Sunday, May 31, 2009

LOVE NOT LIKE

Elizabeth is an excellent doctor. Prior to her, I distrusted doctors and rarely saw them if I could help it. It was she who recognized the problems I have even though I didn't say anything to her. She is also aware of my background and takes that into consideration when dealing with me. She NEVER refers to my past pysch history and always respects what I say and listens when I tell her I tell her I have a physical problem. She does not ignore it as a psych symptom as all my previous drs did. Because of her, I was found to have angina, not panic attacks, arthritis of the spine, not stress, and fibromyalgia not lazy-itis. Elizabeth understands that some times I don't take in what she tells me. She also never complains that I see her too often. I go thru periods when I go a lot and periods when I see her hardly at all. When I had a lump on one of my balls and a lump in one of my pecs, which seemed to ooze milk, she wasted no time in getting me seen to.

She discusses my treatment with me, she doesn't tell me what it is going to be. She knows I have a thing about taking drugs and never forces me to. She spent some time persuading me to take Statins and I eventually agreed but would only agree to taking Crestor and despite that being the most expensive one, she prescribes it. She gives me scripts and leaves it up to me to take them or not. i tell her the truth and she respects me and tells me the truth. She doesn't say the drugs have no side effects when they do! I had the Tramadol nearly two years before I was forced by pain to take it. When I told her, she just smiled and said she knew I would eventually take it.

I sometimes get a kiss and a hug. On the days I have been in deep grief and have seen her she just gives me time and reassurance. Grief makes me feel like I am dying, she knows that, and deals with it appropriately. She never rushes me nor dismisses me. She lets me be me.

Elizabeth is only a handful of years younger than I am and maybe she won't be my doctor for my life time. I prefer to not think about that.

John's doctor Stuart, is also excellent and he too has bothered to get to know us both and treats us accordingly. He understands my issues. He also understands that if he wants to know how John really is, he needs to ask me!

I was very wary and hesitant at first when signing on with this practice. I was seen as an emergency there because I was violently ill with food poisoning. I was so impressed with the level of care I received I asked if it would be okay to sign on as a patient even though my doctor and flat are in London. Clearly I was allowed to on the understanding that if I took sick in the flat, I would not be able to call them.

I did not know at the time that the Drs in this practice were all Xtians. Had I known this, I would not have signed on. Too late to change my mind once I knew. They vary from sensible to fundamentalist in their practice of their faith. Elizabeth is sensible and Stuart is a Fundy.

However, you would not know this from them or from the way they treat us. We are treated as a married couple by both. Elizabeth thinks it is romantic that we still care so much for each other after 28 years. I have even had to take a mobile call from John whilst she was consulting with me and she went all gooey! Stuart never treats us oddly or indifferently nor doe she patronize nor has he ever said anything about his position or his fundy beliefs.

Both of these people seem to understand that the command to 'love one another' does not mean to like but to care for regardless of personal feelings or thoughts. In other words we are duty bound, all of us, to treat all with respect and care for when necessary regardless of how we may feel abotu others. It has nothing to do with emotional attachment. We are not commanded to like everyone because that is impossible. Loving everyone isn't impossible and is easy if we but stop and think about what it means. We get it confused with the strong emotions we feel toward our spouses, children, friends, pets. It isn';t that feeling. we can't possibly feel that toward all and sundry. There is much doubt that this form of love is even love anyway, but just emotional attachment which is entirely different and not always beneficial.

To treat another with positive regard always, no matter how we personally may feel, is our duty and it benefits all concerned.

Forget about liking everyone. Not going to happen. It isn't about that.









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