I learned many years ago that hope is not always a positive force in one’s mind. Indeed, it can hold one back and it can destroy what one has.
About 20 years ago I gave up the hope that I was going to become acceptable to my family, most especially to my parents.Until I did this I was not able to recover from the effects of childhood abuse. Indeed I could not even find the right help. Whilst I continued to hope, I was still believing that if only I could find what it is I needed to change, they would find me acceptable, or even love me. In other words I was still stuck believing it was my fault.
Giving up that hope was very painful and frightening but it was the best thing that I could have done because it released me.
Now I find that once again hope is taking from my life rather than adding to my life. This is in relation to my disease and my mobility issues. Every day I have been waking up and going to the pool hoping that today was going to be the day that I was going to be able to be back to my former physical capabilities and swim a mile. On the very rare occasions that I did manage that, I was buggered for the next 48 hours so didn’t go the following day as I hoped. I have been going around and around with this hope for about 18 months now.
Today I let it go. I know that no matter how much I hope I am not going to be able to regress my disease.
So today I went to the pool with a fixed number of laps in my mind that I would do and I would not go over that no matter how capable I thought I might be. Normally I go to the pool without a fixed number in my head and I force myself to do as many as I can. This has only resulted in more pain and suffering to me.
I do feel that I have given myself a realistic number of laps to complete. It remains to be seen whether I am going to be able to do that five days a week or whether I still have to do it alternate days. Only tomorrow will tell me that. I am not hoping that I can tomorrow because I do not want to argue with my body. I will wait and see what the situation with my body is when I wake up and make my decision based on that.
We NEED hope in our lives. My dogs and my showing and breeding of them always give me something to hope for. My knitting and my design work and my dyeing work also gives me plenty of hope, always something to look forward to.
We have to look realistically at what we are hoping for and if we discover that our hope is unrealistic we must ditch it before it destroys us.
Seven years ago when I found myself stranded in Stockholm, Sweden because I was in extreme pain and unable to move I knew that I had a serious problem. It had been building for years and I’ve had plenty of episodes like this before but I knew this time it was very different. Mainly because of the trip. I knew exactly what I had been doing and could not find an action on my part that could account for the state I was in. In other words I had run out of excuses for this being just a strained muscle!
When I got home, I went to the doctor already knowing that I was going to be diagnosed with a progressive disease. What I didn’t expect was I’d end up being diagnosed with four!
From the day I got back from Stockholm I was using two walking sticks to walk. Then I acquiesced a little and we bought a manual wheelchair. I did consider at the time an electric one but electric wheelchairs were really for handicapped people not me! As my disease progressed I bought an electric wheelchair because I could no longer use the top half of me to manoeuvre the manual wheelchair and I cannot abide being pushed around.
I have never had any trouble in accepting the situation regarding my health. I had already come to terms with it by the time I had got back from Sweden. I determined then that there was no point in even thinking about this, feeling sorry for myself or building some faint hope that I would get well. No! I knew my situation and I accepted it.
However what I have only just recently realised is that acceptance needs to be deeper.
I have struggled for a long time over my swimming regime and holidays. By this I mean I have forced myself to swim even when I am exhausted and I have planned driving holidays which have left me ill and exhausted.
I always have this inner argument going on with myself about being weak and lazy and not giving in. Some very perceptive soul told me I need to start listening to my inner self and stop listening to my inner father!
During yesterday’s swim, it came to me that although I accept my diagnoses and that I will not get well and that my disease will progress, I have NOT accepted the limitations it causes.
This has been the struggle.
Yesterday afternoon when I swam I did swim less laps than I did on Thursday but just like Friday I have awoken feeling sore and weak and tired. Not as bad as I did on Friday because I did less laps yesterday. I assume.
I now realise that I must work within my limitations because not doing so is making my health problems worse. Particularly with regard to my weight. The worse I feel the more likely I am to indulge in comfort food.
