SHOCKING

SHOCK NUMBER ONE
When I am riding on Daniel, anyone I touch or anything I touch gets an electric shock from me to it / them. Quite shocking.
SHOCK NUMBER TWO
My dear puppies just ate my Motorola EM330!!!! It somehow fell off the shelf. I first of all saw a bit of sticky paper with the M motif on it. Then I saw a flat battery. Meaning it was flat shaped. I thought to myself, 'this looks like a mobile battery'. Then I saw the back of of mobile on the carpet. I went into to the garden to hunt for the rest of my mobile, hoping that the puppies had not literally eaten it. I eventually found the rest in one of the cages. The chip was intact and is no in my old phone until the new EM 330 arrives. I love this phone and it is hard to get. The reason being is that my fingers can text on it and punch out a number without pressing 3 at a time! (BTW the puppies were 6mths old yesterday.)
SHOCK NUMBER THREE
It is 30c here and I am tired though not too sore. I had a nap. I had a dream. One of THOSE dreams. It starred me and ......John!!!!!!!!!! Next week it is our 28th anniversary, on the 7th. And I had one of THOSE dreams about him.......

18 WEEKS

The Puppies are 18 weeks old today.

TANTRA'S CARLY
TANTRA'S HELLO SAILOR
TANTRA'S SAILOR SAILOR

Candid shot of Whitney.

BUSY WEEK

I got a fantastic green frock coat on Ebay which arrived Thursday. Very nice. I am awaiting a tapestry waistcoat and cravat. The coat the waistcoat/cravat were incredibly cheap. I hope the waistcoat is as nice as the frock coat is.

I had a crap night, pain kept waking me despite the slow release Tramadol. They are only 100gm and I am thinking I need more for night. I shall ask when I see Elizabeth on Tuesday. I am still not wanting to go up a level to the morphine she offered last time I saw her. Last night, my ribs got in on the act and they haven't spasmed for quite a while.

I am off for a swim this morning. I shan't tomorrow as I am doing a 190mile round trip to talk and demonstrate tomorrow evening. Monday the car is in for service. I shall swim on Tuesday and that will be it until we get back from Hungary on the 4th. Wednesday I will be bathing dogs and getting things ready. Thursday I shall deliver James, Carly and Little Dorrit to the person who is looking after them. Friday I have to renew my Blue Badge (Handicapped Parking Badge) and deliver Nechung, Luque and Shameless to their holiday home with Dawn. I then have to bath Micah and Whitney and they will be dropped off at their carer on our way to the Chunnel on Saturday morning.

See, I have learned! I know that if I swim beyond Tuesday, I shall knacker myself. I have come to think that this 'falre' is not a flare as it has been going on to long. Ithink it is another progression of my disease. Over the last 20 years it has been like this. I am at a certain level and then suddenly I get worse and then stay at the new level for however long and then another sudden worsening and so on. The most annoying thing is that I had no trouble with daily swimming and now I can't do it daily. Pisses me off big time. I love the water. It also helps me keep my weight down. Still, nothing I can do about it so just have to accept what is. Perhaps I am wrong and this is a flare and I shall improve soon. I just don't recall a flare lasting over 3 months before. It could be worse, I could be ugly.

Whitney has just come up the stairs into my PC to say Hi and give me kisses. Thankfully she is no longer in a romantic frame of mind and she has put the two boys well and truly in their place so all is quiet again here. Phew!

WHOOPSADAISY

TURBO CHAIR

I am excited about our trip more so now that I have the turbo chair. I shall have to name it. Our SatNav is named Gertrude. This buy has really increased our freedom and the places we can visit. I don't know why I didn't buy it ages ago. I must say that I had difficulty buying it. It was a lot of money and is really committing to being handicapped I suppose. Yes, it will be a chore to have to dismantle it for putting in the car and putting back in but that is a small price to pay for the freedom it will give.

