Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Getting On

Thank you to those who have left messages here and written to my email address. I really appreciate it.

I started to feel more like me yesterday and still do this morning.

I am glad I came back when I did. I am glad I listened to my inner voice telling me to go home.

Before I went, I checked and checked that it was okay with my friend to look after two show coats, which she had not had to to do before. She is a qualified hairdresser. I showed how to do the dogs and was happy as was she. Now all of my dogs could have gone to two other people so it wasn't that she had no choice.

The last two times we spoke on the phone, I just got the feeling something wasn't right and when I phoned to say we were coming home, the reaction was not right. Can't say why I felt that. I just did.

So when I got home, I knew straight away something was up. The house smelled. No cleaning had been done. My two show coated dogs were matted to the skin. It was 12.30am when I got in after driving 700 miles. I stayed up till 5am grooming.

My first reaction was shock because I was so surprised she had let me down. I was angry too. However, when I hadn't had a phone call in the morning, and then no reply to call and texts, I became very worried. After 3 days I got a text saying 'I am down, need to be left alone'. Now I was getting angry. I already knew she had contacted mutual friends. It became obvious to me that she really didn't give a shit about my feelings. I left it and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Sunday when she came around knowing I was not in, made it clear to me that this was no friend.
She'd taken the £200 and done nothing for it. By coming home early I'd caught her out.

If I had not come home when I did, I'd have no dogs to show. I managed to save the coats as I know what I am doing. If I had come home two days later as planned, either I'd have to shave them off OR she would have hurt them by doing it herself and also wrecked their coats. It took hours for me to do but I did it without one yelp. ( At present I only show one of them, Moon, as Micah isn't ready for that yet.)

The most charitable I can be is that she knew she had been caught out letting me down big time and her pride stopped her dealing with it so she ditched me. However, I had noticed the last couple of times she had done stuff for me, paid for, she hadn't done as good a job as usual, in fact not done some things at all. I let it go. I know her 'career' is 'taking care' of people. I never saw our relationship like that at all cos it was developed a long while before she started doing things for me, at her prompting. Perhaps it was planned out.

I'll never know now exactly what this was about. I know I was conned. I know I did nothing to deserve this. I don't like to think I was set up from the beginning but it seems that way.

I wanted to make something clear about my disability. I am not helpless. I can walk. In my home I can get about quite well. In fact you may not notice anything wrong. You will notice I fidget a lot. If I keep still for too long, then I lock up. You will hear loud cracks when I do get up!

I can't use a bath. I can't cook with pots and pans or prepare foods because it requires standing too much and also I am likely to drop things or cut myself. On really bad days I can't dress or get shoes on. I roll out of bed and have been known to move about on all fours! Thank God for the dogs because they force me to get up and deal with them. On good days and I may even be able to go for a walk with them. Not often now.

I use sticks when I do walk but only very short distance. If I go out shopping or when we are away, I have to use a wheelchair. I can also drive. So basically unless I am acompanied, I don't go out. I can't manage the walk from car into supermarket and shop and back again. I can't get a wheelchair in and out of my car. I also cannot move myself in the chair unless on a very smooth surface.

I have OA of the spine which seems to spread to my knees and my hands now.I also have a neurological problem which affects my balance and makes me appear drunk sometimes. I can also get very confused. And , of course, exhausted easily!

I am very lucky I have the dogs, my knitting, the pc and a phone! I am always busy, never bored. It is necessary for me to get out during the week as 5 days indoors is too long. John is with me Friday evening to Monday morning.

I'll work it out and I know this awful hurt will lessen as time goes on.


Gillian said...

Thankyou for explaining so clearly, not only what has gone on, but also the degree to which you have relied on the person who let you and your dogs down so badly. It is a saddening moment, accepting that not all others have the same moral approach to things as you do yourself.
Your disability sounds very similar to my sister's. She has progressive MS, can get around her own home with a walking frame and drives to the MS Centre in Letchfield even though we all worry about it. It is her last thread with independence.
She hasn't got dogs, or knitting! I visit her as often as I can and we do things like trips to IKEA, collapsible mini scooter in the boot, and out to lunch at country pubs with ramps. Her husband and young son do lots of food shopping but draw the line at the "wander-round-slowly" stuff.
Last time at IKEA we had to have lunch!!!
If you are anywhere near Shefford in Beds, you can come to IKEA with us again in October when I next visit.
Cheers Gillian

Anonymous said...

Colin, You are such a caring trusting person! You show this in all your posts. Please don't lose that part of yourself because of this one person. It took a lot for you to get to that place in your life with all that you have been through. I prefer to live by the "what goes around comes around theory". That way I can continue to be myself and know that other people will get their just rewards!
I hope you can keep this all in perspective and not beat yourself up for someone else's problem.
Peace to you. JeanGU