Wednesday, December 14, 2011


I am feeling good. Let me say that physically things are doing better, really MUCH better. No idea how long this remisson will last but I am making the most of it. My drugs have been upped and that certainly helps but even with drugs, I am not normally as mobile as I am right now and have been for a few days. Emotionally I am much better too. Excercise certainly helps.

That wounded child in me does kick off at times and all i can do is ride it out. he doesn't kick off so much now nor as badly.

Our favourite restaurant called to let me know that they have a cancellation for Friday night, my birthday!!! So we will be eating at the Plate and Porter.

We have the plans for the extension/conservatory, and a quote. The builder comes on Saturday to give us his quote for his part of the job.

Plus we have got the deeds to our house back, free of any clauses now. The IRS stop on it has been removed as if it were never there. WE also have had more money back from them!

I did not write the following but I agree 100% and it is what i have tried to explain many times but nowhere near as well as this:

I would like to share what I have found to be at the core of such destructive attitudes and behaviors and it is nothing more than FEAR. Fear stands for: False Evidence Appearing Real. Here is clarity and truth. At the heart of this issue is a fear that every human shares.... That somehow we are not good enough the way we are. That we are separated from "God" in whatever form you imagine him in, because there is something very wrong with us.

This is the most destructive illusion that could possibly be conceived. Why? Because we can only give what we have to give. If I believe I am not good enough, that there is something wrong with me, and I need to be "saved", then that is exactly what I am going to project or give to others. NOTHING is more toxic, more destructive, or more contagious, than fear. It is the ultimate game of Dominoes, but with devastating consequences, as we have read about here. (continued in another post)
All of this is an illusion. I know it is an illusion, because fear has to create illusions in order to live, and fear is ALWAYS destructive. The belief that we need to be saved, and thereby need to save others who are not "good enough", has spawned the most horrific atrocities ever committed by man against man. Think about it. There are limitless examples.

So here's the real world solution. It has been said, "Know the truth and the truth will set you free." It literally is that simple. See that belief for what it is, an illusion of fear. It is not real, it is not true. We can no more be separated from our God-like nature than we could be separated from our heart and still live. If someone else makes you feel like you are bad, or not good enough, it is only because they believe that about themselves and are projecting it onto you. You KNOW this because that is what they are giving to you, and you can only give what you have to give. They are saying out loud for everyone to hear, that they don't believe they are good enough.

the above is precisely why i object to religion so strongly, most especially the one I have had shoved down my throat most of my life, Xianity. I don;t believe because my conscience will not allow me to think of people in this way-deserving of destruction except possibly thru the Grace of god should we believe the Jesus story. Madness. Cruel. Just as the above describes.


Anita said...

Yes. How I agree too. I struggle constantly with thoughts that I am not good enough. I try so hard not to pass on this disordered thinking to my children but it is very pervasive, this conditioning.

eboston said...

Your comments resonate with me. My religious aunt included pamphlets for her religion in the Christmas card she sent to me. The pamphlets emphasize the "end of the world" and horrible predictions.... Talk about "fear". I believe that most religion is fear based. It had a terribly destructive influence on me as a child. Now, the religious relatives view me as an "outsider and not saved". Of course, I am not "good enough" unless I choose their belief system which is the "only right one." I am glad not to be a part of their belief system. I sometimes feel like the world is going fanatical over religious belief.