CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE TURD KIND

This day has probably been one of the worst for quite some time.  I feel about as mobile and heavy as a tonne of lead.

Not to belabour the point but my insides have embarked on a radical spring cleaning program.  It sort of threatened to do so yesterday but I thought I had got away with it until I had been up for about an hour. Then all hell broke loose, so to speak. Having spent the morning enjoying the view from the Throne room all seemed to settle down.  Until this evening that is.

I had already taken the decision to only take essential medications today.  Whether or not this has helped I do not know. It could well be the very bland diet today. Either way, movements this evening do not seem so rapid.

I can only hope that by tomorrow this spontaneous colonic irrigation will have run its course and I will also feel much less like a lump of lead.  I have Mary-Grace to prepare for the dog show on Friday.  I will take plenty of morphine on Friday which will prevent further unwanted irrigation.

No!  I have not been near any German, Spanish, or any other nationality, cucumbers.  Before you ask.  And no, I do not have any other bug, condition, or syndrome, or anything that any new-age guru would be remotely interested in and I’m quite certain they would not have written about it so I do not need to be directed to any websites that will cure this problem.  It will go away of its own accord.  And it will come back of its own accord.  Yes, the more or less instant cure is rather large doses of morphine but that has its own drawbacks besides which I’d rather use it to deal with pain whilst it still does and not hasten my tolerance to it by treating my unwanted gut motility.