I will continue to swim. It is important for my health and it does help keep me more mobile. What I need to do is cut down the amount of laps I do even if I feel well enough to do more. I also need to figure out if cutting down the amount of laps I do will enable me to swim every day which I would prefer, or will I have to cut down the amount of laps AND swim only on alternate days.
The answer to the above I do not yet know the but at least I know what I need to do now.
I also came to the decision this week but I will not be accepting invitations to demonstrate and speak too far from my home. It wipes me out.
I will of course continue to show my dogs. There is no way that I am willing to stop that and there is no need for me to. I have to accept though that for the two days after a dog show I need to rest and no excuses.
It never ceases to amaze me how much we are driven by our subconscious. it also continually confirms to me that what I teach is accurate: how we think is of the utmost importance because it is how we think that dictates the quality of our life and that the quality of our life can be improved vastly by paying attention to what we think and altering what is necessary.
When I had my nap yesterday afternoon I had a dream which confirmed to me what has been going on for several months.
In the dream I saw two men in canoes. They were talking about a canoe race. I was in another canoe but I could not see myself because it in the dream I was seeing these other two. They were talking about how they prevent me from winning. How they sabotaged me.
I had begun to think recently about why I had taken several steps backwards. I had begun to stay in much more than go out. I had stopped entering dog shows, my excuse being that after Leeds I felt there was no point. Even if it was true that there was no point continuing to show Whitney, I have Mary-Grace to show.
Not just as regards my dogs but life in general had been going very well. Yes dealing with the tax situation to the last 18 months has been very stressful but I really don’t think that has anything to do with it.
I have always had trouble with being around people. I do not like groups, crowds, parties, that sort of thing. Going to dog shows took an enormous effort on my part but I did it and then when I really started to dress the part to show Whitney I did enjoy the lovely compliments I got from people. However it became increasingly more difficult for me.
I now realise that the suspicions I have had about why I had taken these steps backwards were confirmed by this dream. Quite simply I am not used to having a life that goes well and I think deep down there is still a part of me that the leaves I do not deserve success and contentment. I sabotaged myself.
I think now that I know this, I will be able to rectify the situation. With my pool being closed for eight weeks I have of course put on weight but I also have been careless as this has been part of myself sabotaged. Right now I could not get into any of my show clothes.
I do feel brighter and more optimistic today because I know from past experience that once I recognise what is going on I can usually change it quite easily.
There is no reason at all I should not enjoy life to the maximum and I have to dump this idea that I don’t deserve it.
Come to think of it I’m not sure now that that is what is at the root of it. I know as a child that any expression of happiness was crushed with “it will all end in tears”.
I think it is a combination of both these things. Whatever, I am going to get my Mojo back.
KNITTING
I have just one sleeve left to do on John’s cashmere/cotton sweater and I think I may get that finished today.
I have also been knitting a swatch on 4.5 mm needles for a twisted stitch sweater. The swatches 121 stitches wide and I shall probably knit another 10 or so rows before I remove it wash it and measure it.
DOGS
Wendell went to his new home with the lovely Tracey on Saturday and I know that he is going to have a wonderful life with her. Waldo has yet to find a home but he will. I never worry about my puppies being sold, the right home always comes along.
Winston, who we are keeping, went into town yesterday afternoon and he reacted to it all very well. He wanted to meet all the people he saw and the dogs and the only hesitation he showed was when he wanted to bound along and discovered that the lead would not allow that!
Whitney’s puppies are doing extremely well. They are 17 days old today. On Saturday I did get rather concerned because they were dirty and smelly and Whitney did not appear to be interested in keeping them clean. Since they were born she has not been particularly good at keeping them clean and I have often had to do that myself but on Saturday I was concerned that something was wrong and I got really worried and upset about it. However, she and they settled and by Saturday evening they were all perfectly clean and they still are so it seems that finally she’s figured out what she is supposed to do. I did try butter on the bum trick but it didn’t work. She came to cleaning them up on her own. They are fat and warm.
