Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Journey

  1. No amount of recovery will make you as if the abuse did not happen.
  2. Your past will not change.
  3. You will not forget it.
  4. The effects of the abuse will not go away.
  5. The severity of the effects will lessen.
  6. The flashbacks will lessen in intensity.
  7. The flashbacks will be fewer with more time between.
  8. No one will cure you.
  9. A good therapist will help you live with your past and it's effects.
  10. Your baggage will not disappear.
  11. You will gain the strength to live with your baggage and live well.
  12. Your abuser(s) are not likely to apologise or even acknowledge the damage they did.
  13. You don't need them to in order to live well.
  14. You will have days when you still feel it is all your fault.
  15. You will have days when you think it didn't happen.
  16. You will have periods when you feel strong and whole and know the truth.
  17. You will have days when you feel the opposite.
  18. No amount of therapy or ionner work will make life pain free.
  19. Life is not pain free for anyone.
  20. You are mortal-you will die. Make the most of your days.
  21. No matter how awful your life has been, there are worse lives lived.
  22. Your abuser will never love you the way you deserved.
  23. You were abused because of the failings in the abuser.
  24. You were not abused because of your failings.
  25. The world is full of damaged people.
  26. Many of them become abusers, you do not have to.
  27. Vengeance will not relieve you.
  28. Knowledge will give you strength.
  29. Nothing you could have done would have prevented the abuse.
  30. Accepting your powerlessness will releive the guilt.
  31. Respect yourself.
  32. Live well and they have not won.
  33. Don't be a people pleaser.
  34. Be grateful daily for what you have-your friends, your roof, your food.
  35. You will always have something to be grateful for.
  36. Feel what you feel, don't judge it.
  37. Your feelings do not have to be acted upon.
  38. Rage can be expressed without causing harm to yourself or others.
  39. There are no shoulds!
  40. Don't excuse, justify or squash your feelings.
  41. Don't cast your pearls before swine.
  42. In other words be very choosy who you open up to.
  43. Be very careful who you share knowledge and wisdom with.
  44. People will use your candor against you.
  45. People will think badly of you no matter what.
  46. People will want to do you down.
  47. The more yourself you become, the more free and well, the more they will want to hurt you.
  48. What others think of you is of no concern.
  49. You must live according your own conscience, you cannot live according to someone elses.
  50. You are as worthy as the next person.


Anonymous said...

In my personal adaptation I would add 'some' to the front of 44, 45, and 46. More in hope than experience.

Holly said...

I insisted Mum read this ..very important and healing stuff Colin.Holly.

Anonymous said...

Well said Colin, eloquent as always and so true. You give me courage to get on with life. Hugs, Oldcrow

Your new sweaters are gorgeous and your stash to envy:P

Desperate Mousewife said...

44,45 and 46 - ain't that the truth *sigh* but thanks for that list, Colin, sometimes I just need the reality check to know that others also know where I've been too.

Jeri said...

Living well is indeed the best revenge. May you live long enough to use much of your yarn, Colin. Thankyou for the list; truly words to live by. Thank you.