If you asked John he would tell you that I rarely mention my pain problems and that I just get on with it. In fact, he would tell you that I do more than I ought to and neglect to take into consideration my limitations more often than I ought.
It is not easy for me to write what I’m about to write but it has got to the point that it is really started to bother me.
I am not really talking about people who do not know me I am talking about friends. People that I care about.
I think that mostly they have absolutely no idea at all what living with 24/7 pain is really like. Do they think that because I’m smiling I am not hurting? Do they think I just have a sore knee? Or maybe a toothache? Or that my muscles are sore after a workout at the gym? All that my legs hurt because I’ve been on them all day? I really have no idea what they think and whilst I do not need or want to be treated as a totally helpless person, I would appreciate some understanding.
Imagine if you can what it might be like to NEVER be comfortable. Not even with painkillers. No, not even morphine works 100%. The only thing that does work is a drug that knocks you out cold and of course one cannot take such drugs without causing more problems. Anyway, back to my point. I am never ever free of pain. If I say I am having a good day it means that my pain is less than usual and if I am having a bad day then the pain is much more than usual. I never get any time off. I never have a good night’s sleep. In order for me to change position I have to wake up and struggle myself into a different position. I am rarely sleep for more than two hours at a time. A good night’s sleep for me is four hours without waking up.I also have to get out of bed a minimum of twice every night and that in itself is a pain to say the least!
I feel the need to point this out because it seems to me that people expect that I am always polite and calm in my emotions. No one seems to give me any leeway at all if I speak out of turn or if I get offended for no apparent reason or if I over react to a minor slight or even to a non-existent slight.
I am not asking any of you to feel sorry for me that is the last thing that I want. I am asking that you try and bear in mind that I may not look ill to you that I am and it takes its emotional toll upon me. This last week has been particularly hard on me with the flu as well and a new-born litter. YOU may be able to take all this in your stride but the toll it takes upon me is heavy and the way it shows is that I become overemotional and touchy. So please do not judge me harshly for those times when I am not all sweetness and light.
My friends are very important to me and I respect and love them and I always give benefit of the doubt to them and to others. I only ask that you do the same for me.
Thank you for reading.