What I find very interesting is that the three black girls all look the same and are probably like Whitney for type. However the three boys do not look like the girls at all and they don’t look like each other! Apart from one of the boys which is an obvious no-no as regards keeping, the other two boys look interesting but don’t look like anything I’ve ever had before so I will basically have to wait as they get older and see what happens.
HEALTH
My body is not doing particularly well and I am wondering if I have now gone down another rung on the ladder in the progression of my disease. I have had to use a stick in the house for a little while now and I have never had to do that before. I find I cannot rise off the settee or out of bed without it and I need to use it as I walk around to balance me. I have also been really exhausted. It has just come to my mind that this plunge coincided with me also having the flu so perhaps that is the only reason and I will improve again. It certainly may explain how tired and weak I feel and the need for the stick.
I started back at the swimming pool last week but I only went twice because I just could not manage it again. I went this morning and it was the better of the now three swims that I’ve had. It remains to be seen how I feel later today or more importantly tomorrow morning.
I’m certain I have said before that the pain part I can deal with and I accept it easily, drugs dial it down. (if you are like me you would expect that painkillers do precisely that-kill pain.They do not. Even the morphine, which is good, does not get rid of pain altogether.) The part I find the most frustrating and that can get me down is the fatigue-the inability to do what I want to do, when I want to do it! Sometimes even sitting and hand-knitting is too much effort. However, I can still do all sorts of things and it could be a lot worse so…
The thrust of my post More Than Are Pain In The Arse was to explain that I cannot always be thoughtful and polite and unemotional. I can overreact and be quite rude without meaning to be. Unfortunately, I failed to explain myself properly in that post. It seems that it was construed mainly as a call for people to be more sympathetic towards me which is NOT what I had in mind at all!
“The feeling of not being able to control one's own body is really very frightening and when one lives daily with this kind of frustration, it's practically a miracle that we have any sort of control over our "bitchiness"! And control it is, in some cases superhuman control, just to remain pleasant in the face of this pain that grinds us down.
Please do feel free to "lose it" whenever you need to - most of us do understand, and those that don't - maybe they will learn a bit of compassion....... “
The above is quoted from one of the commentators and describes very accurately what I was trying to say. The post came about because a dear friend got very upset with me when I stated that my feelings have been hurt. Not only was I in a great deal of pain that I also had the flu and I just overreacted. In turn, I was hurt and taken aback by their response to my hurt.I had to let it go as they were not going to understand.
I am not seeking carte blanche to behave badly or to say whatever I damn well please regardless of people’s feelings. Just that those who know me know that I never ever seek to hurt anybody and if I am being grumpy well you ought to know the reason by now and not take it so personally. It can make the friendship far too much hard work if I feel I have to walk on eggshells. To be frank it takes a great deal of energy, mental and emotional energy, just to get through each day and I just don’t have the time all the inclination to have to pet people as well. If you are in my life it is because I care about you and I have let you win and I trust you and with that comes the choice to overlook one’s little foibles.I am just asking the same in return.
I’m not at all sure what I’m about to write but sometimes it does help to clear things in my mind if I do.
I have felt for a long time that my spiritual path seems to have come to a dead end. In London I was very busy as regards taking services however I cannot get around London anymore for the lack of parking. Out here, I am not appreciated. One of the Spiritualist churches were at least upfront by telling me that I was not approved of. I am fairly certain that this is the case with all the others who no longer book me. I add here that it was not my mediumship that was not approved of. I was told that by the want to have the guts to tell me why they weren’t in the book and I am confident enough in my own abilities to know that I give good sound solid evidence not wishy-washy airy fairy crap that could apply to anybody.
I quite frequently go just to sit in the audience because I find I can relax and I often take advantage of the hands-on healing which for a brief period while it was going on I am relieved of my pain. I seem to drift off and whilst I’m aware of the heat of the hands upon me I am also aware of the physical pain just seeping away.
