Tuesday, March 02, 2010

NOT SO HOT

I feel like crap. Don’t know why really. I feel tearful.

My swim this morning was hard going. Usually, the pain eases after the first few laps but not today, it got worse. I still completed my laps but it was difficult.

I didn’t get done what I wanted to get done today. I did my postage. Didn’t bath a dog, had a nap and felt no better for it. I do get pissed off not being able to do.

And I sold a hank today (one of 10!) that i cannot find. I have looked high and low for it. I have taken the living room apart. I have looked at the dogs beds. I have looked every where I can think to look and knackered myself in the process and hurt so much I know I won’t be swimming tomorrow! I am sure I have not sold it already. I cannot find an invoice for it. It is called Anima Rising just in case one of my readers bought it but really, I would have remembered? I felt really bad for the buyer, immediately refunded them apologized, and although I know they got my email, I guess they are not pleased. A bit like someone else who wanted two of my hanks but then didn’t respond to me for two days, during which time they sold. They have not spoken to me since. really, some people! i feel bad about this lost hank though.

I am not pleased with the way Sunday’s talk and demonstration went. The chairperson really bothered me. He said he really enjoyed what i had to say but then went on to pontificate about his view which was clearly in contradiction to mine so why he said he what he did I have no idea. He clearly didn’t understand what I said.

I get really mad at people who think that what i suffered as a child was meant to be! That it was all part of some bigger plan, God’s will. really? God wants people to rape children? Bully them? terrify them? Why? To make us better people? F*ck off! Pillock! I am LUCKY I survived. I know who many didn’t , don’t and won’t. Do these wankers really think that child abusers are doing God’s Will? Where have these idiots got their hearts let alone their brain. Oh and why oh why do they say this crap whilst also letting one know just how highly spiritual they are and that failure to understand their point of view is because we are not enlightened enough!

I really feel as if I am bashing my head against a brick wall. I spent a good deal of time talking, I always have the same message to give in my talks, and it clearly did not affect this man’s thinking at all and just moved him to insult my spirit and my intelligence and my life.

I wonder if I am right to think that these people think this way because it is the only way they can handle the idea of child abuse? Or because they are abusers so blame the victim? Or they are just ignorant full stop and have no idea what twaddle they are talking?

It’s like these these religious homophobes who refuse to see the harm they do, the suffering they cause, the wretched lives their victims lead. That 10 year old boy who hung himself rather than live another day being ‘gay bashed’ at school suffered because of the hatred of these religious bigots. Oh, they will deny it of course. They don’t hate, they love. Bollocks! if it were not for them and their wicked ideas, young gay people wouldn’t suffer through their formative years believing they are vile and defective and evil. These people have NO IDEA at all the agony they are responsible for.'Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do’. Actually, far worse than that, they don’t want TO know! And they daren’t even look at it lest they lose their place in Heaven. F’ing self centred fearful prats that they are. They constantly attack and vilify us day in and day out 24/7 and they have the cheek to say THEY are the persecuted ones? Oh Brother!

I cannot abide hypocrisy and deceit and lies and pompous twats. The laziness of people. The preference for thinking the easy way. For following like sheep. You know Hitler is hated so much? Because by hating him, one man, we don’t have to look and see that it was people like you and I, our neighbours, our friends and community that sent the Jews, the handicapped, the homosexuals, the gypsies to their death camps.

Stupid to think we don’t each have personal responsibility. We don’t think things through. For example, those of us that support the war in Afghanistan and Iraq or anywhere for that matter, also find it acceptable that civilian adults and children are killed in the process. One MUST find this acceptable or one wouldn’t support the war. No judgement here, just pointing out that one cannot have a war without those children dyeing, being blown apart, wounded, suffering so when we support an action, we are saying implicitly, even if we don’t see it, that it is okay for that to happen. If we truly did not think it was okay to bomb and shoot children, we wouldn’t support nay action because there is no war without such deaths. We really are in a sorry mess.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You need to take a step back and relax take a few deep breath's, and if you have sold it before then you are only human after all (at least I think you are) and we all make mistakes. I am in dispute with paypal (ebay of course) a woman who bough my dyed aran, she said it was not same colour that she wanted and she wanted it in 4ply not fat wool, so whose fault is that? I listed mine as aran! So there are people who are unhappy people out there, don't let this get you down as there are other's who are very happy with what they bought of you.. you have to keep your chin up! One bad run doesn't or won't hurt you.....ye!!!
Now say out loud "I AM HOT" 10 times..lol

anachronist said...

You have wit right there, why you feel so bad: this interaction on the spiritual meeting with this man who said one thing and lived another one.

It is called cognitive dissonance and happens to all the people out there in one or another degree.

You cant change them, just recognize earlier and earlier if the interaction with them will do you good or bad.
This one makes you angry and this is going on for days so it affects you badly.
I am sorry, that he did not really acknowlege what bad has happened to you.
You can only hope for him, that he will "wake up" some day to what a horrid dream he is dreaming and face the "real world".

I set those marks around those words because I have realized, my reality is tinted through my perception organ (my mind, conscience, call it as you like) and the reality of others is tinted through theirs, so we all live in our own realities.
If we have recognized this fact, openmindedness and acceptance can take over, but not before.

And we slip in and out of this state, because it is just human.

Be well and take good care of yourself.

anachronist said...

It wasnt "Wit" which I meant, it is supposed to read "It" wherever this "W" came from, it does not belong there :-)

hbacmama on Rav. said...

Do these wankers really think that child abusers are doing God’s Will?

I was married to a wanker whom a year ago tomorrow was arrested for 'just looking' at child pornography.
He contends that he didn't ever hurt anyone.
He did. He supported an industry that destroys children... but to him, he did not.
He destroyed his family too, but that isn't really of interest. He just wants to see his children regularily.
Colin, I come and read your blog weekly. And every time I do, I get the smack I need to get up every morning and continue to fight.
Yes, fight. In Canada, you can look at your childrens peer age group as a mode of sexual gratification and still be 'daddy'.
Our justice system SUCKS.
Shall we start a betting pool on where you might find the hank? I bet on the freezer. Just because I found a ball of cotton in my fridge once.
;-)