PUPPIES

James, Carly and Little Dorrit did really on their first trip to show classes. They were a little taken aback at meeting other dogs, especially as they looked so different, but stood their ground, no shying away. When it was time for standing on the table for the judge and then walking g up and down, they did really well. I only gave them one go each and back home again. I have found the best way for lead training and show training is a very short time daily and praising them as much as possible. I am still delighted with these puppies. Their temperaments are excellent and their construction is too. Happy little souls. James is very typical Apso in that he looks with disdain at me. He hasn't got to the point of wagging his tail at me or seeming to be pleased to see me. He still firmly believes that i am beneath him. Carly and Little Dorrit both was my face well, given the chance and are always pleased ot see me. Carly is a little more reserved than Little Dorrit who is right in your face all the time.

HOMESICKNESS

Although I am very much looking forward to our time away, I know I shall get homesick, or dog sick really. I know from past experience that on the 4th day I shall want desperately to come home. I also know that if I let the feeling just sit here and don't act upon it, it will pass. This is the first 2 week trip we have done for 6 years and only the third ever.

KNITTING

I have restarted the bamboo/nylon WENDY HAPPY socks three times now. I have come to the conclusion that they want to be plain stocking stitch. They are striped, broad striping, in blue and red.

BODY TALK

I just woke up for the second time today. I did sleep last night, well in fact, and I got up at 8.30am. I pottered about, bathed Micah, ate, and was back in bed by 1.30pm. I was in much pain when I awoke the first time so pill popped and ow I am okay. Just very tired. I am waiting for my doc to call to see if she has any ideas as to why my balance goes for no apparent reason. Last night, when I stumbled and would have fallen if not for being held up, I wasn't even moving, just stood there. It seems that suddenly my balance mechanism just goes and I start to topple.

Sunshine

It's a beautiful sunny day. We are going to take the puppies into town for some more socialising.

Yesterday my friend from Denmark, Karen , came to visit with her friend Anne Marie.They were both at Cruft's the day before. Other than that, I did nothing yesterday. I am rested.

I am looking forward to our trip to Hungary which is less than two weeks ago now.

I had to frog the garter carriage sweater again! The first time because I made the back shorter than the front and the second time because I finished the armhole shaping 10 rows before I should have and I have no idea how I managed that. I am in the process of knitting the piece again and am up to the armhole shaping which I hope will be accurate this time!

EDIT: I think I got paid one of the nicest compliments today. The carer of a woman I know saw my picture in the dog paper and told my friend that I had 'love written all over my face'. I was gobsmacked, as they say.

TIBETAN DELIGHT

Carly: What's that thing you are pointing at me?

Little Dorrit caught mid stretch as she wakes up.

Little Dorrit knows how to turn it on.

CREDIT CRUNCH PUPPIES

I know some people have panicked and offered their puppies at vastly reduced prices. I didn't and I have sold all of those I wanted to sell. Dudley went today. That is 4 puppies in 2 weeks.

I believe I will always sell my puppies, recession or not. Puppies are not commodities. They are living breathing beings and a such I don't treat them like they are commodities and I don't devalue them because I want to be shot of them.

By reducing the price, you devalue your own reputation, the puppy and the type of people you get enquiring after them. Some have been marked down to the same or below as cross breeds and back yard breeders. This doesn't do anyone any good.

I believe that those people who want to share their life with a dog for the joy of it will always be around and they will always pay the going rate. They understand that a well bred, well raised puppy costs money and that the opposite are available much more cheaply. When a breeder of quality puppies drops their price in panic it devalues them and the puppy. Perhaps deservedly so because it seems that the breeder cannot be bothered to hang on to the puppies past the 8 week mark.

I know that with my own puppies, they stay until the right home comes along. I just carry on treating them as if they were staying. They get their weekly bath, they are lead and house trained. They re socialised. They are vaccinated. Then when the right home does come along, they are fit to go to it. They are not an unruly untrained 3-6 mth old that will end up in a shelter.

