Thursday, January 13, 2011

IT’S MORE THAN A PAIN IN THE ARSE

If you asked John he would tell you that I rarely mention my pain problems and that I just get on with it.  In fact, he would tell you that I do more than I ought to and neglect to take into consideration my limitations more often than I ought.

It is not easy for me to write what I’m about to write but it has got to the point that it is really started to bother me.

I am not really talking about people who do not know me I am talking about friends. People that I care about.

I think that mostly they have absolutely no idea at all what living with 24/7 pain is really like.  Do they think that because I’m smiling I am not hurting?  Do they think I just have a sore knee?  Or maybe a toothache?  Or that my muscles are sore after a workout at the gym?  All that my legs hurt because I’ve been on them all day? I really have no idea what they think and whilst I do not need or want to be treated as a totally helpless person, I would appreciate some understanding.

Imagine if you can what it might be like to NEVER be comfortable.  Not even with painkillers.  No, not even morphine works 100%.  The only thing that does work is a drug that knocks you out cold and of course one cannot take such drugs without causing more problems.  Anyway, back to my point.  I am never ever free of pain.  If I say I am having a good day it means that my pain is less than usual and if I am having a bad day then the pain is much more than usual.  I never get any time off. I never have a good night’s sleep. In order for me to change position I have to wake up and struggle myself into a different position.  I am rarely sleep for more than two hours at a time.  A good night’s sleep for me is four hours without waking up.I also have to get out of bed a minimum of twice every night and that in itself is a pain to say the least!

I feel the need to point this out because it seems to me that people expect that I am always polite and calm in my emotions. No one seems to give me any leeway at all if I speak out of turn or if I get offended for no apparent reason or if I over react to a minor slight or even to a non-existent slight.

I am not asking any of you to feel sorry for me that is the last thing that I want.  I am asking that you try and bear in mind that I may not look ill to you that I am and it takes its emotional toll upon me.  This last week has been particularly hard on me with the flu as well and a new-born litter.  YOU may be able to take all this in your stride but the toll it takes upon me is heavy and the way it shows is that I become overemotional and touchy.  So please do not judge me harshly for those times when I am not all sweetness and light.

My friends are very important to me and I respect and love them and I always give benefit of the doubt to them and to others.  I only ask that you do the same for me. 

Thank you for reading.

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