child being able to survive it, so she doubted the truth of it. I told her that children are remarkable and that we can shut off or block out or disappear or whatever it is we do. That is how we survive it. I told her that as it nearly killed me when I finally did feel it as a fully grown man in his late 40's, I truly understand whey a child has no choice but shut down. It is a survival mechanism and one which serves the human race well. How does one think that children in Gaza or Iraq or Rwanda cope? They shut down. They have to or they die or go insane.

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

WHITNEY

At yesterday's show,Whitney won the final two points she needed to gain her Junior Warrant. The letters JW now go after her name. To gain this award she had to amass 25 points. A first at a championship show is worth 3 points and a first at an open show is worth 1. Three points must come from both types of shows. Whitney gained 24points at Championship shows and 3 at Open level.

THE SHOW

Yesterday's show was a disaster. The judge is a well known Poodle and Yankee exhibitor. Both those breeds are very flashy, and are moved fast and hard. He chose to make us do the same. Completely inappropriate for our breed, not to say difficult for many exhibitors, not just me. Whitney was entered in 4 classes (because I was after those points). In the first class she was made to move 5 times. In the subsequent 3 classes, she was also made to move at least 3 times in each class. Now this means a complete lap of the ring and then across and back. Not only was this very hard on me, but made the judge look incompetent. Could he not tell how the dog moved on the first lap? It also seemed that he was not looking for a good Lhasa Apso but a glamorous flashy show dog. They are not the same thing at all. I breed for the good Lhasa Apso with the attributes need for life 16000 feet above sea level in Tibet. I don't want a generic show dog.

One of my fellow exhibitors is successful and a championship show judge of our breed. I have found her behaviour when she loses to be appalling. She goes red in the face, looks as if she will cry and she stomps out of the ring. She is a large woman so this is unmissable. She also is rather rude in that sometimes she will greet you at a show but most times she will look away and ignore you. Yesterday, I discovered that she is truly without ethics and will do whatever she will to win. She did what she could to upset my dog and me. She was behind me, and moved much faster than I was able to without suffering or losing my balance. I just managed to not let her run me down. I will NEVER allow this to happen again, in that I shall make sure she is not near me in the ring. I do not feel inclined to continue to acknowledge her regardless of her response, as I have been doing, out of politeness. I try not to let the behaviour of others alter mine, but right now I just don't feel like sticking to that rule! You know, it is one thing to try and disrupt a fellow exhibitor but to do so to an infirm one is quite frankly astonishing. Considering my past, I ought not to be shocked by the behaviour of people but I am. I can't believe this person is like that especially when her job is caring for others !!!!


POOL

I do not know what has happened but I do know the lifeguard in question was seen by the manager today. I also know I have been backed up by at least one member of the lifeguard team.


PRESIDENT OBAMA

I have just been listening to him give an address to the USA ( and the rest of us really). It is pleasure to experience listening to a man in his position and not feel like one is being bamboozled and screwed. Truly, I have never before felt trust for a politician. Trust is a huge thing for me and I do so hope I am not being fooled. With Bush there was no doubt.


SOCKS

Sigh. These blasted socks, I am really fed up with them. I like the colour and the pattern but I am just fed up with them now. For some reason I have made several mistakes whilst knitting them. I knit the first on up to the heel turn, did the heel turn. That was the first error. I used my Mach 1 heel when the math was for the Mach 2. I then knitted the second sock a whole 60 rounds longer before I did the heel turn! I must have been knitting like a tit in a trance to have not noticed. So I frogged it back and did it right until the heel turn. I did the Mach 1 heel. So then I had to frog both socks back to heel turn and do the correct Mach 2 heel. This is where I am with them now, just starting to knit up the legs. Two weeks of work and not done yet. Arrggh!

25 Days

This is Micah, proud Granddad!
They are just beginning to be interested in food and Mum is beginning to get the hump with them. I think these will eating well in another couple of days and Mum will start to stay away from them for long periods. Fortunately she eats really well so is not skinny and only her swinging tits give away that she has puppies.

Ministering

Last night I went to minister in Bedford. I have not been to this church before. The atmosphere was conducive to my work, the people being open and receptive. That makes all the difference. Occasionally one goes to a church and is confronted with the Tories (Republicans) at prayer and one knows it just isn't going to go well at all. I know last night went well for them too because as I left I was given two more appointments for next year.


Pool

I wrote a letter to the manager concerning the hassle with that one life guard. I handed it in yesterday when I went for my swim.

I did not get up early for my swim today as I was tired after working last night. I may go at lunch time though I think I probably will have the day off today. I feel quite sore having had a rough night with my ribcage spasming. When this happens, I get the horseshoe pillow and lay back on that but laying in a half sitting position to sleep is not a great way for me to feel rested.
The weight I put on over the period that the pool was shut is almost off now. I was shocked to discover that not swimming would cause so much weight gain so quickly. Thank fully, I was not entirely without a pool to swim in but not daily and then not at all for almost 2 weeks. I realise the weight gain does not happen when we are away because of stress and the fact Ii try to walk as much as I can as i feel uncomfortable having to pushed in the w/chair by John, who says it isn't an issue for him and is not difficult.