I keep being given the same message over and over again and I really just do not know what it means. I was told it again yesterday. It is this: I am not fulfilling my role and I need to push myself forward.
Now I know I am not fulfilling my role. For the reasons mentioned above and also because of my health. The last two services that I have done, one of which was about 50 miles away and another about 90 miles away, left me completely useless the following day just like a dog show does. To be frank I don’t think I’m being too self-centred to suggest that taking 48 hours out of my life in order to work for an hour and a half is asking too much of me.
However it has frequently been suggested to me that I can do my work through writing.
Do I start making my blog much more spiritually inclined? Do I start offering communication via e-mail or the telephone? Even these I cannot do without limit and without it taking its toll on me. I certainly have no trouble participating in spirit communication over the telephone and I don’t think I would have any via the written word either but like I said I’m not even sure that to a day would be realistic.
Maybe all I need to be doing is writing much more about my life experiences and how spirituality has played the foremost role in where I am now.
Okay I am at the end of this post and it’s no clearer in my mind. I am still puzzled as to what it is I need to be doing. I do certainly feel that I’m wasting my gifts that I cannot force people to change their bigoted attitudes nor can I force them to book me. Apart from which as I have already stated my health gets in the way. It or not prevent me completely, but it certainly does limited.
If you asked John he would tell you that I rarely mention my pain problems and that I just get on with it. In fact, he would tell you that I do more than I ought to and neglect to take into consideration my limitations more often than I ought.
It is not easy for me to write what I’m about to write but it has got to the point that it is really started to bother me.
I am not really talking about people who do not know me I am talking about friends. People that I care about.
I think that mostly they have absolutely no idea at all what living with 24/7 pain is really like. Do they think that because I’m smiling I am not hurting? Do they think I just have a sore knee? Or maybe a toothache? Or that my muscles are sore after a workout at the gym? All that my legs hurt because I’ve been on them all day? I really have no idea what they think and whilst I do not need or want to be treated as a totally helpless person, I would appreciate some understanding.
Imagine if you can what it might be like to NEVER be comfortable. Not even with painkillers. No, not even morphine works 100%. The only thing that does work is a drug that knocks you out cold and of course one cannot take such drugs without causing more problems. Anyway, back to my point. I am never ever free of pain. If I say I am having a good day it means that my pain is less than usual and if I am having a bad day then the pain is much more than usual. I never get any time off. I never have a good night’s sleep. In order for me to change position I have to wake up and struggle myself into a different position. I am rarely sleep for more than two hours at a time. A good night’s sleep for me is four hours without waking up.I also have to get out of bed a minimum of twice every night and that in itself is a pain to say the least!
I feel the need to point this out because it seems to me that people expect that I am always polite and calm in my emotions. No one seems to give me any leeway at all if I speak out of turn or if I get offended for no apparent reason or if I over react to a minor slight or even to a non-existent slight.
I am not asking any of you to feel sorry for me that is the last thing that I want. I am asking that you try and bear in mind that I may not look ill to you that I am and it takes its emotional toll upon me. This last week has been particularly hard on me with the flu as well and a new-born litter. YOU may be able to take all this in your stride but the toll it takes upon me is heavy and the way it shows is that I become overemotional and touchy. So please do not judge me harshly for those times when I am not all sweetness and light.
My friends are very important to me and I respect and love them and I always give benefit of the doubt to them and to others. I only ask that you do the same for me.
Thank you for reading.
Disagreeing with a belief system and saying so without condemning the holder of the beliefs and with out name calling or passing personal comment is not hate speech. It also is not atheism(!) I read plenty of hate speech here-speech that DOES condemn the person. I try hard not to be guilty of that and I have swiftly rectified it if I have made such an error. Pointing to inconsistencies in a belief system is not hate speech though I am not ignorant enough of people that I am not aware that some will lash out. I block those people. No second chances. Only one chance to abuse me. It surprises me that others just allow it by their silence although I ought not be really as that is why abuse of all kinds happen. I will, as long as I am able, speak my mind, decrying ideas that I see as harmful or moronic, pointing out why I do, and pointing out inconsistencies as I see them. I will continue to do so as I always have - without attacking the person as ideas and people are NOT the same thing.
