I’m not at all sure what I’m about to write but sometimes it does help to clear things in my mind if I do.
I have felt for a long time that my spiritual path seems to have come to a dead end. In London I was very busy as regards taking services however I cannot get around London anymore for the lack of parking. Out here, I am not appreciated. One of the Spiritualist churches were at least upfront by telling me that I was not approved of. I am fairly certain that this is the case with all the others who no longer book me. I add here that it was not my mediumship that was not approved of. I was told that by the want to have the guts to tell me why they weren’t in the book and I am confident enough in my own abilities to know that I give good sound solid evidence not wishy-washy airy fairy crap that could apply to anybody.
I quite frequently go just to sit in the audience because I find I can relax and I often take advantage of the hands-on healing which for a brief period while it was going on I am relieved of my pain. I seem to drift off and whilst I’m aware of the heat of the hands upon me I am also aware of the physical pain just seeping away.
I keep being given the same message over and over again and I really just do not know what it means. I was told it again yesterday. It is this: I am not fulfilling my role and I need to push myself forward.
Now I know I am not fulfilling my role. For the reasons mentioned above and also because of my health. The last two services that I have done, one of which was about 50 miles away and another about 90 miles away, left me completely useless the following day just like a dog show does. To be frank I don’t think I’m being too self-centred to suggest that taking 48 hours out of my life in order to work for an hour and a half is asking too much of me.
However it has frequently been suggested to me that I can do my work through writing.
Do I start making my blog much more spiritually inclined? Do I start offering communication via e-mail or the telephone? Even these I cannot do without limit and without it taking its toll on me. I certainly have no trouble participating in spirit communication over the telephone and I don’t think I would have any via the written word either but like I said I’m not even sure that to a day would be realistic.
Maybe all I need to be doing is writing much more about my life experiences and how spirituality has played the foremost role in where I am now.
Okay I am at the end of this post and it’s no clearer in my mind. I am still puzzled as to what it is I need to be doing. I do certainly feel that I’m wasting my gifts that I cannot force people to change their bigoted attitudes nor can I force them to book me. Apart from which as I have already stated my health gets in the way. It or not prevent me completely, but it certainly does limited.
6 comments:
hah! I love reading your posts! They are always so passionate, you care about what you write! :)
I really have no proper answer per se. for you, however...
What I find always works best for me, is to just watch for signs, there are always so many things thrown right in front of your face, but if we are not looking for them we do not see. I got like a move forward thing out of your post more than just a push yourself, maybe there is something that you need to get over and move forward with something else?
I am sure that you will see signs of whatever it is :)
I wish we lived closer to one another, and we could exchange services. I could provide you with hands on healing and you me with spiritual guidance, a win win situation. Maybe you let it be known that you do offer spirtual guidance and have people come to you, or would you prefer for that not to happen, it's not everyone's cup of tea. The telephone option is interesting, however for me I like to be face to face or at least in the same room as someone who is offering the guidance. Beverley xx
I have always enjoyed your blog, Colin. I, personally, would love a reading from you. Unless we get our little fannies in gear and get to England soon, I suspect it will not happen. Have you ever considered writing a real book? If you put the manuscript together and, perhaps employ the "free" editorship of your blog readers by posting your writing as it goes - in chunks or chapters, it might even come to a point to be ready for publication. I have a friend who was a librarian at our school. He wrote a fantasy book, along with an elaborate description of an alternate reality. I, and a few others who appreciated him (he was, after all, a typically "bookish" and wonderful iibrarian and was, often, misunderstood) would be unpaid proofreaders to help him get it ready. This man even illustrated his book with wonderful characters (I have one of the original colored pencil drawings). He marketed his book for about a year and, eventually, a company - not one of the "majors," but reasonably well distributed - published it. He has more than broken even on the venture and had the satisfaction of seeing his dream in print. This is, naturally, just a small suggestion. Start with the blog and go from there.
I wish you well, friend. I know what it is like to have gifts and be unable to use them due to location. Fortunately for me, I will be moving by the end of 2011, so I have a light at the end of the tunnel. I send good thoughts your way.
I wish I could reach my hands across the "pond"...I have had some experience and successes with touch healing.
Colin, sometimes we do not know what we are meant to do or we may not even realizing that we were doing it. I am sure there has been a time in your life when someone touched your soul..when whatever they did brought tears to your eyes. It most likely was not something earth shattering thing that they did with pomp and circumstance, it was the right gesture, words. So yes, keep a clear kind and loving spirit and push yourself forward with your clear and bright gift..after all it may not be shown in the way that you will ever imagine.
Hey Colin:) I'm probably the last person on earth who should give anyone advice about spiritual matters, so take what I write with the proverbial grain of salt.
I will say that a few years back when you were going through your personal hellish time, I was so touched by the fact that you took time out to call me on the phone and to speak with me, not once but twice and it didn't even occur to me to ask you anything in the nature of a reading, LOL:) (Darn, had you right there and look what happened, LOL!) Seriously, though, one of the things your wrote on your blog - can't remember exactly when it was - but you were writing about being a young person, maybe young adult, and knowing that there were others in the next life who were helping you.
You don't directly speak about the readings you do, but I remember on that particular occasion feeling like this was so true. I had a similar encounter myself. I think it kept me human. (Thanks Mom). Anyway, I think people would be interested in hearing about that if it's not too painful to recount. If it is, fine, your health and safety come first.
One of the most amazing things to me in my line of work and in life in general is that by rights you should be a regular child-abusing SOB and yet, not only are you not that, you are a decent human being in a long term relationship who is so kind and loving with your four-footed children! How does that happen? How is it that you did not go down the path your family went? There must have been many turning points in your life and you have written about many of them. I hope you will someday feel safe enough to write about many more of them.
Also, I am curious about how you experience the gift you've been given. Do you see things? Hear them? Sense them - how?
I was looking at the number of visitors you've had from US alone! You've sparked a nerve in so many people. I agree there's more work for you to do. Be open my friend:)
hugs,
Joan
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