The day I can't keep any puppy I breed beyond the 8 week mark is the day I give up breeding dogs.

GETTING AT THE ROOT

I was rather taken aback by the two posts that Mary Beth sent me the links to, the ones about abuse survivors having health problems caused by it. I felt quite emotional when I read the articles. I also thought what one of my commentators did 'I am not like this because of a personality flaw' or words to that effect.

Then it hit me. I have been dealing with my illness/disability as if it is a character defect, one that I must overcome. No wonder I have such hard time and always feel disappointed that I haven't cured myself. I have x-rays and scans that show I have the physical problems I have and a renowned neurosurgeon who says I have neurological impairment. What more do I need to give myself a break?

Yesterday was a good day. I awoke feeling that feeling which I have learned means I am done in and need to rest. I did just that. I did not go swimming. I did not feel guilty about it. I went to the bank when I felt like I could and deposited cheques. I knitted, watch DVD's. After a nap, I lead trained the puppies. It takes a few minutes for each puppy. Just put a lead on them, and walk a few yards up the street and back again. They all walked first time. I do this individually, no adults or other pups, just the one puppy. This way they learn to stand on their own feet.

What's more, I took enough medication for pain, was at ease with myself all day and asleep again by 10.30pm.I awoke just before 5am today, feeling refreshed and I knew I could go swimming today. I did and it went well. I trained the puppies again.

I had a workman here most of the day. He was fencing off the last bit of hedging in our garden. I wanted the hedging gone because it is not good for the show dogs' coats. John did not want it gone. So this was the compromise. The dogs can't get under it now.

Due to this I did not get my nap today. Tonight I wanted to got to a meeting I sometimes go to as I was particularly interested in tonight's speaker. However, it is 35 miles away. So the old familiar arguing with myself started. I eventually decided not to go. i made the right choice because now I am sore and I am tired. Going to the meeting would have sent me over the edge to being ill.

I also will decide tomorrow, when I awake, if I shall swim or not. If I don't feel up to it, I won't and I won't berate myself for not going.

Oh and Thursday morning I have a blood test at 9am so reminders Wednesday night would be gratefully received. My email if you don't know it is : apso at tantra-apso dot com

I think this new way of looking at my health problems is going to be much better for me. I am no fool and I know I am not going to get well and this will progress but I can make it a lot easier on myself by remembering to take care of myself and stop berating myself for having health issues! I can also see how I may even improve my lot by taking better care of me and resting more. In the long run it will mean I get more done. After all, I am no where near ready to give up those things I enjoy, especially the dogs and knitting, so I had better stop running myself into the ground.

I would not have thought I'd have so much trouble accepting days of quiet and rest as I do. Some things one learns can be very hard to unlearn. My worth as a person does not come from what I do but what I am. A Human Being not a Human Doing. How many times have I said that to others? Yet here I am, under the same illusion that my worth rests upon what I do.

See, writing on blogs really does do one good. I didn't know what was at the root of my self abuse until I followed my train of thought by writing about it here.

It is time I just let myself enjoy life and make it such a chore and pain by setting myself targets and allowing myself little break. No, I need to just accept that I can do as I please and I have nothing to prove. Oh, my, you know I just realised that I am still trying to prove to you know who that I am not a useless waste of space and that i am not a wimp. It is this that causes me to push myself to the limits of pain and exhaustion. I am still letting that bastard rule my life! For f***'s sake, I am 50! I dont' need this shit. Anyway, who the f**k is he to judge? A man who used his fists on children? Have you noticed how the most judgemental people are those whose own behaviour is worse? I used to know people who earned their daily bread by 'cheque kiting', using stolen cards and cheques. These people were very harsh in their condemnation of others. Believing in the death penalty and thinking muggers were the lowest of the low. It didn't once occur to them to wonder how the people they got their stolen cards and chequebooks from, came by them! Priests pontificating in the pulpit whilst feeling up (and worse) the choirboys or standing by whilst the Nazi's did their evil.