Let’s face it, if I wasn’t weird you probably would not be reading my blog.
I went to bed at about three or four o’clock on Saturday morning having been up with Whitney for two nights delivering her puppies. I awoke a couple of hours later violently shivering. Really violently. John held me tight in an attempt to stop my body from jerking about. It eventually did stop, and I went back to sleep. I woke up feeling fairly rough and very hot and sweaty.
Me being me it does not occur to me that I am sick. No. Instead I think that I am having withdrawals from my painkillers. Here are my thinking that I had gotten over the guilt around taking heavy-duty painkillers and yet here it is in another disguise.
The same thing happened in the early hours of Sunday morning although not as severe. Now I did not buy this time seriously think it could be withdrawals because I took morphine deliberately to see if by taking it I would feel better. I did not other than felt pain relief.
So yesterday off I trot to the doctor who takes one look at me and says you’re very pale you obviously rather sick!
I have the flu. The shaking and sweating is to do with the temperature and the reason it was only happening whilst I have been in bed a few hours is because by that time my pills had worn off and as I take paracetamol along with the tramadol and all morphine, of course I did not have a temperature when I took it. Hence I could not be ill without a temperature. Duh! I have also discovered that having the flu vaccination every year does not protect one from getting the flu but it does lessen the effects. I have to take my BP regularly at the moment because I am considered a high risk person ( for being killed by flu that is)!
I have to say this is really rather boring. I am not knitting and shall be going back to bed shortly. This is my fourth day of being sick so hopefully it is almost over. I did sleep well last night despite being drenched. The weirdest thing is that I keep suddenly becoming drenched in sweat and feeling very hot and then of course I feel chilled. I am only wearing one layer of clothes instead of my usual three.
I have been fasting about with an updated version of my camera which I managed to get a refurbished one of. I am really rather pleased with it. No doubt there will be more photographs either on Facebook or on this blog.
No doubt because I have the ,Daniel Craig is about call and suggest we go out for an intimate dinner for two. I have to say that I would still have to refuse him as the very thought makes me feel iller! And I don’t care if iller is not a word
I had a very strange night. I awoke in the early hours shaking and shivering violently. I have no idea why. It lasted over an hour. I had to wake John so that you could hold me tight in an effort to stop my body jerking about shivering so badly. My teeth and jaw were hurting from the chattering. In fact it my whole body hurt. Luque for some reason took exception and tried his damnedest to get between John and me.
I eventually went back to sleep but when it was time for me to get up I couldn’t so John had to get up and go and get my drugs. Far from shivering I now feel very hot and I keep sweating. I am not sick, meaning I do not feel unwell just very tired and sore.
I used to have fits of the shivers when I was young and I have never understood why. I have not had an attack this bad for a very long time. The last time was when I awoke in pain and my left knee had swollen to about four times the size it should a bit. In that instance it seems to me that the chills and shivering were a direct result of the knee.
Whitney’s three boys and three girls are doing very well. The very little boy did not make it. He only weighed 95 g and despite feeding him he never gained and in fact lost. He appeared to have no sucking reflex. Now that he has gone everybody else settle down really well. This year, meaning the last 12 months, all really the last three letters I have lost puppies from all of them whereas prior to that it was very rare indeed. I have just been fortunate. I know they’re only newborn puppies with no personality but I still hate to lose them even if they are born dead. I have learned though when to intervene and when not to intervene and also when to give up. If one is very stubborn and does not know when to stop one ends up causing unnecessary suffering. I know that in this case I did not as I knew when to let go.
Six puppies is enough for any dog. And to have three boys and three girls is really fortuitous. Now we can just watch as they grow.
Whitney is eating very well but only out of my hand! This is the only time that I allow a dog to wrap me around their little paw!
