Saturday, September 23, 2006

Mum's Inquest

Thursday night I awoke and had the urge to go on the PC. I did a search for my mother's name and came up with new information about her death. I had found out she had died when I felt the same urge last July.

It would seem her death was the result of medical negligence, though of course no one is going to be charged in connection.

According to the inquest held on May 12th, 2006, my mother had been constipated and a doctor prescribed for her over the phone. At some point later, she went to the A&E department and was discharged. Still later, she was rushed in as an emergency and died on the operating table. She died from a perforated colon which had caused septic shock. She died on April 2nd 2004, just 3 weeks before her 70th birthday.

Last July, when I found out she had died, I was shocked. I greived for what we never had. All the negative feelings thoughts of my mother used to bring, disipated. I know she understands now. It also helped me finally close the door. Realising just how wicked the rest of my family are really helped. The fact that no one bothered to inform me of my own mother's death told me all I needed to know.

It has been freeing for me. I can now think of my mother with compassion, knowing the past is done and dealt with. It saddens me that her passing was not clean or pain free. I would not wish such a death on anyone.

I think she is now at peace. I can see her life was a sad and painful one. One day I will meet her again and this time I will greet her as my Mother and she will greet me as her son. The reality of our life here will not matter anymore. No that is not to deny what happend, just to let go of it and see the fragile, confused and pain ridden human being who did what she did.


Annie said...

Your peace in the face of all this is admirable, Colin.

Bogie said...

What a beautiful, healing post. Be well.

Anonymous said...

That was good to read Colin.I try to forgive my father and the more I find out about his childhood the easier it gets.I hope we can talk one day too .I'd love to know what having a father is like but I know when I see Holly with Jeff.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad for you. Since I'm new to your blog, I don't know much about what your relationship with your mother was, but it sounds like this news has made it better, even if she's gone. It's good to have that sort of healing, especially when the only way you'll get it is to find the peace within yourself.

Anonymous said...

I do know how you feel, I one day hope to connect with my Mother again. She terrified me in life, but now I just feel sadness for her. Especially when I see how happy my Father is with his second wife and what he was like before. Love and light to you Colin.

Mary Beth said...

Gee, Colin, it's sad she died such a painful death. We had a very close brush with this with our best, beloved and most long-term employee was operated on just in time. We thank God everyday that the doctor acted on his own "hunch" since the real problem was not clear beforehand.

FuguesStateKnits said...

Colin, for someone who has been through as much as you have, the health of your mind and spirit is awe-inspiring! May God bless you as you continue your healing journey!
Much love,