As I write this, the more I think today should be a day of rest.

This That and The Other

SERVICE

I did another service last night. It again went well. One can never tell. It isn't guaranteed that anything will happen or that the people there will be receptive. If they do not have a welcoming open attitude, it really makes it hard work. Usually I can get people relaxed and laughing during the talk, and teach at the same time, and then when it comes to the demonstration of mediumship it will flow. Assuming the first part went well.

Again I got positive feedback and know that at least three people left with possibly the opening of a healing between themselves and those that hurt hem.

One of the best communications was the son of someone I know. I was concerned when I realised who he was because I knew about him and his parents. So I had to ask him to give me details I did not know. He went ahead and told me about marks on his body and few other things. The evidence he gave was good as he did as I asked. It always amazes me how they respond to my requests. It was joy to pass it on. His parents received him with love and affection and not grief although I know that his passing was a great source of pain at the time.

The more I do this, the more I realise that it is all about healing really. I have also become aware that my own abilities have improved greatly since undergoing my recent trauma. I am more clear now and also able to pass on what I have learned. I also understand the feelings I get when working more clearly so all this adds to the quality of the communications. The communicators can only use the images and words and feelings I will recognize.

DRUG

The new drug seems to be doing the trick. No spasms and therefore two good nights sleep plus afternoon naps so feeling much better. Didn't realise how much lack of sleep and pain affects one's mood.

POOL

Whilst changing, I overheard two men discussing their trip to the pool. Both came from a few miles further away than I do. They were bemoaning the bad attitude of staff and lack of cleanliness at their nearest pool. Guess which pool they were discussing?

EGG (this n that)

I slept really well last night-10:45 till 7am. I will go to the pool shortly.

Have done the front and back and collar of a cashmere commission. Just the sleeves and sewing to do now.

We received a letter from EGG yesterday cancelling our credit cards. No explanation that was in simple English. I called to find out more and was flatly refused any more information. They feel they do not have to explain. We have been loyal and excellent customers for almost 10 years and they have suddenly decided we are not a good risk!!!!! We have never defaulted on anything,never been late, and always pay off more than is due. And they turn around and treat us like this?

EGG SUCK!!!!

We will pay off now as soon as feasible, even though we don't have to, as I don't see why they ought to make but the minimum out of us since they think we are such a bad risk. Gees, how much money does one have to earn nowadays to be a good risk? John is in the top 5% earners! (yes that is surprising-I had no idea it took so little to be in the top 5%-no it is nowhere near the figure you would think!)

I still have 3 puppies for sale and they are 16 weeks old today. This has not happened before. I have had plenty of enquiries but all from people I would not sell a puppy to. There seem to have been a lot of idiots about.

The new pool is such a pleasure to go to. The staff are amazing. Maybe they are just normal and appear amazing because the other pool's staff are so awful. Interestingly, this pool the staff are mainly men, though the two women are really nice too. The other pool is staffed mainly by obese women of various ages. The obesity being a symptom of their unhappiness and also their attitude and bullying. However, there is still no excuse for their outrageous behaviour.

I gave it my best shot at the other pool. I really felt that by going to the new pool, I would be letting the bullies win. I am much less stressed so I guess I won. The people at the other pool will get sorted somehow with out me.

Reply To Anonymous

"You went to another pool in the past, and from your post of that experience you loved it. So, why are you still going to to the one place that treats you like dirt? Some might say that you just want to have something to complain about. Stop going there and start going to the other pool, even if it is further from the house. And if this comment causes anyone a problem here is my e-mail address: cinmar11@hotmail.com."

The only problem I have with this response is the unnecessary bitchy comment in the middle. It gives a strong hint of an unpleasant motive in writing the comment.

The other pool has several problems: it is 12 miles from home. I would have to be up at 4.45am every day to get there. The disabled changing room is at the back of the others. It is unheated. It has a shower that dribbles. The floor is unclean as well as the loo. Once I have changed, I have to negotiate my way away from the changing area, out into the hall, and thru the main gates again, all in the cold, as it is the only way that is not slippery and wet.

I was willing to go thru this just to have a stress free swim. Until my last swim there, as written about here on my blog, where a large man decided he wanted to swim in the lane I was using and he got belligerent and deliberately kept STANDING in my lane so I bumped into him. The guard stood and watched this happen, and even had a conversation with the man whilst he harassed me!

So BEFORE you decide to judge me and my motives, you ought to know the facts which are all here on my blog. You also ought to know me, which you clearly do not. Perhaps you could look to yourself and what is in you that makes you think that way and why you seem to think it better that people just put up with crap and keep quiet.