KNITTING

I have two pairs of socks on the go, one is Blue Faced Leicester and nylon and the other is merino and bamboo. Both feel wonderful. I have completed a garter stitch raglan sweater on the machine and am waiting for it to dry. I will then photograph it and blog it.

I am half way through another garter stitch sweater and am swatched and ready to go on a cashmere for John.

CHOICES

Today I will probably finish a pair of socks and a garter stitch sweater which is part sewn up. I have started on another garter stitch sweater and am up to armhole son front piece. I shall use set in sleeves for this one.

We are down to 4 puppies which makes the pen look a little empty but 4 are more easily manageable. When I took Shameless to visit William, I knew I wanted 2 girls and a boy from any resulting litter and I said so. I got what I wanted! Not only that, but in Carly and James I go the additional qualities I was looking for in the type I like. Little Dorrit is just one my gut tells me to keep so I am. I plan to breed her to Whitney's dad, Luke, when she has matured.

Last nights service was difficult to say the least. Only one of the communications went smoothly. I find it hard to deal with dozy people. yet a the same time, I am aware that if I could have communicated in a different way, perhaps it all would have been clearer. I had to stop on the last one. The communicator was a young woman who died as the result of an accident. She told me she was unconscious when she died and had not been aware. I described how she normally looked, her colouring etc. She also told me that had been much aggro about her passing, it's manner and much ill feeling and blame all accepted as true. Then she said that a man had not been with her when she died. I couldn't get who she meant but knew it was a significant man in her life. I said this and it was rejected. I asked the communicator again and got the same answer. It was still rejected. At this point I had to stop the service. I told the woman receiving the message that either I was misunderstanding or she would realise who she meant. She spoke with me afterwards. It transpired that her partner was not thereat the time of her death because he was already dead. For some reason the woman receiving the message did not think was significant enough to warrant mentioning!!!!(they had both died in a vehicle accident, the man dying there and then, she somewhat later. She also said she had been unaware. She was unaware because she had been sleeping when the accident occurred and had not woken up but went str8 into a coma from which she did not communication !

I woke up cold last night which is weird as the heating was on and the temp outside was not too low, abotu 5c. I did fall asleep with only my long sleeves thermal top on but under a duvet. Still, I woke up cold and had to get properly dressed before going back to sleep. I have woken today feeling tired and sore so I am NOT going to the pool.

ALL SAY AHHHH.......

MR AND MR WEST (legally married) the new carers of Phoebe.
CLAIRE - the new carer of Dexy.
CARLY
LITTLE DORRIT
DUDLEY-waiting for a new home
JAMES
LET US IN!

Yes, Daniel has also gone, and is now called Paddy. I am not keeping Dudley so he is not James any more and Peter is now James and Bridget is now Little Dorrit.

BUTTON PUSHER

On one of my lists, I blocked a person's email address because I found they pushed my buttons too often. I recently unblocked them thinking I was being childish and intolerant. I then had to block them again. I have since had many emails from others who all find that this person pushes the same buttons in them. They all used exactly the same words to describe them. So it isn't just me after all.

The puppies are really a joy at this age. they all like to lick me and they wag their tails furiously. They are developing their own personalities. Bridget is going to be sweet and wild. Carly is sweet but more dignified, Peter is a typical Apso snob and James is soppy. Phoebe is a right little madam, sure of herself and Dexy is going to be a mummy's boy hence he is the one I chose for the Cambridge University woman. Daniel is going to be a rough and tumble type of boy, independent of spirit but who will not be ignored.

The temperature has gone from 0c on Saturday to 10c yesterday and it looks as if today will be the same. Dry which is good.

