“You are acceptable just as you are. Right now. Right here. Not when you or others feel that you are good enough. But now. Who you are. Just as you are. No matter what you have done no matter what you will do.”
Above is what I wrote in my last post entitled GOOD ENOUGH. Below is part of a comment that was left in response to it:
I think, your last sentences could be misunderstood by some people and be taken as excuse for them being dangerous for themselves or others. "no matter what we do" could be interpreted by an amoral being in the way, that it would have proof of or be justified in the fact, that torturing or killing living, feeling fellow beings is o.k.
My first reaction to the comment was an inpatient sigh. Then when I began to think about it I realise that the comment illustrates very well the infection of the human mind by religion based upon rewards and punishments. As a result of this human beings just cannot see how any person could possibly behave well without the threat of supernatural punishment.
I believe the converse is true. I believe the more we tell people how bad they are and how they are going to be eternally damned for their badness, the more likely they are to behave badly.
However this is not really the issue. The issue is I made a statement of fact as I understand it as regards unconditional love. I am not about to change the definition of unconditional love because somebody may decide that as they are loved unconditionally just as they are they have carte blanche to do whatever they wish! One cannot turn the truth into a lie because of fear although of course this is done all the time. Hence the world we live in.
I do find it very sad that people seem unable to conceive of an unconditional love and also seem completely unable to imagine forgiveness let alone give it. We human beings just cannot abide by the idea that hateful acts should be met by love. We would rather continue to suffer ourselves just to see somebody else get what we think is their just deserts.
None of us are in any place to judge. We do not walk in anybody shoes but our own. As cliched as that is it is very true.
I know from my own personal experience that there is nothing more painful than facing the truth.NOTHING. I also know that the only way to attain peace is to face the truth and experience it.
Although I was unaware of it at the time, that my wishing nothing but peace for those people that made my childhood living hell, and much of my adult hood as a result, will mean that they will have to face the truth and feel it or they will not have peace.
What better justice is that? Anybody who has truly faced and felt the truth of the damage that they did, or they had done to them, knows of what I speak.
There is no other justice that makes sense. The idea that my abusers will be reincarnated as abusees is just sick and clearly has not been thought through. This type of Karma which many people believe in means that people who molest and terrorise and beat up children are only carrying out a divine plan!
There is nothing I could do to my abusers that would make them feel what I felt because they are not me. There is nothing that could be done to my abusers that would lessen in any way my own suffering.
It is my understanding that as part of spiritual growth, the attainment of peace, which I believe does not end with the death of the body, that each of us has to face the truth of our lives and the effect that we have had on others for both ill and good. To feel what we made others feel. Now that is justice.
Even if death is the end and there is no spirituality, then my contention that there is nothing I or anybody else could do to my abusers that would make up in any way for what was done to me still stands. I do not want anything for them other than peace. People who are at peace with themselves do not abuse other people. I certainly am not letting them have any more of my life by holding on to the idea that they must pay for what they did. If life is eternal, they will in the manner that I described. If life is a waste of time and when we are dead we are dead, well we won’t be around to give a shit will we?
I also know from first-hand experience that no matter how hard we repress, suppress, and deny the truth is always there and it will make itself known through pain and suffering in our lives.
Monsters do not just pop up out of nowhere.They are created. By us. By their parents. By society. By us. Until we accept this, it is likely that we will continue to suffer the results of such people in our societies.
If we cannot let go of our need for vengeance, if we do not stop denying our vengeance and calling it a desire for justice, we won’t know peace.
It is clear that the majority of people believe in a God of vengeance and damnation despite their protestations that their God is a God of love! Clearly a God who offers love with one hand and vengeance with the other is no better than human the reason being is our own human limitation that causes us to reject the idea of unconditional love out of hand because we cannot conceive of it ourselves. It might help if we stop confusing love with like, or emotional attachment. It is perfectly possible to love somebody one really does not like. It has nothing to do with the way that we feel, but with the way that we act. We can treat somebody well unconditionally. It really is possible. Doctors and nurses do it all the time! There is nobody that I would miss treat because of the way I feel about them. Now if that is possible for me, I certainly know it’s possible for you, and I cannot imagine the power of this kind of unconditional love from an omnipotent God.
2 comments:
A thing I would also like to get rid of is the tendency to vilify or fear anyone whose beliefs differ from yours. I see so much of the sadness in the world as stemming from the compulsion to fear the other.
Colin, I was very fortunate a number of years ago when my mother (one of my abusers and an alcoholic) called me and asked if she could come over for a "cup of coffee", something she had never done before. My daughter was a preschooler at the time.
She sat down and started talking. She acknowledged the abuse in full. We talked about her abuse growing up, not as an excuse, but as a problem that is so often passed down. She talked about her alcoholism also. Her drinking and abusing were very tightly connected. She then complimented me on how I was bringing up my daughter (without abuse) as a result of tremendous support from other women who didn't have my history.
It was the most amazing gift I have ever received in my life.
My father has never acknowledged his abuse and likely never will, but that is his loss.
I am sharing this for another reason and that is that, in Alanon, I was able to learn to accept my parents as they are, not as I would have liked them to be. I really believe, that without this acceptance, my mother would never have come over and made those amends to me.
Accepting someone as they are, is a gift we can give. We do not have to accept unacceptable behavior, which is different from accepting the individual as they are.
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