Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Good News

No I haven't been saved.

JOHN

John is very happy and so am I. His work has finally seen sense and got him back doing what he is world renowned for in his field-writing and researching. He is now in charge of the 300 yr celebration in 2017. I am so pleased for him. He has been treated badly for a number of years and turned into a PR man which whilst he is good at that, it is not his forte. History, archiving and academia is his calling. He gets a new office, keeps his PA and now has no one under him. He is relieved about that.

POOL

On Saturday, when I arrived at the pool side, I asked X for his assistance. The bully woman heard me and she stood between me and X and asked him to do something for her. X told her that he would when he had finished assisting me. I was impressed by X. I was also wondering if I was being paranoid. Decided I was not, and I told the duty manager on the way out, but I told him I would just tell him what happened and leave the interpretation to him. Well, X backed me up! he independently told the DM what had happened.

I am so relieved that other staff here are backing me. They know it is true. I struggled with this for months, in light of what happened at the previous pool. I was really worried that it would seem like I was the instigator as this was just a repeat of the other pool. I even doubted myself. Then I realised that I was indeed an easy target for bullies because of my rather obvious vulnerability. The mistake this bully made was assuming I was weak just because I am physically handicapped.

Every morning, I greet the staff with a smile, always willing to chat, am courteous and friendly. This has stood me in good stead because it is obvious to everyone there that I am not deserving of the maltreatment by this person.

SOCKS

Well, they are going well. Up the legs on both socks now and no errors. Hopefully they will soon be finished. I have been itching to start another pair but have controlled my urges.

SLEEP

Not so good news. Despite taking the drugs at night, I am not getting much sleep before pain wakes. It seems to bother me more at night now than during the day. Not just my ribs but my hips and legs too. Last night and Sunday night were bad. I manage to sleep 4 hours if I am lucky. I think I need to take the drugs when I put my book down to sleep, instead of when I go to bed, though that would only give me another half hour. No matter how good the book is, I just can't read that long before I nod off. (I am still reading The Gargoyle and am more impressed with it as I get further into it. It is a remarkable work.) It has crossed my mind to keep drugs by the bed and take them when I wake but I worry that is dangerous as I am only supposed to take them every 6 hours and when I wake I am often only partly awake and I could take them in error, or after only 4 hours. Besides, they then take an hour to work so would it help anyway? I seem to do better if I sleep sitting up but that is really a pain to do unless I up and sleep on the recliner.

Any ideas?

ABUSE BOOKS

Someone told they were reading one of these misery books - people relating their abusive childhoods. I have serious misgivings about these books and their popularity to the extent they now merit their own section in book shops.

Anyway, she was saying that she found the book hard to believe and asked me what I thought. (She doesn't know about my past.) Her main doubt was caused by her not understanding how a child can withstand such things. She could not imagine a child being able to survive it, so she doubted the truth of it. I told her that children are remarkable and that we can shut off or block out or disappear or whatever it is we do. That is how we survive it. I told her that as it nearly killed me when I finally did feel it as a fully grown man in his late 40's, I truly understand whey a child has no choice but shut down. It is a survival mechanism and one which serves the human race well. How does one think that children in Gaza or Iraq or Rwanda cope? They shut down. They have to or they die or go insane.
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