It is amazing how many people I see when I go to the pool who believe that they are not vulnerable when they use a mobile phone and drive at the same time. Some of them are even driving a juggernaut one handed whilst they chat. Trouble is their belief in the invulnerability is likely to be shattered but by them killing others, not themselves. Our beliefs really do direct our lives.

Today's swim was less painful. I had taken my time release Tramadol and had slept better. I also took 1gm of Paracetamol (Tylenol) when I got up. However, it wasn't enough. I took 50mg of Tramadol (normal not time release) when i got out of the pool. So I know what i shall tomorrow morning, take the 50mg Tramadol before I swim.

Seven Weeks

Daniel - to be sold.
Phoebe - sold.
Peter - show prospect.
Dexy- sold.
James - show prospect.
Carly - show prospect.
Bridget-show prospect.

Delights

Bridget in foreground, Enzo with back to camera, and Carly in background. Just in from the snow. Keeping all three. Bridget is sticking her tongue out, not her jaw.
Enzo.
Phoebe, sold. Not sure if the other one is Carly or the unnamed boy.
We've had loads more snow this evening.

Coming Over All Funny

KNITTING

I have knitted the back and front of another sweater on the SK 830. This time in a 4ply (fingering weight). It is a light shade of green with a pink stripe across the chest.

I don't know, recently I have the urge to machine knit. I have hardly done any for ages. Now I have all sorts of ideas.

I think I might put some up for sale on Etsy and Folksy and see what happens. That is after I have finished knitting sweaters for John and I. Whenever that is...

PUPPIES

The puppies are 6 week sold tomorrow. Today they go to Tony's to have their microchips implants. You'd be amazed how this is done. The thing that gets stuck into them is huge, like a canula, and yet the puppies don't make a sound. I am having Whitney done too. Being an adult, she might well have something to say when it is done.


PS: I do wish the 'Followers' section read 'Readers'. It sounds much less grandiose. I know I am close to sainthood and all but really.....

36 Days

Whitney wanted to join in.

Boy

Boy

Boy to keep.

Boy

Female-sold to the first legally married gay men we have met.

Female - to keep.

Female - to keep.

One of the other boys is also sold, but do not know which one.

Before these were born I said I wanted a male and 2 females to keep. I got my wish it seems. The three I have earmarked look very promising.

I have had a good day. I took two doses 6 hours apart and will take another before bed. I bathed two adults and 7 puppies with plenty of rest in between. I am now just going to do nothing and read and retire.

I think having a moan did me good but I do want to make it clear that I am not in agony 24/7! Not at all. Anyway, I fed up with this subject. I just wanted to spell out that there is no need to think I am suffering terribly, I am not, or that I am thinking of topping myself, I am not. I was just having a good old moan. I do think yesterday was the first in 5 years I have felt like that.

Days Like This

WEIRD

Yesterday was a weird day. I was very weak and did nothing but the essentials. Today I awoke feeling better and I went swimming. I can't move my neck side to side which is how all this came to a head in the first place. Or rather it is how the heart doctor knew my problem was spinal not my heart. I did get a two hour nap today. I feel fine in myself, just more crippled than of late.

SNOW

I might be housebound the next few days as a snow storm is to head our way for a few days, so the weather men and women say. I do love snow but am no longer in denial about it and I do fully realise that snow means staying in. I saw a program from Moscow today and I was yearning for it. The scenes were beautiful and it was all covered with snow. I said to John that it would be useless me visiting anywhere that was like that as all I could do would be to sit in my hotel room and look out the window!

PUPS

The puppies are coming on a pace. Eating very well. They go out into the garden. Not for long but long enough for them to get used to it. They go off and explore a little further each time. As fro keeping, I have narrowed it down to three, two girls and a boy. I'll try and get more pictures tomorrow.

SOCKS

My pink textured socks are almost done. I on the final stretch now on both, the ribbing at the top.

27 Days (Shameless x William)

Female 1

Female 2

Female 3

Male 1

Male 2

Male 3

Male 4