This was one of the longest labours I’ve ever experienced. Whitney started to scratch up seriously and would not go out on Thursday morning. She kept this up right through until she produced the first puppy at 6:30 on Friday evening. She then proceeded to produce one puppy each hour and whence she had had six I I knew that there was at least one other puppy there but it was a couple of hours before that one came and it was the heaviest of the litter. Unfortunately several hours after that she produced the largest puppy of all, a black male, but his placenta had come away quite some time before he was born and he was therefore dead when she finally got him out.
I have three black girls with varying amounts of white marking. There are three gold sable boys, the firstborn of these is very much paler than the other two. The other two are really dark gold sable is with black masks and black legs. They all have white markings.
Then we have the little gold and white party colour boy. He is only 95 g (3.5 ounces) but so far seems to be doing well enough. He is warm and with my health has a full belly. He was not at all warm after I woke up and I did what I have done before I used a handheld hairdryer to warm him up. It really works he has not gone cold since and this was five hours ago. He has also taken the bottle well. Only time will tell.
My attitude is that I have a litter of three dogs and three bitches with possibly another dog. I will do my best to that little puppy but he is very small.
My gut feeling about having a very large litter was correct all along and it’s the second litter of eight that I’ve had in less than a year! however this litter is markedly different from the previous litter where all the puppies were undersize and mothers milk failed. These puppies are vigorously healthy and mother has plenty of milk.
I have learned something from this: I will never leave a coat on a bitch again. I started to remove Whitney’s coat this morning when she stood up and a puppy was tangled up in the long hair. Apart from this, I have never had a bitch produce such copious amounts of liquid and her coat was absolutely drenched and I got through a couple of rolls of Plenty soaking it all up. The puppy being caught within her coat was the last straw and I cut it off. She is now shorthaired dog but looks rather moth-eaten because of course I haven’t been I would do a proper job!
She is only three. She has 10 tickets, 6-7 BOB, two Best In Show, one G2 and two G4. She also has about the same number of reserve tickets. Two years from now she will only be five, plenty of time to her coat to grow back if I want to show her some more.
In the end I did what was right for her and for her puppies.
It just goes to show in this game you never know particularly with Lhasa Apso what colour you will get! Obviously I expected black as it is the dominant colour but I expected that most would be parti-colour and I certainly didn’t expect any dark black masked Sables!
it is going to be very exciting watching these grow up.
....and jump up and down and a jig if I could.
This year started off really well.
Not only is our battle with the IRS over but THEY are going to give US a sum well into five figures. We still have the legal do do of having to get the legal claim on our house removed and also clear John's credit rating. At least though it will all be done.
Not only that, but the death of two people also gave us unexpected five figure sums each. Don't feel bad they were in their 90s and went peacefully.
My failed knitting business, because of my health, left me with a lot of debt. And I mean a lot. Anyone who knows how much brand-new silver reed machines with rivers cost etc. plus tonnes of cashmere and other fine yarns.
Fortunately the knitting business debt was paid off last year. This was a huge load off my mind because I felt so guilty about it. John never once commented about the thousands of pounds worth of machinery and yarn that I had that I now could not use to get my money back. He is really good that way. I beat myself up enough for the pair of us!
I am now in the very fortunate position of being able to knit what I please, as my body allows, and still sell the odd sweater and my hand dyed yarn.
John retires in 18 months and we shall be debt free! ( This also means I can marry him without my good financial history being ruined too.)
As I said 2011 is going to be a good year!
Our wedding is likely to be March 2012. Before our 32nd anniversary on 7/7. John doesn’t like to rush things, he needs to sure…..
THIS IS A THANK YOU EMAIL FOR ALL YOUR EMAILS DURING 2010 THAT ENLIGHTENED ME DURING 2010. LET US START AGAIN F0R 2011.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
As we progress through to the end of 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa is granting my every wish.
I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy petrol without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ...
I no longer buy biscuits from Tescos because I now have their recipe.
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a 10p coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.
