I’m not at all sure what I’m about to write but sometimes it does help to clear things in my mind if I do.
I have felt for a long time that my spiritual path seems to have come to a dead end. In London I was very busy as regards taking services however I cannot get around London anymore for the lack of parking. Out here, I am not appreciated. One of the Spiritualist churches were at least upfront by telling me that I was not approved of. I am fairly certain that this is the case with all the others who no longer book me. I add here that it was not my mediumship that was not approved of. I was told that by the want to have the guts to tell me why they weren’t in the book and I am confident enough in my own abilities to know that I give good sound solid evidence not wishy-washy airy fairy crap that could apply to anybody.
I quite frequently go just to sit in the audience because I find I can relax and I often take advantage of the hands-on healing which for a brief period while it was going on I am relieved of my pain. I seem to drift off and whilst I’m aware of the heat of the hands upon me I am also aware of the physical pain just seeping away.
I keep being given the same message over and over again and I really just do not know what it means. I was told it again yesterday. It is this: I am not fulfilling my role and I need to push myself forward.
Now I know I am not fulfilling my role. For the reasons mentioned above and also because of my health. The last two services that I have done, one of which was about 50 miles away and another about 90 miles away, left me completely useless the following day just like a dog show does. To be frank I don’t think I’m being too self-centred to suggest that taking 48 hours out of my life in order to work for an hour and a half is asking too much of me.
However it has frequently been suggested to me that I can do my work through writing.
Do I start making my blog much more spiritually inclined? Do I start offering communication via e-mail or the telephone? Even these I cannot do without limit and without it taking its toll on me. I certainly have no trouble participating in spirit communication over the telephone and I don’t think I would have any via the written word either but like I said I’m not even sure that to a day would be realistic.
Maybe all I need to be doing is writing much more about my life experiences and how spirituality has played the foremost role in where I am now.
Okay I am at the end of this post and it’s no clearer in my mind. I am still puzzled as to what it is I need to be doing. I do certainly feel that I’m wasting my gifts that I cannot force people to change their bigoted attitudes nor can I force them to book me. Apart from which as I have already stated my health gets in the way. It or not prevent me completely, but it certainly does limited.
